Sad Update

[NicoleLJ]

My therapist helped me come to the conclusion a while ago that I needed to down size the amount of pets I had in the house if I was ever to move. Which I have to do at the end of January. SO sadly I am selling the cats, my dream cats. It is ripping my heart out that I am being made to make this decision. And I went back and forth on whtether to sell Luca or Ajax. I have finaly settled on selling Luca. He will adjust faster to a new home. Plus Ajax is going through this teenage phase of barking at everything that moves, twitches, thinks of moving and so on.

So I am enrolling him in an obience course after the holidays. It is only 90 dollars but I think it will be worth it and hopefully my Avon will end up paying for it.

SO that will leave Sheena and Ajax. I am not doing this for the money, or because I want to. I am doing it because I have to. I have to make sure I can get a decent place to rent for me and the kids and the dogs. My church said they are going to help me.

Anyyway I hope no one hates me for my decision. And I am sorry if You do. Trust me I hate me for it.

[blue]

Unfortunently you are doing what you have to, and you are also looking out for the best interests for your pets. If anybody hates you for making this decision isnt in your position.

[Taz_Zoee]

Oh Nicole, this has to be a heart breaking decision for you. But it is what must be done. And I'm sure you will find excellent homes for the babies.

You take good care of yourself, your children and Sheena and Ajax.

[cyber-sibes]

I'm so sorry, Nichole. I know this is breaking your heart. You must do what you have to for you & your kids' best interests, and I think it takes a lot of courage to give up so much in order to rebuild a better life. No one can make these decisions except you, and everyone should honor your decisions. Hang in there, it takes a while, but life will be better.

[RICHARD]

Anyyway I hope no one hates me for my decision. And I am sorry if You do. Trust me I hate me for it.

LIke, why would we hate you for trying to speak on an animal's behalf?
You can only do as much as you can and after that you may be hurting the animals you are trying to help.

Sometimes you have to let go and put your faith in the work you have done and what the future holds after that.

Stop and think of what would have happened had you not done your part.

Now,
Put your trust in the future and try to still make a difference.;)

[jennielynn1970]

Instead of selling the cats (and Luka, unless you can sell him to a reputable breeder), why not adopt them out to a family who will take care of them? Just make sure that the people fill out an application, do a vet check, a home visit.

Hope that all goes well for you and your pets. I don't think anyone would be angry at you, you have to do what is best for you and for the welfare of your pets. No one would envy your position, I am sure.

[Reachoutrescue]

We do not hate you....you are doing what you have to do for your pets, your children, and yourself. I hope all goes well and they find great homes. Good luck and chin up.

[Catty1]

Maybe ask for an adoption fee - you know, the usual cautions about 'free to a good home'. I know you may have spent money on them, maybe getting them or just everything you have put into them (and that is a LOT), but maybe look at what you are asking for them, and if that will work so close to Christmas.

An adoption fee and a wonderful home - you won't even make back what you put into them, but they will get good homes.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Medusa]

This definitely falls into the "people first" category. I can't imagine that anyone would hate you for doing what's best for your family, especially when you're having to make a whole new start. You're not tossing your furkids out on the street to fend for themselves. You're considering their best interests and no one can ask for more when you're attempting to do the right thing.

[moosmom]

Nicole,

I know how difficult it is for you to have to play eenie-meenie-minie-moe with the furbabies. I've had to do it and it's not easy. But you have to think about what is best for you and for your pets. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, honey. If you need help trying to place anyone, let me know. I've got alot of contacts.

(((((((HUGS))))))))

Donna and crew

[Karen]

Folks, I think that it is just a matter of wording - "selling" or "adopting out with a fee" - it's the same thing, right? I'm sure that is what she means.

And Nicole, no one would fault you for this. It is a hard decision, but a necessary one. And I am sure they will go on to bless their new homes. Maybe send them on with a note about Pet Talk, and their new homes can keep us in touch with their growth.

[Alysser]

Nicole, I'm sorry it eventually came to this for you. You are making the right decision for everyone involved. I'm always for finding a new home for the animal if nessacary IF the home is good of course, and we know you will find the Kitties a Luca a great home.

[Cataholic]

I am sorry to hear this. AND, only since you posted, I will tell you MY opinion. I wouldn't do it. I am familiar with therapists/counselors/LSW, etc. I have never known one that dictates a course of action for the patient to follow. And, even if one did, I would never let someone else's course of action rule mine, especially when it goes against my heart.

One time I made a decision to rehome a cat. I had all the 'right' reasons. I regret it to this day, and this was almost 20 years ago. I will never do it again. Never.

I would encourage you to come to some other conclusion.

