Starting Over

[NicoleLJ]

I know I have not been on much. And I know my mood has been up and down when I have been on and I apologize for that. What people donèt know is that I have been living in a life of domestic violience for the past 6 years and I am finally admitting it to myself and trying to come to terms with it and get help. My husband has been charged twice and has been to jail for 2 weeks and is going back today for breaking probation.

I worked so hard on hiding what was going on. I wanted everyone to think everyone to think everything was fine so no one looked badly on me or my family or kids. Now I see that all I did was enable him to continue to do what he was doing to me.

Now I have to start over and it is terrifying. Not the fact of being without him, that part is peaceful. The part that is terrifying is knowing that I now have to be a single parent to 3 kids, be responsible for everything myself. I can do it. But I am terrified about doing it.

Now you all know my terrible secret. I will understand now if you will continue to ignore me. I just could not hold it in any longer.

[Husky_mom]

I´ve never ignored you nor I ever will... I´m sorry for what you went through... and not being "able" to get it out of your chest... glady you did now... changes are terrifying and even more a change like this... but it really was for the best.. you do not deserved any of that....

please know you have a shoulder in me to lean on....

[Karen]

Be sure to work with social services, and get all the support you need. Do not be afraid to ask them for help - your situation is what they are there for. Congratulations on deciding to end the cycle, now concentrate on getting yourself and your kids to a better place mentally and physically.

[pomtzu]

Now you all know my terrible secret. I will understand now if you will continue to ignore me. I just could not hold it in any longer.

OMG - why would you possibly think that anyone here at PT would ignore you? YOU have done nothing wrong - unless trying to keep your family together is considered wrong. Now that you've made the decision to break from this relationship, please follow thru with it. Don't let your husband sweet talk you in to letting him back in to your life - it will only be more of the same - and one day he could seriously hurt you or the children - or worse!!! There are agencies everywhere that can help you with this transition - please seek them out and if family is available - seek their help also. Please be safe, and keep us posted. There's always someone here to talk to if you feel the need. Good luck - and please stay safe!!!

[NicoleLJ]

I am in domestic violience therapy and will be seeing a psychatrist in December. Plus I will be going to some domesic Volience Womens groups starting this month also. So I hope that helps too. Thanks so much for your support. THe hard part is when I am home with no one to talk to. THats where I hope I can turn to my internet friends. Which is why my therapist urgered me to open up about what was happening when I was ready.

[Karen]

As well as talking to us - you know we always like pictures of your dogs, are you keeping any kind of a journal, offline? That can be helpful, too, as "someone to talk to" when you have a quiet moment.

[Medusa]

I can't imagine that anyone would ignore you; I know that I surely won't. You're one brave woman to not only share what you've been through but to step up to the plate and admit that it's a scary ride going it alone when raising kids. You're already on the right track, going to counseling, etc., and believe it or not, it will get easier as time goes by. You'll probably make new friends and you can count on your PT family to pick up the slack. If ever you feel that you're alone, look at your kids, look into their eyes and you'll see what a team you are. Many prayers are going up for you and your precious children. :love:

[joycenalex]

((hugs)) for you. you are brave and no one with one drop of sense would look at you or your kids badly. you all haven't done one thing wrong. talk to us, we're here for and with you.

[Taz_Zoee]

Yeah, what everyone else said! I am one that will not be ignoring you. I look forward to seeing pictures of your dogs and cats.
I was watching It's Me Or The Dog the other day and I saw a white GSD and thought of you, Sheena and Ajax. :D :D

You can (and will) get through this rough time. Hang in there! :)

[Catty1]

Wow. You are a strong and brave woman, Nicole, to post that here. I am glad you felt ready and are getting a lot of help.

I am here for you too.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[ramanth]

*HUGS* for you and your kids. You are very brave to finally leave him and open up about it. I commend you. Best of luck in your new chapter of your life. :love: :)

[Alysser]

I am sorry to hear this has been happening but I'm glad you have the courage to leave. No one would ignore. Please stay strong for your children and pets!! (hugs)

[Daisy and Delilah]

Pet Talk is one of the best places in the world to come to for support. I would never ignore you and I hope nobody else would. I am so sorry you've been enduring such misery. I know what it's like.

Congratulations for coming forward with this terrible situation. You've made the first big step and it's a huge one. I agree with Ellie. Don't let your husband back into your life with sweet talk or anything else. You are a valuable person and you deserve alot better. No one deserves to be abused by another person. Physically or emotionally. I repeat, no one.

Best wishes for a brighter future. We're here for you, sweetie. You've got a whole community of caring, loving people here.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Let me add: Once you get out and talk to other ladies in the same situation, via support groups, etc, you'll feel better. It will give you a whole new outlook on life. Being alone can make you very vulnerable so stay strong. Think of the great life you have ahead for you, your children, and your pets.

[anna_66]

Nicole, you have my support. And I for one would never ignore you.

