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pomtzu
02-14-2009, 03:33 PM
Since there has been an issue of "replacement" children cropping up in another thread, I thought it would be interesting to see what folks here thought about this issue...

I remember a while back (5-10 years maybe???), a woman conceived a child for the purpose of it being a potential donor for an older child who needed a bone marrow transplant. This woman had a baby to use it to save another - how ethical was that??? :mad: As it was, there was a match, and all lived happily ever after!!! Or did they????? I can't help but wonder how that child will feel, knowing that she was conceived for the sole purpose of trying to save her older sibling. I'm sure she is loved by her family, but what a rotten feeling that must be (IMO), knowing that you wouldn't be here if the older child hadn't been sick! :(

RICHARD
02-14-2009, 03:36 PM
Since there has been an issue of "replacement" children cropping up in another thread, I thought it would be interesting to see what folks here thought about this issue...


Hey, no problem!

Grow em if you need them!;)

pomtzu
02-14-2009, 03:37 PM
Hey, no problem!

Grow em if you need them!;)

I do hope that you're not serious.............:eek:

Karen
02-14-2009, 04:33 PM
I think she will have an interesting story to tell, if she chooses to some day, but that's it. I doubt she'll have any long-term negative psychological impacts, unless the family is more dysfunctional than we have heard. Hey, she can say "I was born for a reason" which is the old "why am I here?" question some people spend their whole lives wondering about!

It is something ethically difficult, that each person will have to make their own mind and heart up about. I am glad I have never been in their situation.

pomtzu
02-14-2009, 04:41 PM
Hey, she can say "I was born for a reason" which is the old "why am I here?" question some people spend their whole lives wondering about!

It is something ethically difficult, that each person will have to make their own mind and heart up about. I am glad I have never been in their situation.

I guess it's like asking the question - do you see the glass half empty, or half full?

Karen
02-14-2009, 04:45 PM
I guess it's like asking the question - do you see the glass half empty, or half full?

Me - half full of course, soon to be emptied and refilled! :)

momoffuzzyfaces
02-14-2009, 04:52 PM
At least she will know she was really wanted, not just an accident. :(

lizbud
02-14-2009, 04:57 PM
Hey, what happened to "everyone is special in their own right" ? I sure
wouldn't want to know I was born to be "spare parts" for another child.

RICHARD
02-14-2009, 05:15 PM
I do hope that you're not serious.............:eek:

no, I am not.

THe winky eyed guy should have given it away.

I truly believe that no person or animal is replaceable. Yeppers, we are all special in out own right. To think that we can just create or adopt another entity to take the place on another is very selfish.

I equate the 'replacement kid' to an adoptee.

Therein lies the rub. IF a couple adopts more for the child's need, than their own, fine. But to adopt, replace or 'grow' a kid for your own nesting urges may be a little more selfish than altruistic.

pomtzu
02-14-2009, 05:49 PM
Therein lies the rub. IF a couple adopts more for the child's need, than their own, fine. But to adopt, replace or 'grow' a kid for your own nesting urges may be a little more selfish than altruistic.

Nesting urges isn't the issue in this thread. Growing to harvest is. Big difference!

Bonny
02-14-2009, 06:16 PM
At least the little girl knows what her purpose was in the beginning. A lot of people still don't know what they are even doing here? When I was a youngster growing up & things would get unbearable, I use to say to my mom " I didn't ask to be born!" Maybe someday she will emerge & tell the world what she thinks of it.

Grace
02-14-2009, 06:19 PM
Interesting article about this - mentions the gal whose illness prompted pomtzu's topic.

http://www.newsday.com/news/specials/ny-enpgd30,0,5667050.story

phesina
02-14-2009, 07:48 PM
Any of us could probably wonder: Why am I here? Why did my parents decide to have me?

Twisterdog
02-14-2009, 09:43 PM
I can't help but wonder how that child will feel, knowing that she was conceived for the sole purpose of trying to save her older sibling.

While I suppose there is a chance that she was born for the "sole purpose" mentioned, you have no way of knowing that. A lot of people actually have children because the want and love them. I think you are reading a lot into the motives and emotions of these parents that you have no way of knowing.

Personally, I would be happy knowing that my existance saved a life, especially the life of one of my siblings, whom I love.

Grace
02-14-2009, 09:56 PM
In the article I posted the link for, Anissa Ayala said this about the sister conceived to, hopefully, provide a bone marrow donation -

"My sister is the one who will tell you that without me she wouldn't be here, and without her, I wouldn't be here."

I remember back then, wondering about the rightness of what the parents were doing. As I've grown older, it doesn't bother me any longer.

DJFyrewolf36
02-14-2009, 11:26 PM
If and only if they had that kid as spare parts and didn't love and cherish that child as all children deserve to be loved then the parents would be selfish and shouldn't have EITHER child. However, we don't know what goes on behind the media glamor screen so we are in no place to judge. I hope the second child is loved just as much as the first, and that the first is loved just as much as the second. You never truely know what motivates people any more.

I'm comfortable and quite sure of why I exist at least...I wish more people were as sure as I am ;) I suppose everything does happen for a reason...

blue
02-15-2009, 03:38 AM
If and only if they had that kid as spare parts and didn't love and cherish that child as all children deserve to be loved then the parents would be selfish and shouldn't have EITHER child. However, we don't know what goes on behind the media glamor screen so we are in no place to judge. I hope the second child is loved just as much as the first, and that the first is loved just as much as the second. You never truely know what motivates people any more.

