Being Neighborly?

[Cookiebaker]

So, a little background first....I grew up on Long island, and lived in a very tight knit neighborhood. There were probably close to 50 houses up and down our street, but we knew most of them by name. [I babysat for every single family on our street at one time or another, so if they had kids, I knew them!]

So, I got married and moved to New England, and 10 years ago, we bought a house in New Hampshire. We live in the country, and we can see probably 5 houses from where we live, but there are houses further up our road. And it hit me really hard today, that in 10 years I do not even know our neighbor's names. :( We were out raking, and our neighbor came out and started raking his lawn too. At one point, we were no more than 10' apart, and I waved and started to say hi; and he diverted his eyes and walked away.

The people 2 houses down have little kids (Lydia's age) but they never return a wave or say hello to us.

The thing is, we have always been friendly, and earlier this summer our next door neighbor had a medical crisis in their house, and they came and got my husband for help (he went over there and called 911 for them). We are always friendly when we do happen to see them (wave, say hello etc).

So my question is, is this a cultural thing? What is it like in your area? Are people kind and neighborly? Do you feel like you can ask for a 'cup of sugar' if you needed one? Is it just me because I'm started to feel a complex coming on. haha :p:rolleyes:

[Sirrahsim]

The only reason I know ANY of my neighbors is because our sewer lines always back up at the same time. I know them by sight and will wave if I see them but I have no idea what their names are:confused:

[prechrswife]

We know our neighbors, but not well. One of our next door neighbors is an elderly lady who most often communicates with us to voice her displeasure at our using the outdoor light over our garage, which we have used maybe 3 times in 2 years.

[DJFyrewolf36]

I am fortunate to be on friendly terms with both of my neighbors in my building. We often sit outside and chat for an hour or two if we spot each other coming in from work and one neighbor is involved in music projects and we are getting more involved as well. The whole neighborhood for the most part is a friendly place where people will say hello and wave when you're walking down the street and the clerks at the local mini mart know who I am :D

I think this neighborhood has retained a lot of the friendliness from the days before paranoia took over a lot of peoples minds. I feel blessed to be in such a nice area.

ETA: One of my neighbors even loaned me gas money when I was short due to missing work because of the flu. Now thats what I call neighborly!!

[aTailOf2Kitties]

I can see about 8 houses from my front porch. One neighbor is my bf's high school buddy we hang out with regularly. Girl on the other side went to school with me but I don't see her much. I smile and wave when I do, though. 2 houses down works where I do so know her and her family. Those are the only few people out of all of those houses I'd ever recognize.

I wonder if it is a sign of the times. My parents live on a cove with maybe 11 houses on it and we used to know everyone in the neighborhood as I was growing up. As time passed some moved out and new folks came in so much that ony their 2 original neighbors still live on the cove. Today we just so happened to run across a guy that used to live a couple houses down like 15 years ago and my dad mentioned to him that they haven't met any of the newer residents. Odd thing was, the guy we saw today wasn't really sociable when he lived there.

[Karen]

I grew up in a smaller town. We all knew each other's names, and families, and there were lots of kids. Now we live in a big city, but in a neighborhood that doesn't feel very city-like. I find that if you want to know your neighbors, you have to put yourself out there. After we bought this house, which Aunt Bertha owned before us, every time I would drive down the street, I would wave to people. I introduced myself to anyone who walked by. I talked to the children, and when we got Miss Hoppy, introduced her around. Now 12+ years later, everyone still waves back, and I know most people by sight, even if I don't know all their first and last names.

And the kids next door all know me well, and in fact,, I have lent their mom sugar, and before they passed away, the elderly couple on the other side made peanut butter fudge for me one time when I shoveled their walk after a bad storm.

Time to be proactive! Take a walk some nice autumn day, and go to the house with the little kids and introduce yourself and Lydia, and ask their names, it cannot hurt!

[pomtzu]

I seem to be in the same boat that you're in, Cookiebaker.