[Medusa]

[QUOTE=Cataholic;2091834]I am sorry to hear this. AND, only since you posted, I will tell you MY opinion. I wouldn't do it. I am familiar with therapists/counselors/LSW, etc. I have never known one that dictates a course of action for the patient to follow. And, even if one did, I would never let someone else's course of action rule mine, especially when it goes against my heart. QUOTE]

Y'know, after reading this I feel that I have to agree. I know that I posted that you're doing what you feel you must and I don't want to appear wishy-washy. However, this thread haunted me because I've often wondered if I would have the strength to rehome my cats if I had to. I'm not telling you what to do, however, I support your decision to do what's best for your family and your cats. I do agree w/Cataholic, though, that a therapist doesn't or shouldn't tell you what course of action to take. If you feel in your heart that you were coerced in any way, take a little more time to rethink the situation. This is a big decision and an irreversible one at that.

[Cataholic]

To further address Medusa's comments, I would never make a monumental permanent decision based on a temporary or projected situation. And, I do feel comfortable using the word 'never'.

I don't say these comments to judge you, but, I do say them to make sure you are really thinking through your decision. Again, I would not have posted/meddled, had you not made a public thread about it.

[Catty1]

There are other factors here - not the least of them being that a person on a limited income likely has limited choices in housing...and that few of those will accept 3 dogs and 2 cats.

Add to that the care of 3 children...I think it could get overwhelming expense and housing-wise.

JMO

[shepgirl]

I am sorry to hear this. AND, only since you posted, I will tell you MY opinion. I wouldn't do it. I am familiar with therapists/counselors/LSW, etc. I have never known one that dictates a course of action for the patient to follow. And, even if one did, I would never let someone else's course of action rule mine, especially when it goes against my heart.

One time I made a decision to rehome a cat. I had all the 'right' reasons. I regret it to this day, and this was almost 20 years ago. I will never do it again. Never.

I would encourage you to come to some other conclusion.


You're absolutely right Cataholic - no therapist, psychologist or counsellor would ever consider telling someone that. On the contrary, they would encourage you to keep their animals when they brought comfort and stability in someone's life. If I ever took this action I would be as sleepless as you for the rest of my life.

[Catty1]

So yours never told you this, shepgirl?;)

[shepgirl]

I wouldn't need anyone to tell me not to take in more animals than I could give a forever home to - simple math my dear Watson.

But meanwhile, no one in a medical profession tells a patient this unless for physical ailments such as rashes , allergies, which a person would be smart enough to know if owning the first animal.

[Catty1]

Well, none of us were there - so we don't know if this was a discussion, or what.

I think low income and trouble getting future rentals with the # of animals might be factors as well. Feeding 5 pets, 3 kids and one adult can take a bite out of things financially. So I would suspect it was an examination of the factors, and a strong recommendation, rather than an "order".

I don't know about other areas, but in Alberta a single person on AISH gets $1,050.00 per month. With kids, I think it is $100 per, or something. Medical is covered, rent may be subsidized...it could still add up.

So we shall see.

[jennielynn1970]

Candace, no offense, but why don't you let Nicole speak for herself. We can project all we want, but it won't be her answer.



I would never "get rid" of any of my animals based on a therapist or doctor recommendation. And it was recommended. Not happening. I've got a limited income at this point, but I'll deal. But, that being said, is my choice. My choice wouldn't necessarily be your choice or Nicole's choice, or anyone else's choice. Everyone's position is different.

[Catlady711]

Can't quite figure out how one sad post gets into a minor dissagreement over semantics when her first post clearly (at least to me) said it all.....



My therapist helped me come to the conclusion

[Catty1]

Thank you, Catlady.:)

[NicoleLJ]

THank you catlady. Man and you all said you would be a support to me. I have been having a hard enough time with this decision without reading and dealing with all this too. And on top of dealing with the police and my husbands breaches of contact. Even while in jail. THank goodness the phone is now set up that he cann't call me and he might have his phone priviliges taken away.

Look I have a ton on my plate ALONG with my disabilty. PLus the fact that a few days ago I tore my rotator cuff in my shoulder all the way down to my bicept and my doctor says I have artritis in both my elbows too. More stuff on more stuff on more stuff. I am trying to find joy in the little things. Trying. But post like these sure make it hard.

THe therapist helped me go over a budget plan and helped me see over 3 - 4 weeks that I am over loaded. I can't handle the bills I have now without my husbands income. I didn't expect this. He gambled away all our savings, pawned off many of our valuables, got loans and credit cards I had no idea about. I have already talked to a lawyer and am doing what I can.

