Calling all moms! Did/do you co-sleep?

[JenBKR]

I know that in a lot of societies, parents co-sleep with their babies, and that it's more of a western idea to have babies in their own rooms. So, I was just wondering what you guys do or did. Any co-sleepers here?

We are currently co-sleeping with Ty, although it didn't exactly start out willingly. A few months ago he was not sleeping and so miserable, and we tried everything else, but it seemed to be the only way that any of us could get any sleep. I have to admit it now, I enjoy it. :)

[BitsyNaceyDog]

We've been co-sleeping with Nathan literally since the day he was born. I'm a huge fan of co-sleeping. I know it's not everyone's preference, but I personally wouldn't have it any other way. We plan to let Nathan self-wean from co-sleeping and he's showing no signs of wanting to do that yet. I've read that most kids self-wean from co-sleeping between 2 and 4 years old.

[pomtzu]

No - never. But then, I'm from "the old school", and that's pretty much the way it was "way back when"! :eek:

If I were young and just starting a family now, would I co-sleep??? Nope - still wouldn't do it.

[sparks19]

Nope I don't.

I would never get a wink of sleep. hannah is a noisy sleeper and I can barely sleep while sharing the bed with my husband lol... I can't imagine adding another body to that bed. I need my space when I sleep.

Hannah always did and still does really well in her crib. when it's time for bed or for a nap I take her in to her room, give her a kiss, turn on her aquarium, cover her up and leave and she's usually out within 5 minutes. sometimes if she doesn't want to sleep right away she just sits in there and plays for a little bit until she falls asleep.

I have had her in my bed a few times. when she was really little and couldnt' go anywhere I would bring her in when Brian left for work and she slept on his side of the bed. Also did this if she was really sick.

But now? forget it. She was sick a few months ago and just couldn't sleep so we went downstairs to sleep on the air matress. YA RIGHT lol. all she wanted to do was jump around and mess with me lol so much for being sick. so she went back to her crib and she was out in 5 minutes :rolleyes: pain in the butt lol

[Sonia59]

When Valentine was younger, I sometimes did it in the second part of the night, ~ from 4:00 am to the morning because I was breastfeeding her (and I still do) and I was too tired to stay awake. We fell asleep together and she was finishing the night in our bed. I also did it a few times when daddy had to wake up very early for his work and woke her up by making some noise.
But I was sleeping very bad, I was scared that she could fell or would be hurt (daddy is moving a lot when sleeping!) and everyone was sleeping but me!
Except these few times I avoid doing it because I want her to get used to sleep alone in her bed. She uses to fall asleep in my arms in the evening. It is something many people would not recommend, I know, but that's the way it is. When I am not here, e.g. at the day care, she can sleep alone, so I know she can do it! But I don't want to add this habit to co-sleeping.

[Cookiebaker]

I started out co-sleeping but it didn't work very well for us. :( I had really hoped to make it work, but it just didn't. So I settled for cuddling her to sleep every nap and nighttime. And then when she was around 13-14 months, she decided that she had enough of that and wanted her crib...she would squirm and wrestle me until I put her down. So that's what we do...she goes down in her crib wide awake, and is out within 3-4 minutes usually, no fighting and no crying so that makes me very happy!

[sparks19]

I started out co-sleeping but it didn't work very well for us. :( I had really hoped to make it work, but it just didn't. So I settled for cuddling her to sleep every nap and nighttime. And then when she was around 13-14 months, she decided that she had enough of that and wanted her crib...she would squirm and wrestle me until I put her down. So that's what we do...she goes down in her crib wide awake, and is out within 3-4 minutes usually, no fighting and no crying so that makes me very happy!

^^^^ this is exactly what hannah did as well.

SOMETIMES.... I can still get away with cuddling her for a bit before bed... but not often lol

[prechrswife]

We did not co-sleep. Our oldest was adopted from China, and many times the children in foster care do co-sleep with their foster families. Our daughter was actually sleeping in a crib in her foster home, and that is what we continued when she came home with us. Our youngest slept in a bassinet in our room for the first few months and did occasionally end up in the bed with us part of the night when I was nursing (or later if she was having trouble sleeping). Now that she is bigger and moves around a lot in her sleep, she doesn't end up in our bed nearly as often. After the bassinet, she moved into her own crib in her room.

