Prayers for hubby - PLEASE!!

[catnapper]

As you might remember, my husband has blood pressure issues. The last doctor's appointment has taken care of him refusing to take his meds -- he does it religiously now. I don't know what the doctor said to him in the last meeting but it was sufficient enough to scare him into taking them at the same time every day. He takes them every day too.

Last night he complained of a tightness in his chest. By bedtime he decided it was due to pulling a muscle along his back and shoulder.... guess which shoulder? Yup the left one :( I told him last night he needs to make an appointment with the doctor because that just didn't sound right. If it is his shoulder they can fix it. If its actually his heart, he NEEDS to go!!!!

He just called me from work. He must have been feeling worse this morning because he actually went to the school nurse. His BP is SKY HIGH and she told him no ifs and or butts, he needed to make an appointment TODAY. So he called the dr. got an appt. for 5:50 tonight. She told him he has to go EARLIER.... so now he's scared and I'm feaking out. SO I called and got an appt. for 1:40.

I called work and let them know I will be late for tonight's shift. I HAVE to be at this appointment (because I need to go for myself and also the school nurse won't let him drive himself to the appt :eek: )And I WILL be sitting down with the kids and telling them that they are actually killing their father...... he's VERY stressed out right now at the state of things with his older two kids.


PLEASE, can I have some of those wonderful PT prayers for my husband? And maybe for the ungreatful brats that are stressing hubby out? I could use a hundred threads to numerate all the things his older two kids have been doing lately.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Prayers that this is just a wake up call for hubby and the kids. Let us know how he gets on won't you??

{{{hugs}}}

[ChrisH]

Prayers on the way. {{hugs}}

[Taz_Zoee]

You and Hubby will be in my thoughts. I hope the kids will come around and be "grown-ups" eventually. If I remember correctly, they are both "legal" adults, right?

[catnapper]

You and Hubby will be in my thoughts. I hope the kids will come around and be "grown-ups" eventually. If I remember correctly, they are both "legal" adults, right?
Yes, our son is 21 and the other is 19 with a baby. She told him yesterday she didn't have any money to let him borrow for gas, yet she spent near $100 on mineral cosmetics at the "fancy" mall. :rolleyes: then since she was out all day shopping (I only know about the makeup, I wonder what else she bought yesterday... she never goes to that mall without a few bags of clothing too) anyway, since she was out all day, he told her he wanted her home for a good night's sleep since her grades are awful and she's always sooooo tired. She went out anyway, and still wasn't home at 1:00.

[Catty1]

I really hope the 'kids' wake up...

Because they are living at home, find out if there is a legal way for you and hubby to handle their money and 'dole' it out...

Just the mention of that might smarten them up.

Otherwise, have a look at family counselling...if your hubby is getting this sick, then I'd say it's an emergency. I hope his doc might recommend it - or even see the kids and point things out to them. If he can scare your hubby into changing, maybe he can have an effect on them too.

I hope you can get control of the finances....PRAYERS for all of you!


{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Pawsitive Thinking]

the other is 19 with a baby


She went out anyway, and still wasn't home at 1:00

is this the same "child"

[AdoreMyDogs]

Your hubby is in my prayers. I hope everything turns out OK. This must be so scary for you all, I'm sorry that you all have to go threw this :(

[catnapper]

is this the same "child"
Yup.... you have no idea the stuff she's been pulling lately. A week or so ago, she and I came home at the same time. She went to greet Cam, he ran right past her to me. He wanted nothing to do with her. If I were him, I wouldn't want anything to do with her either... hey wait... I already want nothing to do with her at the moment! Spooky irony! :eek:

Well, I have to go pick hubby up. I'm nervous and feeling quite faint myself right now. Please wish us luck. I will update you after we're back, but not til late tonight since I'll drop him back off home and head to work myself.

[mina'smomma]

Oh Kim keep us updated hun. You and hubby are definately in my prayers right now. Cadience and I will keep our fingers crossed that everything is ok. I would definately have a talk with the kids no ifs and or buts from hubby. He needs to start caring for himself now.

