I need honest opinions

[Medusa]

and I know that my PT friends will give it to me straight.

I had been chatting on an online dating service w/this guy; he seemed nice enough, is into alternative healing as I am and we seem to have several things in common. I finally agreed to meet him for dinner and as soon as he arrived, he said "I have something embarrassing to tell you. I left my wallet at home. Do you have any money?" Of course, I'm always prepared to pay my own way wherever I go even if it's w/friends. And since we really didn't discuss whether it would be dutch or not, perhaps I wrongly assumed that he would pay for dinner. If he had said that after dinner, I would've been furious so he at least said it upon meeting me. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch. I didn't want to make a scene at the restaurant and I also didn't want to be taken for someone who was trying to get a free meal either by saying "Whaddaya mean you don't have any money?" So I said "Well, yes, I do have money but this doesn't sit right w/me". He said "Well, if you would prefer to make it another time, I'll understand". I said "I think that would be best". Then he proceeded to ask me "So how are things w/you and your son and your cat (Puddy) and, and, and...." I thought to myself "This guy is trying to schmooze me so that I'll say 'aw, what the hell, I'll buy us dinner". So I said "My son is doing well, so is my cat" and I put on my coat and started to leave. He walked me to my car and that was that.

Do you think I'm being overly suspicious? Am I being unfair, seeing that he mentioned that he forgot his wallet as soon as we met and didn't wait til after dinner? Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I had pretty much sworn off dating since my last relationship approximately a year and a half ago and now I remember why. Too much work. I always caution people about internet dating and, although I've met some nice men online, nothing has ever panned out. This made me feel icky and I think I'll go back to the old fashioned way of meeting people but not right away. I'm back to not wanting to date again. I didn't give him my phone number (it's non-published), so it'll be interesting to see if he emails me again. Care to wager whether or not he will? :rolleyes:

[Karen]

I'd go with your gut, but also might give him another chance, especially as he asked about your kitty. If he "forgets" his wallet again, then forget him!

[gini]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -

[Medusa]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.

If he wasn't embarrassed because he forgot it - I don't get such a good feeling about him either.

Also, he could have said "look, this is embarrassing for me - so can we set up another date and I will remember my wallet next time?"

I don't think you can be too careful -
Well, he lives 40 minutes away from the restaurant, so if he went home to get his wallet, that would've been a long time waiting. But I agree w/your statement that he didn't seem embarrassed about it; he just kept talking as though I was going to shrug it off and pay for dinner.

[Rachel]

. BUT....I'm a big one on going w/my instincts and I just had the gut feeling that this guy was trying to get a free meal and to see if I was a soft touch. :rolleyes:


I think your gut was right on track. Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund. I don't think it is necessarily how you meet someone. This type of individual could be lurking out there anywhere. Maybe I just have seen too many episodes of Judge Judy.

[sasvermont]

I think he should have excused himself, rescheduled and made good on his original offer, to share dinner expense. This "I forgot my wallet crap" only goes so far....and not far with me. First impressions are important and he didn't make a good impression on me, at all! In my opinion, you did the right thing.....and went beyond what I would have done. Run honey, run. He sounds like a creep, at best. :eek:

[Medusa]

Next date he might be asking you to loan him money for his car payment - of course that will just be until he gets his tax refund.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't be that naive. I do think he was testing me, though, to see if I'd pay for dinner, then that would make me an easy mark in his eyes. In my younger days, I would've been less charming. But over the years I've learned the power of words. I got out unscathed and that's all that really matters, I guess. Boy, they're out there, aren't they?

[kuhio98]

My ole friend (Ron) and I still laugh about the time he wanted to impress me and made reservations at a very expensive restaurant. Yep, he forgot his wallet. He was mortified. I paid the bill. Ribbed him unmercifully. He sent me flowers the next day to apologize again.

Did he contact you again to apologize?

I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

[Medusa]

Did he contact you again to apologize?


I think you were too hard on the boy. We all make mistakes. There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern.

No, he hasn't contacted me to apologize. If this had happened w/a guy that I had been dating for some time, I could easily forgive and pay for the dinner. But this was our first meeting. And he's not a boy. The man is 66 years old; old enough to know to bring his wallet for a date.