[Cataholic]

We have done it all. Jonah began in my bed- literally on top of my chest, for months. Then, next to me and I would move him into his crib/later bed. Then, for a while, he fell asleep in his own bed, no problem. Then, he wanted to sleep in my bed, and I would lift him into his bed later. Now? Depends on how tired I am, but, he starts in my bed, sometimes with me in it, sometimes on his own. I move him to his bed still. Two nights ago, I went to his bed to sleep. He thought nothing of it when he came to find me in the am.

Whatever works for us we will keep doing.

[caseysmom]

I was like Cataholic with mine too, my youngest did love her crib and would go climb in it when she got bigger. My oldest was always more dependent, its funny they still have those traits.

[Marigold2]

Co-sleep, no never. It is a parents job to teach the child how to grow and learn to take care of themselves, hence birds pushing their babes out of the nest. We teach or children how to speak, read, eat, poop, walk, pay for college and a million and one skills inbetween, why so they can take care of themselves, that is our job. Co-sleeping is more for the parent's comfort then the childs. It's so lovely to hold them while they are sleeping however for the child to learn to be independent and self-sufficient they need their own space, their own room and time with the most important person in their lives, themselves.

[Medusa]

No - never. But then, I'm from "the old school", and that's pretty much the way it was "way back when"! :eek:

If I were young and just starting a family now, would I co-sleep??? Nope - still wouldn't do it.

Ditto. :)

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Co-sleep, no never. It is a parents job to teach the child how to grow and learn to take care of themselves, hence birds pushing their babes out of the nest. We teach or children how to speak, read, eat, poop, walk, pay for college and a million and one skills inbetween, why so they can take care of themselves, that is our job. Co-sleeping is more for the parent's comfort then the childs. It's so lovely to hold them while they are sleeping however for the child to learn to be independent and self-sufficient they need their own space, their own room and time with the most important person in their lives, themselves.
A lot of co-sleeping advocates will tell you the exact opposite is true. I'll be the first one to tell you that I believe that each child and each family is different and it's important for each family to do what is right for their family. For us that's co-sleeping, for others it's not. :)

[pomtzu]

It's my feeling, whether the child is 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year - that they need their own space. I've seen children that have slept with their parents, and then when the parents decide it's time to end it, they have a screaming monster on their hands that actually CAN'T sleep by themselves. To me, the parents are just asking for a clingy child that can't function if they're out of sight of one or both parents, and it's reinforcing the child's need for the parents to physically be there in order to sleep.
I'm not saying that ALL children are this way, but I've seen way too many that are. I believe in doing what works for you, but if a new mother was asking my advice/opinion on the issue, I have to urge her not to do it - for the above reasons.

[Grace]

I didn't, and I wouldn't - ever.

In 2007 44 infants died while sleeping with parents, other children or a pet. There was at least one in this state.

[shepgirl]

Nope, never did and never would. Guess I'm from the old school too. I'm a light sleeper and get totally exhausted so I need my space. I too have witnessed children who absolutely refuse to sleep in their own beds after sleeping with the parents. I have a doctor who is absolutely against this also and when my kids were small our other doctor was against it also.
Call me selfish but when I go to bed I want and need my space.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

We did not, of course because
our kids were both adopted.
Our eldest one, our son JO, had never before seen a bed in his entire life! In Korea everybody sleeps on the ground, on a carpet. He was terrified of his bed with bars! The only way I could make him fall asleep, was by lying on the mat together with him! It took us 3 weeks to make him accept his own bed:rolleyes::D
Our daughter didn't have any problems at all; at the orphinage she was used to sleep in beds with bars:).

[sumbirdy]

Nathan started off in his own bed for the first year. Then he was forced (not by us) for 3 weeks to live with his abusive "mother" who shut him up in a dark room and let him cry himself to sleep. When he came back he had a lot of emotional problems and always wanted me in sight (since he wasn't allowed to see me for those 3 weeks) so I slept next to him. And have been doing it ever since. Wouldn't have it any other way. The way I see it is, when he's 16 he's not still going to be climbing in bed with me. lol. I co-slept with my parents and I am very independent now. It works more for some people than it does others.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I have a friend who let her son co-sleep. He is 13 and still does not like to sleep alone. He complained that they had each other so they got him a dog.

Now all four of them sleep in the one bed.

Fortunately they are small people.

[lizbud]

I have a friend who let her son co-sleep. He is 13 and still does not like to sleep alone. He complained that they had each other so they got him a dog.