[Freedom]

Prayers for you and hubby.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Best wishes for hubby, and you, Kim. I hope all is well and he can get that BP down quickly and keep it down. Thoughts and prayers going out right away.

[moosmom]

Kim,

You and Grant will be in my thoughts and prayers. You have been through so much these past couple of years.

This is what I would do:

As far as the kids are concerned, you need to round them up and tell them the way it's GONNA BE or get out!! Grant's health is much too important. Ashley needs to get Cam into day care to socialize with kids his own age.

As far as your son is concerned, tell him he has exacty 60 days to find a place of his own or he'll have to start paying rent, then stick to it.

Your kids are working you over girl. Why go anywhere when you can stay put and have a roof over your head, food in your belly and a little spending money for free???

This whole situation has gotten way out of hand. You need to be straight with them and stick to your guns.

Please keep us posted.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear this.:( Lots of prayers and positive thoughts are being sent his way. I hope that you'll both start feeling better soon.

As for the young adults, they need to live by your rules or they need to move out. You can't let them control you. I hope you can work something out.

[mina'smomma]

Kim,

You and Grant will be in my thoughts and prayers. You have been through so much these past couple of years.

This is what I would do:

As far as the kids are concerned, you need to round them up and tell them the way it's GONNA BE or get out!! Grant's health is much too important. Ashley needs to get Cam into day care to socialize with kids his own age.

As far as your son is concerned, tell him he has exacty 60 days to find a place of his own or he'll have to start paying rent, then stick to it.

Your kids are working you over girl. Why go anywhere when you can stay put and have a roof over your head, food in your belly and a little spending money for free???

This whole situation has gotten way out of hand. You need to be straight with them and stick to your guns.

Please keep us posted.

I completely agree with Donna. Start opening that can of Whoop Butt on those kids.

[sandragonfly]

This whole situation has gotten way out of hand. You need to be straight with them and stick to your guns.
totally am with that, especially who's responsible for the house?? just do it.

I don't believe you would say things about the kids, complain about and pointing them out in almost every thread, it's just not right. or obviously, is helpful. they are GROWING and telling them they're killing their father or making next embarrassing thread wouldn't really help - no wonder they can behave like this.

DO something and they all need to take care of themselves - you're not some hero of lives, take care of yourself - action speaks louder than words and hope your hubby will realize, do better for his needs and settle in a while soon! good luck.

[Ginger's Mom]

You should be at the doctor's now. Prayers going out for your husband and for your sanity.

[catnapper]

totally am with that, especially who's responsible for the house?? just do it.

I don't believe you would say things about the kids, complain about and pointing them out in almost every thread, it's just not right. or obviously, is helpful. they are GROWING and telling them they're killing their father or making next embarrassing thread wouldn't really help - no wonder they can behave like this.

DO something and they all need to take care of themselves - you're not some hero of lives, take care of yourself - action speaks louder than words and hope your hubby will realize, do better for his needs and settle in a while soon! good luck.
Gina... what the hell are you trying to say? As usual, you make no sense and are reading things into situations that don't exist. I have PLENTY reason to complain about the kids.... things are happening here that you have NO IDEA about. Lets just say the kids ARE the source of his stress level and this "episode". He readily admitted that to the doctors. As for me pointing things out to the kids.... I don't say anything to them, unless it nice. I'm tripping over myself to be nice and sweet and NOT complain to them about anything they do. I've been working far too much to even be home when they are. Kinda hard to complain to kids you don't see for more than 5 minutes a day. and seriously I would prefer NOT to complain to them because it doesn't get me anywhere and they'll ignore me anyway. I'm simply reporting incidences as told by hubby to me.

We're back from the doctor (obviously) and he's better now than earlier. They did an EKG and everything turned out a-ok. He will be taking a stress test sometime soon... the hospital will call us back with a date and time. He has strict orders to avoid stress and tell the kids whats going to happen from now on. Doctor's orders for him to actually tell the kids NO and mean it.

Donna, its not ME that has to be straight with them.... its hubby and he has to actually stand his ground and not back down like he usually does. I think he's scared enough right now to actually tell them to stop pushing him around like they do. But you know that ;) Everyone thinks he's a big loud-mouthed jerk, but he's really the biggest teddy bear and pushover around. and everyone takes advantage of him.