DO you really honestly think that I want to get rid of my babies? If you do then you really are not my friends and you really don't know or care about me or what I am going through. Candance knows because she is on with me every day for what, almost two years? SHe has been my saving grace. My true friend. She has truely understood the pain I am going through on a daily basis.

I am sorry that you think I am an orger for having to rehome the kittens and Luca but through therapy I know it needs to be done so I can get a good, safe home for my kids and me and provide them a life. Sorry for upsetting you all.

[Karen]

No one has said you were an ogre, they were just saying they would not give up their animals, but everyone has acknowledged that they are not in your shoes. Don't take their disagreements as criticism, they are just honest disagreements. Only you know what is right for you!

[Medusa]

No one has said you were an ogre, they were just saying they would not give up their animals, but everyone has acknowledged that they are not in your shoes. Don't take their disagreements as criticism, they are just honest disagreements. Only you know what is right for you!

What Karen said. :) Your last comment was that you hope no one hates you for giving up your pets. No one hates you, I'm sure, but you obviously knew that some would disagree w/your decision or else you wouldn't have written that. I, as well as others, have said that you must do what's good for you; we just want to be sure that you weren't pressured into anything. Peace.

[Cataholic]

When one makes a public post on a public board, and references the conflicted feelings the OP has, herself, one cannot then stand back in anger and question anyone's true feelings.

Even knowing your situation, as you have now clarified, I still would not give up a single pet of mine. That is MY choice, not yours, as someone else mentioned. I would still caution the heck out of you in doing so, as if you think the trauma you have now is deafening, wait until then...it might get worse. I still believe there must be another alternative. It doesn't make me 'hate' you, or not support your decision...but, simply throwing out there a hearty, "go for it" would be so untrue to you, frankly. Supporting a person or their decision doesn't equate to turning a blind eye towards the outcome. I am sure this is something your counselor addressed with you, though.

[NicoleLJ]

ok got it. Since you guys didn't read the post properly and took it as my therapist ordering me to get rid of my pets and you all asuming I have not looked at all the alternatives then some how I should still keep all five pets as a singe parent on aish with a rent of 1450 and an in come of 1088 and other bills on top of that. You do the math. I have been working on this for months. Angonizing over it. Sometimes there are no choices but one. WOW it is amazing what people can assume about a proffesional domestic violence therapist and when they then realize they made a mistake when they reread the wording they can't even apologize.

I do appreciate the ones that are supporting me. But the ones that jumped the gun so quickly with no real facts, no thanks. If you had questions unanswered, why not pm me? or email me. I would have answered them.

As for the blind eye comment exactly my point. I can't turn a blind eye to the fact that I can't feed 3 large dogs and 2 cats or give them proper vet care. My therapist helped me see that when we went over the budget plan. She showed me I not only could not pay all the bills but I could not put any away on savings either.
Nicole

[Medusa]

ok got it. Since you guys didn't read the post properly and took it as my therapist ordering me to get rid of my pets and you all asuming I have not looked at all the alternatives then some how I should still keep all five pets as a singe parent on aish with a rent of 1450 and an in come of 1088 and other bills on top of that. You do the math. I have been working on this for months. Angonizing over it. Sometimes there are no choices but one. WOW it is amazing what people can assume about a proffesional domestic violence therapist and when they then realize they made a mistake when they reread the wording they can't even apologize.

I do appreciate the ones that are supporting me. But the ones that jumped the gun so quickly with no real facts, no thanks. If you had questions unanswered, why not pm me? or email me. I would have answered them.

As for the blind eye comment exactly my point. I can't turn a blind eye to the fact that I can't feed 3 large dogs and 2 cats or give them proper vet care. My therapist helped me see that when we went over the budget plan. She showed me I not only could not pay all the bills but I could not put any away on savings either.
Nicole

Nicole, this is a pet forum, after all, and people get emotional about animals. If you post about anything, no matter the subject, you can't reasonably expect everyone to agree w/you. That doesn't mean that people hate you or think you're an ogre. It simply means that they disagree w/your decision and since you put it out there for discussion, now you have differing points of view. Stop looking at this as a betrayal and see it for what it is, differences of opinion. :)

[jennielynn1970]

I agree with what Mary said.

Also I think this... You stated what was going on. You wanted friends to back you up.

Friends will tell you what they think. Friends will tell you if they feel maybe you should seek another alternative.

A friend doesn't just agree with everything you say.

I don't think anyone on here is out to get you or is not "friendly" or isn't looking at what your best interests may be.

They're looking at the situation, telling you what they would do, in that situation, in all honesty. They aren't say YOU have to do it. They're saying maybe you can do this... here is another option.

