I am ready to strangle her!!!

[catnapper]

I have a coworker who seems to cause more trouble at work than she's worth. NOBODY can stand her and it seems she has chosen me as her main target for her criticism. I honestly have no idea what I did to her. My coworkers assure me its her and not me. Most importantly, my boss told me today that she's the one with the problem and its totally not anything I did. He even asked me why I don't stand up for myself when she does what she does. Honestly, I don't stand up because I'm trying to trip over myself to be pleasant and not fight! I SOOOOO want to say "if you can't say nothing nice then go away and leave me alone!" and my boss told me today to tell her that next time!

I could go into a hundred stories of what she's done to me. Its just too much typing, and I'm sure it would bore you all to tears. Just trust me.... she belittles me and makes fun of me every chance she can get. From how I answer the phone to the way I walk - she's made more than enough little comments disguised and giddy little jokes.

She continually tries to get me in trouble and ends up making herself look like a fool. For example, the people who are training me came from their offices to see what I've done to the store. They were totally impressed and said the store looked wonderful. This woman actually walked up to my superiors and said "Can I tell you what I hate about the place?" and she proceeded to complain about everything.

I'm frustrated beyond words. I love love love this job. I am so happy and content there. I am doing a great job there. I am the #1 salesperson for the month two months running.... and I'm not even a salesperson. My reviews reflect that I'm doing a good job. I trust my coworkers and boss when they say SHE'S the one with the problem. But I just feel so defeated.

Any ideas to help me put her in her place without fighting? I truly do not want to fight. I know that if I tell her, "go away if you can't say something nice" will only get her offended and huffy.... I don't know which is worse, having her throwing a hissy fit or her picking me me ;) :p She's just impossible!

[Catty1]

First - pray for her. She sure doesn't have any friends.

If you do pray, ask the Big Critter upstairs for an idea...and turn it over.

When I "turn someone over", I imagine turning that person to God's attention - giving God the job of looking after that person!

One idea just came to me - pay her a genuine compliment. That can be as little as her hair looks nice today, good colour on her, etc.

Try one wee one every day.

I have worked with people that drive me nuts...and it is really hard to have compassion for them.

Bear with me - just recalled this: A few weeks ago, our priest was talking about a time he was at another church. He was giving communion. At the end of the line was a man who really did not like the church or Greg(priest) or life - but had come up to have communion for some reason.

Greg saw him, and returned much the same feeling to this guy that they guy felt for him. He was thinking about how much he disliked this man, and how wrong that was, but there he was in the communion line - when suddenly this thought came to him, as if spoken from God's viewpoint:

"I really, really love this person."

Greg thought about it. He never said what exactly happened after - but with a new point of view, HE felt better.

I've run on too long...good luck with this!

[Catsnclay]

There was a movie, and for the life of me I cannot remember the name of it!, but there was a line in it that I will never, ever forget, and it makes SO much sense:



SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE



So, Kim my best advice to you is:

Continue what you are doing - obviously everyone knows this person is the problem not you.

Ignore her, as a matter of fact, "kill her with kindness" - smile and do what you have been doing. It seems to work, and work very well !!!

Congratulations for being the #1 Salesperson of the month - TWICE IN A ROW!!!!

:D :D :D Good for you!!!!

[Karen]

I once had a woman who never smiled glare at me every day as she passed my desk. Every single time. And if she ever opened her mouth, she was complaining. I decided one day to just "kill her with kindness," because nothing else worked, what was there to lose?

So the next time - and for many weeks, whenever she passed my desk, I smiled so hard that anyone who knew me would have been able to tell it was fake. I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt, and dropped it as soon as she had passed. I am nothing if not stubborn. I kept it up. Week after week, day after day, until suddenly, one day, the unthinkable happened.