Now all four of them sleep in the one bed.

Fortunately they are small people.


So funny.:D :D You are kidding, right?


Most Drs warn against sleeping with babies. My husband & I actually took
turns getting up with our kids. Usually could rock them back to sleep & lay
them back to their own beds.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I don't have children but if I did they'd be sleeping in their own bed in their own room. I'm also a very light sleeper and now my cats are waking me up throughout the night.

I know that my parents never co-slept with me or my 2 younger brothers. Sometimes during a thunderstorm I'd come into my parents bedroom because I was scared and they'd let me sleep with them just for that night or until the storm was over but that was it. I always enjoyed having my own bed and my own room.:)

[pomtzu]

I have a friend who let her son co-sleep. He is 13 and still does not like to sleep alone. He complained that they had each other so they got him a dog.

Now all four of them sleep in the one bed.

Fortunately they are small people.

Would I be correct in assuming that they never had any more children?? :D Unless of course they adopted..............:p

[Edwina's Secretary]

So funny.:D :D You are kidding, right?



Only a litle. This year when they visited they did use two beds. First time.

And you are right! He is an only child....;):D

[Twisterdog]

No, not intentionally. Actually, I've never heard the term "co-sleep" until now.

My son slept in his crib until he got old enough to try to crawl out, then I got him a toddler bed. He went to bed every night in his own bed ... and woke up every morning in my bed. Sometime during the night he always came and got in bed with me. When he got a little older it stopped, he wanted to be a "big boy".

[Marigold2]

I also think mom & dad need some alone time together every night to just cuddle and reconnect. How do you manage that if a kid is in bed with you?

[sasvermont]

I appreciate everyone's choice in this matter.

If I had a child, I am sure I would allow it in bed with me from time to time, but on any given night, it would be put to bed it it's own bed and room. I have friends who have allowed their children to sleep with them - and I don't think they have done the children any favors. Not to mention that parents' not getting quailty sleep. I think everyone needs their space - kids, parents etc. Everyone!

I can remember wanting to crawl in to bed with my Mom (parent's had twin beds) and from time to time, she would allow it. I never lasted long because I wasn't comfortable! There wasn't much room!

I vote for sleeping in one's own bed!:)

[JenBKR]

We have done it all. Jonah began in my bed- literally on top of my chest, for months. Then, next to me and I would move him into his crib/later bed. Then, for a while, he fell asleep in his own bed, no problem. Then, he wanted to sleep in my bed, and I would lift him into his bed later. Now? Depends on how tired I am, but, he starts in my bed, sometimes with me in it, sometimes on his own. I move him to his bed still. Two nights ago, I went to his bed to sleep. He thought nothing of it when he came to find me in the am.

Whatever works for us we will keep doing.

We've gone through the same! Ty had some colic so he slept on top of my chest as well many nights. It seemed to be the only way he was comfortable. We have tried many many things to get him to sleep in his crib...we let him cry some, and it did work. Only one night of some crying, and after that he actually slept in his crib no problem for several months. We thought we had it figured out lol, until I realized that with a baby, that's not possible. Shots, high fever, and teething at the same time changed everything. We tried to let him cry again, but he just stand up in his crib and screams his head off until he makes himself sick. So no more of that.....in our bed, at least we all sleep. We are trying to do some things to transition him back to his own room, but it's slow going.

It had surprised me how controversial this issue is...people on one side say that co-sleeping is the only way to have a happy and secure child, and the other side say that if you co-sleep your child will never be independent. Personally, I can't see either side...I am somewhere in the middle (as usual ;)) I think it's up to each individual child. I know that in many cultures, it is odd to consider a baby having their own room.

[carole]

Yes i did it with both my children, and don't regret it one little bit, worked for us.,one child is 27 now the other 16 and half and both are fiercely independent., however i did it more with my younger child.,infact she slept between us for some years until she was about three on and off, so many said it would be so hard to finally get her into her own bed, they were proven wrong, when she was ready ,she did and never looked back, she was the same with potty training.

[catnapper]

Cameron only sleeps with us when he's sick and thats only because we wouldn't get any sleep ourselves otherwise ;) Typically, we will lay down in his bed with him as he falls asleep. Its become the routine so much so that he won't go to sleep otherwise. Personally, I think we've created a monster by doing this.