[Pam]

I would have done exactly the same thing. Hey, when you are going on a date with someone there are only a few things you need to remember and one of them is your wallet! Even if he wasn't looking for a free meal, this guy sounds a little irresponsible or maybe needs some memory vitamins. Maybe he is even older than he says and needs some ginkgo biloba. :p

[Catlady711]

You can't be too careful with people you meet online, or anywhere else for that matter nowadays.

I think I'd have taken into account his attitude not only when he said he 'forgot' his wallet, but also his reaction when you said to reschedule and when you left. Then wait to see if he email you FIRST and what kinda explanation/tone he has on the whole event.

If he brushes it off, I'd brush him off.
If he has too complicated of an explanation I'd steer clear.
If he never responds you already have your answer.
If he is sincerely appologetic without excuses and prompt in emailing, maybe, then maybe, give him another chance, if you truely want to.

Just my suggestion, but always pay heed to your instincts, sometimes those pick up on things you just can't put a finger on and are sometimes very correct.

Good luck

[Medusa]

Maybe he is even older than he says and needs some ginkgo biloba. :p
That's too funny cuz that's exactly what I was thinking. Another reason why I've always dated younger men. ;)

[Medusa]

You can't be too careful with people you meet online, or anywhere else for that matter nowadays.

I think I'd have taken into account his attitude not only when he said he 'forgot' his wallet, but also his reaction when you said to reschedule and when you left. Then wait to see if he email you FIRST and what kinda explanation/tone he has on the whole event.

If he brushes it off, I'd brush him off.
If he has too complicated of an explanation I'd steer clear.
If he never responds you already have your answer.
If he is sincerely appologetic without excuses and prompt in emailing, maybe, then maybe, give him another chance, if you truely want to.

Just my suggestion, but always pay heed to your instincts, sometimes those pick up on things you just can't put a finger on and are sometimes very correct.

Good luck
He's had plenty of opportunity to email me by now and he hasn't, so I think he realizes that I'm onto him. I think I'm going to trust my instincts and, even if he should email me later, I'll tell him that I'm not interested.

[Laura's Babies]

They always say toi go with your gut feeling.


I'm sorry but the last thing I do BEFORE I leave the house is make sure I have my purse and I wonder where his drivers liscense was? He left home with NO ID? Yea, right! :rolleyes:

[Grace]

I think you were very wise to go with your gut feeling.

BTW, did this guy drive to the restaurant? And was his license in his wallet - that he left at home?

[Freedom]

Come on, everyone, maybe he was just nervous? Maybe he had to change for the date and left the wallet in his other pants?

A few weeks back when I had to take Sugar in for her surgery, I went without my whole BAG! No wallet, no license, no CREDIT CARDS to pay the bill! :rolleyes: It DOES happen!

Having said that, I think you were right, Mary, to go with your gut feelings. You were there, to see his face, his eyes, his posture, his attitude.

[caseysmom]

I always make sure I have my money and plastic before I go somewhere like that I don't want to end up washing dishes :D

On the other hand if I was him I would say I forgot my wallet can we just make it another day and profusely apologize and would refuse to accept you paying for my meal. That would have made a good impression I would think.

I think there is a lot to be said for instinct.

[K9soul]

Hmmm well if it were me personally, and I was meeting up with someone I had been speaking to off and on for awhile, and they drove a ways to meet up with me, then realized before the meal he had forgotten his wallet, I'd have wondered, but given the benefit of the doubt, offered to treat him this time, but taken note whether he made any effort to treat me another time or not. I would have chatted and talked, and if he took off never to be seen again and just wanted a free meal, he sure went to a lot of trouble for that and I guess I wouldn't sweat it that much, just would chalk it up to a failed dating experience. Sometimes you have to learn about people through experience, the good and the bad, and I guess I'd have been willing to take a shot at it if I felt comfortable around him. If I had bad vibes, didn't feel comfortable, I'd just say I wasn't prepared to pay and part ways.