She stopped in her tracks, looked at me, smiled (none of my coworkers had ever seen her smile, they thought her incapable of it) and said "You have such a lovely smile!" in a pleasant tone of voice. I managed to mask my astonishment, and said (not - "but I've been smiling ugly smiles at you!!!) "Thank you, my parents paid a lot for the orthodontist, so I always figure I better show off his work!" and we had a pleasant little conversation, and we stayed "almost friends" for the remainder of my time on the job. And she was a smidgen kinder to my coworkers as well - and they suddenly saw her in a different light as well, conversing pleasantly with someone.

Kill her with kindness, baby! Bite your tongue if you have to, but could you invite her to lunch or for coffee some day? Smile so hard your cheeks hurt ... and you can know inside you don't MEAN the smile ... which makes it a little victory for you, that you can smile in the face of unpleasantness.

[kitten645]

Money talks my dear. Especially in retail. If you are number one in sales, there's no arguing that you are doing a great job. Take satisfaction in a job well done and let the little biouch have her miserable life. Ignore her. I know it's difficult but clearly everyone know's SHE"S the problem and hopefully someone in management will wake up and can her sorry bum. Just keep thinking, this too shall pass. There's one in every bunch. :rolleyes: Good luck!

[kuhio98]

Kim ~ I wonder if you feel defeated because you want to be liked. By everyone. If that's the case, please, please don't waste any more of your tme on it. You could be the second coming of Jesus Christ or Buddha or Allah and some people would still not like you. That's their problem. Just keep being yourself. Please, don't let it bother you.

I guess the next time she feels the need to comment on something you do, how about saying "Nancy (or whatever her name is), you seem to be preoccupied with what I'm doing. Why do you that that is?" Then shut up. Don't say another word. Don't fill in the awkward silence. Just smile and sit there and wait for her response. It could be interesting to hear what she has to say. And if she doesn't say anything, at least you've made it obvious that you have noticed this annoying habit.

Really, I think she's insecure. She thinks to build herself up, she needs to tear others down. She sees her coworkers as the competition instead of being a part of a winning team. Just keep doing what you're doing. It sure is working. Congratulations!

[jackie]

She continually tries to get me in trouble and ends up making herself look like a fool. For example, the people who are training me came from their offices to see what I've done to the store. They were totally impressed and said the store looked wonderful. This woman actually walked up to my superiors and said "Can I tell you what I hate about the place?" and she proceeded to complain about everything.

OK, that is just laughable!!!

It sounds like she isn't on anyones good side if even your boss has noticed her behavior. I would just avoid her as much as you can, and get on with doing a good job. Some people never seem to grow up after high school.

[lbaker]

If she is such a disrupting force why on earth do the "bosses" keep her around. What does she have to contribute to the workplace? If there is ANY positive energy from her find out what they (bosses) see and go from there.

[catnapper]

Thanks guys.

I have been totally killing myself being overly kind. I have been plastering a huge smile on my face and telling jokes. Funny thing its had an unintended side effect of putting me in a hugely good mood for the past few weeks while I've been doing it :D

Here's something that happened the other day: we were all behind the sales counter joking. I really do work with a wonderful group of people (excluding her of course ;)) We were joking about the people who work there, and how we have such a diverse group of personalities and how we're all just a bit off kilter in our own way. Then my manager says, "I often wonder if we have a professional sales staff or carnival freak show!" "Nancy" was with a customer at that moment who overheard the manager's comment. The customer started laughing and we started talking to the customer about how we love coming to work because we always have so much fun and enjoy being there. We went on to say that we could make a winning TV reality series based on the people there. Everyone was laughing, including the customer. It was 100% lighthearted and fun. Then "Nancy" comes up and in a gruff voice tells everyone that SHE doesn't come to work for fun and she thinks work isn't a place to goof off. It was like taking a pin to a balloon. Even her customer's mood changed.

