Sad Rant (maybe a little long)

[moosmom]

I have a friend I've grown up with my entire life, Susan. She works as a paralegal for her husband. The day I was looking at the inflatable kayak, I called her at work to ask her if she by chance, had an air pump hanging around her house. She was FURIOUS, very stressed out and very busy (how was I to know that??) She hung up on me.

I emailed her and told her a simple yes or no would have sufficed and she should chill. Well, that REALLY pissed her off. She sent me an email back telling me that ME of all people should know, having worked as a paralegal, how busy one can get. I told her I understood.

Today is her birthday, so I sent her a card and JOKINGLY said that crankiness is a sign of getting older but I loved her anyway and signed it "The Pain in the A**" I tried to make light of the situation hoping she'd understand. We've had our spats in the past, but never this serious. And she knows that sometimes my sense of humor is very dry.

I called her from the beach on Saturday night and she ripped me apart. She said that I had one he** of a nerve calling her at work to ask her about some f-ing pump when she had 2 people standing in front of her and a couple of calls on hold. I'm not a mind reader and had no way of knowing. She said she was tired of me calling with stupid questions like "what does this jewish word mean" or about the pump, when I could easily call her at home later. She then said that when she got my birthday card, that was the tip of the iceberg that put her over the edge. I told her I did it jokingly and she said that it was hurtful. By that time I was sobbing into the phone. I told her I would NEVER intentionally hurt her and I hope she knew that. She is still VERY angry with me.

This morning I IM'd a "Happy Birthday" to her at work (didn't DARE call her). All I heard was the sound of a slamming door as she signed off without responding. So, I guess I know where I stand.

I've apologized to her and am not about to grovel. I just never thought it would come to this. I've known her since I was a year old and loved her like a sister.:( I know time heals all, but it still hurts. I get LES just thinking about it.

My daughter said that she over reacted. All I can do is shrug my shoulders and sigh.

Thanks for listening.

[Whisk_Luva]

((Hugs))

You had no way of knowing- she cant expect you to have known and you shoudnt feel bad about it. Just give her time to cool of and see what happens...

And as for the- you loved her like a sister, sisters have their arguements too...

Try not to think about it to much... I am sure all will turn out well in the end...

More ((hugs))

[Catty1]

{{{{hugs}}}}

Donna, I am sure that most other times that card would have cleared everything up!

I have a feeling that, when enough time goes by and she cools down, she will contact you.

There might be something extra happening in her life right now - health issue(which she may not know about yet); 'life event' - or something else.

If you two have grown up with each other your entire life, I think this will settle out.

(PS I myself am prone to asking several different questions at different times, when saving them all up for one 'ask' would have done the job).

Maybe email questions in the future, as she can then get to them when she has time - even if it is when she gets home. This likely didn't bother her much before - but something has happened now.

Prayers that the friendship will heal again, and be even better. :love:

[Taz_Zoee]

I agree with your daughter. I think she over reacted just a bit. If she was so busy at work why did she answer your call? She could have let you leave a message and returned your call when she had time.

I also agree that there may be more going on with her than you (or her) realize. That is NO excuse for treating you that way for this long. I can see getting upset the once, but to continue with the anger....just doesn't seem right to me.

Just let her cool down. If she doesn't contact you maybe you could contact her in a week or two. A friendly email asking how she is doing, maybe? If she doesn't respond then you know where you stand with her. Which would be very sad if you've been friends since toddlerhood.

I hope all is well with her and that you can squash this little tiff.

[lizbud]

Well, seems like she just hates to be bothered at work. Sometimes we
can't get a answer to a question right away. I think I'd just leave a voice
mail question or comment on her home phone & wait for her to get back
to you.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Stress can make people react a lot more hostile than usual...no need to bite your head off though!
Hopefully your friend will calm down and realize why she was so bothered.
*HUGS* to you! At least you did tell her you were joking with the card, maybe she will get it later and laugh. ;)

[Emeraldgreen]

It sounds like you have done everything there is to do. You emailed her instead of phoning regarding her birthday wish and after that was not received very well, you IM'd her. All that is left is smoke signals! ;)

I agree with some of the other posts that your friend must have some more stuff going on that is allowing her to react like this. She knows you're sorry and she heard you crying on the phone and she can see that you keep trying to communicate with her so it seems like the ball is in her court.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. The first mistake made about calling her while she was busy isn't all that uncommon and happens so much with everybody. To continue to be this mad about it seems like there has to be more to her story.

I hope that things will get better and that you guys will be able to get back to being friends. :)

[carole]

I am sure as time goes on she will get over her feelings of anger towards you, you have apologized you can not do much more,perhaps if you said to her you recognize it was a bad time to call, and you won't be doing it again, that might help, only you know your friend, i must admit i am a stickler for NOT calling people at work, i never would unless it is an emergency,as i would not like it myself, i am old fashioned in that respect i guess, work is work to me, anyhow that is just my take on things.