I'd have been a lot more likely to be suspicious if the missing wallet wasn't brought up until after the meal. But people make mistakes, especially when they are nervous. Just how I personally would have been inclined to consider things. I don't know this man you met however and wasn't there myself so certainly wouldn't presume to say that what you did was the right or wrong thing.

[Vela]

I agree with Jess, not to mention, he sure spent a lot in gas just to try to get a free meal if that's what he was after, but it's always better to go with your gut no matter what, and if you didn't feel comfortable, it's better to call it off for sure.

[catnapper]

We don't trust our instincts enough. Once when I was single, I met a guy at a bar who asked me out for a date. My instincts were SCREAMING that he was going to steal my car on our date. So I was looking for confirmation. These were the days before cell phones, so at one point he got up and made a call on the pay phone. I distinctly heard him tell someone "white Ford, fully loaded" ..... I was outta there.

[Emeraldgreen]

This is kind of a far out idea but what if he is a wealthy but very lonely guy and he's used to women who only want to be with him for his money. And if he's been on this internet dating scene for awhile, maybe he came up with this quirky method to see which women would not want to see him if he couldn't pay. I know it's far fetched! lol
Anyway, instincts are incredible and you should trust them. I think I would have done the same things as you did. And even if the above scenerio was true, who would want to be with someone who plays games. Life's too short. :)

[finn's mom]

I think you did the right thing. I don't think you were too hard on him. It's not like you tore into him or made fun of him for forgetting his wallet. You just simply said you weren't comfortable with it, and that's more than most people will do anymore. I think you were honest and that's what matters the most. I honestly think if his intentions were good, he'd have emailed you and apologized. I'm sure he's embarassed, but a gentleman who'd made a mistake would certainly have written to apologize and ask for a redo.

[jennielynn1970]

So, he drove there without his license, insurance card and registration? That's not good

He sounds like he was full of crap. You don't go on a date and forget your wallet unless you planned on it. Normally on a 1st date you're over prepared.

You might want to give him a 2nd chance, but I doubt I would. I gave up on the 3 strikes and you're out clause a while ago. :p :rolleyes:

[K9karen]

Hey, Mare..have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're smart, funny and beautiful. HIS LOSE!

[RICHARD]

I think he should have turned around and gone back home to get his wallet.



LOL, but of course!

I carry my wallet in my front pocket...to impress the women! :rolleyes:

From a guy....

I always prepare for the worst. I even carry clean underwear in my car. In case I get into an accident.

If he showed up without a wallet, a card or a knick knack to give you, he sucks, Tell him that PT said so. :eek:

[jackie]

That made me LOL!

I think you made the right choice, and if you have any doubts about you reaction DON'T. He should have gotten in contact with you (even if he decided he isn't interested).

Following your gut instinct usually works!

[Medusa]

I think my impression was right, not necessarily that he wanted a free meal but that he was not honest and was trying to see if I was an easy mark and it appears that the majority of you agree w/me about trusting my instincts. We're human and sometimes we do stupid things, such as leaving the house w/out our wallet. I was so late for work one day that I left w/out my entire purse. I still can't believe to this day that I did that. I guess it was his demeanor and body language that spoke louder than his words. He had a grin on his face, not one of embarrassment but one of "Ha ha, gotcha! Now what are ya gonna do?". Plus his words "Do you have any money?" made me cringe. He should've said as someone here suggested "I'm so embarrassed; I forgot my wallet. Can we reschedule for another time so that you don't think I'm trying to pull a fast one?" Plus he hasn't emailed me since then, so he knows I'm on to him. I got to thinking about the fact that I didn't give him my phone number but he does have my website address and my phone number is on there, so he could've called if he really wanted to. He told me early on that he had Googled me. And I also thought to myself "So he's driving w/out a license, too, hmmm..." All these things occurred to me in an instant but I didn't say anything. Maybe he got stopped on the way home, since it was St. Patty's Day and cops were everywhere. I doubt that a cop would accept "My dog ate my wallet". :p

[Medusa]

Hey, Mare..have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're smart, funny and beautiful. HIS LOSE!
Thank you for that. I don't feel so smart right now but I'll take the funny and beautiful part. :cool:

[Barbara]

I agree with everybody. And want to add that guys who want a woman's money usually are purrfect schmoozers. And as we do not get too much of that sweet talk usually we are ready to believe.
So I think asking after your son and your cat was not necessarily honest.