Not many women have the guts to get out of a bad situation like that and I commend you for it.
The road ahead will be long and hard, but you have many friends here you can turn to.

(((HUGS)))
Anna

[DJFyrewolf36]

*HUG* breaking the cycle is the first step (and the most important I think). If talking about your situation helps, by all means talk! No one will look badly on you for being human :).

[sumbirdy]

Although I don't know you very well, I just had to comment and let you know you have my support.

You are very brave for talking about it. You did the best thing for you and your children.

You should not feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. And no one here will ignore you, more than likely they will gather closer to you, listen even more intently to what you have to say, and be there for you every step of the way. I wish you and your children (and animals!) the best. :love:

[shais_mom]

big hugs to you and
good luck with everything.

[gini]

You certainly have my support as well. Please - when you are down or going through a difficult patch - come here - you cannot imagine the help that all of us can be for you as well as solid support.

If you don't mind - I would like to suggest that we get the Prayer Pawtrol moving on your situation and send up lots and lots of prayers to ease your steps each day. Take it a minute at a time..........stop and take some deep breaths.

You are beyond brave - and each of us admire you so much for what you are doing for yourself and your children. Please stay strong for yourself and your children.

I am so glad that you are getting help because that will prevent you from ever taking him back. You deserve the best and so do your children.

[blue]

Its not a terrible secret, its a story you need to tell far and wide and not be ashamed of it. Your story of getting away from an abuser will give strength and hope to many others.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Won't ignore you babe. In fact I applaud you for being so brave!! Good luck to you sweetheart :love:

[Ginger's Mom]

Good for you, Nicole. This is probably one of the best posts you have ever made. I admire you for stepping forward and taking control of your life once again. You and your children will benefit from it. I am sending out prayers and strength that you can have a successful new start.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

I am so sorry to read this, Nicole.:( I am sure that Pet Talk will give you all of the support you need.:) We are here for you, Nicole. Prayers and {{{{hugs}}}}:love:

[Donnaj4962]

I don't know you very well, just through your posts, but I want to say..... Congratulations on making the decision to post what has been happening to you.


I was in an abusive marriage (mental and verbal) and finally ended it. While we never had children, starting over all by myself was hard. I found comfort in my friends and family, and my counselor helped me to realize that I wasn't the one at fault! Please, if I can make a suggestion, make certain your children get some counseling, as they are affected by this also. I applaud you for your bravery, and you know that all of us here want to help if we can.

Sending you many (((hugs))).

[Medusa]

I read this today and felt that perhaps you might find comfort in it: "Wisdom is knowing that all is well in the midst of a storm. And as our faith grows, as we trust more that there is a power greater than ourselves which will see us through, we can relax, secure that a better time awaits us. The pain of the present will open the way to the security of the future. We can know that this too shall pass".

If you believe that it's going to be a long, hard road, just think about how hard it would be if you stayed in that abusive relationship. After the initial fear leaves you, you'll never look back, Nicole. :)

[M&M's Mommy]

You have my shoulders, thoughts & prayers..

May God and the supports of all those who love you (that includes ALL of us) be your strenght and comforts as you're going through this huge change in your life.

[NicoleLJ]

Thanks all. Waking up to read these messages was such a perfect start to the day. Really strengthen my resolve. I am so glad I have made the choice to come forward that I did. Thank you all for your wonderful words of support.

[cyber-sibes]

I applaud your decision - no one deserves to be beaten, and no one needs to stay in a violent relationship. Abusers are very good at setting traps, thank God he's in jail and hopefully you won't ever have to let him into your house again.

You've done what you have to to survive. You did it for you & your kids. Bravo! Will keep you in my prayers.

[Emeraldgreen]

That is a huge step and so brave. You are not only taking your future into your own hands but that of your children and even your pets. You are being an awesome parent and protecting them in the way that they deserve.
I can only imagine that it will be a bit scary but I hope that it will be less so than some of the abuse you have endured in the past.
You have my support too and I hope that you will find strength each day to carry on and that it will all fall into place for you. Take care. :)

[4 Dog Mother]

You are very brave not only telling us this but working to get out of this situation. There is so much information out there on abuse than there ever was and it is much easier to understand how it begins and why it continues. Again it is very brave for you to get out and start over as scary as that is. You can always turn to us - none of us wants to see anyone continuing in an abusive situation and everyone needs a safe place to talk. I hope we all will allow that to be here for you and you will use it as such. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. Diana

[lizbud]

Good for you, Nicole. This is probably one of the best posts you have ever made. I admire you for stepping forward and taking control of your life once again. You and your children will benefit from it. I am sending out prayers and strength that you can have a successful new start.


I agree 100%. Congrats on seeing that you & your children are worth
fighting for. There is a better way to live & you deserve it. Best of luck
in starting on a new path.:)

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Oh gosh Nicole...., I admire you for being so brave!! There is NOTHING for you to be ashamed for! The one person who should is your husband only!!
Hey, if you need someone to talk too, you may always contact me on MSN!! I will send you my msn-name if you like!!