I'm in the country - bought a 2 acre parcel almost 40 years ago and built on it. It used to be farmland that was divided up and sold in 2, 5, and 10 acre parcels. We were the first here on the north end, and then eventually people bought around us and built also. We've had neighbors come and go over the years, and those that are here now, I don't even know. On one side is a couple with married kids and grandkids living with them. Nice enough folks, but don't even know their names. An occasional hello or wave is the extent of it. We were friendly with those that lived there previously - 2 spinsters - but they have both passed on. On the other side is a family of redneck hillbillies that I don't know, nor do I care to know. They have lived there for several years and I've only spoken to the woman once when I caught her dog that had gotten loose.

If I lived in an area where the neighbors were closer, then I don't doubt that I would know more people, but I don't have a problem with the way things are here. I like my privacy and not having someone live so close, that I can hear when they flush their toilet! :eek:

[chocolatepuppy]

We are close with our neighbors with exception of a guy who wants to be left alone behind us.:rolleyes: As far as all around the neighboorhood, I got to know a lot of people, some by names, some not, by walking. I even know many of the dogs.;) We are lucky that our few close neighbors are the same ones who have lived here since we moved in 15 years ago. The closest house to us is currently empty while the new owners fix it up. Only time will tell how things go when a new neighbor moves in.

[AdoreMyDogs]

I'm friendly with many of my neighbors, in fact, the woman who lives 3 doors down has a boy who's just a couple months younger then Quinn and we hang out all the time. I go over to her house (she has a MUCH bigger play area in her house then I do) sometimes 4-5 times a week to let the kids play and we chat. We also take walks together once or twice a week. I just adore her, she's wonderful. Our next door neighbors are so wonderful and we're friendly with each other, we borrow stuff from them and they borrow stuff from us, but their kids are older so they don't play too much. Quinn LOVES the girl that lives next door though, even though she's 6 years older then Quinn. The 3 kids that live next door are just adorable and so, so sweet and polite. The neighborhood I grew up in was so friendly we knew every single person, their dogs names, their kids names, and had block parties every year (they still have them, my mom still lives there). I miss that, but I'm just glad to be friendly with even just a few neighbors.

[sparks19]

Our old neighbors on the one side we became VERY good friends with and spent a lot of time with them. we still keep in touch now that they have moved to a bigger home across town.


The guy on the other side of us is also very friendly and him and Brian get along very well since they both hunt. they just exchanged numbers the other day and are going hunting together... so cute :p

the NEW neighbors that moved into our friends house are... a pain and act really suspicious lol. I went over to as if I could use the phone one day when I blew a fuse in the house and needed Brians help (vonage doesn't work when the power is out) and she wouldn't open the door more than 6 inches then closed it went and got the phone and opened the door just enough to slip the phone out etc etc and didn't say a WORD to me. made me wonder what kind of drugs they had out when i dropped by lol

there is an older woman who baby sits her grandkids across the street a couple doors down and she is very sweet and chats me up anytime i see her. the guy directly across from us we always exchange waves and hellos.

and the other couple directly across from us did send their daughter over to let us know we left the interior light on in the car.

overall... it's a very pleasant community and while we aren't on first name basis with most of our neighbors we are friendly with them and they do look out for the other homes on the street :)

[kokopup]

I live on 20 acres in the country and all my neighbors live on acreage also. i know all of my neighbors within a 1/2 mile of my house and we are friends and visit each other on occasion. We had a Christmas open house for years up until I got sick. I would say where I live today is much like the community I grew up in as a kid, Close knit and caring.

[Aspen and Misty]

I live in a small town of about 2,500. There isn't another town for at least 4 hours and it's in another country (Canada) so everyone here pretty much knows everyone else. Our neighbor’s to the right of us own the only video rental store in town and the guy on the other side of us is a fisherman. If we are outside in the yard playing fetch with the dogs sometimes the neighbor's dog wanders over and will join in before his "mom" finds out. :) Everyone is really friendly and I would feel comfortable asking my neighbors for a "cup of sugar", lol. When we moved into this house our neighbors came over and introduced themselves, it was the same way at my last rental.

