Need advice

[sumbirdy]

I met what I thought was a wonderful guy a few weeks ago. We only talk on the internet anymore but recently his ex got a hold of his accounts and we talked and she said a bunch of stuff about him (can't say since this is a family forum) but a lot of it sort of made sense. It really freaks me out and I don't know what to do. Do I break it off? I don't even know how since he can't get on his accounts and I don't have his number. It's starting to freak me out, and I don't think he's who he led me to believe. Not to mention that I met him on the internet and there's a LOT of wackos out there.

[Catlady711]

I guess I'm confused. How can you 'break off' something with someone you: 1) haven't actually met? 2) don't have a phone number/address for?

I'd say steer clear of this guy. IMHO

[sumbirdy]

By break it off I meant not talk to him. He wants to come see me. But I'm not sure I want to tell him where I live

[moosmom]

Catlady711,

Can you say BLOCK???? I don't trust meeting anyone on the internet. I know some of you here have met and even married their SO's on the internet and it's worked out wonderfully. But my gut feeling tells me I'd rather be alive and alone than mangled, beaten and left for dead on the side of the road by some cyber-whacko.

[Catty1]

sumbirdy, this sounds like bad news...even if it's only his ex that is psycho.

I have dated guys I met on the internet - but the first meeting is at a public place - a restaurant or coffee shop where there are other people around. NO WAY is someone gonna find out where I live first time - or even second time!

I'd say just block him.

Nathan needs you!

{{{hugs}}}

[Taz_Zoee]

I dated online and I was just extra careful about it. I only met in the day time, in a public place and several people always knew exactly what time and where I was. And if I didn't call them in a certain period of time they'd called me and if I didn't answer they would take it to the next level.
I did meet one guy that lied to me about his age. He was four years older than he said, but it wasn't his age that was the issue. It was the fact that he lied. If he lied about that what else would he lie about?
Luckily, I only had to go on about 10 dates before I found my honey. :)

As for this guy, if you have any skeptical feelings..........STOP. It's not even worth it to "find out". You know what I mean? Because, as others have said, there ARE a lot of freaks out there. But there are also good people too. Just be SUPER careful!!

[Karen]

I would definitely play it extra safe. If you have any doubts, just stop communicating with him. And even if you decide it is just his "crazy ex" never tell anyone where you live. If you ever decide to meet someone, do it in a public place, and bring someone you trust with you.

[sumbirdy]

I know what all of you said is true which is why I decided to stop contact with him. Everything just seemed a little weird and I'd rather be safe then sorry! And I'd rather not have any more crazies in my life. Thanks for the advice everyone! :D

[moosmom]

Sumbirdy,

Glad you decided to listen to your gut instincts. They will NEVER steer you wrong.

[davidpizzica]

Catlady711,

Can you say BLOCK???? I don't trust meeting anyone on the internet. I know some of you here have met and even married their SO's on the internet and it's worked out wonderfully. But my gut feeling tells me I'd rather be alive and alone than mangled, beaten and left for dead on the side of the road by some cyber-whacko.
Donna, I agree with everything you've said. I guess I'm the exception to this rule. There are some really bad people on the internet so everyone, BE CAREFUL!

[Medusa]

Never even consider giving anyone your address. If he has a whacko ex, then chances are he's whacko, too. If he should contact you again, don't answer him. If you feel you have to meet someone on the Internet, make it a public place during the day and be sure he doesn't follow you. I hear of accounts nearly every week of tragedies from meeting people on the Internet. Of course, they're not all bad but it's too dangerous to take a chance w/your life. God gave you instincts for a reason. Use 'em!

[dab_20]

If you have any doubts at all about something like this, I would just stop talking to him. If you're ever meeting anyone for the first time that you talk to on the internet, it's safest to meet at a public place and let your family or friends know where your going and what your doing.
Just remember there are a lot of nice guys out there that you'll meet, on and off the internet, so try and be sure if your going to meet someone on the internet. Better safe than sorry.
Good luck :)

[Jessika]

I have a friend I've met on the internet and have talked to for going on seven or eight years now. We have never met in person, but would I? In a heart beat.

Not everyone you meet on the internet is a "crazy" person, I mean, look at us PT-ers :) However, if you do meet someone and start chatting and you just get that bad gut-feeling, chances are just play it safe. I don't want to say write him off completely, as his ex could just be lying to you, but at the same time I would wait a long while before giving out any personal information.

And at the same time, talk with him, ask him point-blank about any doubts you may have, for example bring up "hey did you know your ex was on your accounts the other day? She said some pretty crazy stuff... is it true?". Because who knows, SHE could be the "crazy ex". She DID log into someone else's account that did not belong to her, which is wrong in the first place.

I just say, play it safe, and use your instincts. And if you DO decide to meet him in person, bring a friend or family member with you and do not have him stay at your house -- make it a day trip or something and where you are NEVER alone!

[davidpizzica]

I agree that PTers are special. I actually met moosmom on the internet, on PT. She turns out to be a VERY beautiful caring lady and the more we talked, we found we had a lot in common. We talk on the phone a lot and we actually met face to face in 2007, however I think we're exceptions to the rule.

[bckrazy]

I have to agree with Jessika...

Sure, he could be a weirdo. But, I wouldn't base that on anything his ex says. She is, after all, spying on him and logging onto his accounts - that is more than a little bit weird! Maybe she is trying to help you, or, maybe she's in denial about their relationship and wants to scare you off.

This reminds me of my friend, Grace. She is dating a REALLY awesome guy, Erik. He is so cool, and sweet, and hilarious, and just perfect for her. They had been "casually" dating for a few months, and had worked together for 6 months, when his ex-girlfriend started calling her. They were still on a shared cell account, and his ex got ahold of his call history. She told Grace that he said she was fat (sooo untrue), she was slutty (again, totally untrue), they were still together, a bunch of lies. And, she told Erik that Grace was dating some one else, and told her she didn't even like Erik. Obviously, she is a pretty disturbed person. D=

If the guy weirds you out, by all means, cut off contact with him. But, if you're basing this on his ex's comments, if I were you I would at least give him a chance to defend himself.

[Medusa]

Chatting w/someone on a pet website and a guy wanting to come to her house after a couple of weeks of online chatting, then hearing from a crazy ex is something totally different. I don't think anyone is saying that all people on the Internet are crazy. She admitted that she feels he's not all he says he is and that's her instincts telling her not to go any further. Far be it from me to tell anyone how to live her life but she asked for advice and my instincts (and several other's) are telling me he's bad news. If the guy had any sense, he'd ask to meet in a neutral location, not say that he wants to come to her house.