[jenluckenbach]

Prayers coming from this end. And if you need me, you know where I am.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[moosmom]

Kim,

I KNOW it's not you. I've talked to you enough over the phone to know exactly what's going on.

Gina,

With all due respect, the kids NEED to know exactly what's going on and yes, if it means telling them all the stress is their fault (which it IS) then so be it.

Kim has done nothing but bend over backwards for those kids. And they have, time and time again, walked all over her. It's time they find out what the real world is about. Maybe then (although I doubt it) they'll begin to appreciate how good they have it where they are.

[cassiesmom]

its not ME that has to be straight with them.... its hubby and he has to actually stand his ground and not back down like he usually does..

Catnapper, I don't know the specifics of your situation; but in my family, to stand my ground and not back down can be a very hard thing to do. Prayers and good thoughts.

[mina'smomma]

Everyone thinks he's a big loud-mouthed jerk, but he's really the biggest teddy bear and pushover around. and everyone takes advantage of him.


Well if being a big loud mouthed jerk is going to help your hubby tell him to get started. :p Lee Roy is the same way. If he tells someone no and stands his ground he is every bad thing under the sun, but yet if they would see like you do with your hubby and me with mine they are actually sweethearts most of the time. I do think he needs to start making those kids face their own responsibilities. I will continue to keep you and Grant in my prayers hun. Keep me updated ok.

[sandragonfly]

sorry if I don't say things at the best, it's hard to translate my language into yours and everyone else here and as usual, you underestimate people, oftenly me.

regardless having no idea about situations, posting numerous of complaints all the time here yet can't do anything if your teddy bear can't isn't productive - like you said, I could numerate all the threads. I care greatly for kids' respect too so what I was trying to say is to treat other people the way you want to be treated. again, I wish all would work out.

moosmom, what I meant I wouldn't like it if my 'mother' publicizes my problems. and by the way, you shouldn't doubt the kids - nothing is impossible. however some people do make things harder, harder to believe too, not just their kids.

[cyber-sibes]

Prayers for your hubby....

[sparks19]

I think when they are 19 with a child and 21 they are not KIDS.... they are not "still growing" they are adults....

Catnapper.... I hope everything is OK with your hubby and I hope he can stand his ground without causing himself more stress.

[Edwina's Secretary]

My husband also suffers from high blood pressure. Diet, weight and exercise are HUGE (forgive the pun :D :rolleyes: ) factors in controlling blood pressure. And religiously taking the medication.

Controlling other people can be difficult but these are risk factor he can control!

Best wishes to him.

[shais_mom]

prayers on the way for you guys Kim..

I'm not entirely sure what your saying either. Are you saying she doesn't have the right to vent here to her friends about her kids???? That's pretty funny coming from you! But as you say repeatedly, I guess you just don't know until you live it.... right?

[moosmom]

Gina,

In any case, everyone does have the right to vent here, whether it be about in-laws, children, significant others, etc.

[sandragonfly]

growing into real world sparks.

sure she can vent all anyone wants to, as long as she respects it. like I said, regardless of empathy(situations), my point was bickering at every details and bits without actions especially mentioning children as a fault aren't as constructive as I can see why things are going vulnerable. the reaction you saw to me was... ouch and would things/threads be different if kids came on and said their own perspectives? and as far as from posts here, I believe everyone had has said the same thing; to do something.

as for coming from me, I vent mostly about me, my hospitalized stays, my knee, my car, my broken homes, my eventful trips, my ark, myself and I; and the rest are without personals, the details or names of others - I think everyone, kids, adolescences and adults deserve a respect.

that was all and after this, no comments - I think I've said everything here without any intentions and wish luck for everyone, including kim's family - the best.

[Felicia's Mom]

Sending prayers for your hubby.

[Karen]

Prayers are being sent for you, your husband, and the "kids." It sounds like it is time to set curfews and ground rules, on paper, with consequences for non-compliance - like "3 strikes and you're moving out."