[CountryWolf07]

I agree with everybody. And want to add that guys who want a woman's money usually are purrfect schmoozers. And as we do not get too much of that sweet talk usually we are ready to believe.
So I think asking after your son and your cat was not necessarily honest.

I agree, and the fact he was 66 years old. Please. You did the right thing. :)

[Daisy and Delilah]

WOW! That must have been interesting.

I definitely think you made the right call. The wallet is a pretty important thing to remember, for obvious reasons. Not only did he need money, he needed his driver's license, insurance card, etc., etc. C'mon fella, couldn't you just pick up the wallet on the way out the door??

Good for you!! I hope you're proud of yourself. You handled it beautifully. :)

[cassiesmom]

I'd have given him the benefit of the doubt and picked up the check. Then again -- I'm not smart, funny, beautiful Medusa! (it's been a long time since I've been on a date.) I'd probably have beaten myself up afterward though. But, Medusa, I think you deserve a lot better than someone who left the house without his credit card and potentially, without his ID.

[gini]

One good thing in his favor........at least he told you about the wallet BEFORE you had dinner - not afterwards.

[Randi]

I agree you should go with your gut feeling, and I'm sure you did the right thing here! I can't help wondering what would have happened if you had the meal, and then he said, oh, I've forgot my keys. :eek:

A man usually has his wallet in his jacket, right! At least John did. So even if he changed his pants, he should have had it. Furthermore, he can't be very bright if he goes out without a credit card or his drivers licence!

[Edwina's Secretary]

It sounds like a bs story to me but...am I the only one who has left home without my wallet? Once I was in line at the grocery store and found my wallet wasn't in my purse. I had to park my cart -- ask the manager to hold it -- run home -- get my wallet and go back. I do things like that...I hate to say often but occasionally....just last week I went to do a training program for a client and had forgotten my script and the exercises. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Barbara]

Yeah, Sara, but your are a woman with more than one purse - just like all of us ;)

[Edwina's Secretary]

Heck...I have two different driver's license....just in case I forget mine and need to get through security...(but please don't tell the authorities...I am not sure I am suppose to!) :D :rolleyes: :D

[Medusa]

Hey, everybody makes mistakes, myself included. As I said, it was my gut instinct that he wasn't on the up and up. The whole thing came across as oily. And his silence since the incident speaks volumes. I should've had an email waiting for me when I got home, profusely apologizing. Nada. I wonder how many women felt "obligated" to buy him dinner, only later to realize they'd been had. When I was in a relationship, I treated often and I cooked a lot, too. But a first date? He should've been super prepared. Too bad a cop wasn't standing by. I could've pointed at this guy and said "He's driving w/out his license. On St. Patrick's Day." Ah well, he'll get his. The next woman might not be so charming, though. She may make a scene in public and it'd serve him right.

[RICHARD]

The next woman might not be so charming, though. She may make a scene in public and it'd serve him right.

I try to get my dates to pat me down in public. As a matter of fact, I ENCOURAGE IT..


Security reasons.....ya know? :rolleyes:

[Medusa]

I try to get my dates to pat me down in public. As a matter of fact, I ENCOURAGE IT..


Security reasons.....ya know? :rolleyes:
Hey, I'm not above that. As a matter of fact, I may make that a requirement from now on. ;)

[lbaker]

I'm sorry Medusa I know you probably drove home angry and/or feeling rather chagrined but these last little comments with you and RICHARD had me laughing out loud :D If I ever go out on a date again (me? a date?) I'll have to use that line... :rolleyes: ;) :p

[kitten645]

I've done the online dating thing for a while and believe me there are some whack jobs out there. I ALWAYS go with my gut. I say this guy was looking for a freebie. In the reverse case, I'd be mortified and apologizing in anyway I could. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Claudia

[RICHARD]

Since most of you women go with your gut, why bother to go with a guy?

