My Mom Passed Away

[kallisto4529]

My beautiful,wonderful,loving mom passed away January 28, 2009.
I have not been on here much the last several months do to her illness with pancreatic cancer and taking care of her. I thought maybe going ahead and telling you guys and starting a thread might help me some. Now as I sit here and write I am still just as lost as I was before. I just do not know where to begin or how to feel accept lost, that is the only word that even begins to explain anything. Someone please tell me how in God's name you even go on from here, my husband is wonderful, Reilly is great, my friends have been a blessing, but none of it helps, I know it takes time, but I feel like most of the time I am not even dealing with reality, it is like a nightmare and I keep telling myself I will wake up soon and it will not be real.

My mom passed with everyone around her that she loved, my brother was here in time as was my aunt her youngest sister, and I am very thankful they were able to be here with her and us. She lived with my husband and I, this is where she wanted to be and this is where she died. Hospice was a Godsend to us and helped us out so much, most of the care giving was done by me. You know my whole life I took care of my mom in one aspect or another, she was not always a healthy person, but I loved doing it, I loved doing for her and being there for her and having all the wonderful moments that so many daughters will not ever get with there mom's. God blessed me so much, I have so many moments I play over in my mind, so many memories, and I would do anything I could to make one more memory with her, to hear her laugh, her voice, to feel her hug me or kiss my cheek, that is what I miss most is the feel of my mom's arms wrapped around me and to know there was never a safer place. How do you ever move on from that, how do you stop waking up in the middle of the night looking for her, or praying desperately you could just feel her one more time???

My mom did not suffer her pain was very minimal and God took very good care of her and I do find comfort in knowing she is in heaven and she will never have another health issue, another sad day, another bit of pain of any kind, it is surely more than I ever could have given to her and all that I would want for her. I just don't know where I am supposed to go from here, I don't know how to survive this and to not have my emotions and feelings so out of control.

Here is my mom Vi.


http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w74/kallisto4529/mom.jpg


Thank you for letting me share her with you, and letting me babble, if you guys don't mind, I might just use this as some therapy for myself from time to time, it worked with Mousse and Ginger and maybe it might here.
One more thing to all of us that have lost our beloved fur babies, I want you to know something, they are there waiting for us when we go, my mom saw my Mousse and Ginger when she was seeing angels, so I know they will be there for all of us when our time comes.

Thanks again
Marti

[blue]

Im sorry for your and your families loss. It sounds like your mom was right where she wanted to be in the end.

My prayers to you, your family, and for your Mother.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Aw Marti..., I am so sorry for your loss...:(! I lost my own mom 2 months ago, so I understand what you're going through! Nothing harder than losing your own mom... .
This is what I did to cope with that loss:
I put pics of her everywhere in the house, and I talked to her all the time. I talked about all the good things we had, about great memories. This worked for me! I've also accepted now that mom is in a good place now, reunited with all her loved once who died before her. She is painfree now, and is also able to walk again (she had MS).
My mom was 85; how old was your mom?

I am sending you feel-better-vibes and many big hugs:love: ! Take care, okey!

Your mom was such a beautiful friendly lady!! What a sweet picture of her!!

[Medusa]

Your mom was an elegant woman, to be sure. Everything that you're feeling is perfectly normal; it's so soon to be concerned about getting back into any kind of a routine. You will wake up during the night and you will feel like you can't go on for a little while. That's all part of the healing process. You're fortunate to have your husband and pets at your side so let that be a comfort to you. When each of my parents died, I became somewhat angry that the world didn't stop. It seemed almost cruel that life carried on as usual. Then, of course, I realized that the world did stop but only for me.

I read somewhere that if you take the "u" out of the word "mourning", that leaves the word "morning", a new dawn of hope. So don't try to force anything; just allow your husband, friends, pets and PT family to be there for you and to comfort you. In the meantime, many prayers are going up in your behalf. Keep the faythe. :love:

[Marigold2]

I am so sorry for your great loss. I understand. Lost my mom 15 years ago this Sept. Time is a great healer. It is really the only thing when you lose someone so close to you. I think it's harder then losing a spouse, people get remarried all the time but a parent can not be replaced. All these feelings you are having confusion, loss, being alone, scared, helpless are all normal. One painful thing for me is that I never recieved another birthday card or gift from my mom. Not that I wanted a gift but those little things, like a plant or a book just little things. She would bring donuts when she visited or maybe some oranges. I miss her cards a lot, miss going out to lunch, and the phone calls, God how I miss those.
But again, time is the healer. Be kind, be patient to yourself. Cry, cry and cry some more. Weeks, months will pass and you will be ok and then something will remind you of your mom and in the middle of the grocery store you will start crying, sobbing and have to leave or go to the bathroom. 15 years and it still happens to me but not as much. Now I see it differently. I know how loved and blessed I was having my mom.
Only had her for 34 years but the love I had from her was more then others have had from their moms in 100 years or never. She must have told me she loved me one billion 97 million times at least. I have two friends whos mom never told them that. Blessings to you. May time move quickly to heal your pain and may many happy memories be with you always.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Donnaj4962]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through. Please take comfort in the fact that you and your family were able to be there with your Mother as she passed. And that you were able to keep her in your home and take care of her is a true blessing.