That, right there, is friendship.

[NicoleLJ]

What they said about my therapist was not a differing point of opinion. It was not taking the time to read the post properly. I can understand people saying they disagree and they would live on the street rather then give up their pets and all that, That is their opinion. But they were judging someone they did not even know. Along with not knowing all the facts and still not knowing all the facts. THat would take hours and pages. I know this is a pet forum. THis is a pet topic.

I volunteered in rescue for 12-13 years. There are times when people really do have no choice but to rehome their pets. I am not giving mine over to a rescue. I am trying to rehome them myself. It is not like I decided out of the blue I was bored with them. I do not look at my babies that way. I hate the state of affiars my husband has left me in not caring one whit what happens to us. Bad things happen to good people and pets whether we like it or not. Or whether we expect it or not.

[shepgirl]

I agree with what Mary said.

Also I think this... You stated what was going on. You wanted friends to back you up.

Friends will tell you what they think. Friends will tell you if they feel maybe you should seek another alternative.

A friend doesn't just agree with everything you say.

I don't think anyone on here is out to get you or is not "friendly" or isn't looking at what your best interests may be.

They're looking at the situation, telling you what they would do, in that situation, in all honesty. They aren't say YOU have to do it. They're saying maybe you can do this... here is another option.

That, right there, is friendship.

Very well said jenn.

Nicole you posted in August trying to find a foster home for Luca and you were told by friends that it would be better to rehome him then as older pets are harder to rehome. You got upset with that. 3 months later you are back looking for a home for him. You have to admit that you change your mind so often that it gets hard to follow the drama each time. You needed a home for Luca but went out and bought kittens..now the kittens are too much..etc etc. It's only been 3 mos since you were taking holidays, enjoying yourself and supposed to be moving to Canada, but you say you have been agonizing over the decision for months. It is very hard to know where you're at from one minute to the next.

I just said that as an animal lover and owner I feel my animals are as important as my kids and I would never give them up . Also you said all your therapists approved of the animals, now you say different. Isn't getting rid of the animals teaching kids that pets are a disposable item when the going gets rough?

[NicoleLJ]

Your so right Shep becuase you were there when he beat the living hell out of me in August. I had no idea before we moved that this would all happened. And by the way as you know I have always lived in Canada. You know everything about my life don't you because you don't hve one of your own.

You want to know what I have been doing all morning? hmmmm. My sweet and wonderful husband who was supose to be in jail till tuesday is now out today. He had the police pick up his stuff. First he wanted to come with them. NOT. SO I am dealing with just a TAD bit of stress.

If you love my life so much and know it so well then why don't you come live it for me because right now I am so at the end of my rope you have not idea,

[Husky_mom]

I´m sorry you are going through all of this... and I do get your point... it´s really hard having less ins than outs (of money/expenses)... and more hard to think that you still have to provide for all involved...

In my position i too would say I wouldn´t rehome.. but I just don´t know.. if I were in the same situation I would still consider... maybe not if I had a nice paying job and we struggled.... but it I were drowning that´s another story...

things add up, and not knowing all the facts can be hard to understand, because it might not be what you´d do (not directed to anyone specifically) but it it what she NEEDS to do... not what the wants or likes... she has come to the conclusion she needs this done otherwise as I get it she´ll get caught in an avalanche of problems, struggles for $, evolving in struggles for food and medical care (human and furry)...

I´m sorry it has come to this... and I know it´s pretty hard on you... and be sure I won´t make it harder on you... if you need me I´m all support... I don´t need to know all the facts or be there every sec on your life and i don´t have to agree with you 100% (life is not all pink) but I´m here for you.... hang in there.. a way will come...

[shepgirl]

Your so right Shep becuase you were there when he beat the living hell out of me in August. I had no idea before we moved that this would all happened. And by the way as you know I have always lived in Canada. You know everything about my life don't you because you don't hve one of your own.

You want to know what I have been doing all morning? hmmmm. My sweet and wonderful husband who was supose to be in jail till tuesday is now out today. He had the police pick up his stuff. First he wanted to come with them. NOT. SO I am dealing with just a TAD bit of stress.