Ashley

[Pam]

I think this is a great idea for a thread. It will be interesting to see more replies from all over the country and even beyond. :) I grew up on a street where everyone knew everyone. No one's mom worked so the kids and moms all knew each other and it was almost like a very large family.

I now live in South Jersey (10 miles from Philly) in a typical suburban neighborhood. We have been here 30 years now and, believe it or not, many of the original people are still here. When we moved in, back in the winter of 1979, the neighborhood was brand new construction and many of us had small children and we sort of got to know everyone through our kids being outside riding bikes and playing, etc.

Over time some have moved away and the original children (mine included) have grown up and gotten married and moved away. I have no idea who the new neighbors are, however my immediate neighbors are of the original group like me. I think that today with both parents usually working there just isn't time for socializing any more. I also have noticed that kids no longer play outside and are probably inside with TV or computers so they may not even have relationships with each other except at school. It's a shame but that is the way it is. People come home from work, go inside and you don't see them again until the next morning when they leave for work and come home again.

The time when we all do seem to congregate outside these days is after a big snowstorm. Everyone comes outside to shovel for a couple of hours (and often no one can go anywhere LOL!) so we catch up that way, with snow shovel in hand. I think it may just be a sign of the times.

Anna I think the neighbor that didn't even acknowledge you when you were within 10' of him is just rude :rolleyes: and someone you wouldn't want to have much to do with anyway. I would be delighted to have you as a neighbor. He doesn't know what he is missing. ;)

[Pembroke_Corgi]

When we lived in the city (Denver), I found people were friendlier, because we would often see each other as people often walked places, because there were actually places to walk to. Our next door neighbors had 4 kids, and one of them would sometimes come over and play with the dogs. :)

Now we live in a large suburb of Denver because the suburbs were the only place we could afford to buy a house. I love our house, but I don't like living in the suburbs. I don't know any of the neighbors- we smile and say "hello" if we see each other but that's it. I think it's because people use their cars to get everywhere, and everyone has a really big back yard (which is really nice, I like having a large yard) but if you are outside, you don't really need to see or interact with anyone else.

[Edwina's Secretary]

In Chicago we knew our neighbors. There was a block party every year - we would clean each others walks and with some even exchange holiday treats.

We have found California living to not be so friendly. We know our immediate neighbors and I wave at any car that goes by just in case it is someone from the top of the cul de sac.

We are active in the Community Watch program by which we have come to know more of the neighbors.

I think it is different here because life doesn't face the street. There are no front windows. If I want to see what is in the street I must run upstairs to see out the front of the house. Front yards a very small and life seems to be focused away from the street.

Perhaps it is because houses are usually close together here and to maintain a feeling of privacy you have to pretend you don't see everything that goes on in your neighbors back yard!:D

[Taz_Zoee]

Our court used to have block parties back when I first moved in with Bruce 6 years ago. But since our neighbors moved we've only had one block party. We all know each other and would feel comfortable asking for help or anything. The only people we don't know is a young woman and her little boy that is renting the house directly across from us. But the other night the babysitter came over with the baby because she thought she saw someone climb over the fence in the backyard. I told her she could come to our house if she saw it again (I think it was the neighbors behind her that she saw).
But our block parties were great! We included neighbors from streets adjoining our court. I really need to organize that again, but I get tired of being the one to be in charge.

[Alysser]

We haven't had many block parties here, maybe one that I could remember as a little kid. We know our neighbors across from us and to the right of us. The neighbor to the right of us just so happens to be my best friend LOL. The other neighbors...we had some problems with them a long time ago and we hardly see them outside anymore anyhow. We know most of the people down the street enough to wave at. Alot of my friends live on this street either further up or further down so our parents talk when they see each other. That's pretty much it. If someone on our block has an attitude they usually don't fit in well here.

