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NoahsMommy
02-27-2008, 04:47 PM
Hey guys....

OK, I've been living with my roommate for 27 days now and I want your thoughts on the following... :(

I've been discovering my food missing! Not just one or two things, like, nearly each item I've brought into the apartment and put away into the fridge or pantry. Its one thing to go into the cheese/lunch meat drawer to find she's taken 1 or 2 pieces of my cheddar or my string cheese, but NO! She's taken and eaten nearly ALL of both packages!! The cookies my mom bought me from Trader Joe's on Thursday had only 6 left when I went to pack my lunch on Sunday night! That box had at least 36 cookies in the package! I've noticed an entire box of my granola bars MISSING (I bought 2 boxes because they were 2 for $4.00) and she's been eating my saltine crackers, my pretzels and my Pepsi....even though she knows its for my stomach - and she KNOWS I've been feeling like crap ever since I've moved in!! She's had ALL my LARGE bottle of coffee creamer, she's drinking my milk, having some of my cereal, using my bread, taking my yogurt - even though she has her own!

I had to finally say something about this yesturday, or I would have just snapped one day.

I was light about it. But to the point. I told her that it wasn't cool to take my food. That #1, it was ALL the food I had until I got paid again. #2 that the majority of the food (ie: pretzels, apple juice, pepsi, crackers) is for my stomach and without it, I cannot eat, or work. I told her I didn't want to make a big deal out of things, that "it wasn't a big deal" (meaning that I didn't want to make it an issue, not that I wasn't mad). She took it to mean that it didn't matter that she was eating MY food and said, "yea, it is a big deal, Kelly." I explained that, "yea, it is important, I just wanted to say that I'll say something one time, get it out there and then its done. I don't hold grudges. I said it, I just want it to be corrected and lets get on with our lives, OK?" She said, "I'm glad."

She never really said, "I'm sorry". Which, well, is kind of wierd. I mean, if she's hungry and doesn't have food, I don't want her to starve. But I guess the thing is her NOT ASKING. If she asks, she can absolutely have any food I have. But still, ASK ME FIRST, you know? And its not like she doesn't have food. Her part of the pantry and fridge have food and she's always bringing groceries or fast food home. So, I just don't understand why she was taking MY food. She didn't offer ANY explaination whatsoever.

Isn't that odd??

To be honest, when this started happening, I started to hide my medicines and my money. :o I have to be smart. Our bedrooms do have locks on them, but we don't have keys. If she can so freely take my food, what else can she do, right? I don't like thinking that way, but I have to be smart, right?

Anyway, just wondering what you all thought on this issue. My mom and my co-worker think I should lock up my food in my room. Mom even thinks I should get a small fridge for my closet. I don't know...

Outside of this, she really is a nice person. Noah ADORES her. He sits at her door and cries and cries to be let in. Especially when she's not home. He loves her so much, its so cute. ;)

joycenalex
02-27-2008, 05:08 PM
okay my take here....you told her what needs to change for your relationship as roomies to work for you. let it ride for 2 weeks, IF she continues to "borrow" food, confront her directly again, reminding her it is a big deal, she is taking your food, you don't appreciate it, and you will be locking up your food stuffs.( BTW, i also think keeping money, credit cards, checks and anything that could be pilfered away is a good thing.) do not be mean, but don't be nice about the second conversation( if it has to happen, and i hope it won't) maybe she's thoughtless and just needed to have it once kindly pointed out. ....and for the record, as a caffeine addict, NO ONE touches my coffee creamer and the last of the coffee. me without a theraputic dosage of caffine is too ugly for thought.

kuhio98
02-27-2008, 05:18 PM
Kelly ~ I'm sorry, honey, but I don't think it's weird UNLESS you had an agreement beforehand not to eat each other's food. Did you have the agreement? Or is it something you just assumed?

Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

Now if it continues to happen after you've had this conversation, then I think it's weird. You've made it clear that it bugs you and why it does.

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

NoahsMommy
02-27-2008, 06:00 PM
Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

When I moved in, we each picked 2 shelves in the pantry and 2 shelves in the fridge. We didn't outright say, "PLEASE DONT EAT MY FOOD". But she's lived in 4 other roommate situations before. Most of her food (jars and cans) have her initials on them, so I'm pretty sure she knows that its not normal to just take someone else's food unless its offered to her.