[lizbud]

Prayers are being sent for you, your husband, and the "kids." It sounds like it is time to set curfews and ground rules, on paper, with consequences for non-compliance - like "3 strikes and you're moving out."


I agree completely. If hubby has trouble acting the "bad guy" for their
own good, he could start visits to a psycologist who can help him deal with
his stress in helpful ways. You hubby has to start venting more when he
needs to & not let the stress build up & ruin his health. I'll be keeping you
both in my prayers.

[moosmom]

Lizbud,

Couldn't have suggested anything better.

[sasvermont]

Life can be very difficult. I feel your pain. It is a different kind of pain than mine, but never the less, it hurts big time. I hope you and your family find the stength to get through this time without too much more trouble. Gosh, here I sit, still struggling myself. I think we all have our struggles. They just look a little different.

Take care of yourself. (((((((((((((catnapper))))))))))))))

[phesina]

Prayers for you and your family, Kim. I'm glad your husband is home from the doctor's now and you have some ideas on things to do about all this.

God bless,
Pat

[Hellow]

Sending prayers and good vibes

[catnapper]

Thanks everyone (((hugs)))

He's still feeling a bit tight in the chest.

He told Ash tonight about it, and immediately offered to take tonight off work. He said "that would be nice" then she went to work anyway. I called him to see how he was doing around 6:00 and he was frustrated pretty badly and complaining of a strong tightness..... Cam decided to help his grandpa make dinner and scrambled a dozen eggs all over the kitchen floor :eek: Grandpa got all worked up that he had to clean up the mess and a slimy Cam while Ash should have been there instead of at work. I told him that he should have insisted she stay home tonight. He said he KNOWS I'm right but he CAN'T bring himself to do it. Does he need to be smacked in the face with a board to get the seriousness of all this? :mad:

You all need to know things have been happening here at home that would make a great reality TV show. I swear some of today's soap operas have been pulling story lines from my family ;) I have not told anyone here anything thats actually been happening, except the few PTers I speak to on the phone. the whole story. Obviously moosmom is one of those people... and just ask her, things are not sunny with these kids. I have one who is a GREAT kid. I wish we could clone her. The other two are working their dad into an early grave.

[jennielynn1970]

Oh my gosh... I'm just seeing all this now. I hope Grant will be ok. It's probably a catch 22 with Ash and work. She should be working to pay rent (and other bills, besides shopping), and yet she needs to watch Cam. Either way, it shouldn't have to be you and Grant being the "parents" to Cam.

I know it's gotta be hard to be in your position, since the kids are Grant's and you know how kids pull crap and all the "you're not my mother" stuff, and just being teens and all that. Although, with Grant's son being 21, and Ash being a mom already, if they want to be treated as adults, they need to act like adults, and causing you and Grant more stress and a possible heart attack is not helping their cause. They really need to step up to the plate and be more responsible. I hope they get that hint really soon.

If you need anything, I'm only about 45 mins. away... and I drive like a madwoman, so can get anywhere you need quickly, lol!

Big hugs, and prayers, to you and Grant. Hope things will calm down soon, and the kids will get a clue about their behavior sooner rather than later.

[shais_mom]

growing into real world sparks.

sure she can vent all anyone wants to, as long as she respects it. like I said, regardless of empathy(situations), my point was bickering at every details and bits without actions especially mentioning children as a fault aren't as constructive as I can see why things are going vulnerable. the reaction you saw to me was... ouch and would things/threads be different if kids came on and said their own perspectives? and as far as from posts here, I believe everyone had has said the same thing; to do something.

as for coming from me, I vent mostly about me, my hospitalized stays, my knee, my car, my broken homes, my eventful trips, my ark, myself and I; and the rest are without personals, the details or names of others - I think everyone, kids, adolescences and adults deserve a respect.

that was all and after this, no comments - I think I've said everything here without any intentions and wish luck for everyone, including kim's family - the best.
of course they deserve respect - but Kim and Grant deserve RESPECT also b/c those kids are living scott free under their roof. I lived at home until I was 23 and until the day I moved out my parents said - MY HOUSE MY RULES. END of discussion.
and they most certainly are NOT respecting him or Kim or his health. Therefore they need a wakeup call.

