Am I just clearly annoyed or jealous?

[CountryWolf07]

So, I walked in the house from my class today, and I saw that my roommate and her boyfriend were hanging out on the couch... at 2pm.. which was odd to me... so, I think that my roommate's boyfriend is a loser.... all he does is live here with her.. and he doesn't pay for anything.. not even rent or the utility bills. But as I look back to almost last year.. I know I lived at Mike's on weekends but he's here every day and every weekend.. is it possible I'm jealous or just annoyed is a better word for it? My brothers and MIKE dont' like him, also. I don't have anything bad against him at all, actually.. but does he really NEED to be here all the time?

Just venting.

[jennielynn1970]

If he's there all the time, and uses electric, water, and causes increased bills, that would annoy the crap out of me. I don't see it as jealousy, just a guy who is living off his girlfriend, and doesn't know when his welcome has worn out.

Have you talked to your roommate?? I'd broach the subject tactfully, saying that him being there a large percentage of time (and give specifics) is encroaching on your own privacy and that as he's not the roommate, he needs to limit his visitations, or they need to find somewhere else to visit. If she gets defensive, explain that you two are the renters, not he, and that if he is going to be there that often, he needs to assume some of the responsibility for the expenses he causes.

I would not be happy in your situation. I like my privacy. My home is my sanctuary, and if I can't be relaxed when I'm at home because someone else, who doesn't live there is always there, I'd be annoyed. If they insist on keeping the arrangement of him staying there 24/7, then I would find a way to have him put on the lease, and for you to be taken off and find another place to live. Or have them move out together and have you find another roommate (gosh, I really don't miss those roommate days!!!).

Wish you luck!!!

[BC_MoM]

I can see how that would get annoying. If he's there the majority of the time, I think he should be paying for utilities, or something.

[Laura's Babies]

I would flat out ask him if he has moved in since he is there all the time.. It is time to divy up all the bills 3 ways if he is going to be there all the time.

I have mostly lived alone but have had room mates from time to time and that does cause the bills to be larger... add another and they go up even more. If she wants to pay his part, that would be fine but I wouldn't foot the bill for HER boyfriend.. 2 days a week end does not equal 7 days...

I would also ask her to get a TV in HER room and for them to stay in there so you can enjoy your living room when you want to.

(I am so fussy that I REFUSE to have anyone sleeping on my sofa on a regular basis)

[Twisterdog]

Well, that's a tough call. Because she pays half the bills, it's as much her apartment as it is yours. And if you two didn't sit down and discuss issues like this BEFORE you moved in together, then it's going to be hard to legitimately try to implement them now.

Some people are more social than others. Some people think of their home as a calm sanctuary to get away from people (me) and some people think their home is empty and lonely unless it is full of their friends all the time. Neither way is right or wrong, but if one of each type are roommates, it's hard to live together.

I personally do not think you have the right to tell her that her boyfriend can only come over on certain days or certain times, etc. It IS her home, too. I do, however, think you are well within your rights to establish which areas of the house are common areas and which are private areas. I had to do this with my kids.

I would say you each can have whatever guests you want to at any times or days, as long as you are in your own rooms. Obviously, that has to include use of the kitchen and bathroom for reasonable periods, but "hanging out" needs to be in her own room. Same with you. The common area of the house, i.e. the living room, needs to be "neutral territory" where, unless you both agree to host a party or dinner or whatever, then only the residents of the home are there.

That's the rule my kids have ... if your friends spend the night, day, weekend, etc., they will be in your room. Not making noise and mess in the living room. It works.