The joys of motherhood.

[animal_rescue]

And it hasn't even been a whole day yet! Yes I'm taking a parenting class in school right now and one of the requirements is to bring home baby think it over. THIS IS THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE!! No joke. This creepy thing breathes when it's asleep, that's NOT normal for a doll! It also can be fussy, needs to be changed, fed, and burped. You can also kill it in many, many ways. Everyone I talked to told me this doll is worse than a real baby. I can't for sure yet if it is but this is what I dealt so far.

It didn't activate until about 3pm(so I had time to get home) and when it activated it made a cooey noise that about made me jump through the roof. Afterward all was quiet so of course being the teenager I am, I forgot it in the dining room and went into the living room to watch tv. Suddenly hearing it crying, I jump up and take off running to go save my grade err baby, but the darn thing wouldn't acknowledge me so it kept screaming!(You have to run a microchip key thing over it's stomach before you can take care of it.) So of course I was like AHHH! The baby is going to keep screaming and I'm going to fail, NOOOO! Then I heard the click noise and of course rejoiced before I went on to feed it. So now I grabbed the baby's car seat and take the whole thing into the living room with me to finish feeding it. What happens? Roxie decides she hates Hobo and starts to go after him. A nice big drama scene unfolds in my living room with me just kind of sitting there practically paralyzed by baby. I finally figured out how to hold on to baby, car seat, and bottle feed while escorting Roxie into my bedroom and shutting the door on her. Then back into the living room with the 15 lb bundle(no joke the baby is literally 9 lbs of dead weight and the car seat is who knows). Hobo being the major dork that he is, thinks baby is a plaything and wants to get to know her more well personally. Which then required more yelling and HOBO!! DOWN, IT'S NOT A TOY LEAVE US ALONE BEFORE I TURN YOU OVER TO ALPO!! In the mean time I'm still feeding this baby a bottle and Maggie did absolutely nothing to help me, ppsst some big sister. So into the crate goes Hobo and me back to feeding baby. Finally I sit down on the couch and after about 10 minutes of feeding the baby I got bored.. what do I do? Hmm there's a pillow.. AHA I'm a smart one! Propping the pillow under the baby she continues to eat(so far this is a total of 15 minutes). I go into the kitchen to fix me some food after all that hard labor of basically trying to kill my dogs, not my grade err baby. Come back into the living room, sit next to baby and watch her eat some more. FINALLY a half hour later she stops eating and is quiet. I turn my Ipod on and relax, woot! Turn my Ipod off for a second to check and I heard the creepy thing breathing, God you don't know what it's like when you in a big house alone with a breathing doll. Not the best moment, I'll tell ya. It's probably going to pull a Chuckie move in the middle of the night too. If I die, someone must come and cut this doll into tiny little pieces, then burn it while doing an Indian protection charm against it.

So I'm waiting and expecting this to be a "fun" 2 days of my life. Let's just hope and pray this was my worst day. Now onto information bout the baby. It's a girl(anatomically correct too), About 9 lbs and very heavy if you ask me, her neck moves as well as her arms and legs, and the best part I have officially named her Shenequa Janay Williams, Nay-nay for short. Personally I find it better than the other suggestion of naming her "B" after my friend Burnie. :rolleyes:

And now onto what I think... I think I don't want kids, EVER, Definitely can't handle dogs and kids together and I much prefer dogs. But I can have fun with creeping people out with this one, I kind of have the urge to walk around the baby department of Wal-Mart, while holding items of clothing up to little Nay-Nay and talking to her the entire time. I figure it would be best if I did this alone but then again could be fun if I had another friend with baby and see what comes out of that.

Finally pics!
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aabc84c3400000026100RZOG7du3Yq

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aabb3cd7f00000026100RZOG7du3Yq

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aabbdcd7100000026100RZOG7du3Yq

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aabb9cd7500000026100RZOG7du3Yq

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aaba7cd6b00000026100RZOG7du3Yq

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b7cf26b3127ccebf3aaba04c5c00000026100RZOG7du3Yq

Ok now off to go stare at my baby some more and see if she makes noise.

[jenluckenbach]

Too funny!!! Good luck.

[Cookiebaker]

hahahaha I wish we had a laughing smiley 'cause your post is so funny!! And actually your reaction isn't that ffar off from a baby in real life. sometimes I wish I had a key to shut my baby's crying off, especially when its 3 am!!! :eek: :eek:

[sasvermont]

Very, very funny.

I wish more kids would have this course in school.

Taking care of babies is lots of work.

This was so funny to read....thanks for sharing your tense moments. Your words were oh so descriptive! Made my day.