[K9karen]

I was pretty wild and crazy in my 20's and my parents were the "hip"ones and pretty lenient. But, I tell you what...I had the upmost respect for them. Regardless of what was going on, when they needed me, I was there. House rules were also, My House, My Rules, and although sometimes those rules pi$$ed me off, I respected them.

Kim and Grant..I'm worried about you guys. I'll be thinking of you.

[Catty1]

Kim - I think Grant could benefit from counselling/assertiveness training. Maybe you could go with him.

Is he afraid the kids will get mad and hate him? Let them. It's THEIR turn to feel stressed for a while and have the heat on them.

This is literally a life and death matter for him.

Most important - if you or Grant state a consequence for one of the kids, make sure you do what you said you would. Otherwise, they will keep walking all over you because they KNOW it's just words.

[ramanth]

Prayers for your hubby. *hugs*

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kim, I'm glad to hear that Grant is now back home and I hope he continues to do well.:) As others have already suggested, your kids need to learn how to follow your rules or suffer the consequences. I wish you both the best. Good luck.:)

[Pawsitive Thinking]

At 19 and 21 they are big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves. Hubby's health has to take priority now so if they can't see that then maybe they should fly the nest (with the help of a well aimed boot!)

I am sorry that you are having to go through this

[catnapper]

Guys, I totally agree with you about rules and consequences. My husband agrees with you.... but he's completely unable to lay down the law. I honestly think its all the guilt from the years he missed being with them before the divorce (he was in the military during the Gulf War) and all the years after the divorce where he worked 70 hours a week. He seems so defeated and tells me he KNOWS they walk all over him but he CAN'T say no.

For years he made ME be the bad guy who said no and made the punishment stick. I REFUSE to do that anymore. Someone had to step up and be a parent, hubby knew he couldn't do it so he asked me - first it was his mom being the bad guy then he got me to do it.

Now he has two out of three kids ruling the roost. I do have to say, hubby's been TRYING to lay own the law, but they all rebut "did Kim make you say that?" I wish they knew I haven't been saying or doing anything to make him FINALLY be a parent -- its all him. But even the little bit he's been doing to stand up for himself has been a small percentage of what he should be doing.

Just to mention a few things I CAN mention (other stuff would surely get some family members in serious trouble)
* One decided working one day a week was too hard so they simply quit without telling anyone. When we told them they had to grow up and assume SOME responsibility, they "ran away" and refused to come back home until the $1,000 they stole from us ran out.
* One had a bottle of vodka in their room and Cam found it.... I found him walking around trying to get the cap off to drink it.
* One had a stash of wine coolers and beer in a pillow case under their bed (was moving their bed to clean the carpets... won't tell you what the room smelled like before hubby and I cleaned it... and YES we HAD to clean the room. It was stinking up the entire house) again, Cam would have found those because he looks under the beds for his kitty friends.
* One punched me in the face and broke my new glasses because hubby was for once trying to put his foot down and all I did was say "you know your father is right" *wham* a flying fit into my eye.
* One thinks 3:30 in the morning is the perfect time to come home every night
* One cost us $3,000 in a lawsuit

I'm sure I'm missing some of the smaller things. I'm purposely not admitting to the bigger things (yes, amazingly, there ARE bigger things) All the above happened in the past 2 or 3 months. Any wonder why hubby is having issues at the moment?

I've taken to working 7 days a week at two jobs just to stay out of everyone's way and avoid fights. I'm exhausted but haven't had any fights in the past few weeks. - avoidance is wonderful for short term, but something HAS to happen soon. and it HAS to come from hubby. and I think it will. This is scaring him and the kids enough.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Maybe removing yourself entirely for a few days would give them all the kick up the bum they so obviously need (sadly, I have to include hubby in this). These two aren't the only products of a divorce/hard working daddy and it should not be an excuse for their atrocious behaviour!!

Having said that, you have enough on your plate at the moment and I know its easy for me to sit here and spout but if you and your husband are going to have any sort of life together these two need a severe wake up call. They want to run away? let them. They steal from you - have them arrested.......I could go on but won't because its not the sort of help you need at the moment.