We've even gone grocery shopping together and we had separate shopping carts and paid separately. I don't know how on earth she would have thought that it is OK to just take my food. ESPECIALLY since I'm not taking ANY of hers.

I agree, if it happens again, after I've spoken to her about it, I'll be mad. Not until then. I hope high hopes that she'll listen to me.

Hugs, Kelly :)

Medusa
02-27-2008, 06:52 PM
You'll probably have to spell out exactly what is off limits. If you have specific shelves, etc., then those are your shelves and your possessions belong on them. I don't care for the casual way people sometimes regard other people's possessions. If you don't get permission, it isn't borrowing, it's stealing. Of course, generosity is a wonderful trait and should be encouraged. But if you specifically state what is not to be touched and/or eaten, then that's the way it should be. If she continues w/this behavior, then you have your answer.

Craftlady
02-27-2008, 08:07 PM
Maybe that's why she has trouble keeping roommates?

CamCamPup33
02-27-2008, 08:52 PM
I definitely think it's a little rude. It would bother me solely for the fact that she was taking things without asking first. Like you said, it wouldn't be such a big deal if she just ASKED. And even if she doesn't ask, she should take in moderation..not eat the entire box of granola bars or eat the majority of the cookies.

Maybe she didn't offer an apology or an explanation because she was embarrassed about the whole thing, or maybe she just doesn't find it to be that big of a deal.

Either way, you've expressed that it bothers you, now all you can do is wait it out and if she continues to do it, thats when you snap! ;) :p

Good luck!!

krazyaboutkatz
02-28-2008, 01:27 AM
Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that this is happening.:( I've had this happen to me a few times with one of my past roommates and I just confronted her and she even went out and bought me some more of what she had eaten. I think that you just need to confront her right away if this happens again.

Hopefully you'll be able to work this out. Until then, I'd at least keep your essential food locked up in your room. I'd also keep all other valuables locked up or hidden away. You can never be too safe or trusting of other people. Good luck.:)

dukedogsmom
02-28-2008, 01:44 AM
I don't know what to think except I'm disappointed that this is happening and you've hardly been there. I hope it doesn't continue.

catnapper
02-28-2008, 06:30 AM
I think she's the kind of person who will try to get away with something for as long as she can. Certainly she knows its wrong to take your food, but figures that if you're not saying anything, then why not take your food instead of hers?

Watch out for shampoo, hair gel, perfume, etc levels. My one roomate in college liked to use my stuff instead of hers simply because she could get away with it.

You've had the conversation. Let it go for now and watch things.

Pawsitive Thinking
02-28-2008, 06:53 AM
How about agreeing to a shelf or two each for your own foodstuffs and then have a "communal" shelf where you can put stuff for sharing

Laura's Babies
02-28-2008, 10:01 AM
I was wondering how it was working out for you since you were suppose to move after I left.

What I would do is put the price I paid for the item on everything and let her know if she ate it, she pays for it and it comes out of her rent money if she don't replace it immediately.

Don't she understand your medical problem? She needs to understand FULLY your diet and the consequenses (for you) of not staying on it. Make her understand to her it is only food, to you is is your life and to you, that is nothing anybody has any right to mess with! I would have to ask her if she even realizes how lucky she is to be able to eat what she wants.

I think it is extreemly RUDE of her to be doing that and you are right about locking up your valueables. I would buy a cabinet to put in my room to keep my food in and put a lock on it. Boy, I would feel like a real low life if a room mate of mine felt like they had to lock everything up away from me... but I am a honest person.

I have had room mates that stole from me and ran up my bills so my experiences with having them have not been good (they moved into my home). People just do not respect other peoples property anymore.

moosmom
02-28-2008, 10:50 AM
Get a small dorm size fridge and put all your food (perishables) in there. Since your bedroom has a lock on it, lock up everything you don't want missing, such as drugs, food, ANYTHING you think she might want to "borrow". If she doesn't like it, too bad.

You might also want to label everything with your name. Like Craftlady said, maybe that's the reason why she's had so many roommates.

jackie
02-28-2008, 11:33 AM
You have talked to her, just wait and see if it happens again. If it does, then you might have to speak to her again.

Until then, don't start locking your food away, it may make it awkward to live with her after.