Take good care of that baby!

:eek:

[ScottieMommy]

LOL i never got to do that in school, but got plenty of babies in life to keep me busy, of course none of my own yet :D But is great practice taking care of babies from godchildren to cousins to sisters or brothers etc..

[Freedom]

What great writing skills you have! Keep going, you will do fine with your grade er baby!

[Flatcoatluver]

Megan, you are way to funny! I was laughing way to hard the whole time!

I am so lucky I never had to do this in school, although my brother did and I can remember I was sleeping in the middle of the night and my brother yelling shut up at the grade errr baby. ;)

[animal_rescue]

Lol thanks guys! I thought you would all would just get a kick out of me mothering. :)

Later this day...

Ok so it's about 6 o'clock and Nay-Nay hasn't been making a sound, aside from creepy breathing noise that is. My lovely little sister has been "baby-sitting" for me and asked me all of what the baby can do. I go on to explain and casually say the baby can move it's neck and head. "Oh so the baby can turn it's head on it's own?" Asks Savannah. *shivers* No Savannah the baby CAN NOT turn it's head on it's own. Savannah listen to me, if it does at all, even slightly move it's head on its own. I want you to run! Don't think about it just run, get the heck out of this room!!

Hmm so now it's bath time(for me that is) Nay-Nay comes in with me, of course, and I set her up on the floor. All is quiet for maybe 20 minutes. Then it's "goo goo WAAAAAAAH!" Geez girl I thought I was done parenting?! Out of the tub and onto the cold floor I go. What does she want? You got it, a bottle AGAIN. So this time I'm totally prepared. Propping a blanket on top of her I hold the bottle so she can drink with out me. But no she has to make it difficult this time, first she sucks with out a problem then "waaaaaah" then she sucks ok again then "waaaaah" then it's a coo, as if saying ok I'm done, but then again "waaaaaaah". I tried to burp her, change her diaper, and then finally I try the bottle again. The brat takes it AGAIN. Now I'm starting to wonder if I'm just going to have a fat kid on my hands? But no she finally stops and is happy. YAY back into the bath now! Nay-Nay totally had different plans though. As soon as I got in, she started crying hard core. What now Nay-Nay?! Bottle? Nope. Burp? Nope. Just fussy?(oh yes they can be fussy for no reason) big NOPE. Time for a diaper change. So here I am naked and wet sitting on a cold, tile floor changing a doll's diaper. Really now, how many other 18 year olds do you know that do this? I'm thinking I need to figure out my life now and get some things straight.
1. Buy a robe
2. Put carpet in the bathroom
3. Never have kids

So finally back into the tub and all is quiet. Good baby already she's learning Megan's Golden Rule, which btw is Children should be seen and not heard. ;)

Fast forward to right now(10:10 pm) My mom has been messing with her ever since she home from work. My mom did everything she could to try to wake her up, but thankfully being the awesome baby she was at the moment, she didn't. Hehe Nope trying to act innocent and low maintenance she didn't make one peep while my mom was awake.. I told my mom she better spend as much time as possible with her new granddaughter because that's the only kid she's getting from me. Course I think that must have upset Nay-Nay a bit because as soon as my mom walked upstairs to go to bed. Here she cries and screams. For what you may ask? A bottle. I took the liberty of taking a pic and making some videos that I will upload later. One of her sucking on the bottle and the other of her crying and then sucking on the bottle. You know this parenting stuff isn't so hard. Shove something in there mouth and have propped up. You're good to go for the rest of the night! It is not 10:18 pm and she just stopped sucking. I had to move her up on the table to finish(with good ole trusty Pillow propper) because my Yorkie mix, Emmy, thought she herself would make a good pillow and jumped into the car seat not once but twice. Both times freaking me out immensely because well I thought she might snap her neck and die. Now there's a headline. Blind, 15 year old Yorkie mix kills baby. Yorkie's excuse? She was cold.
Well now I'm off to bed. Wish me a good night and let's hope baby sleeps through it!

[Sirrahsim]

If Baby think it over slept through the night then that doll will have lost all realism :D A real 9 ponder would probably want to eat every 2-3 hours. I've had plenty of bathroom floor moments with my boys :D :D My youngest has some sort of extra sense that tells him when Mommy is about to get in the shower so he can scream :D
I laughed all along with your story :) So fun!

[buttercup132]

Lmao oh poor Megan :p SO glad I never took that class.
What a creepy looking doll.
When I first opened the thread I thought you were going to say your pregnant or something:o

[Muddy4paws]

I had one of those, It still didn't put me off wanting a baby :D Must be a complete mug. lol I must admit though, your baby does look quite creepy!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Can't wait for the next instalment - this is hilarious :D

[sirrahved]

I did baby think it over. I feel for you!

