What Were They Thinking ?

[lizbud]

I can't believe they did this to their own son.:( What a horrible thing.
I think they must not have been in their right mind to do such a selfish
thing to this young man.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=4440213&page=1

[RICHARD]

Sometimes I wonder about this planet.:confused:

[momoffuzzyfaces]

I see no indication of any brain activity at all to do that to their son!!! :(

Poor boy will have to live with that forever. :(

[elizabethann]

What a sad story.

[Freedom]

Prayers for that young man.

[lizbud]

Can you imagine the guilt trip that boy would have? He would feel
bad enough learning of their death after the fact, but to announce it
to him in advance???:confused::(

[Jessika]

They weren't thinking, obviously.... it's a shame that you get to that low pit in your life and feel that suicide is the only option. As much as it sucked, at least they called their son to let them know they loved him. That poor boy, though... I can not imagine how helpless he had to have felt being so far away...

[shais_mom]

wow. How sad.
That just cements it more in my head that Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.

[lady_zana]

wow. How sad.
That just cements it more in my head that Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.

I do NOT feel that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. For someone people, yes it is. And just given the facts from this article, it seems that yes, for this couple it was.

However, most people who committ suicide are extremely depressed and unless you actually have severe clinical depression, you can't understand what that's like. It's not feeling bad for a while. It's not feeling like you can't get out of bed for a week or two or three. It's feeling like you can NEVER get out of bed....it's a darkness that last years.

Please never tell someone who says they are going to kill themselves that they are selfish because then not only are they depressed and 'unlovable' and 'useless' but they are 'selfish' too.

As someone with severe clinical depression, I understand what it's like to feel there is nothing left in the world. I have been so bad as to feel like the only thing worth holding on in the world is my cats - I've actually rationalized it like 'My friends and husband will understand; they know why I'm in so much pain but my cats will never understand where I went.' Does that sound crazy? Now that I'm better, my medicine is working, I'll admit, yeah, that sounds pretty crazy! - but not killing yourself because of your cats but it made perfect sense to me when I was super-depressed.

People will mental illnesses think differently than other people. Things that seem 'crazy' to average people make perfect sense to them.

If you ever have a friend with depression, the best thing you can do for them is make sure they get help. Whether that's calling a doctor for them, helping them pay for the cost, or even going over to their house the day of their appointment and dragging them out of bed, by all means do it. They'll be mad for a while that you did it but once their depression begins to lift, believe me, they will be grateful.

[Catty1]

I've suffered from clinical depression for man years. Although it has been under control for quite a few years now, I remember that black hole...it's like mental blinders going on and ALL you can see is the dark grey in front of you. You can't think of others...if the thoughts are there at all, they are distant and very unreal.

I pray that the son heals and learns he was NOT to blame at all...the "what ifs" can haunt people for years.

[shais_mom]

I stand by my opinion, it may not be the most popular but its what I believe, and I am not going to change my mind anytime soon.
I've never been clinically depressed or diagnosed, but I have had my own black periods in my life, where I felt the world would be better off without me. And then I look into the eyes of the 3 furry little creatures that depend on me and stopped those thinkings right now. I know several people whose family members, father, sister, brother, mom killed themselves, and I know what those people deal with day to day. I work with a woman whose sister hung herself well over 10 years ago and to this day has full blown drop on the floor anxiety attacks when someone mentions 'hanging'.
I work with young woman whose dad killed himself when she was 4 and at almost 30 she is still dealing with the repercussions of that.

[shais_mom]

As someone with severe clinical depression, I understand what it's like to feel there is nothing left in the world. I have been so bad as to feel like the only thing worth holding on in the world is my cats - I've actually rationalized it like 'My friends and husband will understand; they know why I'm in so much pain but my cats will never understand where I went.' Does that sound crazy? Now that I'm better, my medicine is working, I'll admit, yeah, that sounds pretty crazy! - but not killing yourself because of your cats but it made perfect sense to me when I was super-depressed.

.

we may disagree on suicide in general but I DO not think this sounds crazy at all. Anything to be thrown a lifeline.