Exactly.

If the second child is produced only to save the first and then be discarded or treated as second class or loved anything other then unconditionally child, I would view it as unethical.

As long as both children come away healthy and loved, I have no problem with this practice.

We are not talking about cloning for parts harvesting.

pomtzu
02-15-2009, 07:07 AM
We are not talking about cloning for parts harvesting.

Not yet anyway.........:rolleyes:


And honestly, I'd rather be here knowing that I "just happened naturally" (the way it used to be most of the time) - not planned or not a mistake or an oops. But in this day and age and the way the world has changed, planned is a matter of practicality and necessity in most instances. I just think what was done by producing this child, is very much a grey area

Cataholic
02-15-2009, 07:51 AM
I am not sure I anayzed this decision when I first heard of it. Now? Having J in my life? I would do probably just about anything to keep him alive and healthy.

Many people have more than one child solely to keep the other child from being an only child. Not sure I see such a big difference. As long as the child is loved and well cared for, it's 'reason' for being doesn't have to be its 'purpose' for being.

pomtzu
02-15-2009, 08:54 AM
Well fortunately there was a match, and both girls credit each other for being here on earth, so this one did have a happy ending (or beginning).
I can't help but wonder what the parents would have done if there hadn't been a match-------try-try again???
Grace - thanks for the link - I couldn't find it.

Twisterdog
02-15-2009, 12:14 PM
I can't help but wonder what the parents would have done if there hadn't been a match-------try-try again???

Perhaps they would have. So? If they love all their children and can care for them, what difference does it make, and what business of ours?

Lots of people "try, try again" for a girl, if they have only boys. Or vice versa. My cousin had four boys, hoping for a girl. She loves all her sons dearly. I doubt any of the children feel that they were unwanted or exist for the sole reason of getting a child of the opposite sex.

pomtzu
02-15-2009, 12:50 PM
Perhaps they would have. So? what difference does it make, and what business of ours?



None of my business at all - and I wasn't looking to start an argument.

As I stated previously - this is a gray area at best. IMHO!!

Cataholic
02-15-2009, 06:27 PM
My cousin had four boys, hoping for a girl. She loves all her sons dearly. I doubt any of the children feel that they were unwanted or exist for the sole reason of getting a child of the opposite sex.

HAH! My SIL's sister has five boys. LOL....they stopped trying.

Grace
02-15-2009, 08:32 PM
HAH! My SIL's sister has five boys. LOL....they stopped trying.

A friend of mine growing up was one of SIX girls. 'Course back then there was no birth control and they were Catholic. And the dad didn't know that as a man gets older he is more likely to have a daughter. Something about those X chromosomes being stronger and faster :)

Your SIL's sister should have kept trying . . . . . .

Karen
02-15-2009, 08:42 PM
HAH! My SIL's sister has five boys. LOL....they stopped trying.

My dear friend at church is due mid-March to have a baby girl. She's already got two little (but growing) boys, and various people have told her "Well, now you have to have another girl, so it'll be even numbers!" After I sympathized with her a bit - she's a very petite person, so is uncomfortably large at this point - we agreed the next time someone says that, she should just ask them "Tell you what, which one of the boys do you want to take? Then we'll be 'even!'"

Twisterdog
02-15-2009, 10:11 PM
None of my business at all - and I wasn't looking to start an argument.

As I stated previously - this is a gray area at best. IMHO!!

I wasn't arguing .... just stating MHO.

shepgirl
02-16-2009, 07:22 PM
That was an interesting question because I do remember the story. Glad I read the link so we could see that everything seems to have turned out okay. But I remember at the time there was a lot of talk and controversy about it. I really don't know how I feel about the whole thing, hard to say unless you're in the middle of it yourself I guess. Makes a bit more sense than that mom having those octuplets though. And if the parents made the child feel cherished and loved she might even feel happy to have saved her sister's
life. When I think of all the parents just having babies for no purpose and then not caring for them, giving them up, abusing them..etc. then I have to ask myself which parent did the right thing?
It will always remain a grey area for us, hard unless we know them personally I guess.

carole
02-16-2009, 09:11 PM
I have not read all the posts here, but i agree with you Twisterdog, personally i see that this child is still conceived by two loving parents,and to me wow knowing i was born with the purpose of saving my sibling would be such an honour, i would feel very special, and i am sure this child is loved just as much as her sibling anyhow, this is just m viewpoint, i honestly see nothing wrong with it and it is their business.

RICHARD
02-17-2009, 12:16 AM
I think that it's just qhiskers that Salma Hayek has taken the 'Extra Breast' idea to the streets!:confused:d:eek::rolleyes:

kokopup
02-17-2009, 11:56 AM
I for one think the parents did the right thing. The outcome for both
siblings appears to be a positive thing. There is a trend now to save
embryonic fluid or blood from births just in case it is later needed for reasons like those prompting these parents to have another child.

I know that just last week my Koko was a blood donor for my Sons dog
Desi. Desi would have died around Wednesday, from rat poisoning, if not for Koko being a donor. If saving Desi had been dependent on me finding another donor I would not have hesitated at adopting another dog from rescue. This adoptee would been much loved also. We will usually do anything for our loved ones be it child or pet.