I can't pull myself together....

[Donnaj4962]

:::sigh::: I just can't "get it together", and I don't know what to do. I will try to make this as short as possible, as I don't want anyone turned off by the length. I really need some suggestions. First, some of you know that I have been taking effexor for several years. It has helped me tremendously! But at the first of the year, our insurance changed and it now costs me $50.00/ month for just the effexor. I just cannot afford that. My doctor changed me to celexa (on the $4.00 WalMart plan!) but that just didn't help me like the effexor. She now has me on tegretol (mainly prescribed for seizures, but also used for depression) and it is not working either. I just sit and cry. I have been going through a lot in my life since the first of the year. I met a great guy the first of December, and everything was going great... until I had my breast cancer scare, and then he was gone. No explanation, nothing. Won't return my calls, won't answer the phone when I call. I know that it was too soon to tell, but I felt like he could have been the man I have been looking for all my life. I was so scared, because it seemed so right. He said the same thing. We tried to go slow with everything, but we both felt so "whole" when we were together. I miss him so much, and with no closure, I just can't get past it all. Work has been terrible lately. I feel so useless and like I cannot do anything right. I am paranoid abut everything and anything anoyone says. I don't want to do any of the things I used to do. I don't want to be around anyone. I actually had to leave work early today because I was sitting at my desk, tears streaming down my face. I just can't function. I have to force myself to get out of bed each day to go to work, and then I am always at least a few hours late. Thank goodness my boss is okay with that. I know that I need to give the tegretol some time to work (I have only been taking it for 5 days), but this is ridiculous. I feel so alone. No one understands what I am feeling. People who I thought would care just tell me to "talk it out" with them. But I just cry, and nothing gets solved and I don't feel any better. What do I do? The tears just won't stop. **Just so everyone knows, my girls aren't being neglected in any way. I am taking care of them and luvving on them just as if nothing is any different. They just are damp from the tears.**

[joycenalex]

donna, i am sending you hugs and kind thoughts. besides the meds are you doing any kind of talk therapy? and can your doctor either give you effexor samples, get you on a discount program or have her staff use the preexisting need for this med to keep you on it at your old rate?
as for this guy...true colors have shown through. it doesn't make the hurt less, it does show that he was a weak foundation for dreams.
as for work, will your doctor get you on a medical leave till the worst of the blues passes and you're doing better emotionally? more hugs, joyce

[Catty1]

Sweetie - do check about some depression counselling. It's more than talk - you can get a recovery plan happening!

When I finally found a good med that worked for me, I did a fair bit of counselling with homework for a while. It helped me work at the way I thought about and reacted to things in life.

ALSO - you may be having really bad reactions to going off one med and starting another.

Hopefully your insurance will cover something like that. Also, try some of the suggestions about Effexor above. Hmmm...I wonder if the manufacturer would like knowing about that?

Wyeth, the manufacturer of Effexor, has a Patient Program to help those who cannot pay for the med, or whose insurance does not cover it. Check the link below!

http://www.wyeth.com/contact?rid=/wyeth_html/home/shared/footer/Patient/contact_patient_assist.html

Qualification Guidelines

To receive medication through the Wyeth Pharmaceutical Assistance Foundation, patients must certify all of the following:

* They are unable to pay for their medication.
* They do not have private insurance or government insurance to pay for the requested Wyeth medication or have depleted all other insurance coverage options (such as Medicare, Medicaid, and other assistance from a government agency).
* They earn less than 200% of the current Department of Human and Health Services (HHS) Poverty Guidelines.
* They do not have other sufficient financial resources or assets to pay for the medication requested or that paying for the medication from their own resources or assets would cause severe hardship.
* They are residents of the United States or Puerto Rico.

Hope this helps - ask your doctor. He or she might know how to jump through a hoop or two here. :)

[Catty1]

Donna - a sweet pic I found on ICHC:

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c11/Candace_1956/whyrainnot128479223354890915.jpg

[jackie]

I don't really have a lot to say about it, I haven't dealt with depression before, but I have dealt with a lot of jerky men (it is my forte). This guy isn't worth your time!

I hope that you can sort your meds out and finally start to feel better, it sounds really rough what you are going through. I know I don't know you but if you ever want to chat, pm me.

hugs.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I hope you can get your medication and feel better. I have nothing to offer except to wish you the best and {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.