If you love my life so much and know it so well then why don't you come live it for me because right now I am so at the end of my rope you have not idea,

Absolutely right, I was not there. But you knew and had posted about trouble brewing and I just wondered why add kittens to the menagerie when you already couldn't keep Luca.
Yes, you lived in Canada but posted you were moving to Ontario. It is hard to keep up with the posts when things change so drastically every day. You also posted about a wonderful holiday in August. Hard to know what is going on right?
No one condemmed you for giving up the pets, some of us are just more committed and don't see it the same way. Everyone feels differently about their animals. I for one couldn't give any up and I would never bring more home unless my lifestyle permitted it. I also would never breed and add to the stress when advised it was the wrong decision. Lots of your friends tried to tell you this. As they tried to tell you to rehome Luca when you wanted a boarding home for him.
Our lives are all different and so are our decisions. Some can give up pets, some feel they are family is all I'm saying. And I never do impulse buying for that reason.
I also have friends who go through violent breakups so the animals are what keeps them sane.

[Catty1]

Okay, so if Nicole did make mistakes in getting the kittens, for whatever reason - does anyone here have friends near western Canada who might take them?

I've had to clean up after my own mistakes, and it sometimes means cutting my losses in order to move on. I disagree that there are people who "can give up their pets" and those who are committed. That is too black-and-white. There are many shades of grey in such a huge and heartbreaking decision.

When people have help to look at the mistakes, and find they HAVE to cut losses, not that they want to or are any less committed, they deserve help and support (which many here have given), and offers if possible.

[Medusa]

(life is not all pink)

I really like that. Simple and to the point. Care if I use it? :)

[buttercup132]

Where in Canada are you?

[Emeraldgreen]

I'm sorry that all this is happening. It is an awful lot to sort through for one person and I hope that you will find the strength to come through it.
I don't know the history behind the cats or the dogs but I gather that some new additions are now too much to financially handle.
My thought is that if everyone in your family can be given the chance to live the best possible life, then it is the best outcome to seek out. If you are stressed and upset around the animals (as I'm sure many of us would/could be under similar circumstances) and the animals are living a life that is not complete or healthy (emotionally/physically due to your stress or lack of vet care when needed or even food) and if you think this won't change anytime soon then maybe it is better for everyone involved if one or two have new homes, new futures.
I can only imagine how heart breaking it would be to have to give up a pet, I've never done it and I pray that I never have to face a decision like that. But I do know that if I could find a home for a much loved pet, where I could be sure they would be safe and loved and have much a better life than they would with me and a home that would give me updates and perhaps let me see them down the road to be sure they are safe, then it might be the way to go.
If it means that your life, the life of your kids and the life of the animals, the ones rehomed and the ones that stay, will be better, then I see how this could make sense.
Of course, no one can know for sure if a new home will be better and safe and that is what is difficult. If the cat/s are of a special breed, maybe they could go to a breed rescue org that would hopefully ensure that they go to the right home.
It's hard because like so many others have said, I don't know if I could give my pets up, they are the world to me but if my world was falling apart all around me, I don't know what my decisions would be. If I lived in a home that I couldn't afford and I couldn't find other lodgings because I had too many pets and I became 'stuck' in a place where my ex could potentially come and cause me, my family and my pets harm, then a change may be what is needed for quality of life for everyone, including the 4 legged ones.

The only other thing that seems like a solution would be to find housing that would accept the number of pets you have with a lower rent. Maybe that is close to impossible to find but it 'could' be out there. I will pray that if there is such a place, that it somehow crosses your path so you can find a way out of this situation. And that you and your kids and all your pets will always be safe and protected, no matter what your decision. Hang in there. Everyone who has posted cares what happens and we all have our thoughts on how we would approach the situation but it seems evident that everyone who has posted is hoping for a good outcome.

[shepgirl]

I really like that. Simple and to the point. Care if I use it? :)

I think that is the nicest way to put it husky girl. I think I'll use that too.

Lots of people on a forum and I'm sure every one of us have our own demons to fight off...no one has the perfect life (I wish).

[NicoleLJ]

So I can understand that everyone has differing opionins till they have walked in the others shoes but can i at least have an apology for what was said about my therapist. She is a wonderful caring woman who works only with domestic violence cases. And I can call her at almost any time I need too. Your comments(esspecially Shepgirls) were unwarrented even if it was a misunderstanding.
I await your responds
Nicole

[NicoleLJ]

Buttercup I am in Alberta

[jennielynn1970]

No one said anything nasty about your therapist. Why would anyone have to apologize about her??

You posted, you got upset when opinions were stated, even when most were nice (I said most), and now you want more drama. Why??


That being said.....

I hope you find a good home for Luka, and for the kitties. I wish you all the luck with getting a place and hopefully landing back on your feet to care for your kids. I don't think anyone would wish you differently.

Just let it rest, unless you want the drama.

[NicoleLJ]

Shep girl Wrote "You're absolutely right Cataholic - no therapist, psychologist or counsellor would ever consider telling someone that. On the contrary, they would encourage you to keep their animals when they brought comfort and stability in someone's life. If I ever took this action I would be as sleepless as you for the rest of my life."