[finn's mom]

I've never really known my neighbors well. I lived in trailer parks as a really young child, and probably knew my neighbors best then. I lived in apartments as an older child, and was inseparable with one of my neighbors (just found her on facebook, actually!), but didn't know any others. I lived in a house as a preteen, and kinda knew one of my neighbors but the kids were really rough and I didn't interact with them too often. I was good friends with a boy down the street, though.

My high school years were spent in Germany, and I didn't really interact much with my neighbors when we lived in German homes, and not a lot more when we lived in the American housing either. My best friend did live in a building right in front of mine when I was in Munich, though. That was awesome. :)

Overall, I've never lived anywhere that a wave wasn't returned. That seems really strange! I don't think I've ever been waved at and not waved back. The neighborhood we live in now with David's sister is really friendly, and I do know one set of neighbors by name. Everyone is always outside and I wave to anyone I see. I walk the dogs and Clara in her stroller and people always wave to us.

We have borrowed stuff from our neighbors before, and vice versa. Actually, David was talking to our neighbor (the husband of the couple that I know their names) about needing to borrow a pressure washer to clean a spot on the driveway, and the next day he came home and Scott had cleaned the spot for us. :) They're a really nice family. Shelley gave me a DVD and a hat at their last garage sale, when I tried to pay for them. :)

I would like to be closer to some of them, and I'm a super friendly person, but I guess I just don't make much of an effort. I am going to change that, though, after reading this thread. :)

[ramanth]

I grew up in a rural area, but knew the neighbors very well. We were the second house from the corner, but we knew everyone from the corner house, 3 houses down from them and 4 houses down from us. Knew them by name, could ask them for favors, were babysat by them, worked with them, went to school with their kids.

I'm currently in an apartment complex and it's hard to get to know the neighbors. Many keep to themselves or people are constantly moving in and out (or being evicted), that it's often a moot point.

We are on a first name level with the neighbors right across the hall (owners of Calypso) and of the neighbors above (owner of Max). Takes the dogs to get us together and chat. ;)

[Genny]

I know just about everyone's names that live on our street and the street next to us. I always try to be nice and wave if someone drives by, but then there's some of the snobby neighbors (and I'm not saying that to be mean, but they really NEVER wave and they seem rude) and I don't ever wave at them cause I've tried before and they ignore you :p so...but yeah I know about everyone on our street and most everyone is pretty friendly...sometimes/not often but sometimes we'll have a little chit-chat with someone ;)

[Pinot's Mom]

We live on a private drive with four houses. We know all our neighbors rather well, and we also know some other families in the neighborhood. We also had some rather serious problems with the neighbors on one side, but have long since resolved them and we're fine. We, as well as those neighbors, have been here since 2001 and we are the only owner of our house; we had it built. Their house had one previous owner and the other two houses have been resold since we've been here; we know the current and previous owners. We don't socialize with them, but are familiar, which in itself seems rather rare. There are so many neighbors that don't speak anymore.

[krazyaboutkatz]

When I was growing up living in PA and then in S.C., I knew pretty much everyone in our neighborhood. Since I moved to CA, people seem to keep to themselves but in my parents neighborhood they've gotten to know some of their neighbors.

I live in a condo complex and I've only gotten to know a few neighbors because I've had water leaking problems. I really don't chat with any one and people tend to move out of their condos a lot so you never know who your current neighbors even are. I'm not the type to introduce myself to strangers very easily so I tend to just say hi and that's it.

[Asiel]

We're out in the country, everyone has acreage, 2-3 or 5 acres. All of the original owners were fantastic , most have moved and new people have moved here but they're all nice people. Some we don't know the names but we still wave to each other if we're passing them on the street. A few of the neighbours we've become fast friends with . We trade favours daily with most of the neighbours, everyone is helpful to one another. One family at the far end that no one will look at but they aren't very nice people and the only ones in the neighbourhood who are like that.
I do find people might not be as close as when we grew up but I think that's because both people work nowadays and there's less time to chat and visit . People lead busier lives today.
On the whole we have a nice friendly street, everyone ready to lend a hand when needed.