[critters]

Yes, even the new generic venlafaxine is expensive, which is what I'm betting you were taking, judging by the price. How about doing venlafaxine again, but at a smaller dose? That's what I did. The lower dose isn't great, but it's at least functional.

[JenBKR]

How long have you been off of Effexor? Going off of it is HELL - been there. It did help me a lot, but I had to go off of it to get pregnant. I am on Zoloft now which seems to be helping a lot, but it did take a few weeks. When you went off Effexor, did you taper off or stop immediately?

[moosmom]

Donna,

I was on Effexor for years as well. It stopped working so I had to go off of it. The withdrawal was awful. That's why you have WEAN yourself off of it. Then I was put on Celexa while in the hospital. I was on it for two years and it also stopped working, just recently. He put me on Cymbalta but I'm having problems with it. So now I'm on nothing, at his insistence, until another drug that be found. In the meantime, I'm suffering from vertigo, which is no picnic.

As far as not being able to afford it, here are some links that can help you.

PPA, Partnership for Prescription Assistance has a toll free number you can call. They'll ask you questions and let you know if you qualify. I did back before I was on disability. It's well worth looking into.

http://www.freemedicinerevolution.com/?gclid=CKrl1f_G2pECFQo4FQodvkkBew

http://www.astrazeneca-us.com/content/patientAssistance/astrazeneca-pparx.asp?PPA=CorpID

Please don't say people don't understand. Yes, some people who have never gone through depression think it's as simple "getting over it", and just don't get it. I only wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain. It's very complicated.

Please dial "211" on your phone and someone will ask you what kind of help you're looking for. That's what I did and it's the best thing I EVER did.

Good luck sweetie. Please keep us posted. We care. I'll PM you with my cellphone number. It's free so just call me and I'll call you back so it won't cost anything.

[Freedom]

I also hope you can get into a therapy program, as it does work WITH medication and helps as well. Unfortunately, it all takes TIME to work, and that is the hard part. Blessings.

[Donnaj4962]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and well wishes. I am feeling a little better today. I actually got up, fixed some breakfast, got dressed and ran some errands. Believe me, THAT in itself is an accomplishment.

As for the effexor, I would LOVE to go back on it, but my doc has no samples,and I truly cannot afford it. I will not qualify for any progrmas since I have prescription coverage through my insurance. My doc was a pharmacist before she became an MD, and she told me that coming off of effexor would be rough. That is why she put me on celexa. Once I finished the effexor script, I was able to start right in with the celexa. It worked, but was just not the same as the effexor. So she thought we should try the tegretol. It seems to be having the opposite effect from what we are trying for.

I talked with a friend last night, and she talked with her Dad for me. He is an MD. He suggested I NOT take the tegretol and keep on the celexa at least throught his weekend and on Monday call my doctor and see what we can do. He thought that maybe I just need a larger does of the celexa.

I am also going to call about counseling on Monday. I have some other health issues that I have been ignoring, and I know that I should not. I have promised myself that I will take care of everything on Monday. I am going to clean house today (haven't done it in over a month! :eek: ) and try to keep busy. Thanks again. I just needed to vent about it all last night. I have kept it in for so long.

[Medusa]

:::I met a great guy the first of December, and everything was going great... until I had my breast cancer scare, and then he was gone. No explanation, nothing. Won't return my calls, won't answer the phone when I call. I know that it was too soon to tell, but I felt like he could have been the man I have been looking for all my life. I was so scared, because it seemed so right. He said the same thing. We tried to go slow with everything, but we both felt so "whole" when we were together. I miss him so much, and with no closure, I just can't get past it all.

A "man" (and I use the term loosely) who would turn tail and run at the first sign of illness is not the one for you. We say things in the first blush of romance that we wouldn't ordinarily say. He is NOT a great guy, he is a coward. Someone who won't take phone calls or return them is someone who's going to look around one day and wonder where HIS support system is. And guess what. He won't have one. I'm sorry that this happened to you but better now than later. Rip the bandaid off; it stings for a little while and then it's over. Now you can heal. Leave this guy in your dust and take care of yourself. You've been through enough. I'm praying that you get your meds all straightened out and that you'll realize just how strong you really are.

