turner
09-12-2002, 09:03 AM
I found these on a website and thought they were cute! Just wanted to share them with all of you!!! The first one is me all the way!!! SORRY ITS SOOO LONG!!
Rottweiler Humor
THE DOG RULES!
Dogs are never permitted in the house.
The dog stays out side in the specially built wooden compartment named for a very good reason, the dog house.
Ok, the dog can enter the house but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.
Ok, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis provided his doghouse could be sold in a garage sale to a rookie dog owner.
Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable, but secure cage.
Ok, the cage becomes part of a "two for one" deal in the garage sale and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.
The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
Ok, the dog can get up on the old furniture, but not the new furniture.
Ok, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works, and buy new furniture on which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
Ok, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed only.
Ok, the dog can sleep along side you, but he is not allowed under the covers.
Ok, the dog can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on your pillow.
Ok, the dog can sleep along side you, under the covers with his head on your pillow, but if he snores, he's got to leave the room.
Ok, the dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in your bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where you're now sleeping. That's just not fair.
The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaires as "primary resident" even if it's true.
Remember, in any and all house-hold interactions or disputes -- the dog rules !
Poem for a New Puppy Owner
Don't smell crotches, Don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.
Don't eat my socks, Don't grab my hair...
DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR!
Don't eat those peas!
Don't touch that bush!
Don't chew my shoes...
What IS that mush? Eat your cookie,
Drink your drink, Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!
AWAY FROM THE CAT BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT!
(And MUST you kiss me after that???)
Yes, raising a puppy, Is not for the lazy!
Though puppies are funny, They're also crazy.
But don't despair, Though toil and strife.
After 3 years, you'll get back your life!
So, let's go for "walkies", You can "do your thing"
(And perhaps I'll get back my DIAMOND RING!)
............submitted by Debbie Charneski
Rottweiler Property Laws
If I like it, IT'S MINE
If it's in my mouth, IT'S MINE
If I can take it from you, IT'S MINE
If I had it a little while ago, IT'S MINE
If it is mine it must never appear to be yours in any way
If I'm chewing something all the pieces ARE MINE
If it looks just like mine, IT'S MINE
If I saw it first, IT'S MINE
If you are playing with some thing and you put it down, it automatically becomes MINE
If it is broken, IT'S YOURS
Rottweiler Humor
THE DOG RULES!
Dogs are never permitted in the house.
The dog stays out side in the specially built wooden compartment named for a very good reason, the dog house.
Ok, the dog can enter the house but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.
Ok, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis provided his doghouse could be sold in a garage sale to a rookie dog owner.
Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable, but secure cage.
Ok, the cage becomes part of a "two for one" deal in the garage sale and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.
The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
Ok, the dog can get up on the old furniture, but not the new furniture.
Ok, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works, and buy new furniture on which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
Ok, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed only.
Ok, the dog can sleep along side you, but he is not allowed under the covers.
Ok, the dog can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on your pillow.
Ok, the dog can sleep along side you, under the covers with his head on your pillow, but if he snores, he's got to leave the room.
Ok, the dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in your bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where you're now sleeping. That's just not fair.
The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaires as "primary resident" even if it's true.
Remember, in any and all house-hold interactions or disputes -- the dog rules !
Poem for a New Puppy Owner
Don't smell crotches, Don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.
Don't eat my socks, Don't grab my hair...
DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR!
Don't eat those peas!
Don't touch that bush!
Don't chew my shoes...
What IS that mush? Eat your cookie,
Drink your drink, Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!
AWAY FROM THE CAT BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT!
(And MUST you kiss me after that???)
Yes, raising a puppy, Is not for the lazy!
Though puppies are funny, They're also crazy.
But don't despair, Though toil and strife.
After 3 years, you'll get back your life!
So, let's go for "walkies", You can "do your thing"
(And perhaps I'll get back my DIAMOND RING!)
............submitted by Debbie Charneski
Rottweiler Property Laws
If I like it, IT'S MINE
If it's in my mouth, IT'S MINE
If I can take it from you, IT'S MINE
If I had it a little while ago, IT'S MINE
If it is mine it must never appear to be yours in any way
If I'm chewing something all the pieces ARE MINE
If it looks just like mine, IT'S MINE
If I saw it first, IT'S MINE
If you are playing with some thing and you put it down, it automatically becomes MINE
If it is broken, IT'S YOURS