Hugs to you, hubby and the little guy

[moosmom]

One punched me in the face and broke my new glasses because hubby was for once trying to put his foot down and all I did was say "you know your father is right" *wham* a flying fit into my eye.

THAT would've done it for me. Physical violence is totally unacceptable. Whoever hit you would've been out on their ass along with everything they own.

You and Grant are WAY too good to those kids and they know it. It's time a backbone is grown and some rules set down. They don't like it, there's the door.

[Catty1]

Physical violence - okay, lay charges.

And both you AND hubby get counselling. NOW. I am sure there are support groups for blended families.

JMO - Hubby has to screw the guilt and be a PARENT, because his guilt is making the kids', his and your lives FAR worse than his divorce EVER will.

It's not the divorce - it's how he is reacting to it. Maybe it is his ex's fault that he is where he is now - but if he stays there, that's HIS fault.

Maybe a little vacation for you would be an idea. A month, say.

It's their battle.

[Rachel]

In my thinking a parent's job is to prepare their offspring to handle the challenges and responsibilities of the adult world. In my experience with the adult world there is no free ride and one is faced with the consequences of ones choices. In that respect, your husband should consider whether the current parenting he is implimenting is really doing these young adults any favors. Unless he is willing to continue with the current level of financial support for the rest of his life, he is far behind in the job of preparing them for *life*. Considering the possibility his own health is in jeapordy only adds another dimension to the problem.

Try to sit down and figure out between the two of you some basic house rules which must be adhered to and the consequences if they are not followed. If emotionally he is *defeated*, he needs to reach out for help from a family therapist. This situation seems to have been going on far too long and his health is obviously suffering. The status quo certainly doesn't appear to be working.

[shais_mom]

THAT would've done it for me. Physical violence is totally unacceptable. Whoever hit you would've been out on their ass along with everything they own.

You and Grant are WAY too good to those kids and they know it. It's time a backbone is grown and some rules set down. They don't like it, there's the door.
I agree - I come from a very non physical family. But if I ever would have even thought about raising my hand to my mom my dad would have had me on the floor in a heartbeat. Their behaivor is absurd..

[gini]

I have the strongest feeling that if something isn't done to break this cycle of behavior - EVERYONE is going to suffer - more than they already are suffering.
And especially the baby!

Why do you allow this? I really don't mean to be harsh or not have compassion for you - because I do.

But all of these events are way off the charts.............maybe as someone suggested "you" need to get away from it all for a while.

Are you really going to live the rest of your life this way?

I am trying to be devil's advocate here - because none of what is going on is productive for anyone. When do you reach your limit?

[lizbud]

Someone punched you in the face? Oh, this is much worse than I had
imagined. :( ((Hugs)) I wish you all the best. No one should have to put
up with this situation for one more minute.

[joycenalex]

kim, i will keep you and grant in my prayers. if ANYONE had ever hit me, the next time i'd have seen them was at the pre-trial conference. kindest regards, joyce

[joycenalex]

kim, i will keep you and grant in my prayers. if ANYONE had ever hit me, the next time i'd have seen them was at the pre-trial conference. does this man understand/know how much you love him? kindest regards, joyce

[sparks19]

OH Kim that is horrible. I'm so sorry.... physical abuse is NEVER acceptable.... I can say what everyone else has said, that kid would have been out on their butt but Iknow that is also easier said than done. But at the very least you should have filed charges.... there needs to be a SERIOUS consequence for that kind of behaviour.... especially from a young adult.

I say you should start with changing the locks on the house.... they don't abide by the curfew then they can't come in without your permission. Curfew is say 11... they come home at 3 am to a locked house. Now they either have to wake you and face you and your hubby.... or they sleep on the porch.

But I know you know all this.... and I am very sorry they are taking advantage of you like that.... I think whoever suggested counselling for joined families might have a good idea there.

Good luck (((HUGS))))

[kimlovescats]

First of all, I am relieved that Grant's tests have been "ok" so far. I wouldn't hesitate to go to the ER though if things get worse!!!