[ramanth]

I have no advice, but I'm sorry to hear you are going through rough times. I hope they get better soon. *HUGS*

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Again, no advice but lots of PT love and support for you - give yourself time and you will get through this

[lizbud]

I have no advice, but I'm sorry to hear you are going through rough times. I hope they get better soon. *HUGS*



Same here. :) I don't know much about various RX drugs so I can't help
with that, but your Dr should work with you to ease you over this.I do
hope you feel better soon.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of this.:( I hope that your doctor will be able to help get you on the right doseage and the correct medicine for you and I hope you start feeling better soon. Please take care and remember that you have many people here for emotional support.:)

You're better off without a man than with a man that runs away as soon as there's a crisis.;)

[shepgirl]

Donna---you are talking about depression only. If you have a simple depression caused by a chemical imbalance then the Tegretol is not the drug for you. It's main use is for manic depression and bipolar and you didn't mention these so I assumed that you didn't have those problems. I was taking Tegretol for trigeminal pain on one side of my head and face, they helped tremendously but because they made me so depressed I had to quit them.
I know where you are coming from, my daughter suffers depression and is taking celexa, she gets like this every winter and I see what it does to her...those pills are not to be stopped abruptly either, she gets weaned off over a period of one month. She wants to try and get through next winter without the pills but I don't know iof she will be able to, but time will tell.
In the meantime, loving your furfriends and keeping them close to you is a good remedy as is going for walks, shopping or visiting friends.
I'm sorry you are going through this but I feel you should go back on the celexa and talk to your doctor about some kind of financial aid. The right drug is very important in treating depresion.
As for the "great guy" you thought you had, better to find out he's not sogreat before wasting more time on him...in my eyes he wasn't for you if he ran at the first sign of trouble.

[moosmom]

Shepgirl,

Great advice!!

[smokey the elder]

The combination of going off Effexor cold turkey and changing to a med which might not be right for you probably isn't helping. It stinks that your insurance won't cover Effexor at a reasonable rate. These yahoos trying to practice medicine without a license burn me up. Unfortunately, depression is tough to treat, and it can take a long time to find meds that work, and a therapy that works. Anyway, you don't need my rant; you need some hugs, and here they come. {{Hugs}}.

[moosmom]

When I had to go off Effexor, my doctor also started me on something else to kind of make the withdrawal less annoying.

[cassiesmom]

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hug]]]]]]]]]]]

[jennielynn1970]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I've been dealing with the same kind of thing for the past 2 years. I've been on meds since 1996, and had finally found one that worked for me (Zoloft), and it was a godsend for about 7 years. Then, it just stopped working. Went through about 5 others (Effexor being one of them), and was just put on Lexapro 2 weeks ago. It's working much like Zoloft did, so I'm feeling hopeful... I'm just hoping that I can get the rest of me to feel the way I did before.

I've missed so much work, it's not even funny. We get 10 sick days a year, and I used all of mine by October (and we started school the end of August). I just haven't wanted to get out of bed. It was like every part of my body literally ached. Plus, I just didn't want to do things I used to do. I loved being out and being social, and the past year, that has just gone south. I sit at home, read, and sleep. It's not good. My mother just says that I need to get out and exercise and I'll feel all better, but that's not it. I know exercise will help, it gets the endorphins going, or whatever they are called, but just getting to the point of wanting to get out is what I need... she doesn't get that.

I just want you to know that I know what you are dealing with, and that I really wish you the best with getting a med that will work well for you. Sometimes it takes a combination of two of them (my friend takes Wellbutrin and Buspar... Wellbutrin with me was horrendous, but for her it works). I'm thankful I have an understanding principal and vice principal at school, and that they don't count this against me. They even recommended one of the school counselors for me to talk to (I have my own psychiatrist, and prefer to keep the school one out of it... call me paranoid, but I do like to have some of my life private from work).

If you want to talk about anything, or just need to vent or whatever, please feel free to PM me. Sometimes talking does help you feel better. Sometimes writing works for me. I do thank god for my cats, because they all seem to know when I need a positive lift, and stay by my side. Right now there are 6 on my bed, lol. At least I feel loved, if not understood, lol.

Take care, and big hugs going out to you!

[Catty1]

Donna, how are you today? Please check in.

I hope you can take time off in addition to getting some med help!