"But meanwhile, no one in a medical profession tells a patient this unless for physical ailments such as rashes , allergies, which a person would be smart enough to know if owning the first animal."



Jenn_Librarian wrote:
"I would never "get rid" of any of my animals based on a therapist or doctor recommendation. And it was recommended. Not happening. I've got a limited income at this point, but I'll deal. But, that being said, is my choice. My choice wouldn't necessarily be your choice or Nicole's choice, or anyone else's choice. Everyone's position is different."



As you have all since realized it was not recomemded. I came to the conclusion myself with the help of my therapist in several sesions. This is why I what an apology. Not drama. Why is asking for an apology for my friend and therapist, which is warrented, considered drama, yet the cruel things that shepgirl has stated all twisted by the way has not been. Interesting.

[jennielynn1970]

oh who cares what she said. if you don't like it, block her or don't read her stuff.

I said I made the decision for myself. My doctor (allergist) recommended me getting rid of the cats. My therapist said "go and volunteer some more"... I do that and I'll have more cats. SO.... you have to take things with a grain of salt. I decided to volunteer with the elderly. More than likely I can't adopt one of them and take them home with me, lol!

I didn't mean anything untoward about your therapist. You do what is right for you. You said you were making that decision for yourself.

I just don't get all the drama you want to keep bringing up.


and here I am feeding into it. Sigh.

[Catty1]

Since Karen and Paul can't be everywhere at once, it is best to contact them by PM - or to click the little red-lined triangle with the red exclamation mark beside every post which enables you to report an inappropriate post.

[sumbirdy]

In my opinion, if a pet can no longer be cared for then that pet is better off rehomed, living somewhere where it CAN be cared for. Why, I wonder, would ANYONE choose to keep a pet if they were in this situation? It's selfish, all you would be doing is hurting your pet. I believe Nicole loves her pets so much that she's realized that they are better off with someone else.

I love my dogs so much and I wouldn't be able to look into their eyes knowing they were hungry, because I was selfish and chose to keep them despite not being able to afford it. Sure, I would try my best, but sometimes someone's best just isn't good enough, especially when you have 3 young children who come first. I'm sure this decision is heartbreaking for her, and that she's exhausted every other option, but this is the only one that will work.

So instead of bashing her and trying to tell her what her life is like and throwing her mistakes in her face at this difficult time (that one's mostly to you shepgirl) why not just say "I wouldn't do that, but I hope this is the best decision in your circumstances, so your pets will get the proper care they deserve."

Nicole, I know this is heartbreaking for you, you are doing all you can do. Maybe you can find a home where you can visit them often. :)

[Cataholic]

Why is asking for an apology for my friend and therapist, which is warrented, considered drama, yet the cruel things that shepgirl has stated all twisted by the way has not been. Interesting.

Your FRIEND???
Your therapist is your FRIEND???
:eek:

[NicoleLJ]

Yes I consider her a trusted friend and condidant, SOmeone I can tell everything too and can help me in my darkest times. She laughs with me and cries with me.

DO I see her outside of the office? No. Does that mean she is not a friend? No. I consider my doctor my friend too. IS that shocking also. What about my psychologist? Should he not be allowed to be seen as a friend. I neever see them outside the office but that does not mean I can not build a trusting relationship that I could call a friendship with them.

[sparks19]

I'm sorry you are going through this NicoleJ

I'll tell ya what. if it came down to feeding my child and keeping a roof over her head or keeping the dogs... Beezer and Belle would be off to new homes. No one has to like it or agree but Hannah comes first... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. Doesn't mean that I don't love Beezer and Belle but would it really be fair to them to be in a home that couldn't provide basic vet care let alone if an emergency happened or might not be able to feed them all day.

I would hope that never in my life will I have to make a decision like that... but I can say with all certainty that if it came down to it and I couldn't afford to feed my children and my dogs... the dogs would be gone. I love them but my loyalties HAVE to lie with my daughter.

ETA: I just read sumbirdy's post... and I couldn't agree more.

[Cataholic]

I'll tell ya what. if it came down to feeding my child and keeping a roof over her head or keeping the dogs... Beezer and Belle would be off to new homes. No one has to like it or agree but Hannah comes first... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. Doesn't mean that I don't love Beezer and Belle but would it really be fair to them to be in a home that couldn't provide basic vet care let alone if an emergency happened or might not be able to feed them all day.

I would hope that never in my life will I have to make a decision like that... but I can say with all certainty that if it came down to it and I couldn't afford to feed my children and my dogs... the dogs would be gone. I love them but my loyalties HAVE to lie with my daughter.