:love:hugs for you & the kids!!:love:

[carole]

I am so glad you found the courage to speak out here, you are among friends, never doubt that, and remember it is NOT YOUR FAULT in anyway, you did not ask for it.

It is really scarey, the next stage of your life is filled with what if's,but think of the harmony ahead, times will be tough no doubt, and it will be filled with challenges ahead, but i hope with lots of love from friends and family, and your internet buddy's you will be able to get through it all.

you have made a really good choice in your life, not to continue in an abusive relationship, for yourself and your children, one day they will thank you for it, it might not be for a while, but they will understand and appreciate what you have done for them.

No-one is going to tell you it is going to be easy,but if you weigh up the pros and cons, you will see you are now on the winning side.

I am so sorry you have had to endure this, and felt it had to be your secret, there is no shame on your part, only his,you are a brave young woman and i appauld you for coming here and opening up to us all.

Take care and feel free to pm me anytime, always here to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. HUGS.:):love:

[emily_the_spoiled]

Unfortunately there are too many people in your situation that are never as brave as you and continue to stay in the relationship. You made the right decision for you, the kids, and the pets.

As Carole said, there will be hard times, but there will also be wonderful times and you will have happiness again in the future. Do not ever think that you can not share with people, you might be surprised to find that you can help others in the same situation just by showing what is possible.

[Cataholic]

Everyone has really said it all, but, I wanted to add my support and prayers to you, your children and your pets! It must be scary, but, please remember, it will also be safer.

[KYS]

Sending you lots of kudos.
It took a lot of courage to make the best decision for you and your children.
(((Hugs)))

[K9karen]

Count me in for support! I also admire you so much for baring your soul to us! I know it wasn't easy.

My first thought was the the wonderful job you've done with your dogs. That takes a lot of confidence and strength (if that's the right word) Having said this, I have no doubt that you will survive (*sings "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor*) and that your children will be the better for it too.

I hope you will continue to count on us, your family, for support. You may not have met any of us, but once you're on PT, we don't let you get away easily.

Sending you {HUGS} and :love:

[NicoleLJ]

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and your words of strength. Right now I am working hard on trying to get a handle on selling AVON. Donèt know if it will work. But it is something I can do from home and still get my AISH too. I know I canèt pay all my bills and take care of my kids on just my Aish. So I have to do something else besides. And Aish allows for each person to earn an extra 1500 before they start deducting from their benifits.

My main concern right now is my therapy and then making sure I have enough income to support me and the kids. Everything else will have to fall by the way side for now.

[jennielynn1970]

Do they have child support up there? I mean, if your husband is working, and you have custody of the kids, then you should be getting support $$ from him. Look into every avenue that you can. If not from him, then maybe you can get more money from the govt. since you've lost income to the household and have the kids and yourself to take care of, and you're disabled. The worst they can say is "No." as my mother always told me, but you can always hope to get a "Yes! We can help" out of someone!

Good luck!

[Zippy]

I am so sorry to hear this.I can't imgiane anyone would igorne you.You are a valued member of PT.You are a very brave person to stand up because some people never do.I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[joycenalex]

nicole, if we order avon on line, can we name you as our rep?

[NicoleLJ]

I have no idea but I am going to find out and get back to you. Give me a couple of hours to talk to my reps and I will let you know. What an awsome idea. Thanks. I hope it works.

[Catty1]

Hey Nicole - if it works out with your reps, then post a notice in Marketplace, and then post a link to it in here. :)

Hope it works out great for you!

[carole]

Good luck with your Avon sales, i too was once an Avon rep, many years back now when i was raising my son as a single parent,one bit of advice, i hope you have more self control than me, i usually ended up spending quite a bit of my earnings back on Avon,even though as a rep we got good bargains, i just could not resist them lol.

I still buy Avon products today, and find most of them great,they have a good reputation for being a good product at a good price, so all the best, I am sure you will be wonderful.

[NicoleLJ]

Sorry Joy but I have to keep it within the province I am in. Good thought though. So for anyone in Alberta I can be their rep but not for anyone else.
Nicole

[joycenalex]

BUMMER!!!:( i'm underwhelmed by the local rep at work...so can you share this info with your Alberta email friends?

[Catty1]

Maybe I could take orders and "buy" them and ship them....might be a little awkward and slower than usual though.

PM me and I will send you the link to the brochure/catalog. Prices will be in CDN.

That'll teach lazy reps to smarten up! ;)

[NicoleLJ]

A very kind soul is donating me a Christmas tree and my kids and I will decorate it the last weekend in November. I am so excited, I am hoping that I make enough sales in Avon to get Christmas presents. But either way I am already seeing the spirit of Christmas. I canèt believe someone is donating me a tree, People are so wonderful.