[Catty1]

On this site, there is a menu at the top where you can click on "Reasons for Suicide". There's a list, and then there are sections with very interesting information.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide



Views on suicide have been influenced by cultural views on existential themes such as religion, honor, and the meaning of life. Most Western and some Asian religions—the Abrahamic religions, Hinduism—consider suicide a dishonorable act; in the West it was regarded as a serious crime and offense against God due to religious belief in the sanctity of life. Japanese views on honor and religion led to seppuku, one of the most painful methods of suicide, to be respected as a means to atone for mistakes or failure or a form of protest during the samurai era. In the 20th century, suicide in the form of self-immolation has been used as a form of protest, and in the form of kamikaze and suicide bombing as a military or terrorist tactic. Sati was a Hindu funeral practice in which the widow would immolate herself on her husband’s funeral pyre.[4]

Medically assisted suicide (euthanasia, or the right to die) is a controversial ethical issue involving people who are terminally ill, in extreme pain, and/or have minimal quality of life through injury or illness. Self-sacrifice for others is not usually considered suicide, as the goal is not to kill oneself but to save another.

[Catty1]

To check out first-hand experiences with how black depression can be, visit www.crazyboards.org and lurk in the Depression category.

I have two thoughts on people who have not been diagnosed:

1. They just can't understand what it is like...just as someone with physical health can't understand what it's like to live with cancer or etc. It's a blameless situation - it just is.
2. Perhaps they should be tested and see if a diagnosis applies.

After five people died here lately - the father stabbing his wife, tenant, his two young daughters and then himself to death(the baby was unharmed) - calls to the Helpline increased by 30 a day, this in a city of 1 million. People were concerned about themselves, or about a relative or friend.

I think staying on top of that is almost a civic responsibility.

It's been proven that the cause of much true mental illness is due to chemical changes in the brain. Funny - when the chemicals create physical symptoms, we can call it Parkinson's and say it is a real disease.

But when the chemical imbalance results in emotional symptoms, people are just supposed to 'snap out of it.'

OK...people who believe that can just 'snap out of' their next bout of diarrhea....:p

[lady_zana]

But when the chemical imbalance results in emotional symptoms, people are just supposed to 'snap out of it.'

OK...people who believe that can just 'snap out of' their next bout of diarrhea....:p


And no one wants to be labeled as 'crazy.' Medicines like Zoloft are not for everyone but I will always say they changed my life. I'm much healthier now for being on Zoloft than I was before.

So many people don't want to get help because they are afraid of what their friends/neighbors/coworkers will say...'You take Zoloft (or Prozac or WellButrian or whatever)? You must be crazy! What's wrong with you?'

My doctor explained it to me this way: your brain is an organ. Like any other part of your body it has a job to do but in certain circumstances, something happens and the brain can't do its job as well as it should. If your heart or your liver was experiencing problems, you'd have no shame taking medicine to correct the problem so why should there be any shame is taking medicine for the brain? There shouldn't be but society forces us on it. That's why I will always talk about my depression and OCD when people ask - I want people to understand it and know there is no shame in having a mental illness.

[JenBKR]

lady_zana - I am totally with you on everything you said. I have been on anti-depressants for about 10 years or so....I always say that when I go through a bout of depression, I have to go into "survival mode." I do whatever I have to do to survive one day to the next. I don't know that committing suicide is selfish - I never quite got to that point. My mom also went through a very bad depression, much worse than mine, and I think she did get close to suicide. However, my father stood by her and they worked through it, though it took a lot of years.

I think of anti-depressants like insulin. Diabetics have to take insulin, and depressed people need serotonin. I am not embarrassed that I take Zoloft, but I wouldn't want people to know the person I become without medication. Luckily, medications have come a long way - I was even able to take Prozac throughout my pregnancy (and I am happy to say that my little man is as healthy as can be :D).

[Karen]

There is nothing in the original story to suggest the parents were at all mentally ill, or suffering from depression.

I would characterize their suicide differently than that of someone who is mentally ill.

[Catty1]

I agree, Karen, as did Lady_Zana:

I do NOT feel that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. For someone people, yes it is. And just given the facts from this article, it seems that yes, for this couple it was.

The last few posts were in response to a poster who stated their opinion that ALL suicides were selfish. The responses, for the most part, came from people who have/had severe depression and other MI's (mental illnesses) as opposed to "down times" in their lives, and felt compelled to speak up.

In the Wikipedia page, one given reason for suicide is to escape punishment for a crime committed. That seems to be the case with this boy's parents.

[lizbud]

I believe when the parents called their son, it was because it made
them feel better(in their minds). They did it for selfish reasons and didn't
think how devastating it would be to the boy who was powerless to help
them in any way.


I believe the couple were in legal trouble for fraud & faced arrest and trial.