Are guys this way? (relationship advice?)

[CountryWolf07]

I am just asking if it's normal.. if a guy expresses his feelings through action. Mike does this. He always kisses me, hugs me, be affectionate... rather than telling me how he feels. He used to tell me how he felt about me, but that was back in the beginning when we started dating; then after we became serious about each other, he doesn't do that, but he still does the little things that means something, he still smiles and has that twinkle in his eyes when he looks at me, kisses me for no reason, puts his arm around me wherever we're at. We've been together since January, and that is a long time! I'm not worried, however, I leave in a week and a half to return back to Ohio State. I mentioned it to Mike yesterday and he goes "I know, it isn't a big deal. You just have to go back to finish school." We've already talked about things, like, he'd be going to Chicago in November for work.. for two weeks. He'd go with me to my grandparents down in Dayton for Christmas.. so yeah.. I probably am thinking way too much due to the fact I leave really soon. Just wanted to know what you guys had to say -- are guys this way??

[Catlady711]

My hubby is the same way. We've been together for 11 years and he used to be quite verbal about his feelings in the beginning too, now he doesn't say too much about anything. So I guess that's just a 'guy thing'. lol

[Karen]

I don't think it's necessarily a "guy" thing, but it is something that some people - male or female - just do. Some folks just are more comfortable "showing" than "telling" I guess. Still, when you're physically apart, he'll have to go back to more telling, won't he?

[CountryWolf07]

Even if we both haven't said those three little words yet??

[Jessika]

Actions speak louder than words, in my opinion. :)

Personally HJ and I aren't that way, but the relationship with my parents used to be. We never told each other we loved each other, but you know you just KNEW they did otherwise they wouldn't have done all those things for me. Of course our relationship is different now but it didn't always used to be that way.

I think he's trying not to make a big deal out of you leaving because he doesn't want to think about it and get too upset about when you're gone.

[CathyBogart]

My man is the same way. He does still tell me how he feels sometimes, but he's more inclined to give me a hug at a moment I most need it, pick up my favorite candy bar on his way home, turn on my favorite TV shows even though I KNOW he doesn't like them, and do a million other little things to show me he cares.

[Catty1]

There's a joke I thought of - and it may help:

A couple who have been married for 50 years go to a marriage counsellor.

The wife, whose idea this was, starts: "He never says he loves me! He never tells me that at all, even all the years we've been married!"

The counsellor asks the man for his view.

"Heck," says hubby, "I told her I loved her when I married her, and I ain't changed my mind yet!" :)

(There are enough men that use verbal BS, and their actions don't match.)

[moosmom]

Jessika his the nail right on the head!

Actions DO speak louder than words. It's when he STOPS all that is when you need to worry.

He sounds like a keeper to me!

[buttercup132]

My boy is the same way too. Oddly enough his name is also Mike and we started dating around then too (Febuary).

[CountryWolf07]

Haha, oh my gosh, that joke just made me laugh! :) I do understand that action speaks a lot louder than words do; because we both treat each other that way. Mike doesn't call or text me; because he knows I'd rather talk on-line because of my hearing impairment. He is very caring about that part. He makes sure I'm included or whatnot; he tells me what I missed out on and whatnot. He knows my favorite things; he buys me iced tea once in a while, just because, if we stop at a gas station and I don't ask for anything, he gets me something anyways.

When we are in the truck, listening to music; he sings along to the songs he really likes; basically just to make me laugh out loud/smile. I do the same thing with him, and we just can make each other smile when we need to.

Last night before I left, I was putting my things in the bag; and Mike just leaned onto me behind me like putting his weight on me and I start laughing and I told him to get up because I'm going to fall over & that he weighs more than me. =) We always kiss good-bye but we never kiss hello, but it has always been that way since we started dating.

One thing though, would it be wrong to ask how he feels about me, since that I'm leaving.. or I shouldn't, because every time I have asked how we are doing.. and he would give me that look and just say "Stop worrying. We're fine." or I get the "You think way too much".. but the last time I asked that, was probably 3 months ago.

[Rachel]

If you put all the things you've indicated about your relationship with Mike on a list and have the list divided into two columns designated Positive Indications and Negative Indications, I see that Positive Indications list being quite a long one and the Negative Indications being oh so short.

Personally, I would not ask him how he feels about you. What you really want is for him to ask you how you feel.

[CountryWolf07]

I gotta admit one thing, though. Mike never texts or calls me every day, and that kind of bugs me quite a little bit; because it might mean.. he doesn't think of me, but I know he does. I know that I will be talking to him every day when I am back at Ohio State when I have time to. That means, by IM or phone. One thing though, we always say good night when it's time to go to bed. I guess that's all it matters. :)

I still don't know what it is, that made me fall for him from day one. I don't know what it is that made Mike notice me that day, too. Whatever it is, we are still together, almost 8-9 months later.. it's something.

[moosmom]

Speaking from experience, here's a bit of advice. He told you not to worry. I think if you worry TOO much, you're gonna scare him away.

[DJFyrewolf36]

My hubby is rather vocal about how he feels sometimes, sometimes he just does things he knows will make me feel better. He has a good idea of what exactly will make me go from feeling cruddy to happy, I guess thats why almost 5 years later we are just like best friends. ;)


I think the important thing is that you make each other happy. The how of it doesn't really matter lol.

[Cataholic]

This obviously bothers you, and has bothered you for awhile. I can remember you asking things like this months ago. So, I say this: if something bothers you- whether it is big, little, trivial, monumental, etc., have it addressed, preferably by Mike. He essentially has blown you off with the "you worry too much" or "don't worry" type comments. It is up to you to decide if that is acceptable or not.

I see in your posts what I see in many people's relationships ten years down the line- needs of yours not being addressed. If it matters to you, your feelings about it *should* matter to him.

But, having said that, you seem fraught with insecurity about this relationship. Rightfully felt or not, this is *your* issue to address, not yours and Mike's. That is an area I would encourage *you* to explore, and NOT seek affirmations from Mike.

[CountryWolf07]

Thanks, everyone. It *is* my issue. I honestly have to admit it, this is my first long serious relationship, and sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is that we just get along and learn from as we go down the road. When we said we liked each other in the beginning, we didn't push anything, everything just fell right into its place, and here we are, still together. We are happy with each other. We just fit so well & we have this chemistry that has never left. I think, with things like that, when they happen unexpectedly in the middle of our busy lives, I think it's crazy but, things happen for a reason. All I can say is, I'm learning from it, and I am enjoying this ride, and I realize, being in a relationship isn't easy! It is never supposed to be easy, but difficult in one way or another. BUT I CAN say this - I am lucky to have a good guy, a guy I have a lot in common with, we get along so well, we have this amazing chemistry, we don't have to outdo to impress eachother, we just are satisfied. Honestly sometimes we act like we're "married" to each other. He's one of a kind and I have never met anyone else like him at all. =)