I'm ill and on sick leave

[Kirsten]

Just in case you wondered why I'm barely around lately. I'm feeling ill for weeks, and I wish I could say what I actually have. Felt exhausted and worn out again all summer, but a couple of weeks ago, it has gotten so bad that I felt too ill and too exhausted to work. For the last three weeks, I made it through the Mondays, but the next day I couldn't keep my eyes open and felt too tired and weak to even sit on my chair at work. I had to go home and slept all day. And this exhaustion is not only physically, it's mentally also; sometimes even thinking seems to be too much.

First I thought it was my thyroid condition that made me feel that way (as there have been times in the past when I felt burned out like this before) and I blamed it on the fact that I didn't have any vacation days this year, but a couple of weeks ago I learned that I'm positive for borrelia (which causes lyme disease; I've been bitten by ticks twice earlier this summer). Been told by many that it could be the borrelia infection that makes me feel so ill.

But it's so frustrating. I'm worried about my job situation and my future, and the entire situation makes me feel so useless and worthless, to the point of actually getting depressive. I know that my co-workers are not very understanding, they just don't believe that anyone can be too exhausted to work. However, there are other problems as well, like constant stomach problems and the problems with my bowels, caused by diverticulosis. And lately, I'm often having migraines. Seems like during the last couple of days, my health went downhill very quickly, and the thought that I just cannot rely on my health is scaring me a lot as I don't see any perspectives for the future.

Sorry for venting,
Kirsten

[Pinot's Mom]

Kirsten, I've only been on PT for a year, and I know some of your health problems precede my posting, so forgive me if any of this has been done or visited before.

You need to be analyzed by a diagnostic specialist and could use some couseling for depression as well. Your symptoms are well beyond what most of us can help you with other than getting things out of your system and hopefully saying words that might make you feel slightly better.

A diagnostician needs to put all your ailments together and figure out what's causing them. Your immune system is obviously shot (something I can relate to), but they need to figure out why. There must be a base cause. Depression can also do very real and serious damage to your physical health and cannot be left untreated.

Please know we're all here, we care about what happens to you, are praying for a solution, and will be there for you all along the way if you need us. Please let us know.

:love:Maggie

[lvpets2002]

:( Oh I am so sorry to read this.. Maybe you need some medical test done.. I sure know that would be so frustating to not know what is wrong.. Hey you need not worry about what others think & just be concered about yourself.. Take it easy girl & rest.. The babies will give you some good nursing.. Keep us posted..

[Asiel]

Sorry about the health issues Kirsten. Guess that lets the horse riding out for now, just when you were starting to enjoy it.
But I agree you need to be diagnosed properly so you can get the help you need. Doesn't sound like ordinary fatigue and I know how debilating that can be.

[Randi]

Kirsten, I'm so sorry to read this. :( The worry about your job, I think, adds to the stress. I know how it is to feel lost concerning the future, but try to look at the positive things and say to yourself: I have to do something about this and get better, so I will be here for Luna and Lily! Yes, easier said than done. Do you eat healthy? Do you get enough sleep? Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel?

I wish I was closer, we could go for nice walks in the woods and share stories about our lovely kitties, indulge ourselves with coffee and cakes at a cafe...

Kirsten, know that we're here for you. If you need to talk, you're welcome to ring me. Get better, girl!! :)

(((hugs)))

[Karen]

Lots of the symptoms of Lyme disease are hard to pin down, but it really sounds like that is what is causing your troubles. "Early symptoms may include fever, headache, fatigue, depression ..." sound familiar? Maybe download some information on Lyme diease, and send it to the coworker you trust the most, so they can begin to understand. The good part is you are catching it now, some people go years before getting it correctly diagnosed, and that leads to long-term problems which I'm betting you will be able to now avoid.

You'll be in our prayers, and I am sure the fur nurses will do their best to comfort you.

[moosmom]

Kirsten,

I lit a candle for ya, girl. Have they ruled out Fibromyalgia??? Thoughts and prayers coming from CT for a speedy recovery.

I know in CT, a person is entitled to file for long term disability and, if you don't come back to your job within a certain amount of time, the employer is required by law, to put you into a position COMPARABLE to what you did before you went out on leave.

I'm rooting for you, K.

:love: and hugs,

Donna and fur crew

[Scooter's Mom]

As you know, I'm in the exact same situation... except mine is not for Lyme disease. I'll be off work through December it looks like. Not earning my "keep" is pretty depressing. First and foremost, you need to take care of you. Second you can worry about Luna and Lily. But, you must come fist. Take the time off work to sleep or read or play a video game... find a way to relax. Take some of your beautiful stunning photos.

I'm a horrible advice giver... but please know you are not alone. You can talk to me here or on FB. Anytime! I will reply as soon as I can.

((Hugs)) for you.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Prayers on the way that you can figure out what is going on and get to feeling better! *gentle hugs*

[phesina]

Prayers and a candle from us, that you will be much better soon, Kirsten.

[Medusa]

Have they ruled out Fibromyalgia???

