what is it with my brain and jobs...wee vemble** Update #7

[Catty1]

**vent and ramble, usually not vociferous.

Well, for the past month or so I have been feeling more quietly confident and good. I have overcome the snags in my new job - we started a notebook system where I and my job-sharing colleague write down the tasks we are to do in a given day, so we can remember them and check them off when we were done.

Bosses were away for work in Pakistan and India for a couple of weeks. I was instructed to re-do the office closet, and the other gal got to work on the filing. Good split of tasks!

So today, first day back after the long weekend, and after the bosses had recovered from jet lag, a bomb dropped. No, I wasn't fired - but was terrified about losing another job if I can't fix this problem.

Apparently I am very forgetful - not about tasks I have done and written down - but in a linear sort of way. Some processes, like certain calculations to be done for certain government payments, I have made notes and am ok.

The example today that brought all this up was a certain invoice that was being prepared. This client pays the company every 2 months (which I apparently should have remembered). We have just submitted another invoice, but the client had requested some particular receipts.

The one boss asked, "Didn't we send these to them with the last invoice?" Well, I got out the file box to check - and this boss said that because the previous invoice was in June, that all the receipts would still be in Receivables (in her office downstairs).

I am to know this by thinking backwards...'the receipts were for June invoice, and it will still be in receivables.." hard to explain. I don't think like that.

I know I have a good brain, but I don't have an office brain. :(

So this boss brought up - kindly, for she doesn't yell - that I needed to find a way to keep records of these things or something. She said that I am very forgetful- if she or her husband asks me where something is, like a document or invoice or something - if it's after the fact, I apparently "look at us like we're from Mars." (I said no, I didn't think that, but my brain went to Mars...) And she added that this happens often enough that she thinks "I might as well do it myself."

This was NEVER my intention.

Why I got upset, though, is my best friend commented yesterday that in the past month, my memory has been REALLY off. She has told me on several different phone calls about something, saying. "I TOLD you this," and all I can honestly say is, "I have no memory of you telling me that." This would have led to a BAD screwup in my not showing for a cleaning job - which fortunately was cancelled by the client.

So - when I got the same message today, my confidence bottomed right out, I cried for the first time in WEEKS, had a massive nosebleed that took quite a while to quit....OMG.

Since I moved to this province in 1999, I have gone through about 7 jobs.

The thing is...I don't know how to 'fix' this. It's kind of intangible - like, I don't know what it is I am doing wrong, or why I don't remember things. I don't know how to get a handle on it.:(

I'm going to post on an ADD board I am on...ADDmirable Women. Gonna email the church, and see who I can talk to - there are some wise women there. My doctor? I could...

I am on ADD meds, and depression med as well (opposite times of the day).

HOWEVER - in the one job I had before that turned out badly, the aboriginal magazine...the ADD med helped. But I think what made a difference was that my heart was in it too. I remembered what most people emailed ABOUT.

Today, my bosses were heading out to the University for a huge conference call. I said, "Oh, what's it about?" She said, "It's been in the emails from so-and-so." I said, "I remember the name, but didn't pay attention to what it was about."

I think if one's heart isn't really in something, no matter how good the job and bosses, that makes a huge difference.

SO - will push ahead with the Pet Resume business. Sure I am scared. But all steps indicate it was meant to be. So...I will have support there.

Sorry this is so long...thank you if you have read this far.:love:

[RockyRoad]

I hear ya on the "if your heart isn`t in it" notion. I`ve never been terribly forgetful, but I get those "slips" from time to time. At work the other day, my coworker started doing some closing procedure I had never seen done before. I looked at her like she had three heads, and asked her what she was doing. She was so annoyed with me - she said that she had been doing this for months and had even explained to me how to do it! :o I had absolutely no recollection of the event - I`m still convinced she never said any such thing to me. However, I can recall the tiniest details about everyone`s lives and things that I care about. Even classes, I took psychology and aced it because I liked and was interested in it, and wanted to succeed in my first college class. On the other hand, there`s no way I can recall anything about math except how to do basic operations. I always hated math and had no reason to excel in it. Not exactly like the situations you described, but I can see your point. On an unrelated note, I`m on meds for ADD too and it has done wonders.. nice to know I`m not the only one! (For me it sure feels like it sometimes)

I am sorry that you are feeling down about yourself. From what I have seen being back on PT, you are one of the kindest and sweetest women out there! Just on that alone, I hope everything works out with the Pet Resume business. You deserve a career that isn`t frustrating or making you feel like cr@p, because of something that is somewhat beyond your control. I think if you believe it was meant to be, then it must be. :) {{Hugs}}

[Medusa]

Don't be so hard on yourself, Candace. You've got an incredible mind. I'm sure you know about this but have you tried Gingko Biloba for memory? I took it for years but stopped when I had to cut out temporarily anything from my budget that wasn't absolutely necessary. I plan on buying some today, though. If you haven't tried it, give it a whirl. It really does help w/memory.

[Catty1]

Actually, Mary - someone on the ADD board posted about having 'auditory processing disorder' (I already have ADD). I went to a checklist (I have to do more research) and wow! There is something there.

I love using herbals and such - but lately, research has shown that Ginko Biloba is not the memory helper it is touted to be. However, I am sure there is something to help.

Just graduating to another level...I will overcome this too...

I so appreciate the listening and the words.