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Donnaj4962]

Thank you all for your continued concern. I spent the weekend in the house, doing housework that needed to be done. I got lots of luvvins from my girls. They ARE the best therapists. I called my doctor's office about my meds first thing this morning, and had to leave a message (of course). I was so busy at work that I didn't realize that the day was practially over and I had not heard anything yet. I was able to make an appointment with my thumb doctor and got a shot in my thumb joint. I have bad arthritis in my right thumb and am looking at surgery to have it replaced. (I had the left one done in November 2005). My thumb was so inflamed that he could hardly get any liquid in, thus the pain of the pressure was unbearable. When I started crying, he stopped. So life goes on. One of my friends stopped over tonight, and she commented that so far, 2008 has not been very healthy for me, physically or emotionally. She is right, but I refuse to focus on that. I am going to what is necessary to get myself well. I will call my doc again in the morning since I know that is the first big hurdle that I need to overcome. Thanks again everyone for the kind words and for making me realize I am not alone.

[shepgirl]

Donna--your last post made me feel like you're doing a bit better. The tone of your post was so different this time. Congrats on fighting this "monster".

[Zygo]

Donna,

I was taking Celexa and Buspar for depression 6 years ago - honestly I do not think they did anything for me at all. I had been through a break up also - and after all these years I finally tried again, and guess what - he just broke up with me too. But I don't feel "depressed" - it's not the same at all. I think that back then,. talking with my therapist, plus the passage of time, is what made me better. I'm glad you are feeling a little better & I hope that continues. That guy was no good. Poisonous berries are just as bright as nutritious ones - it's hard to tell the difference!

[sabies]

It seems like there is a lot of good advice for you and lots of evidence you are not alone. I suffered from depression in the past as well but I don't believe mine was chemical but then maybe learning new ways to deal with stuff can change your brain chemistry (I believe it can). I do recommend talk therapy with your medication. That is what I did. Switch therapists til you find the right one. I didn't realize how much of a difference that mattered. I have seen about 6 different therapists until the right one and the difference was obvious the first day.

It took years to get thru but now I am never clinically depressed - ever! (I'm sure situations will arise that are difficult but hopefully I have the right tools to deal with tough times). Remember take baby steps and yes if you get out of bed it is an accomplishment to celebrate, and don't beat yourself up when you have a rough time.

[Donnaj4962]

Well, today was a better day than the past 10 days have been. I TRULY think the tegretol was having the opposite effect from what it was supposed to do for me. And since I have stopped taking it, I feel better. I haven't cried in 2 days! :) I finally heard from my doctor's office today, and she has me on neurontin, WITH the celexa. We will try that and see what happens. Like tegratol, neurontin is not typically used for depression, but in combination with the celexa, she believes it will help settle my moods. So I will try this combination and see what happens. If this doesn't work, I think I will have to find a way to be able to afford the effexor again, since that worked for me in the past.

And I am feeling more content about the guy that was in my life. All last week (with the tegretol in my system) I went form wanting to scream ant him and tell him just what I think of him, to wanting to sit calmy and talk about what happend, to suddenly thinking that he is just not worth my time. Sadly, all of those emotions could happen in the span of an hour! Now, I am feeling much more "even" about the whole thing. It's not like I could care less, but that I now know that I can deal with it. And I realize he was not what he appeared to be. :rolleyes: I am not a fool, he was just great at playing me! So I will move on.

I will let you know how the neurontin works with the celexa.... for now, I must head to bed and try to get some sleep. (((hugs))) to everyone for their support and kind words!

[Catty1]

Glad you are feeling more even, Donna. I really hope the new combo works for you also.

BTW - when I posted the link from the manufacturer of Effexor, it seemed a bit different - because of course they want to have THEIR product available. So consider contacting the manufacturer if you need to.

Hopefully, this new mix will do the job. :)

{{{{hugs}}}}

[shepgirl]

Great news Donna, keep us posted. You do indeed sound MUCH better.

[Catty1]

I looked up neurontin...it's not used for depression, BUT one of its 'side effects' is that it increases the effects of antidepressants.

Kinda like putting hi-octane in the Celexa, I guess. :)

Hope it works for you! :)

[Donnaj4962]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to report that I am feeling so much better! The combination of the meds is making me feel just like my effexor did! I had a great weekend, laughing and smiling and spending time with some friends! And I am not crying all the time like I was! Such an improvement! Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I do appreciate it all! I feel like "me" again! :D

[Pawsitive Thinking]

That is great to see! The light at the end of the tunnel isn't always attached to a great big train :D Keep smiling

[Catty1]

WOOHOO! Good to hear, Donna! It's great to enjoy life again, isn't it? :D