I don't get angry often, but today! UPDATE! I FOUND A PLACE!

[Donnaj4962]

I AM SO FRIGGING MAD! I don't get this way all that often. I can usually take things in stride. But today I am at the end of my rope! Let me apologize NOW for this long rant. I need to know what you would do if in my situation.

To start, about this time last year, a "friend" of mine started literally begging me to move in with her and share the expenses in her home. I finally relented, thinking that I would be able to save some money (finally). I moved in Thankssgiving weekend and she then decided to move in with her boyfriend after only a couple of weeks. This is what she had been wanting all along, she was just waiting for it to happen! So once I had been here for only about 4 months, her BOYFRIEND comes to me and tells me that she needs me to pay $100.00 more per month! I told him that my "lease" was with her, and that I would prefer to discuss this with her. (I have known for a while that he is very money hungry and she will go along with whatever he says!) Well, after some negotiations, I started paying a little more per month. She was rarely around, and when she was, everything seemed fine. Until June, when I asked for some stools back that she had borrowed. She told me she would get them to me: "I think I know where they are". So, 2 weeks later, she and he show up UNANNOUNCED and start wandering through the house. I was on the phone when they arrived and chose not to end my conversation since I thought they had just stopped in to look around. (She and I are technically "roomates" and so they can come in unannounced.) Well, when I asked about my stools, I am told, BY HIM :eek:that one had broken. I wasn't concerned about that. They were cheap to start with. So I said that was okay, they could just bring back the other one. I was then told that he HAD THROWN IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!! What the???? :mad::mad: So instead of saying something that I would regret later, I moved into the other room and continued with my phone conversation. They left without saying a word! But a few minutes later, my home phone rings and it is HIM screaming at me and calling me names that I won't say on here! He didn't like my attitude! I said that I had loaned the stools to her and that I would like to discuss this with her. He hung up. She has refued to talk with me about it! I have left her several voice mails, asking her to call me, but she won't. One day she was at the house while I was here and when I asked if we could talk about it she said she is too busy. I asked to schedule a time. She said she would come over at 8 the next morning (she works nights and gets off at 7; I have to be at work at 8 am!)

So, NOW, she three weeks ago, she leaves me a voice mail (at home) in the middle of the day (she knew I would be working) and she tells me she is putting the house on the market!!!!!!!!!! :eek:She couldn't even tell me in person, or ask me to call me so we could talk. So today.... I come home from work and she is showing the house! She has MY candles burning to make the house smell better! AND HE IS HERE! I cannot beleive that she had the audacity to show the place with out giving me some notice. After all, it is MY things that are in the house and I would have wanted to put some things away! So now I am going to have to try to talk to her again about my privacy and courtesy!

I am looking for a new place. It is hard to find a rentalk with what I can afford. But I look every day and am trying. I want out of here asap. The saddest part about this whole thing? I have lost a friend. :(

What would you do in my situation?

[sasvermont]

First of all, in my humble opinion, this lady is not a true friend. Friends don't treat each other this way.

If you have nothing in writing, lease/rental wise, you are screwed.

Lastly, I think she will have a hard time selling a house knowing what the market is in many parts of the country.

I would find a place to live, quickly, and leave the situation. I really would consider the "friendship" stressed beyond the normal...and write this off to being a bad lesson in life.

I am sorry your friend couldn't and wasn't more honest with you.:(

[kuhio98]

First of all, in my humble opinion, this lady is not a true friend. Friends don't treat each other this way.Yeppers! You need to re-evaluate what you call a friend. 'Cuz her definition of friendship is a one-way street. All coming her way.

Count yourself lucky to cross this one off your list instead of trying to make it something that it so obviously isn't.

Demand more from friends. (Like to be treated with dignity and respect). True friends will live up to your expectations -- yeah, sometimes they will let you down -- but not MOST of the time.

Ask yourself, "Would I ever treat a person this way?"