Its easier to sleep with them in the beginning because they DO sleep well, and when they sleep, YOU can sleep. But it gets harder as they age and fight themselves over wanting to be with you and wanting their independance.

[sparks19]

yeah I'm kind of fearing when hannah gets into a big girl bed.

I will be interested to see how daycare goes on monday. they have them sleep on mats... I wonder if they will get her to stay still and go to sleep lol

if they do I will be really happy because that may make it easier for the transistion to big girl bed when the time comes.

[kitten645]

I don't have children but if I did they'd be sleeping in their own bed in their own room. I'm also a very light sleeper and now my cats are waking me up throughout the night.

__________________

Perfect answer for me. I can't recall ever asking to sleep with my parents and even today if I end up asked to sleep with my sister I recall swift kicks! :eek:I'll have my own space thanks!

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I didn't, and I wouldn't - ever.

In 2007 44 infants died while sleeping with parents, other children or a pet. There was at least one in this state.
How many died sleeping alone in their cribs? Research has shown that co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. The biggest cause of SIDS is not suffocation or choking as many assume. SIDS is mostly caused by long pauses in the babies breathing while they are asleep. Research has shown that co-sleeping babies most often breath in harmony with their mothers which reduces the pauses in their breathing and reduces the risk of SIDS.

Co-sleeping does need to be done safely. You don't put your newborn in a crib with a pillow and blanket, nor should you put your newborn in a co-sleeping environment with a pillow and blanket. We also have bedrails on our bed. You need to make sure the mattress fits sung against the headboard, just the same as you would make sure the mattress fits snug against the sides of the crib.


It had surprised me how controversial this issue is...people on one side say that co-sleeping is the only way to have a happy and secure child, and the other side say that if you co-sleep your child will never be independent. Personally, I can't see either side...I am somewhere in the middle (as usual ;)) I think it's up to each individual child. I know that in many cultures, it is odd to consider a baby having their own room.
Isn't that the truth! Like I've already said, I've very pro co-sleeping, but I do understand and respect that it isn't for every family or every child. I do feel that it deserves the same research, consideration, and thought that new parents put into other issues like vaccinations, circumcision, breast feeding, etc.

[Grace]

How many died sleeping alone in their cribs? Research has shown that co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. The biggest cause of SIDS is not suffocation or choking as many assume. SIDS is mostly caused by long pauses in the babies breathing while they are asleep. Research has shown that co-sleeping babies most often breath in harmony with their mothers which reduces the pauses in their breathing and reduces the risk of SIDS.


The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges. The deaths I mentioned were caused by suffocation - when a parent rolled over on the child for instance. When the death was investigated, a positive cause was determined.

In an average year, approximately 2300 infants die from SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is defined as the sudden death of an infant less than one year of age that cannot be explained after a thorough investigation is conducted, including a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene, and review of the clinical history.

[Twisterdog]

I will be interested to see how daycare goes on monday. they have them sleep on mats... I wonder if they will get her to stay still and go to sleep lol

LOL ... good luck with that. On my son's first day at the daycare center, all was going great until naptime. They brought out the little sleeping mats and told them to lay down on them. My son looks at the teacher, mortified, and says, "I am NOT a dog!" LMAO!

[k9krazee]

The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges.

I think co-sleeping and SIDS are directly related. Studies have shown that children who co-sleep rarely suffer from SIDS. We're not 100% sure why, but it has been shown. And the amount of people that roll over on their children? How often do you think that actually happens? Sure, if the parent was completely intoxicated or something. I know you posted some stats that showed that kids did die from suffocation or from parents rolling over, but there are many factors to consider. Like KBlaix said, certain precautions need to be in place before and if you're stupid about it something could happen. If you have a baby sleeping next to you, I'm sure you'd still be conciously aware of that child throughout the night even though you don't think you would. Just my 2 cents.

[Cookiebaker]

I think co-sleeping and SIDS are directly related. Studies have shown that children who co-sleep rarely suffer from SIDS. .

YES! When I was pregnant I did some research on SIDS because my in-laws lost their oldest to SIDS when he was 6 months old. :( Anyway, I found some research (I'm sorry I can't remember what foundation or scientist did the study because its been a couple of years). What they did was studied the breathing patterns of mothers and babies who were in separate rooms, and in the same room. And what they found was that babies who are in the same room (bassinette next to her bed), their breathing synchronized, and the baby's sleep patterns mirrored the mothers. And it explains why, very often the baby wakes to eat when the mother slips into a lighter sleep. I hope what I am trying to say makes sense.