[animal_rescue]

Nay-Nay is pure evil! Yes she woke me up early morning to eat. I don't even remember waking up OR getting her bottle, I was just kind of like woah I'm feeding a baby in my bed! She was fussy ALL night long. Simply crying for the pure joy of it, I'm assuming. I swear she gave winked at might during one of the early morning feedings. Basically I woke up, fed her, changed her, burped her, comforted her, and fed her again, let her be fussy, changed her, fed her, and burped her, then she was fussy again. Finally I changed her one last time and it was about 5 am. I got to sleep a whole hour before getting up for school. Must have been a site for my mom walking in. Me sitting in the middle of the bed half asleep and holding a bottle. If anything this is definitely backing up my decision of never having kids.

[Cookiebaker]

i was thinking about this thread when I was driving into town earlier today, :o and I finally put my finger on what was bothering me. YES, babies are tons of work, lots of dedication, creating chaos in a peaceful life. HOWEVER, (and you will not see this in the doll) the reward is beyond measure. When your baby lifts his/her arms to be picked up; when they are crying and you walk into the room and their whole face lights up; when they giggle at you; when they start to mimic you; when you watch them sleep because you have made them secure, and I could go on and on....THAT is worth every ounce of work. And you won't ever get that from a lifeless doll. so don't give up entirely the thought of ever having children.

This experiment that you are doing is kinda like having a robotic puppy that only pooped in the house, woke you up a million times in the night, puked all over the floor....but never fetched a ball, never greeted you at the door. You see all the hard work, but you don't see the reward.

Someday might be the right time...right now obviously is not.....but never say never. :)

[animal_rescue]

Thanks Anna but I decided way back when I was 12 that I didn't want kids and frankly I'm still thinking I don't. I'm just not a kid person. Sure I do love my little family members but I would never want to take responsibility for another person. I'd prefer to actually have my tubes tied right now, but as you know can't do that. But your post did make it sound quite nice. I just don't see what most people see in kids. Sorry!

[Freedom]

Just catching up on the next installment of "my lfie caring for grade er baby!" Your writing continues to lighten my spirits, he he. Glad this is only a 48 hours episode, though! And thanks Anna for adding the insight of what is "missing!" I appreciate that as I never had children. I AM enjoying this story immensely! (and VERY glad I never had to go through this class!)

[joycenalex]

[QUOTE=animal_rescue] ... I had to move her up on the table to finish(with good ole trusty Pillow propper) because my Yorkie mix, Emmy, thought she herself would make a good pillow and jumped into the car seat not once but twice. Both times freaking me out immensely because well I thought she might snap her neck and die. Now there's a headline. Blind, 15 year old Yorkie mix kills baby. Yorkie's excuse? She was cold.
careful those BSL people will have new targets if this happens :D :p . thanks for realizing it's not right for you. bad parenting is easy, mediocre parenting is everywhere, and good parenting is really hard and rare. kindest regards, childfree joyce in columbus

[K9karen]

I LOVE kids! Other peoples! :p

Hope you get a much deserved A. Bet you'll be glad when you no longer have to change your "grade" :D

[animal_rescue]

Lol yes I did get an A :D The computer in the baby said I did no mishandling(abuse) and only forgot to feed the baby 3 times, which in my favor was at 2, 3, and 5 am, sorry but I'm a growing teen and well I don't wake easy. :p Anyways other than that I did everything right for the baby and it even said I rocked it when it wanted to be rocked, eh? I didn't even know it wanted that. Funny thing is I trade in the fake baby and now am watching a real one. My 1 year old neice who's visiting for the weekend. For some strange strange reason, Aunt Megan is her absolute favorite and when I'm home she just wants to be with me always. I must admit, I love the little squirt.

[Marigold2]

And were is this kid's father? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: I think this is a great idea and every teenager should have to do this. For every stupid 14 year old who says "I want a baby, I want someone to love" This is the doll for them.

[-Pickle-]

^agreed.

"I want a baby, I want someone to love"

then they have one and this comes to mind-
"ow! i dont want it any more it hurts!"
"why are you crying?! WHY WONT YOU STOP!"

anyway, if i had to do that course thing, i'd probably end up punt kicking the doll over the horizon. i dislike children with great intensity. i dont know why.

congrats on the A :P

[animal_rescue]

anyway, if i had to do that course thing, i'd probably end up punt kicking the doll over the horizon. i dislike children with great intensity. i dont know why.