[Karen]

Find a copy of the lease, and read it to figure out what your rights are. She is not, as the others mentioned, a friend. She has been using you. I hope you find a better place to live. If you can figure out who the realtor is that is listing the house, talk to that person and let her/him know you live there and would like advance notice of any showings.

[catland]

Karen is right, start with the agreement.

then do the following.

Let her know first, then install a lock on your room.

Unless you both are working 7 days a week, find time to meet with her. Do it at her convenience.

Take pictures of all of your things so if something else is damaged you have evidence for small claims court.

If he ever calls again like that, do one of two things. Either hang up on him, or record the conversation (as always, be civil and say something like "my lawyer recommends that I record all phone calls between us now so I will be recording this call)".

then get the H**L out of that place!

[moosmom]

Great advice everyone. I can't give any other advice than what is already up there.

[lizbud]

I think that women is being incredibly stupid, but it's her life I guess. She
has lost a good friend in you through her own "love" blindness.

I have a dear friend who walked away from a house with 15yrs of equity
just to follow her "true love" to a small town away from Indy. Just heard
last week that the relationship has gone south after little more than one
year. People can be so dumb sometimes. I hope you can find a place of
your own soon. Best of luck with that.:)

[Laura's Babies]

My girlfriends use to have a saying "Boyfriends come and boyfriends go but your friends will be there forever".. One all the $$$ is gone, he will be history and she will be minus a good friend and her home.

What would I do.. I would be packing and getting out of there as soon as I could and cut of THAT money he is getting.

[jennielynn1970]

Wow. That woman is going to be a very unhappy person once her "love" is gone and so is her friend. Some people will sacrifice everything for a significan other, including friendships, and it's just sad.

If I were you, I'd be packing up and leaving. Pack things, and move them out to a storage facility, a friend's house, somewhere. Just get things packed and get them out. If she wants to "show" the house, let her show it without your amenities.

If you actually had a signed lease, there should have been something about privacy and what boundaries are. It sounds like she and her boyfriend don't know the meaning of boundaries and just do what they want, regardless of what the other party would like to be considered.

The fact that he is doing all the talking, and telling you what he wants you to do, is just showing what a control freak he really is. He's taking possession of her, and technically, her valuables and property. Wouldn't be surprised if he was abusive as well. He may not be, but behavior like that can lead to abuse, and sounds like she wouldn't know how to stick up for herself either, sadly.

I hope you move your things out quickly. I'd do it ASAP.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. How awful. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I also want to say that I'm amazed at how many of these terrible situations we hear about just on this board, not to mention everywhere else. What is wrong with people these days? Doesn't anybody have good judgement anymore? Why are so many people making friendships so disposable? Can we trust anybody and do we really know anybody at all? It really saddens me.:(

[Grace]

But a few minutes later, my home phone rings and it is HIM screaming at me and calling me names that I won't say on here! He didn't like my attitude! I said that I had loaned the stools to her and that I would like to discuss this with her. He hung up.

That's when I would have moved out - immediately!!

I'm sorry you're having all these problems. I would be worrying about my physical safety right about now.

[kitten645]

I'm willing to bet she can't sell the house and it ends up in foreclosure when your rent money disappears. Karma.
Get out of that toxic situation asap. Unfortunately because of all the foreclosures, rentals are in high demand and very over priced. Good luck yo you and the furkids.
Claudia

[Catty1]

File a statement with the police. Not to lay charges or anything, but just so they have something on record!

You might qualify for a shelter, short - term...do you know anyone who could foster your furkids?

HUGS and prayers going out!