I am kind of surprised at how many nay-sayers there are to co-sleeping. Yes, its important to teach them to be independant but I question the need for independance by the ripe old age of two?

I was severely criticized by a close family member after Lydia was born because I held her alot. They told me that I was 'spoiling' her. Further, I held her to sleep every night and every nap time. The fact is, I have not raised a clingy needy child. She is a very well-rounded child, goes happily to other people and I can leave her with babysitters and she doesn't even cry. I personally think that when you leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark, your child is much more likely to suffer from anxiety and separation difficulities. but when you make them feel secure, they are secure all the way around.

That said I am certainly not an expert, and learning right along with the next mother! :)

[pomtzu]

The fact is, I have not raised a clingy needy child. She is a very well-rounded child, goes happily to other people and I can leave her with babysitters and she doesn't even cry. I personally think that when you leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark, your child is much more likely to suffer from anxiety and separation difficulities. but when you make them feel secure, they are secure all the way around.

I don't believe that you should leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark either, but if they have slept in their own bed/crib from the start, then this is rarely an event that would be normal. Of course there are always exceptions, and even children that have always slept by themselves will have an occasional issue with going to their own bed. Perhaps they are sick, just not ready for sleep, etc, etc., - then make an occasional exception.
And you are very fortunate that your baby doesn't have the problem of not wanting to be away from you, so this must be working well for you. I just know that the majority of younger mothers that I know who do or have co-slept, haven't had the success with it that you have had. Good job! Seriously!:D

[carole]

I never let my babies sleep in the bed with me as babies, always in the bassinet beside our bed,but as they were toddlers no problem,honestly we expect our little ones to sleep alone, but we don't do we lol.

I think you have to go with what you feel is right, and people will tell you all sorts,most of which i found to be untrue, as i said before i had no problem with the transition from parents bed to her own bed, i think it really depends on the child, they are all different, it was certainly frowned upon in my day as a young one, but times have changed and in my opinion for the better.:)

[sparks19]

When Hannah was an infant I was always holding her... always. when she napped I usually held her or put her in her boppy right next to me. But she did sleep in her crib at night. But that was a choice we made. I don't look down on people who co sleep and I don't think they all end up with clingy high maintenance children... sure some do but so do some kids who sleep in their own room. I don't think sleeping arrangement dictates what the child will turn out like.

Hannah has always slept in her own room and she certainly doesn't have any seperation anxiety nor do I leave her to cry alone in the dark. I do NOT EVER just let her cry. If she cries when put to bed (this usually only happens if she is sick anyway) I will cuddle her until she is ready to go back to bed (usually only a couple minutes). Most nights I take her to bed at her bedtime and she goes right to sleep. she has no issues with going to strangers and she is very independant.

I don't think that having her sleep in her own crib is going to doom her to a life of anxiety and abandonment issues... just like I don't think that a child is doomed to become clingy because they co sleep. Some children do fine with co sleeping and some children do fine with being in their own room.

[carole]

Absolutely, you are right on there, which ever way one decides, to either co-sleep or not, neither child will grow up with either anxiety or dependence, it depends soley on the child i think and how the parents deal with it.

[JenBKR]

I don't believe that you should leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark either, but if they have slept in their own bed/crib from the start, then this is rarely an event that would be normal.

I wish it was that easy! As I stated before, Ty was doing very well in his crib, but too many things get in the way. Teething, shots, illness.....then, you comfort for a few nights. After that, I can't just put him back in his crib, he wants to still be with me.

I slept in my parents' bed many nights growing up, as did my sister. In fact, when my father went out of town for business, as he often did, my sister and I would sleep in their bed with my mom, even in high school! We are both independent, well adjusted people now living on our own. Personally, I don't see how sleeping in the 'family bed' as a child really has anything to do with independence.

[Cataholic]

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

[JenBKR]

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

So true! People are so quick to tell you what ou are doing wrong...and not just experts.....other moms, and even people without any kids! I think you have to have thick skin to be a mom these days......

[Giselle]

I don't think sleeping arrangement dictates what the child will turn out like.
Ding ding ding!! I think the proverbial nail has been hit :D

There is an enormous multitude of studies and research that both prove and disprove the benefits of sleeping arrangements. I would believe that the results are so variable because the issue is so *subjective*. I have a hard time believing that co-sleeping overwhelmingly leads to clinginess. Likewise, I have a hard time believing that separate-sleeping inherently leads to independence.

