Need some advice ASAP!

[racing_gurl07]

Ok so heres the deal....

My ex's(we broke up in feb..we went out for 4 years) new girlfriend added me on myspace, she asked who i was and all that and i told her. and i said that i wasnt going to sit here and bash him, she just asked about me. she seemed really friendly. Then in the next message i read from her she said "jason told me i have to delete you" (jason and i hate eachother theres a reason behindthat ill get to in a bit) then she said "if theres anything i need to know about him email me at my address"

SO i dont know what to do....Jason was abusive towards me for 4 years, calling me names, not letting me talk to anyone, or go see my friends, saying the same thing he siad to his gf now , that she can add me on myspace. He was also physically abusive to me, he would beat me if i wouldnt do anything wtih him at the time he wanted it. this went on for 4 years. I didnt know at the time it was abuse because i thought i loved him.

but i guess the point im trying to get at is...should i tell his gf now what happened to me? to warn her? to give her signs to look for because the way it sounds hes turning into the same "bad gay" i dated. but like i said i dont want this to turn into drama, she just added me on myspace and i didnt think anything of it, i wasnt planning on telling her until she told me to tell her anything she needs to know. I just want her to be save, yes i dontknow her but no one should be abused!

and oh...just to let everyone know there is a restraning order on Jason so dont worry we dont talk anymore.

please help!!!

[Queen of Poop]

I'd say tell her. She asked. And it sounds like the controlling has already started. She needs to run for the hills!

[CountryWolf07]

I would say, LET HER KNOW!

NO ONE deserves to be in the same situation you were once into, and you're out of it.. which is a great thing! So, warn her.

[jadams007]

definitely tell her

[joycenalex]

tell her. tell your friends, tell her friends and if he ever contacts you, tell the cops and the DA fast

[pitc9]

She needs to know!

[Karen]

Do tell her what happened, so she doesn't dismiss any abuse as "oh, I must have done something to deserve that." Include that you wish her happiness, and hope he has changed but don't bank on it. and she should be aware to be safe.

[jackie]

You are with someone new, you are having a baby soon, it is nothing to do with you.

If she messages you again, tell her to speak to her boyfriend.

[lbaker]

I like Karens advise telling her you hope (for her sake) that he has changed but also tell her you do have a restraining order on him and perhaps she should ask him what caused the courts to grant it. If she wants details she can ask. Wouldn't details be available in public court records if she wants to look into it? I wouldn't get into too many details, maintain your dignity. I too have been there and understand the mindset abuse can cause :(

[Taz_Zoee]

This line: she said "if theres anything i need to know about him email me at my address" makes me feel that she may already have suspicions and wants to know how it was with you. Otherwise, why would she say that?

Although, this could become stressful for you and you don't need that so close to the end of your pregnancy.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. :)

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I think you should stay out of it. You don't know what your ex will do if he finds out you have been in further contact with her. You have a baby due out soon and she needs to be your main concern. For the girls sake I hope he has changed though it isn't likely. Anything you tell her probably won't be of any surprise to her anyway, so keeping yourself distanced is probably best for both you and your baby.

[Catty1]

Ask a counsellor or the police, maybe...

ETA: Two thoughts - if you were in her shoes, and got the full story, what would you do?

I think she should have the facts (even just the fact of the restraining charge is enough) ONLY if she has a plan to LEAVE. Otherwise, she will be in MAJOR doo-doo, and you might be in danger as well.

JMO

[Cataholic]

You would risk anything at this point? WHY can't you just focus on you and the baby? WHY???

When I was days away from delivering, I wanted nothing but positive in my life. Calm, peace, finish up the chores, etc.

Just walk away from all this. Please.

[Lori Jordan]

I would say something.

It is really scary the way things work in the world we live in today,This past year there has been 3 women in my area that have been killed by there husbands and boyfriends.

If he put his hands on you nothing will change,And she probably has been in the same situation you have been in,Or she would not if made that remark...

It could get worse,If he can raise his hand to strike a woman im sure he is capable of much more.We would never think it but there is so many relationships these days ending in death and the other one in jail.

But after if you do tell her,and she still stays with him,Wash your hands.
You have warned her and she has to make that decision not you.

Dont let yourself get stressed over this,You need to be number one in your life,Not an ex's girlfriends problem...

StressFree is where you need to be right now!

[jackie]

If he put his hands on you nothing will change,And she probably has been in the same situation you have been in,Or she would not if made that remark...



Sorry, don't agree with the comment that if he did it once he will do it again.

I have been in a very abusive relationship, ending in a restraining order and sentencing for him. Did he do it before, I don't think so. Do I think he would do it again, nope.

Different place different person, different time.

I still think you should keep focused on you and your child, move on.

[Rachel]

I'm in the camp that feels you need to stay as far away from anything to do with him and anyone else he is involved with as you possibly can.

There is someone else who is your priority to protect now. This person (GF) is an adult who has other people in her life with whom to consult on what's going on in her life. Personally I don't think you should even know who his current girlfriend is!!! You aren't the one to protect others from Jason.

Just my humble opinion.

[Medusa]

Having been there, I can speak w/authority on this subject. Abusers DO NOT change except to get better at what they do. If you think you're the first person this guy was abusive to, forget it. And if you think you'll be the last, you can forget that, too. It takes YEARS of counseling to get an abuser to even admit what s/he's done. You can tell this girl if you like but it's doubtful that it will do any good. She'll more than likely say that you're just a jealous ex who wants to trash him. Denial is such a potent force. You say that you didn't know he was abusive "because you loved him". Come on. We know when we're being abused and we know when we should get out but for whatever reason/s, we just don't do it. She knows already that something isn't right w/him or she wouldn't have asked that you tell her if there's anything she should know. When you're in the first blush of love, you don't suspect your partner of anything negative. You're out, THANK GOODNESS, now stay out. Block her on My Space, be sure that he follows the restraining order, and get on w/your life. DO NOT make excuses for him or anyone else who thinks they have the right to say or do anything that's hurtful to you. WE ALWAYS KNOW when we're being abused but fear or pride or finances or a host of other reasons keeps us from getting out. You're one of the lucky ones because you got out. Now stay out and don't get sucked back into any kind of drama. It isn't worth your life and/or sanity and self respect.

[catnapper]

Let me ask you this: If someone told you 4 years ago, would you have done anything about it? would you have denied it? Would you have said, "He's such a sweetie, its just that he works so hard and he's so tired..." Or would you have broke up with him and set yourself free from years of emotional and physical abuse?

Being free of the situation enables you to see things with a clarity you never noticed before. Thing is you have to be free of a situation to notice. I often said Ashley was emotionally abused by Cam's father; all the things we told her about him was said to unhearing ears. Now that she's away from him she's constantly complaining of everything we told her about him.

You can't give the truth to someone who doesn't want to hear it. If she's looking for the truth to confirm her suspicions, email her politely and tell her that you have nothing to say in writing, that if she wants to meet and discuss things you are willing to do so. and if you meet, make it a business-like meeting where you tell her the facts as they occur, like a timeline. But never ever put all that in writing because he might find it and she could misinterpret what you're saying. Nothing is like facing another woman when you're telling her to watch out for herself.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

What puzzles me is why she added you in the first place