[Catty1]

Here's some links to get you started, ok? :)

http://www.peoplewithpets.com/states/fortwayne.asp

http://www.places4rent.com/finder.asp?LOCID=2401

http://www.101apartments.com/for-rent/Indiana/Fort-Wayne.asp

http://www.rent.com/rentals/indiana/fort-wayne-and-vicinity/fort-wayne/

[Donnaj4962]

Thank you all for you wonderful advice, suggestions, and encouragement. I do have a rental/lease agreement with her. It is very generic, and all wording about "landlord/ tenant" has been changed to say "roomates". My best friend is an attorney, and she has told me that I have no "rights" with this agreement. So I am screw**".

I know that I have to get out ASAP, and I am working on that. Yes, the prices are high, since the owners know they can get it. However, I am seeing a place tonight that is above my price range but when I talked to the owner, he said that he would be willing to come down in price and we could talk tonight. So that is encouraging. There are over 5 colleges/universities in Fort Wayne, and I am finding that the owners of the apartments that have not been rented to the students are willing to negotiate the prices. So that is good.

I wish I could lock my bedroom door, but my kitties would go crazy locked in
there all day. I have shut the door in the past and they have torn up the room and Tabby (20 years old) decided to pee on the bed rather than use the litterbox. So, that won't work.

I am the most hurt, I think, because I would never treat a friend this way, and so I am shocked that someone would do this to me. And I know that she is being this way because she is influenced by him. And I am concerned that he is bullying her, maybe even being physically abisive. I know that the next time (if he does) that he talks to me in that way, I will be filing a restraining order against him. Believe me, I WANT to talk to her, but she won't even answer my calls, or return my voicemails. I will be paying her for September, and I am going to write her a note that we need to talk and I would like her to call me at her earliest convenience. I know that she is scared to talk to me because she knows what she is doing is inconsiderate and wrong. I am not going to tell her that, because she knows it already. I simply want to ask her for the courtesy to give me 24 hours notice before showing the house. Besides, why would she want me walking in when she is showing it? I mean that just seems odd. By the way, the house is "for sale by owner" AND priced about $40,000 above what she can expect to get based on the comps in the area. (I have a friend who is a realtor and she did some checking for me!)

I just cannot believe that this is happening to me! But I am doing all that I can to get out ASAP. If I haven't found something by the end of September, my friend has told me that I can store my things and move into her basement. I can have my girls with me, so that is good. But I need to try to find something and only move once, if that is possible. I am 46 years old... way too old to be going through something like this!

Thanks again for all of your input and great suggestions! And Catty1, thanks for the links. I have checked most of them already, but I will continue to look. Donna and her girls Tabby and Sasha!

[Randi]

I just want to say I'm so sorry about the situation you're in. :( I hope you'll find another place to live, and soon! What a "friend!" :(

All the best of luck!! :)

[Donnaj4962]

OMG! She called my home phone yesterday, and left me a voice mail saying that "they" are thinking about taking the house off of the market! And then she said, "So I want you to know that you can stay"!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek: What in the world????

I am still looking for a place, and I plan to move out ASAP! I don't know what she is thinking. How can I even begin to trust that she won't sell the house? Seems like a little game to me, and I am not playing!

I have appointments at several places this weekend, so hopefully I can find something and be able to give her my 30 days notice with my September rent check! On a positive side, I have found very few landlords NOT willing to accept my furgirls! Yeah! I would never move somewhere that I couldn't take my girls! That is out of the question!

Thanks again to everyone for their kind words and suggestions!

[Catty1]

You go, girl!:D

[Daisy and Delilah]

She is really playing some games alright, and.....at your expense. She is not a good person. Best wishes on getting very far away from her and her psycho boyfriend.

[jennielynn1970]

OMG! She called my home phone yesterday, and left me a voice mail saying that "they" are thinking about taking the house off of the market! And then she said, "So I want you to know that you can stay"!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek: What in the world????




Gosh... I just want to come and help you pack and move ASAP. It doesn't sound like she's in a good place, and I bet the guy is making all the decisions. And she calls and leaves a voicemail, knowing you're not at home. That's her being a coward (unless she expected you to be home and you were out...).