God bless you, your family, and your dear sweet Mother.

[Logan]

As much as a blessing she was to you, you were a blessing to her, too, and I am sure she is watching over you now, Marti. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Randi]

I'm so sorry to hear your mom has passed away, it is one of the people who are the most painful to lose. :( Your mom is free of pain now, I hope that will be a comfort, and you have done all you can to help her. Keep your mom in your heart and remember all the good things. :)

Big hugs and purrs from Fister and me. :love:

[4 Dog Mother]

I am very lucky and still have both my mom and dad who are 88 and 90 and I dread the day they go. So I have no advice to help with that. So first I am going to offer my condolences and to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Since your mother lived with you, you have had a closer relationship with her than many people have with their mothers. I am not talking about loving her more but being used to her being there every day, seeing her, talking to her, giving and receiving those hugs. It is only natural that you are going to feel the pain of her not being there in every room you walk into.

The truth about grief and how you go on is --- you just do. It may not feel good, it may not feel right (after all you lost someone you loved very much and your world has stopped for awhile - why is everyone else's going on like normal?) When our son died 3 1/2 years ago, I definitely was not sure I wanted to go on or could go on. But I had a husband, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, brother, mother, father and friends. So you get up every morning and do all the things you did before. Sometimes it is almost impossible to get out of bed or dressed or go back to work or act normal. But you do. You will never be the same so you find a new you. Your old normal is no more, so you find a new "normal". Find people that you can talk to. Talk to us. If you continue to have trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor. There are medicines to help you sleep that are not addictive. There are medicines for depression to help you feel more in control of yourself again. Don't feel bad about crying - crying is good because it does help work through those feelings of loss. Slowly you will stop crying so much. You won't be missing her less, you will just be able to handle the feelings of loss differently.

It takes time so give yourself that time. Everyone grieves differently and some take longer to grieve. I will be praying for you! PM or email me if you'd like. Diana

[Catty1]

Marti:

{{{{hugs}}}}

My mom and I are the only ones left in our immediate family. I can't imagine losing her, but know that she will likely go first.

I just can't imagine it, she has been a great friend, mom - and yes, a nag at times! ;) - and completely irreplacable.

Heal on your own schedule. Never mind anyone else.

With my dad, it was like being in a kind of tunnel before and after. It was unreal...and I think the mind wisely does that so the reality hits us more gradually, breaks through and then recedes...

HUGS to you. Your Mom looks like a great lady who loved to laugh! :) I wish you peace and happy memories.

I like Lut's idea - put up pictures and talk to them.

I think Mom will hear you. :love:

[Taz_Zoee]

Marti, I still just don't have the right words to help your pain right now. I wish I did. :( But I think what others have said here are good things to remember. Lut's idea is great. I always talk to a friend of mine's picture when it pops up on my screen saver. He passed in 2007.
Your mother was a beautiful lady, just like you. I am always here for you if you ever need to talk or cry. I just wish I was there for you to give you a huge hug and cry with you.
Come back to this thread as often as you'd like just to get your thoughts and feelings out.

Lots of :love: to you and your family.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Your Mom was a beautiful, elegant, lady. I'm so sorry. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.:( {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Cataholic]

Marti,
What a loving relationship you shared with your mother. I am sure the she was as equally blessed as you, in loving you. I am so sorry for your pain, and hope you find comfort, in time, remembering all the wonderful memories you shared together.

Cataholic

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear this.:( You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Karen]

Dear one,

Please accept a lot of hugs from me. When my mom was dying (ALS) I would often sit in the car after visiting her and sing the old spiritual "Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child" and it is so mournful and sad it somehow made me feel a little better.

There is no cure for this
There is no fix
The cost of loving and being loved
Is, at this point, pain
But the pain will not win
It will not prevail
In moments when you least expect it
A memory of some silly moment
Or happy time
Will sneak into your mind
A glance in the mirror will reveal
A trace of her in your own face
But more than anything, death does not win
Pain does not win
Because Love - Love lives on
And will carry you through.


We love you!

[RICHARD]

God bless you and your family.
I just went thru the same thing two months ago and while I can't tell you I know how you feel, Everyone is different, Please realize that there are people that travel that same path with you.

You do not walk alone.

Prayers and warm thoughts sent out to you!

[lvpets2002]

:( So sadded to read about your Mother.. My Deepest Symphathy.. Sending Prayers & God Bless You..

[Freedom]

My heart goes out to you at this time. I felt much of what you are feeling, 16 years ago when my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly (it was all over in less than 7 minutes).