I thought of that, too, although it's almost as difficult to diagnose as Lyme disease is. I've had fibro for 10 years now and the fatigue is sometimes worse than the pain. I power through the day sometimes just on sheer will power. Perhaps mention it to your dr. and see what s/he says. In the meantime, I'll send up a prayer that all will be well for you, Kirsten. Keep the faythe. :love:

[lizbud]

Kirsten, have you ever been tested for Lupus? It can be a very
deblilatating(sp)?) illness.

[Marigold2]

I am sending you good wishes. May you be well soon.:D

[3Catcondo]

Kirsten-
I am sorry to hear that you are not well. Please take care of yourself and feel better, put yourself first before anything else. I'm sure your fur girls will take good care of you.

Amy

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kirsten, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor health.:( I hope that your doctor will be able to diagnose you properly and then treat you so you'll start feeling much better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Barbara]

Kirsten I am so sorry to hear this. I fully agree with what Pinot's mom has said- no matter where the depression comes from, from Lyme's or other reasons you will need help.

[Kirsten]

Thank you for your support and kind words everyone - and for your candle, Pat! :)

Well, I'm already seeing different specialists for my various diseases, and sometimes I think (and my doctor mentioned it, too) that my poor health is a combination of all of this. Hashimoto's, the pituitary gland tumor, endometriosis, malabsorbation of various vitamines, different food intolerances... and now, at the top of it, Lyme disease.

As far as the depression goes... both my doctor and my counsellor think it's "just" the result of the exhaustion but now I was told that Lyme disease is keeping the serotonine level down, which causes depression. The next time I see my doctor (who is currently on holiday) I will ask her for an antidepressant, one that works on the serotonine level. Even the book about Lyme disease that I bought is recommanding this.

I'm still feeling strangely ill. There are days when I have some flu-like symptoms (like today) and a strange pain in my neck, or arms and legs. Can't even tell whether it's muscle- or nerve-related. It feels odd, but I'm blaming it on the borrelia. I'm still on antibiotics, but I was already told that it's harder to make a full recovery when you already have another underlying illness that affects the immune system, like Hashimoto's.

Re. Fibromyalgia and Lupus: I've been tested negative for Fibromyalgia a couple of years ago, but was told I have a higher risk of getting it later in my life. I haven't been tested for Lupus yet, but it may be another option. But for the time being, I'm blaming most of these symptoms on the Lyme disease.

Kirsten

[Medusa]

Those strange pains that you can't pinpoint are so like fibromyalgia, which is why it's been so difficult to diagnose. Anyhow, it's something to think about if later you still have the pains. I was on an antidepressant to raise the serotonin levels and it did work for about 3 weeks, then I developed a bad reaction to it and had to go off it. Plus I gained 9 lbs. during that 3 weeks. Be sure to have a good discussion w/your dr. before taking any of those meds. Good luck, Kirsten. I do know how frustrating it can be to be sick and in pain all the time. Makes you feel like you're going crazy, especially when others don't understand and some think that you're being melodramatic. I learned to suffer in silence years ago. That's the English in me, I guess. ;)

[gini]

Kirsten, I lit a candle for you this morning. I sincerely hope you can get to the bottom of your illnesses and find the way to better health.

[Kirsten]

Well, yes, it's true, there's a high risk of gaining weight when you're on anti-depressants, and I sure don't want to do that after I have just gotten rid of 88 lbs! LOL

Hmmm, suffering in silence... guess that's something I still have to learn, especially at work. But it's so hard when you have to be there all day and feel like crap all the time!! :eek:

Gini, thanks a lot for the candle!! It's very appreciated! :)

Kirsten

[Pinot's Mom]

Kirsten, misdiagnosis is unfortunately common and very tough to deal with. I had psoriatic arthritis for 7 years before it was diagnosed and had gotten to the point where I could barely walk. I sat in my office and had coworkers make trips for me to do EVERYTHING. If they had issues with it, I fortunately didn't know. All my relationships suffered; some irreparably due to the fact it was very tough to believe me when I couldn't get diagnosed properly, and doctors thought it was at least mostly in my head. It was not.

It's up to you to find the right medical team to get your life back. That's why I said what I did at the beginning of this. You are the only one who will fight until you find the right medical professional who will fight with you. Believe me, I know. My brother has the same disease I do, and he's still trying to find those people; he's almost crippled. I firmly believe we all have it in us to get our lives back in these situations; the solution is out there and you will get your life back. FIGHT FOR IT!!

You are welcome to PM me or email me at [email protected] - I can be a really good shoulder and cheerleader, but I'll also work to motivate, because that's what will make the difference. Whatever you decide I wish you luck.

:love:Maggie

[cassiesmom]

Prayers and a candle from us, that you will be much better soon, Kirsten.

Prayers from here as well.
:love:
Elyse

[Kirsten]

Thanks a lot!

Well, a couple of days have passed now, and I'm still at home... I'm still feeling ill, dizzy and tired, but these days, depression is the worst thing to deal with. Spent most of the time reading, or watching tv, really wasn't in the mood for something else. And I'm always feeling cold, so I barely came out from under my blanket. :o

Luna and Lily are the most wonderful nurses you can imagine! Especially Luna is with me all the time, too bad that I cannot take a pic of her being curled up in my arms, it's so cute! :love:

Kirsten

[cassiesmom]

Prayers and a candle for Kirsten today.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=9384624