Don't worry too much Donna, if she is truly the friend you say she is , she will forgive you,and she probably did over-react and will realize this later on, and mellow a bit ok.:)

[moosmom]

Oh we'll always be friends. But when I sent her the Happy Birthday IM and heard a door slam and her signing off really hurt.

She has been going through alot. Her Mom passed away 2 months ago and she's been trying to clean out her Dad's house. Nothing has been done to it in many years and her father is very specific about what he wants and does not want in the house. I've offered my services and she's turned me down. She also has two kids to get ready to go back to boarding school. So yeah, she's got alot on her plate. But I have never EVER, in all the times I've been stressed out, said so many hurtful things to someone I hold dear to me.

The ball is now in her court. I've apologized over and over and I'm done. She said last night after she ripped me a new one that she's said her peace and has moved on, but after this morning's little rejection, I kind of doubt it.

[Moesha]

Did she make the slamming door sound, or is that just the sound that the IM program makes when someone signs off? If it is just the program, which I have heard before, from AIM maybe, she probably didn't realize the full effect you got when she left. I'm with the others, give her a little time and space and I'm sure she'll realize that her actions were not a fitting response to you calling at an inopportune time.

[moosmom]

Moesha,

It was AIM that made the sound when someone signs off. I'll give her time. I've known her my entire life and won't let something like this kill our friendship.

[Medusa]

Donna, I had something like that happen to me recently, too. My friend also overreacted and the more I tried to make things right between us, the angrier she became, so I've decided to just let her be for now and hope that she'll come around. If your friend values your friendship as much as you do, she'll cool off and you'll be able to sort things out. You probably caught her at a bad time and seeing that you said she's had some tough times lately, she just blew a gasket. We're all busy, though, and all are deserving of respect, no matter how busy or tired or stressed we are. I agree w/you, don't grovel, just let it be for now. Least said, easiest mended. :)

[Freedom]

Just do not contact her at work at all for the time being. That seems to be a touchy spot for her just now.

Only make contact at her home. If she has voice mail /answer machine, maybe consider leaving her a message for her to pick up when she gets home from work -- just a quick "Hi, glad the work day is done and you are on to other things." No more apologies, don't bring this stuff up in a message. Maybe a short quick joke, something to make her smile and move on. And not more than one per week for now, either.

Just one idea, to help get past this and move on. Then when things are a bit calmer if need be the 2 of you can rediscuss. you may not hear from her until after the kids return to boarding school and she has time to redirect.

[K9karen]

Hey, I have a stressful life too. Don't we all?
When I got personal calls at work during a busy day (which was always), all I would say is "Call you back..can't talk now". Sometimes it was easier for friends to get a hold of me at work, knowing I'd HAVE to answer the phone. But I didn't rip their heads off. But that's just me.

Honestly, I would have sent the same kind of card! And if I was on the receiving end, I'd laugh my a$$ off and probably feel guilty for treating you badly.

I guess you know who your friends are. I know the kind of person you are, Donna, and you don't deserve this. Brush it off. She knows your number. Please wipe your tears and accept a {HUG} from me. :love:

[moosmom]

Thanks Sandie. I'm going to leave her be. MAYBE she'll call me, maybe she won't, but I refuse to apologize anymore. Christ was only on the cross for a week.

[gini]

Just a thought - when you originally called about the air pump and she answered the phone - maybe she was in a situation where she would have loved to BLOW UP at the clients/people in her office. But being in a work situation she couldn't - so YOU got it!

I would just back off and let her be for a while - sounds like she has way too much on her plate and the air pump question just blew her off course.

[lizbud]

Just a thought - when you originally called about the air pump and she answered the phone - maybe she was in a situation where she would have loved to BLOW UP at the clients/people in her office. But being in a work situation she couldn't - so YOU got it!

I would just back off and let her be for a while - sounds like she has way too much on her plate and the air pump question just blew her off course.


Gini,

That was my thinking too. Believe me, I've been there, done that. It's
never pleasant & I feel bad afterwards:( , but, it does happen.

[moosmom]

I haven't heard a word from her since Saturday.

[gini]

I know you feel horrible - but let it be for now - she will come around!!

And YOU have apologized enough!

[shais_mom]

I'd have to stand on the side of your daughter and others that said she OVER(really)OVERreacted.
no you shouldn't apologize anymore.
if she calls you in a couple weeks and acts like things are peachy - tell her that SHE hurt YOU but move on.
You don't deserve to be treated like that especially by a "friend".

lick your wounds and curl with a kitty.

[moosmom]

I'm through apologizing. I don't grovel for anyone. I know she's got her issues with 2 kids to get ready for school and worrying about her Dad, but I've got my problems too. She wants to be coddled, let her husband do it. Stick a fork in me baby, cuz I'm done!!!