Like on geek with ADHD said, it's like "Having a Pentium brain with the memory of a 286." :D

[Emeraldgreen]

My brother has ADD and I feel so badly for him alot of the time. He is VERY smart but has the hardest time managing the 'office' type things of his life. Thankfully he is now dating a woman who is an 'organizer' and a bit obsessed with it! Perfect!!
My brother doesn't currently take anything but I wish he would. He previously had great success with Pycnogonel (pine bark) and Grape Seed Extract together. I think you can buy a bottle that has the two combined. It worked so quickly with him and he was amazed at how much he was getting done each day and how organized he was managing to stay. His memory was improved and he was really getting along well. I think he basically stopped because he is always short on money (though it doesn't cost that much, I think about 20.00 for 60 caps or something at the healthfood store or pharmacy) and as he tends to do, he probably forgot to take it one day which turned into two and then he just stopped taking it.
Hmmm, I think I'll give him a call and suggest he give it a try again! He's been going through a rough patch and this might help.

I'm sorry that you are going through all this. It is hard to remember everything and if you have ADD, it is an uphill battle. Do you think it would help you to keep a mid-sized dry erase board near your desk that you could keep pertinent information on and change it as is needed? You could make notes of what clients get invoiced every two months and what the process is for these folks until it becomes super familiar and then erase that and replace it with the next valuable but hard to remember piece of info.

I don't have ADD but sometimes I wonder if I might have a mild form of it. I couldn't get by without my dry erase board. I'm very forgetful by nature and this allows me to write stuff down that pops into my head and then I don't have to 'carry it around' with me. :)

[Catty1]

Thanks, Lara. :)

My work skills improved greatly after I got dx'd and started taking the med for ADD. I'll look into the combo you mentioned - but sometimes these things are not supposed to be taken with 'regular' meds, so I'll read labels!

On the Yahoo group ADDmirable Women (love the name), the idea of auditory processing disorder was raised there by a woman who has that and also ADD. Although there is some overlap in characteristics between the two disorders, there is an element in APD regarding 'sequential processing' and other items as to how information is actually processed.

We implemented notebooks in the office, and I still jot down reminders. However, looking at people like they are from Mars when they ask me where something is - and this happens constantly, and I was unaware of it - indicates to me that something else is going on.

BTW - go to cafepress.com, type "ADD" into the search bar, and you will find some hilarious gift ideas for your brother! I wish him well.:)

[Catty1]

Sept 26/08

ok, my bosses and I had a really good meeting a couple of weeks ago. I am leaving the job. HOWEVER

We all know that it is the 'disorder' (pick another word if you like), and not me. We have been friends for a long time, and they were so concerned about telling me...because people like me who have been through quite a few jobs can get very down on themselves.

While many jobs can make accommodations for certain challenges, this one can't. They are a not-for-profit, and can only afford one office position. I realized that early on.

The bosses even talked to other people they knew who had employees, for ideas on what to do - and if I was not a friend, I would have been gone four months ago.

FloppsyLadySally89, my one boss totally agreed with something you said. He told me one day that they had great feedback from people I had dealt with on the phone. I said I was a people person, and he said, "and there you are doing picky work" meaning the long documents and transcriptions - and other tasks that weren't really a fit.

The best stuff - they do NOT want me to leave until I have another job to go to. :)

I am meeting tomorrow with the head cheese of a computer company - I can do basic Windows cleanups, and will get more training; also, I am much stronger at "doing" type jobs than at ones requiring immediate and fast processing of new verbal stuff.

Working on computers is kinesthetic and visual, both strong points for me. Also, the start and end times are more flexible - no punching a time clock.

Medically, am going back to the psych who dx'd my ADD last year, and am asking for a COMPLETE assessment. There is no cure - but I will have a much clearer picture of how I work best. I see him on the 2nd, my GP on the 8th.

Did lots of blood work already - NO sign of menopause, all thyroid figures are fine; my iron is a little low. Everything else was great.

Thanks for your support before...I think things will improve from here on.

[Medusa]

Things are looking up for you, Candace, and you truly are a people person. You've been so kind and encouraging to me and others here on PT. Your good people skills really shine through, even through space on the internet. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers that the correct medical assessment is forthcoming and that your perfect job is there waiting for you. Name it and claim it, girl.

[jennielynn1970]

We have a lot of kids at school who have been diagnosed with ADD and APD. I think a lot of times they go hand in hand.

Sometimes I wonder if I've got some APD difficulties, just by the goofs that I make. I love working with people, and can do repetitive skills very easily, but when it's something that someone is telling me how to do, it takes a billion times for it to sink in. I just don't learn that way. Maybe that is what it is for me, the way I learn things. I'm very much a visual learner, I have to read things and repeat things in order to do them well. I'm not just a "listen and pick it up" type of learner. I've always been the one who, when asked a spur of the moment type of question, has that "deer in headlights" look about them as well, lol. It can make you feel like an idiot, but it doesn't mean you are. It's just how your brain processes things.

When you find the kind of work that you do well, and that you enjoy, you'll succeed at it. We all have different abilities, we learn differently, and have various skills that we have success with, it's just finding the right place to put the to use and excel in.

You'll find your niche, it just may take longer than you like. ;)

[Catty1]

Jenn:


when asked a spur of the moment type of question, has that "deer in headlights" look about them as well

You saw my first post, when J said that I looked at them "like we are from Mars".

That's what happens when you work with academics! LOL They live in the country with very little traffic, and there ARE lots of deer...but never in the headlights...I guess Mars works better for them?:D