It's just one letter difference.
Your gut knows what you like.
Your gut always goes before the fall.
And your gut don't snore. :rolleyes:

[Medusa]

[QUOTE=RICHARD]Since most of you women go with your gut, why bother to go with a guy?QUOTE]

I'm already there. I only met this guy because we had made plans to meet earlier and then my son got sick and I was too upset. After my son was out of the woods w/his health, I decided to honor our arrangement. It's things like this that made me not date for a year and half after my last relationship. People keep telling me that, if I don't find someone soon, I'll end up alone but I gotta tell ya, alone ain't so bad. It's nice to have a companion and to come home to someone who missed you and wants to know how your day was. And, of course, there's that "other" reason. ;) But I've been divorced for 12 years and I'm used to living my life the way I want now. The only person I can probably live with is my ex-husband because I know him so well. I have more fun w/my girlfriends anyhow.

[moosmom]

Mary,

I'm proud of you for going with your instincts. They will never let you down. This guys sounds like he was looking for a free meal.

I had a blind date once. He took me on a walk through 24 holes of golf cuz he was preparing for a tournament the next day. When he was done mapping out his course, we drove back to where my car was parked (at a nice restaurant). I figured he'd ask to go in for a drink (afterall I walked my ass off for this jerk). Nope. He shook my hand, said thanks and left. :confused: :confused: :confused: Never heard from him again. (Hope he lost his stinking game).

One can never be too careful.

[Medusa]

Mary,

I'm proud of you for going with your instincts. They will never let you down.
Yes, it's when I haven't listened to my instincts that I've regretted it. He hasn't contacted me, so he knows I'm on to him. Who knows what kind of intrigue and/or danger I may have avoided.

[carole]

IMO you did the right thing, you showed him you are no push-over, good on you and yes you cannot be too careful these days,yes he could be genuine,but honestly i don't think he was.

[Rachel]

Actually, maybe this little episode was a good thing as it quickly brought to your attention what kind of person he is. What a jerk for not emailing you immediately (and apologizing) when he got home!

[kimlovescats]

That concerns me that your phone number is on your website. All you have to do nowdays is type in a phone number online and you can get the address. Then you can type in an address and get an aerial map to your home! Also, how do you know for certain that he really drove 45 minutes to meet you? I don't mean to freak you out over this but please be careful ... too many creeps out there!!!

[Catlady711]

That concerns me that your phone number is on your website. All you have to do nowdays is type in a phone number online and you can get the address. Then you can type in an address and get an aerial map to your home! Also, how do you know for certain that he really drove 45 minutes to meet you? I don't mean to freak you out over this but please be careful ... too many creeps out there!!!

I totally agree with you. Information is very easy to come by online with just a little bit of searching. And yes unfortunately there are too many creeps out there. *shivers*

[Catty1]

Rachel:
What a jerk for not emailing you immediately (and apologizing) when he got home!

Hey, give the buy a break. He's crawled back under his rock, and there's no ROOM for a computer in there! Sheesh! :D :p

[Medusa]

That concerns me that your phone number is on your website. All you have to do nowdays is type in a phone number online and you can get the address. Then you can type in an address and get an aerial map to your home! Also, how do you know for certain that he really drove 45 minutes to meet you? I don't mean to freak you out over this but please be careful ... too many creeps out there!!!
I know, all of the things that you mentioned concerned me, too, but my office is in my home again, so when I meet w/clients, I have to give them directions to my home anyhow. The phone number that he gave me is in an area code that's 40 minutes away. Maybe the phone number is as phony as he is, I don't know. But I haven't heard word one from him since the incident so even if he was legit, his lack of class isn't what I would want in a man.

[jennielynn1970]

Thank you for that. I don't feel so smart right now but I'll take the funny and beautiful part. :cool:

Well, if you look like your pic in your avatar, I'm shocked that you would be at a loss for wonderful dates. You are gorgeous! Plus you are sweet and kind. You deserve the very best, and I hope you hold out for that!