We can tout anecdotes all day long, but, then again, there's those pesky "confidence bias" and "illusory correlation" issues we have to keep in mind ;)

On that note, regarding our anecdotes of clingy, co-slept children, we should also keep confounding variables in mind, too. Couldn't it be that the co-sleeping mothers one knew were just more inclined to have emotionally dependent temperaments? Temperament is strongly genetic, so, therefore, couldn't co-slept children simply have inherited that emotionally dependent temperament?

[catnapper]

I have to laugh... since this thread, Cameron has slept with us more than he has in a long time! He slept with us again last night. I always end up having a miserable night's sleep because I'm aware of him and I want to give him plenty of room and not crush him. :p

He's been having bad dreams all week, and hasn't been feeling good, so we've been letting him sleep with us.

Oh, and cataholic's statement about what feels right for you and your child couldn't be more on the mark! There's no right or wrong when rearing your child because you know their personality and temperment. What works for one child might be disasterous for another.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges. I completely misunderstood your statement. I thought you meant ALL babies who died while co-sleeping, including SIDS deaths.



If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:
I completely agree.

[Medusa]

All make interesting points, however, JenBKR simply asked if there are any co-sleepers here on PT. Some of us simply replied to the question w/out expounding on our answers and w/out criticism or value judgment because we realize that each situation is different and therefore is a personal preference as to whether or not to allow co-sleeping. :)

[Cataholic]

Now, if you wanna keep things moving along, we can "discuss" carseats and EBF! LOL, talk about attitudes, opinions and the like. :)

[catnapper]

Now, if you wanna keep things moving along, we can "discuss" carseats and EBF! LOL, talk about attitudes, opinions and the like. :)

Not being dumb, but what's EBF?

[Edwina's Secretary]

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

[JenBKR]

And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

Oh I think you are right, absolutely. Many of us, myself included I am sure, have done just that. I have seen it many times in the dog food threads especially. We are all here because we love our pets, and we should respect each others' decisions :)

[Cataholic]

And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

I do think people need to do what is 'best' based on their opinion. But, I would hope that fact/research/medicine comes into play. Putting your child or pet at risk is different, to me, than making a parenting choice that isn't 'mainstream'.

Without knowing exactly what threads you might be referring to, I am just making general points here:

I do not think there is a whole lot of debate that letting your cat outside is riskier than keeping it inside- cars, fights, disease, etc. Now, there are probably situations that sound pretty ideal, and work to reduce the risk signficantly. And, presumably, people weigh the odds of allowing their cat its freedom and keeping it inside, and act accordingly. Feeding your dog significant amounts of chocolate is just a bad idea. I think the research is pretty strong there.

Co-sleeping with your child, according to the 'research' is not a physical risk, it is a societal risk (if I can call it that). I see it differently than I see not putting your child in a carseat, turning your 8 month old around to face forward in a carseat, giving whole grapes to your 9 month old, etc.

But, I do agree we should all do what seems best for our situation/family.

(EBF is extended breastfeeding. See, on another forum, in a place far, far from here, I was accused of having some sort of illicit relationship with my son cause I EBF. Talk about getting my hackles raised. :eek:)

[JenBKR]

(EBF is extended breastfeeding. See, on another forum, in a place far, far from here, I was accused of having some sort of illicit relationship with my son cause I EBF. Talk about getting my hackles raised. :eek:)

Oh geez....now that's crazy. I don't see a problem with EBF. Now, there was a woman on Oprah or Tyra Banks or one of those shows who was breast feeding her 8 year old.....that's a bit much for me, but if that's what you want to do, go for it. Ty is pretty much weaned, but I do still nurse him sometimes.

I haven't heard much debate about carseats, is it about turning them around too soon?

[Cataholic]

Turning them around too soon, putting 3 year olds in backless boosters, etc. Ohio has changed their law from a 4/40 to an 8/80 limit, and the masses are getting their backs up. Talks of government involvment, blah, blah, blah.

On TV last night (and, yes, I do know it is TV....)there was that show about Unexplained ER Trauma, or something. A 6 year old was in a normal seat belt, and thrown 100 or something feet (he recovered, thank God), and the mom made a comment about how she thought he was safe in his seat belt (the way many people do!). So, the carseat/booster debate gets pretty heated.