Kim, you know much of what I have dealt with regarding my daughter and her "husband" and baby Jenna. Things have not gotten much better, but at least they aren't happening under my roof and my nose any more!!! I try to know as little as possible. The biggest thing that makes this possible, is that Jenna is safe with her other grandmother for now. I know you are in the same position that I was ... only allowing Ashley to stay with you because of Cam! That is the ONLY reason we allowed Amy Beth to stay as well. We finally got to our tolerance point and rented an apartment for her. Within a couple of months, she left Jenna home alone and lost custody of her temporarily. As much as I want my daughter to grow up and take care of herself and her child, I truly believe this has been the best thing for baby Jenna! Amy Beth is just now beginning to try and do the required steps to get Jenna back, and to be honest it scares me to death to think of her getting her again any time soon. She is FAR from ready!

OK ... my point? :rolleyes: Weigh the circumstances / costs / trade-offs and see whether or not it would be worthwhile to kick Ashley out to "sink or swim" on her own but allow Cam to stay until she can afford to care for him herself! I know she is in school, and I'm assuming you are paying for that ... but if she is abusing that GIFT, then maybe that can wait as well?

Whatever you decide, you know that I totally understand! Also, Grant's "guilt sydrome" is a big issue that I have had also with Amy Beth. The fact that her father and I divorced when she was just starting school and the fact that he basically disowned her when she turned 18. It is definitely easier said than done ... but I DO believe it is time for Grant to do the TOUGH LOVE thing!

Hugs,
Kim

[jennielynn1970]

Ok, with all that has been going on, the running away, the quitting the job, the physical violence, I totally agree with the majority here, that something has to be done. Now. Immediately.

If they hit you once, they will hit again. It only gets easier for them to do it after the first time. Been there, dealt with that (being hit).

Press charges.

Kick them out.

Get Cam taken away.

Something. Anything.

Reclaim your house and your life. You should not have to be working 2 jobs and staying out of the house to avoid your family. Next it will be your health, and then where will that leave Grant??

It might sound harsh, but do what you have to do to get your home back, and get those kids in line. Whether it means the police or taking parental rights away from Ashley... something has to be done now.

[Catty1]

Actually...Jenn, something you said just lit a lightbulb in my brain.

Kim - with what has happened, Cam could easily be removed from ALL of you, period.

If someone gets hit again and goes to Emerg...are they going to lie?

Does Grant want Cam growing up in this environment?

http://family-marriage-counseling.com/directory/pennsylvania.htm

Grant's insurance ought to cover something there.

[sirrahbed]

God help that baby boy and his grandparents

[caseysmom]

Kim, You have been so good to your step daughter through her pregnancy and childbirth I admired how you stepped up to the plate, I shiver to think what my husband would have done and admired your husband for his big heart...too bad they don't appreciate what they have in him and you.

[mina'smomma]

Ok Kim,

I wasn't going to say this, but I think you should hear it. I know what it is like to come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my father was in the military until I was 14. The lady he married after my mom was very abusive towards me and my older brother, and then he hasn't had much interest in me until I told him I was pregnant other than when I got married. My step-mom that he is married to now. (He divorced the other one when he got out of the service) is a wonderful lady.

My point is I hear how Grant keeps trying to be a part of his kids life and how you try to do everything for them and I get so upset because of the way the two older ones treat you two. I wish my father had even taken half the effort Grant has to be a part of my life as well as my older brother's. (Maybe then he wouldn't of been in so much trouble.)

Those kids need to grow up and Grant needs to bounce his foot off the floor and in their butts. If things keep getting worse Catty 1 is right everyone could lose Cam, and I know that would break yours and Grant's heart.

You both and the baby are in my prayers and thoughts.

[NoahsMommy]

Whoa!!! Um...it seems like the "drama crowd" will attack any thread, huh??

Kim, I'm really sorry Grant is having to deal with these health problems...which are seemingly caused by his problems at home.

From where I sit, you figure out how to get rid of the cause and then you have your cure/solution. BP is not very hard to treat/monitor if you do your part.

Kim, you married into this family - kinda got the pre-made deal - and I know you've done your best to try and maintain some peace and balance...but without their father stepping up and being a MAN this cycle will not end. Will it take poor little Cam getting taken away from his "child" mother?