ChrisH
02-28-2008, 11:50 AM
I agree with Jackie, wait and see what happens.

Daisy and Delilah
02-28-2008, 01:31 PM
I agree with Jackie and Chris.

My first reaction was to think how incredibly rude that was. After reading some of the other's responses it made me think otherwise. I can understand if there was no verbal or written agreement then maybe she thought it was okay. To me, it seems that it's just good manners and consideration to not help yourself to someone elses things without permission. I also know that everyone does not think alike.

Now that you've mentioned it to her, I think it would be nice to go out and replace the items she took. Isn't that the polite way?

Kelly, I hope this doesn't continue because I know we are all so happy to know that you were finally getting a break and on the road to happiness.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

CountryWolf07
02-28-2008, 07:27 PM
I agree with Jackie, wait and see what happens.

Ditto. I agree.

jennielynn1970
03-01-2008, 04:04 AM
How is it going with the roomie?? I was reading this and thinking back to my roommates that I had in the past, and unless it was milk, butter, things like that, we stuck to our own food that we bought. If we had a dinner party or something, then we'd shop together and split the cost, but other than that, we ate what we bought. Now, my 3rd roommate was a little different, but that was because she had other issues as well. She would take advantage of what she could (like not paying rent, utility bills, and she was also a drug user and alcoholic... it was SO much fun!).

I hope your roommate will show you some courtesy and, unless you both agree to share the food and you eat her things as well, then she needs to stick to her part of the fridge. Otherwise she's just being manipulative and inconsiderate.

NoahsMommy
03-05-2008, 04:14 PM
Hey there,

I'm so sorry I haven't been back to update. I'm in a serious Crohn's Attack (FABULOUS TIMING!!!!) and this is the first time I've been able to get to the office to get online.

The very next day I returned home from work to see a grocery back of nearly ALL the food she'd eaten replaced. It brought tears to my eyes because you all know me, I felt bad. Ugh, I'm so lame! I shouldn't feel bad! I wasn't mean and I let it go for longer than it needed to. She KNOWS all about my condition and my immediate need for certain items.

You are all correct, the issue wasn't taking the food, it was NOT ASKING me.

Things are better now. She's not eating my food, so that's nice.

When I told her that I didn't bring this "issue" up with her to get groceries out of it, she said, "I know, it was the right thing to do.". So she obviously knows it was wrong.

The more I learn about her, she's nice and a cool girl, but I think our age difference really dictates how we act and make decisions on everything. I've never lived with a roommate before, so this is new for me. It sure is interesting! ;)

Furballs are doing very well and are HAPPY as little clams. I love them dearly. Yeturday Micah jumped in the shower with me! I'd forgotten about his little love for water...it was so cute, I spent my entire shower laughing so hard I was crying! :) I love those little fluffballs!

Love you guys,
Kelly :D

jackie
03-05-2008, 04:20 PM
Glad to hear things are working out with the roommate.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

CountryWolf07
03-05-2008, 04:31 PM
I'm glad everything is working out! :)

Medusa
03-05-2008, 05:09 PM
Hopefully, that will be the end of the "issue" now. Crohn's disease is nothing to mess with and you need your food when you need it, aside from the issue of not asking. Things are looking up. Feel better soon....

Rachel
03-05-2008, 06:40 PM
Kelly, it is very encouraging that you had positive results from your discussion with your roomie. For a brief minute I had visions of the living situation turning sour for you, but it looks like, even if it is not perfect, it may be a very workable situation for you. Whew! I think you handled every thing quite well. Not that you should completely let your guard down, but I'm thinking all will be okay.

I so sorry you are having yet another attack. One of these days medical science it going to get a handle on this dreaded disease and then we can all celebrate like crazy.

krazyaboutkatz
03-06-2008, 11:34 AM
Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that you've been so sick with your Crohn's.:( I hope that you'll recover soon and that this will be the end of it for quite some time. I'm glad to hear that your roommate now understands about your food situation and that she even replaced what she had eaten. She sounds like a very nice girl and I hope that things will continue to work out. Please take care.

ramanth
03-06-2008, 11:38 AM
I'm sorry to hear you're having another Crohn's attack. *HUGS*

How nice of your roomie to replace the food. Sounds like things are going well. :)