I have been nearly killing myself to be extra nice and sweet to "Nancy". What did it earn me? Nancy picking on me telling me and the rest of the staff that "everything that comes out of your mouth makes you sound stupid" --- that was based upon me being really silly the other day when talking about my recent trip show shopping with mom for my birthday present. I was TRYING so hard to include her and to have fun telling the story myself.

Lisa, yes, I do think I'm so defeated because I want to be liked by everyone. The thing that truly gets me the most is that up until two months ago she liked me and confided in me. Then once I started to hit high sales numbers, she started to change. My manager DID admit that she's highly jealous of my sales numbers. She also changed when she finally realized that I have authority over her and if I don't want to move a chair, it doesn't get moved (bwahahahaha the power!) I basically have total and complete over what goes where in the store. She HATES that. She even tries to undermine me in store meetings by saying "I think those pictures need to be moved"..... hence her attempt to sabotage me with my trainers when they came to see what I've done to the store.

[catnapper]

If she is such a disrupting force why on earth do the "bosses" keep her around. What does she have to contribute to the workplace? If there is ANY positive energy from her find out what they (bosses) see and go from there.
Ah, we keep asking ourselves that. They fired one employee last month, we keep waiting for them to fire her. I know that if she keeps it up so won't be here long though.

[Rachel]

. she belittles me and makes fun of me every chance she can get. From how I answer the phone to the way I walk - she's made more than enough little comments disguised and giddy little jokes.

She continually tries to get me in trouble and ends up making herself look like a fool.

Any ideas to help me put her in her place without fighting? I truly do not want to fight.
I've had some experience with the type of person of which you speak. I do believe it is an intense feeling of inferiority that makes her want to put down others. From my experience you are not going to be able to *put her in her place* because she is already there and this is her way of trying to compensate.

What works for me in dealing with this type of individual is recognizing that this behavior isn't about you- it's about her and just ignoring it. What you can't ignore, pretend it doesn't bother you. You might find (as I did) that sooner or later it actually won't bother you as much.

Reacting to the behavior in a intense way only lets her know that she has succeeded to putting you down and internally that is what she is looking for.
Why would you want to acknowledge that these criticisms are in anyway something you take to heart? Say she comments on the way you answer the phone. You might respond by saying, *Well, that's an interesting way of looking at it.* in a lilting manner and go blithely on your way. The key is for you to come to accept that her opinion is not one that matters to you. Please don't let her put you in a position of acting in any manner other the professional decorator and representative of this store which has brought you the success you have so well earned.

[elizabethann]

I think Catsnclay has it right - success is the sweetest revenge. It's a shame your boss can see what's happening and doesn't take action. Doesn't say much for your boss as far as I'm concerned.

Good luck.

[catnapper]

I think Catsnclay has it right - success is the sweetest revenge. It's a shame your boss can see what's happening and doesn't take action. Doesn't say much for your boss as far as I'm concerned.

Good luck.
Oh the boss sees it. He is absolutely FURIOUS with her. His face turns red at some of the things she does. He's kind of tied right now because we're already short staffed and HIS boss isn't giving him any solutions in that regard.

[smokey the elder]

Get together with the rest of your coworkers, and teach them this: <singsong voice> "Every party needs a party pooper; that's the reason we invited Y-O-O-U-U!" :p (Or at least think it.) What a total buzzkill she is. Maybe she's depressed or something, which would stink too.

[catnapper]

LOL.... that reminds me. When someone is upstairs in the warehouse, we someones call over the intercom and sing made-up words to nursery rhyme songs. The other day she was in the warehouse and had a customer come back for her. I asked another coworker to quick give me a song to sing and they said "Wheels on the Bus" so I sang "Nancy has a customer that came back. That came back. That came back. Nancy has a customer that came back. Come down-stairs!" to the tune of the Wheels of the Bus :D She was NOT amused.

We all sing stupid songs like that to each other when we're up in the warehouse. No customers can hear the intercom up there, so whats the harm in having some silliness? Little things like that make our day much more fun.