I hope you find something soon!!! Does it say you have to give her 30 days notice in your "lease" where you have no rights?? I'd make sure that when I gave my notice, I had something lined up for earlier than 30 days, and had most of my boxes packed and either in storage at a friend's house or somewhere, because when she (and he) hear you are moving, they're going to want to get someone else in there quickly and they won't give a crap about you. (Can you tell I've dealt with crappy landlords before?! ;)).

There should be something on that lease about giving you notice before the property is being shown. I did press that one with the last place I was in. I'd come home and the doors would be open, my cats would be in the basement of the 1st floor apartment, and you could see people went through my drawers and cupboards (and drank my drinks in the fridge.. nice one).

[Donnaj4962]

Here is the latest! The last I had heard was a voice mail the she was takingt he house off of the market. That was a couple of weeks ago. However, the FSBO sign has remained in the yard. So last night, I got home late (I looked at a couple of places, then had dinner with my bf) and there is a REALTOR SIGN in the yard! Well okay then! I listen to my voice mails, and she, once again, leftme a message in the middle of the day on my home phone to tell me that she had decided to put it with a realtor. Now, I have never sold a house, but I think that before the house gets the sign in the yard, you talk to the realtor and sign a contract. So she had a few days before this all happened that she could have talked to me! So, the search continues. I looked at a place last night that I think is a real possibility. However, I have appointments to look at 3 more before I make a decision. I will keep you posted!

[Donnaj4962]

Just wanted everyone to know that I found a place, and I am moving this weekend! I am NOT looking forward to the move, but I am so happy to get out of that house! I called the owner (former friend) of my current place, and it took her 2 days to return my call! So I told her I was moving at the end of the month, and she said that I was welcome to stay until the house sells and I told her that I felt it was in my best interest to leave now and that I had found a great place. She simply said "okay" and hung up! So the next day, she calls me at home in themiddle of the day while I am at work (of course) and tells me that I am breaking the lease and that I owe her some outrageous amount of money! :eek::mad:Then she said that she would expect it on October 1. Well, she is NOT getting any money out of me. I called her back, of course, got her voice mail and told her what I thought! I then told her that she needs to call me so that we can talk person to person. Well, she must have gotten the message, since she called me back in a few hours. We talked for quite a while, and I told her that she needs to put herself in my shoes, and realize that I have NO CHOICE but to move. I told her that I had been trying to talk to her for over a month about my moving, but she would never return my calls except to call at home when she knew that I wouldn't be there. I reminded her several times that friends don't treat friends this way. I also told her that she couldn't tell me that, if she were made a full price offer on the house on the terms that the new buyers be able tomove in 2 weeks, she wouldn't accept that and give ME no more than 2 weeks notice. Well wonders never cease, and she said she understands my position. She never said that she would no longer expect the money, but that is okay. If she wants to sue me, she can take me to court. I have all of the phone messages she has left me saved on my phone. While I technically AM breaking the lease, I think that I have no choice since I have no idea when the house will sell.

She called me today to tell me that the realtor is showing the house tomorrow evening. She called me AT WORK! WOW! Maybe I got through to her. I told her there are boxes everywhere and they would still be there, but that I would do my best to make the house as presentable as possible. **I am trying to play nice, she just makes it so hard!**

So, if anyone is in the Fort Wayne Indiana area on Saturday and would like to help me move, come on over! You are more than welcome and we can use the help!

Thanks for everyone's support through this nightmare. I truly appreciate it.

By the way, my new place is great! Lots of windows for kitties to look at people, squirrels and birds! And I will be happy there also!
;):D

[Karen]

The new place sounds great, and couldn't have come at a better time! Sorry I am too far away to help you move! My only tip is, of course, corral the cats FIRST!

[lizbud]

Congrats on standing up to her about the situation. Best of luck on the
move into your new place.:) Moving is never fun, but finding your peace
of mind should make the work go a little easier this time.:)