[JenBKR]

They did change it to 8/80 here too about 5 or six years ago. Seems like just about anything can be debated!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I would highly recommend "Our babies, ourselves: How biology and culture shape the way we parent," by Meredith F. Small for anyone interested in learning more about this topic. It was fascinating! It discussed parenting in different cultures and one of the topics was co-sleeping.

I wish the book had been more neutral (the author tried, but you could tell which "side" she was on) but it did contain a lot of really interesting information. Based on what I learned through the book (and consequently through other research), I have decided to co-sleep with our baby, albeit in a bed right next to ours (you can buy co-sleepers that attach to the bed) simply because I would be afraid of squashing the baby and I don't think I'd get any sleep thinking about the possibility of it.

[Cataholic]

PC- sleep is awfully elusive in the beginning anyway. :) But, the comfort/knowledge that my little worm was within arms reach brought me alot of peace. In fact, I think one of those co-sleeper things is called "Arms reach" or something! And, you may change your mind/arrangement with time, too. Before birth, I was adamant that Jonah would sleep in a crib from moment one! We had to do a pit stop to the Toysrus on the way home from the hospital (with a broken bone in my pelvis, no less) cause I freaked out about him sleeping in a crib away from me! My thoughts changed so much after I had him. ")

What I did was remove all padding from my bed (I had a feather tick that I slept on), as well as all pillows but one- mine. I then built a barricade on the far side, which I later converted to the bed rail thing that Jonah has on his own bed right now. (When we slept at my fathers a few weeks ago, Jonah fell out of bed!)

I am a really light sleeper, and it was just he and I in bed. So, that worked for us, but, I can see a heavier sleeper, and a couple, wanting something a bit more distant.

[sparks19]

You know it's kind of funny.

I never co slept with Hannah but for months after she was born I would have nightmares that she WAS in bed with me and I was suffocating her or dropping her off the edge of the bed. Everynight I would have this dream.

I sleep with a stuffed animal (I know I know lol) and when I would start to wake from this dream I would think the stuffed animal was hannah.

was really freaky.

[Husky_mom]

I kinda co-slept...

for the first days I had him beside me in a crib/playpen type thingy... but I was constanlty checking him up to see if he was breathing.. :rolleyes: then moved him into a bassinet and had it ON the bed... still on his "space" but closer... this was for a few weeks.... later on I moved him into his crib, once again right next to our bed.... this was for almost the whole year... then he had his own room... and once he had his bed (grown up twin bed) he has been sleeping in his onw bed in his own room...

[lizbud]

For what it's worth. Just today, yet another sad article.


http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6719916&page=1

[finn's mom]

I think we will be getting a co-sleeper to attach to our bed. I think our culture as a whole places so much weight on individuality, that we tend to forget about the basic need of NEEDING EACH OTHER, and that it's completely fine and appropriate. We're not solitary creatures, even though I do love my alone time. :) Luckily, David and I have many similar opinions on the matter, and we both want to try and make sure that we have family traditions, at least one meal a day together, playing together, etc. I definitely want my child to be able to take care of themselves one day, but I don't really think I care too much for the idea of teaching independence to a newborn. I don't know how long we'll "co-sleep", but for the very beginning, that's what we'll do.

[Lori Jordan]

No!the only place the kids were,was in there basinette beside the bed.I was too scared to be honest.I have heard horror stories about things that have happend.Not to mention id never get any sleep,I find they come too dependant and dont want to leave the parents bed.I dont have anything against people who do.It just worried me too much.

[sabies]

Sam co-slept with us for many months then went to a crib right next to me then a little after a year old was in her own room.

In the beginning sleep was better for me with her in my bed (we used a thing to put in an adult bed that has breathable "walls" that help protect from our pillows). When she got bigger and didn't stay swaddled she was kicking me in her sleep (only me never dad) so into her crib she went. At some point she started trying to play or have our attention if she woke up so into her own room she went and peacefully she has slept thru every night since. Even when she is sick she still sleeps fairly well, falling right back to sleep after receiving care.

So I guess I just went with the flow of what worked and now we are expecting baby #2 so my plan is to do the same but I guess that could change if the baby has a different plan! I don't know if I'm ready for round the clock feeding again but I'm up anyway now with hip pain so I guess the sleeplessness has already started.