.

I have heard this statment before....or, a variation on it..kids first, humans first, etc. I guess I don't see it so black and white (despite the black and whites living in my home). To me, this argument is akin to who would you save first, your husband or your child, or child A or child B. Certainly, we could all agree that you would do whatever you could to save them all, right?

I think that is what the majority of the people here in this thread are saying, they would save both. Perhaps life is so fragile for the OP that saving the animals is simply not an option. I don't know where her kids are, and if they, too, are taken into the equation (as with the numbers she posted, I can't see feeding one adult on that budget, let alone 3 children). So much is not known. But, and that is a but for me....I couldn't do it. Does that mean I am a rotten, horrible parent? Maybe! LOL, I do sometimes forget to feed Jonah lunch if he doesn't say, "I am hungry"....(well, I did do that twice anyhow)...but, to me, my heart doesn't recognize the levels of love that others are able to articulate.

If it were a matter of feeding my child or my pets, I would go hungry, and I would scrounge, scavenge, mooch, whatever so that the 7 of them are fed. If kids/parents can live on mac and cheese or beans and rice for a month, then, my pets could do with something less, too.

[sparks19]

I have heard this statment before....or, a variation on it..kids first, humans first, etc. I guess I don't see it so black and white (despite the black and whites living in my home). To me, this argument is akin to who would you save first, your husband or your child, or child A or child B. Certainly, we could all agree that you would do whatever you could to save them all, right?

I think that is what the majority of the people here in this thread are saying, they would save both. Perhaps life is so fragile for the OP that saving the animals is simply not an option. I don't know where her kids are, and if they, too, are taken into the equation (as with the numbers she posted, I can't see feeding one adult on that budget, let alone 3 children). So much is not known. But, and that is a but for me....I couldn't do it. Does that mean I am a rotten, horrible parent? Maybe! LOL, I do sometimes forget to feed Jonah lunch if he doesn't say, "I am hungry"....(well, I did do that twice anyhow)...but, to me, my heart doesn't recognize the levels of love that others are able to articulate.

If it were a matter of feeding my child or my pets, I would go hungry, and I would scrounge, scavenge, mooch, whatever so that the 7 of them are fed. If kids/parents can live on mac and cheese or beans and rice for a month, then, my pets could do with something less, too.


I agree that everything in your power should be done to keep your pets... but sometimes life doesn't always give you the option for BOTH. things happen and I know it's hard to imagine life getting so dark that this would really need to be considered but sometimes it happens.

I don't know the in's and out's of what is going on with Nicole or her kids or her pets.

I can only speak for myself... and IF it REALLY came down to it I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Hannah would come FIRST. It's not ideal, it's not a decision I would ever like to have to make, it's not something I would wish on my very worst enemy. But if it came down to it... REALLY came down to the bare essentials of keeping food in her belly and a roof over her head OR feeding the dogs... I have to choose hannah. It would break my heart to get rid of the dogs, it really would and it shoudln't ever be an easy thing to do... but Hannah comes first... period. I would do whatever I could to "save both" but sometimes life doesn't give you that option.

[shepgirl]

Sumbirdy please don't judge me by the drama you read here. There might be something you are not aware of. I said nothing that I should apologize for so don't say I am bashing Nicole. She asked our point of view and mine is that I could never give up my animals as they are as important as the rest of my family. When I make a commitment to a pet it's for it's life, plain and simple. I don't buy on impulse and I don't act on impulse. do your homework before dragging me down in this drama.
Don't forget we are the masters of our own destiny. If we can't make the right decisions then we shouldn't cast blame on others.
And be aware that evryone on this forum has problems that they are trying to solve. No one lives the perfect life Just because we don't dramatize our situation doesn't mean we are problem free.

[NicoleLJ]

WOW I wish I had your power of percetion. I wish I knew when I married my husband that my life was going to turn out this way. I wish I could predicted my own future like you can. You sound like you make no mistakes and you can see the future.

Sorry but what has happened the past while has not been my fault entirely. THanks to my therapy I know that. In fact very little of it is my fault so no matter how you try to make me look I am doing nothing wrong accept trying to put myself in a better potion to care for myself, my children and the few pets I can keep. I am being responsible when the one othre adult in this relation ship was not. I chose life over death. Thank you. I chose to walk away from his beatings and chose to no longer be his victim. I am being responsible. So you can have what ever opinion you want and you may have chosen to stay in the relationship for the money to keep the pets. I didn't. My kids and I deserve better.