I had a friend who did this course too and when her baby wouldn't stop crying she umm threw it in the freezer... it shut up.

[-Pickle-]

I had a friend who did this course too and when her baby wouldn't stop crying she umm threw it in the freezer... it shut up.

XD
they gave these dolls to promiscuous girls on a tv program once- it put them right off having children so young, because their mates were all set up to go out on really fun days and stuff, and they had to take care of the baby and stay at home. got woken up, etc.
i laughed :D

[sirrahbed]

hubby and I had such fun reading this account - as others have said, you are an excellent creative writer :) this was one of my young-adult dreams long ago
I am happy about your "A" - do you miss Nay-Nay at all ;)

[Alysser]

Megan, this whole thread had me laughing! :D What funny stories you got out of this. My school has something similar but the kids in the course carry around sacks of flour and dress it. It doesn't make noises or anything, obviously. I don't know how the teachers will know if you cared for it or not. I guess if you break the sack or rip it or something. They only have to carry it around school I think, and they have to carry it for 4 days. I hope we don't get those dolls by the time I take the course though lol. Glad you got an A on it though.

[animal_rescue]

hubby and I had such fun reading this account - as others have said, you are an excellent creative writer :) this was one of my young-adult dreams long ago
I am happy about your "A" - do you miss Nay-Nay at all ;)


I can't necessarily say that I miss her but by the second day I was a pro at the baby caring, so it was kind of weird Friday not jumping up to a baby screaming.
And thanks! My grandma actually printed it out and stuck the blog in her scrapbook lol. :p

[Lilith Cherry]

Megan, here is something my sister sent to me which you and the others may enjoy:


The Kids Test

For those of you without kids, here are some training tips for
parenthood. For those of you that have kids, this is just to remind us
why we chose not to have any more.

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN.

THE MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on your sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Practice writing on the wall
with a Hershey Bar. Carefully load a sandwich into the VCR, see if it
can record anything. Press EJECT when done. Find the tallest place in your
home (vaulted ceilings are the best) and splash some tar-like
substance in the corner. Wonder how anything could get there in the first place,without scaffolding.

THE TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to
walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
child at night.

THE GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
you while you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they
eat or damage.

THE DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small, net bag
making sure that all the arms stay inside.

THE FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large, plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert
spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
airplane. Now dump the jug's contents on the floor.

THE NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
heard. Make up about a dozen more of your own and sing these too until
4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this
up for 3 years. Look cheerful at all times!

THE INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Item must be
complete and perfect within 30-60 minutes!

THE AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick
it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate
chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along
both sides of the car. Bend antenna into fabulous W, since radio reception
is much improved. There ..... perfect.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove half of the beans.
Leave it on for the rest of your life.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Tell the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to
the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
the store's account. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly
for the last time.

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they
can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training,
and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize
to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy
this experience, since it will be the last time you will have all the
answers.


Hope it made you laugh too!

[tikeyas_mom]

LMAO!! I had that EXACT same doll in grade 11, I had to take it home and take care of it as well. I ended up putting it in my freezer haha.. I dont reccomend doing that lol. But the thing drove me absolutly bonkers, I had it for a whole weekend! and lemme tell ya, I must have gotten a kolicy one because the thing cried non stop.. Now if I am watching a movie, and i notice that they use the voice recording of that baby doll as an effect int he movie, It really gives me the chills.. the cry of those dolls is like nails on a chalk board to me.. Anyways I want to tell you that having a REAL baby is NOTHING like having one of those dolls, those hings are really unrealistic.. and i agree i think they are demonic too hahaha

[Freedom]

Thank goodness you got an A! Great job! Bet you get an A in creative writing classes too, huh?

I just didn't want you to fail and have to repeat this; don't think I could stand the laughter!

[columbine]

I LOVE kids! Other peoples! :p :D Megan, there's nothing sick/immoral/shortsighted/misguided about knowing you're not a kid person. Just because you're female doesn't mean you're automatically going to wig if you don't procreate by age X. Find other local like-minded folks to talk about when the pressure starts. (I got out of it because my younger brother is a dad!)

Love, Columbine (sliding into the Safe Zone anyway, but my age pretty much doesn't matter now because I don't want to pull a man's weight either!)

[ilovemypup]

Hiya!

I am really sorry to laugh..but that was FUNNY!:p
Poor you...but hey, congratzy on your A!
Also, you are a great writer..and that made your story great:D

Lilith Cherry, That is toooo funny!

Also animal_rescue... congratzy on actually not pulling your hair out with that baby!:)


-alI