[K9karen]

I think that's sad. You don't have to live at a neighbor's house, but an acknowledgement with a wave or hello, isn't too much to ask.

I've lived here for over 35 years so the area changed a lot. Now with a younger crowd, racially mixed (I think that's a factor with friendliness... IMO.. that nobody is better than anyone else) my block is awesome. All single homes, so you're not on top of each other, but you can easilly walk onto someone else's yard. The kids are respectful. They help some elderly couples with snow shoveling, planting etc. We, and others also shovel the whole block if we start first. Someone else may follow up. We may not know everyone's name, but a car honk hello and a wave is constant. I am super friendly with my one neighbor and we borrow things, go out, take each other to doctor appointments, etc. We also have a gay couple, mixed race, newly married, LOTS of dogs. Even the folks who live on another block or around the corner and walk their dogs, stop and say hello if I'm outside.

I didn't mean to go on and on. I really think I'm blessed. I don't know how much longer I'll be here, whatever the reason, but this little 'ole block, rocks!

[k9krazee]

We live between a rental house and an apartment complex, so our neighbors are always changing. Before the house became a rental we were really close with them, and still get together with that family from time to time. Over the years we've had a few really cool neighbors and a few bad.

We live in a small town though and my Dad usually goes all out with the Halloween and Christmas decorations, but has been slacking the last year or two. We were downtown the other day getting ice cream and some lady asked why our house wasn't decorated like usual. We had no idea who she is, but people in town seem to know us.

At the cabin where I stayed the last two summers it's crazy neighbor friendly. The neighbors have been the same since my Grandpa built the cabin though and their kids grew up with my Dad and his siblings. They'd invite me for dinner every Sunday and a few of their grandkids would visit and hang out with me. Even walking around the lake everybody will say hello and want to chat.

[Scooter's Mom]

Growing up I knew all the neighbors for about 40 houses down either side of the road... which ended up being about the whole block! I loved that street. I still talk to most of them on Facebook. :) Where I live now, I talk to three of the neighbors and do waves and head nods at the rest.

Where my first husband and I lived, we knew just about all the neighbors. It was so friendly... but that is one huge difference between Texas and Arizona. Texas folk are friendlier.

[Catherinedana]

I don't know any of my neighbors. We live in a small city with a street full of houses but do not interact with anyone. We used to speak with the man across the street and his family (my husband did, mostly) but he had to move when the house he rented went into foreclosure. I've tried being friendly, but most folks are non-responsive. My next door neighbors are a bit reclusive and look horrified if I speak to them. The house on the other side of us has been vacant for 4 years (some sort of nasty divorce thing). Many of the people on our block are renters and do not care to interact with the homeowners - don't seem to have much in common with my neighbors as well. I'm not super-friendly, but I do like to chat from time to time and wave hello, but this is not the place for it, it seems. I do my socializing off my block and in some ways thats ok, but I always have concern that if we needed help quickly we would have nowhere to turn. I grew up in a big city and the people were friendlier there than they are here (in NYC, as a matter of fact). We even had a sense of community on the express bus that I rode in to work when I lived on Staten Island. You saw the same people every day and inevitably made certain friendships. So much for nasty NY'ers!

[popcornbird]

I think apartment living vs. house living has a lot to do with how well you know your neighbors. My parents live in a lovely neighborhood, and we know ALL of the neighbors on that street. Most of them are very friendly, and everyone knows each other at a personal level. Its really nice.

I was used to being close to neighbors growing up, and it was a big shock to me when I got married and moved into an apartment. Its really hard to see the neighbors in an apartment complex because there are no garages and no front yards to sit in and relax. We never see anyone, and its incredibly hard to have any idea who your neighbors are. I guess everyone just opens their front door when they want to go out, and you just never get to see them or get to know them. I really miss the friendly neighborhood environment, and still enjoy meeting the neighbors when I go to my parents' place. Close neighborhoods are nice, and generally feel safe because you know there's always someone out there looking out for you and your home.