I can relate to what everyone has written, those who have lost their mum. The ties between a mother and daughter are like no other. Similar to Marigold, I lost my mum after a short 36 years. It wasn't long enough! All these years later, I still read something or see something on TV and reach for the phone to share it with her. However, it is easier now than it was those first 6 months.

Karen's poem is lovely. All my life, I was told I looked like my Dad (my brother takes after mum more). As the years pass, I DO glance in a mirror now and then, and think I see mum.

Hugs to you.

[gini]

What I am about to say is intended to comfort you not offend you in any way.

I lost my own Mother when I was ten months old. So I really do not have any memories of her. When I came upon an old slide of her holding me, I burst into tears. I had the slide made into a print that I now have in a frame.

So really, I am terribly jealous of you - you shared so much with each other. You were able to take care of her and she of you. Yes, of course, it is very very difficult for you right now. But you have been blessed with a wonderful Mother and many many memories that you can draw upon to comfort you.

Those wonderful memories will carry you through - help you with each new day. You will always be able to remember her arms around you and how safe that felt. I am glad for you that you have had all of this in your life. I am also glad to read that she didn't suffer a great deal of pain.

She IS still with you - every second of each day - and she loves you no less - she loves you even more.

I hope each day is easier for you - but crying is such a good thing - let it all out. Your loss is huge and so very personal.

You have my comfort and prayers.

[Laura's Babies]

I have put off responding because I knew it would be difficult for me.. November was my Mom's birthday and for some reason, that one hit me pretty hard this time. My Mom died in 1999, also of cancer. We also choose Hospice, a decision we never have regretted. It was a joy keping her at home and taking care of her. Some of our our best shared moments were after we found out she was dying. We shared SO much in those days. We joked and laughed like a couple of idiots, had some of the most serious talks we ever had, even about her funeral arrangements that I had made in advance but most of all, we just sat on the front porch every evening and watched the sun go down. They were the worst of times but the best of times..

I talked to Mama's picture a lot and still talk to her. I have felt her with me. I have her kitty baby Boo and that is a connection to her that I cherish. Boo is 13 years old now and still going strong, I am happy and proud that she has accepted me as her human and I know Mama is pleased but will someday to claim her fur baby and take her home with her. That will be like loosing Mama all over again so I dread that day..

Nothing in life prepares you for the loss of your Mother, no matter how prepared you think you are, you are not... My sympathies to you and your family, just take it one day at a time.... that is all you can do.

[shepgirl]

So very sorry about your loss. I lost my mom 2 yrs ago and I know exactly how you feel. I treasure every single memory I have of her and it gets easier but there are still days when nothing seems to help. But time does heal and our memories keep us going. I was lucky enough to have my mom with me for her last years and that alone is a great comfort.

[Alysser]

I'm so sorry, may she rest in peace. ((Hugs)) to you.

[DJFyrewolf36]

*HUGS* I wish I knew what to say, but all I can offer is my support. Prayers to you and your family.

[cassiesmom]

thoughts and prayers for kallisto4529 and family,
Elyse

[Twisterdog]

I'm so very sorry.

My daddy passed away a year ago, on February 2, 2008. I honestly didn't know how to proceed with life without him. I still miss him each and every day.

It was, and still is, so hard for me to grasp that this is final, forever. My daddy is gone, and never, ever again will I see his smile, hear his voice or smell his aftershave. "Never" is so incredibly heartbreaking.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[K9karen]

:(

Dearest Marti, I know exactly how you feel. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Not only did my dear, beloved, best friend, mom, pass 3 years ago, this past June (time flies), but her youngest sister, my favorite aunt, passed away Feb 9.

I feel your pain, as, I too, home cared my mother when she wasn't in the hospital or in rehab. Our roles were totally reversed. I never thought I'd change my mom's diaper. She was mentally alert, which, to me, made it easier, as we could still talk and laugh.
Unlike a lot of my friends, I was very close to my mom. I was invited to live with my parents to save money, and I never regretted it, as I had total freedom.

It gets better little by little. One day at a time. Sometimes, you'll lose it, other days, your fog will lift and you'll feel sane. I survive by remembering all the gazillion great memories. I still wear some of her clothes, remembering when and where she wore it. I know my mom is proud of me..she taught me well. And I'm sure your mom feels the same about you. (I miss my dad too, he was super, but mom and I had girlie times). Sometimes I think I feel her kiss my cheek and her arms wrapped lovingly around me.

May you find peace knowing your beautiful mother is healthy and happy, with her loved ones, human and furry.

:love::love::love::love::love::love:

[phesina]

My very deepest sympathy to you and your family on the loss of your beloved mother.

May she rest in peace.

[KYS]

I am so sorry,
No words can describe the loss of a mother, I think about my mom daily.
Sending lots and lots of ((((hugs))))

[ramanth]

I'm very sorry for your loss. :(