[pomtzu]

I really think everyone needs to chill out, and probably back out too. I know Nicole was looking for direction when she posted here, but it seems with all the difference of opinion, finger pointing, and bickering that is going on, that this is making a bad situation even worse, and making a fragile person even more fragile. It's just adding fuel to the fire. I'd hate to think that something that was said here, could possibly lead to a tragic outcome.

[Catty1]

As they say in the airlines: "Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others."

Hugs, all.

[sasvermont]

SO sadly I am selling the cats, my dream cats. It is ripping my heart out that I am being made to make this decision. And I went back and forth on whtether to sell Luca or Ajax. I have finaly settled on selling Luca.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[NicoleLJ]

Yes selling. Have you ever heard of bills. Well lets see with everything my husband has racked up plus my 1450 in rent every month, plus utilities plus telephone and so on and I would like food in the house and as you can see I have the bare minimum and this is after going to a food bank:

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h264/NicoleLJ_2003/001-1.jpg

If you can do better on 1088 a month and all the bills, rent and so on that I was suddenly left with I would like to see you try. IN fact I would love to have you show me how. In fact if you can get me a great house to stay in that will take all the animals and kids and still be able to pay the bills and so on I will kiss you.
Nicole

[Karen]

Hey, relax, concentrate on getting yourself in a better place, okay? Focus your energies toward that, and not worrying about what others may think or post. Focus on the positive, and don't forget to tell the kitties' and Lukas' new homes about Pet Talk! We know you will look for the right kind of home for them, where they will be just as loved and cared for.

[jennielynn1970]

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h264/NicoleLJ_2003/001-1.jpg

Did you sneak in and take a pic of my fridge?! It looks just like mine does, except for the celery, I hate celery!!

[NicoleLJ]

Since my fridge has basically been this way since the end of August I do not find your statement funny. No one should have to live on nothing like this. Many days I go without eating at all because there is nothing. I know there are others who do too. THat is not right for anyone living in this country.

[jennielynn1970]

Since my fridge has basically been this way since the end of August I do not find your statement funny. No one should have to live on nothing like this. Many days I go without eating at all because there is nothing. I know there are others who do too. THat is not right for anyone living in this country.

It wasn't being sarcastic, or funny ha ha... it was more of a holy crap, my fridge looks the same way.

I've had NO paycheck for 1 1/2 months, so you don't need to lecture me about lack of food and money. There are others out there going through the same thing with lack of funding and all that, and no, it's not right for others to be going through it, but there are. Many others.

[shepgirl]

It wasn't being sarcastic, or funny ha ha... it was more of a holy crap, my fridge looks the same way.

I've had NO paycheck for 1 1/2 months, so you don't need to lecture me about lack of food and money. There are others out there going through the same thing with lack of funding and all that, and no, it's not right for others to be going through it, but there are. Many others.


LOL...I've seem some fridges with much less in them...I think you forgot to take out the eggs Nicole. If you've had those since August I don't think they are any more good.
Could we please put this to rest...enough with the drama. This is like a deja vue.

[caseysmom]

LOL...I've seem some fridges with much less in them...I think you forgot to take out the eggs Nicole. If you've had those since August I don't think they are any more good.
Could we please put this to rest...enough with the drama. This is like a deja vue.

You could stop reading? Just a thought.

[shepgirl]

I usually read all posts...if they are printed they are there for people to read. This is an open forum I think.

[Catty1]

And I am sick of YOURS, shepgirl. Read all you want, but please SHUT UP now.

[caseysmom]

And I am sick of YOURS, shepgirl. Read all you want, but please SHUT UP now.

Thank you, it needed to be said.

[caseysmom]

I usually read all posts...if they are printed they are there for people to read. This is an open forum I think.

I need to start quoting you since you keep changing what you are saying.

[shepgirl]

Catty1 I wasn't addressing you. If you don't like what I post you are free to put me on ignore. Please stop playing crusader and stop speaking for others. Is this not an open forum?
:(
Please remember that everyone has their fair share of problems even if we choose to keep them private.
You have been on my back because I decided to change my mind about fostering Luca for a year - as I told you then...my reasons were obvious so let it go and stop arbitrating.
We all have our opinions , this is what a forum is I think.

[NicoleLJ]

I think what I will do is keep what is going on between me and my friends. So those who can be a support to me in this hard time please pm me. Give me a few minutes to change my pm status. I have learned my lesson here. No offence meant to anyone but I am not in a mental state of mind with all I am dealing with to be called the things that Shepgirl has called me and accused me of. SO I am bowing out of this thread. Thanks for those who were of support.
Nicole

[caseysmom]

I hope you find peace Nicole.

I haven't felt the need to use my ignore option here for years until today.