[Medusa]

Well, if you look like your pic in your avatar, I'm shocked that you would be at a loss for wonderful dates. You are gorgeous! Plus you are sweet and kind. You deserve the very best, and I hope you hold out for that!
Well, thank you, Jenn. I haven't changed much since that photo except to get older. :( And I guess because I'm older, I have zero tolerance for nonsense from men. I don't date much any more because the men my age that I've dealt with have been looking for a mother. I have a son, he's a darned good one, and I don't need another one. A partner would be nice but I'm not looking any more. The only reason I agreed to meet this guy in the first place was because he kept asking and it was during the time that my son was so sick and my heart just wasn't in it. After the tide had turned w/my son, I agreed to meet him, to my detriment. Lesson learned, though. Ya don't know til ya try, right? I'm not as fortunate as some people but I'm more fortunate than many, so I'm grateful for every lesson that I've learned, tough as though some of them have been.

[Grace]

I The phone number that he gave me is in an area code that's 40 minutes away. Maybe the phone number is as phony as he is, I don't know. But I haven't heard word one from him since the incident so even if he was legit, his lack of class isn't what I would want in a man.

Have you tried doing a reverse phone search to see if that number is listed under his name? Of course, if it's unlisted the name wouldn't show up.

Don't know if 411.com works the same in Canada.

[Medusa]

Have you tried doing a reverse phone search to see if that number is listed under his name? Of course, if it's unlisted the name wouldn't show up.

Don't know if 411.com works the same in Canada.
No, I haven't cuz I honestly do not care. I'm glad to be rid of him. As someone here said: I dodged a bullet.

[Catty1]

Just for information - in the USA go to whitepages.com and click on Reverse.

[phesina]

I think you handled this entire situation just right, Mary.

And since you haven't heard from him since, good riddance!

[RICHARD]

Love takes time

Brits take an average of 22 dates, three one-night stands and three long-term relationships before settling down, says a new poll.

Couples revealed how long it had taken to find The One for entertainment website BT PodShow.

Some needed as many as 50 dates with potential partners. And nine per cent reckon it takes at least ten one-night stands.

Talking regularly and an active sex life were what people were looking for.

Poor personal hygiene, no sense of humour and being bad in bed were the biggest turn-offs, the poll found.

The good news for those still searching is this weekend is the best chance of the year to banish those single days.

Relationship expert Jo Hemmings said: "The four-day Bank Holiday gives us double the free time of a normal weekend, so double the chances to enjoy ourselves and find love.

"And the onset of spring, a full moon and an abundance of chocolate Easter eggs will all play their part."
------------

And not a mention of a forgotten wallet! :eek: :confused:

[gini]

Richard is so right. If he had only brought chocolate - even if he did forget his wallet - chocolate - that would have gotten to me. (just kidding).:D

Oh, or PEEPS!!

[Medusa]

Love takes time

Brits take an average of 22 dates, three one-night stands and three long-term relationships before settling down, says a new poll.

Couples revealed how long it had taken to find The One for entertainment website BT PodShow.

Some needed as many as 50 dates with potential partners. And nine per cent reckon it takes at least ten one-night stands.

Talking regularly and an active sex life were what people were looking for.

Poor personal hygiene, no sense of humour and being bad in bed were the biggest turn-offs, the poll found.

The good news for those still searching is this weekend is the best chance of the year to banish those single days.

Relationship expert Jo Hemmings said: "The four-day Bank Holiday gives us double the free time of a normal weekend, so double the chances to enjoy ourselves and find love.

"And the onset of spring, a full moon and an abundance of chocolate Easter eggs will all play their part."
------------

And not a mention of a forgotten wallet! :eek: :confused:

Hmmmm, looks like I need to step up my game on the one night stands then. I can do that.

[shepgirl]

Whole thing sounds fishy to me. How can he forget his wallet when he needs his licence and other stuff that men keep in their wallets? Does that mean he drove without a licence from 40 minutes away? I wouldn't buy that story either, good for you, going with your instinct. Especially since you haven't heard from him since. No apology, no card, flowers,etc. Forget the jerk. That was a dead give away to what he really was.

[Marigold2]

I true gentleman would have sent you flowers with a nice apology. I think you did the right thing.

[Medusa]

I agree w/both of you, Shepgirl and Marigold2. He's no gentleman. God gave us instincts and I used mine and was saved again.