I wont even go into what would happen to me in any of the situations you've discussed today, or prior. While I know as the step-mom, you don't have a whole lot of power over the "kids" when the dad isn't respecting your positions or holding you up to the same light as an equal authoratarian.

This problems seems to begin and end with the same person: Grant

Prayers going out that you are comforted, Grant will get better and that Gods will will be done for the family. He wont steer them wrong - it may be HARD, but not wrong.

Hugs, Kelly xoxoxoxoxo

[lizbud]

Whoa!!! Um...it seems like the "drama crowd" will attack any thread, huh??





What does that mean? I though most people posted from the heart. :confused:

[Catty1]

Well, having your stepdaughter bash you in the face and break your glasses IS drama.

I agree with Kelly that the solution lies with Grant alone. Only when he changes behaviour will anything else change.

As you requested, Kim - prayers for Grant.

[cassiesmom]

I have the strongest feeling that if something isn't done to break this cycle of behavior - EVERYONE is going to suffer - more than they already are suffering.
I was thinking the same thing. This is a very hard situation. I'll keep praying. (((HUG)))

[sasvermont]

I bet there are counsellors out there that would be able to give you all some help. You are not the only family having problems - I am sure. You may have reached a very dangerous level though, and it is time to admit how out of control it is for you all. Poor Cam is really at risk. I am sure you don't want Cam to suffer for these mistakes, bad decisions and horrible behavior.

I wish you strength and conviction. You guys can get through this.

Poor excuses are too expensive at this point. Your hubby's health, your health, Cam's well being......everyone is going to suffer unless it gets fixed.

It will probably be the biggest challenge in your life, so far. Lots of lives are at stake.

[catnapper]

First, I want to thank everyone for their sincere concern. Really... this is why I love PT so much.

Second, things are almost surreal around here. Getting hit in the face? Oh my.... it was an unusual set of circumstances. You see, my knee-jerk reaction was to swing back with what I was holding at the time. I wish it was something a little different than a plastic bag full of dirty litter. :o. Yup, I had just changed litter boxes when the fight erupted. I was walking through the living room when the "child" and hubby were arguing and told them they knew dad was right (my mistake) when I got hit. I swung back with the bags..... poop and cat biscuits and foul litter came raining down the the three of us. Lets just say my living room smelled a bit funky for a few weeks. :o Go ahead, laugh. I'm laughing right now typing this... you have admit it IS a bit funny in a really weird way. I am absolutely certain they won't EVER try to swing at me (or anyone else for that matter) again because they know a few things WILL happen: they will get slugged back, there will be police charges brought against them, and they will be thrown out of the house for more than a few days before allowed to return.

Hubby knows all is not well. He admits it and admits he has to stand up. Our youngest was telling him the SAME THING you are all telling me -- I told him "out of the mouth of babes" and he admitted to her she's right. He KNOWS all this. I think that at least now he's realizing the problem, he needs to figure out HOW to fix it.

As for Cam's safety, please don't worry. We moved all the kids to the third floor and he has no access to it. We moved him down the hall next to our room. We realize we're now raising him, and thats ok because he's getting the support, attention, and love he needs. He's one happy, intelligent, sweet little boy :)

I also have been having major internet issues. I have to call the company again tomorrow -- they're trying to say its my computer and not their service :rolleyes: So please, anyone who PMed me, I am not being rude by not answering... I simply CAN'T right now. I can't tell you how many tries it took for this post to go through.

[Catty1]

he needs to figure out HOW to fix it.

Good to hear from you Kim. Regarding the above, Grant should ask his doctor. Anyone who is used to behaving a certain way for a long time - well, IMO, changing that is an inside job, and not a do-it-yourself task.

Grant's doc knows him, and might have a good idea for a referral.

I am just thinking suggest something like this to Grant, and let him take action with his doc. Ball is totally in his court.

hugs!

[shais_mom]

What does that mean? I though most people posted from the heart. :confused:
I think she means the person that first attacked Kim was one that draws a lot of drama to ferself... but I could be wrong..