Decisions....I need lots of help. -- Decision made at bottom

[Cookiebaker]

As you might remember, my best friend Emerson passed away in May. I am having such a hard time getting over this and moving on. I miss him so much, and there is a huge hole left in my heart and in our home. :( It gets better for a few days and then wham, it hits me again, and again, and again.

Anyway, the lady that gave him to us called me this morning. She has a 5 month old chocolate lab that needs a good home. She said he is very laid back, and that we would be a perfect place for him.

I want so much to be excited about this.....but thinking about it just makes my heart ache. I'm sitting here crying all morning over this, which I know is stupid. I wrote Mark an email and he should be calling me soon to talk about this.

I AM excited about the prospect of having a puppy again. But at the same time, I don't WANT a new puppy....I want my Emerson. :confused: I'm so confused. Maybe its just not the right time yet???? Maybe we should just "go look?"

Anyway, please help me clear my head and any advice is appreciated! Thanks. :)

[Catlady711]

I don't know that anyone can answer for another person on whether to get another pet or when the time is right for one. While we can never replace a pet in our hearts, sometimes having a new pet helps make new memories that help with the emptiness of loss. Still others know the next pet will never be like the one they lost and a new one is just a constant reminder that no two pets are exactly alike and it just makes them feel worse.

My personal belief is that it's different for every person. I know some people that never get another pet, some that wait almost a year or more before getting another pet, and some that get a new pet right away.

I don't think that any of those 3 are wrong, and I think each person needs to decide for themselves which is best for them.

I know you will do whatever your heart says is the right thing to do, and the right time to do it. Whatever you decide I'm sure you'll find lots of support here on PT.

[Pam]

Anna, like the previous poster I can't make a decision for you. Wouldn't even want to try. :) That said, your hubby would certainly be more in tune with your household these days (since the arrival of precious little Lydia) and might be able to make comments as to what things would be like with a new puppy.....i.e., change in your routine, etc. since he knows what your present routine is. His opinion would certainly be more meaningful than ours.

My only comment about having a puppy and a baby is that it is hard at times. My daughter had *puppy Dale* when my grandson was very small. Since puppies need to go out so frequently (catching them when they are about to potty in the house at times! :o ) it is not always easy with a new baby to rush a puppy outside. I am also reading into your post (maybe not accurately) that you don't feel ready.

Then, of course, on the other hand you are missing Emerson so much and this just might be what the doctor ordered. Life is so strange sometimes with opportunities that present themselves when we are not even looking. That's how it was when you first got Emerson. He was an unexpected surprise and a blessing.

I am sure this has not helped you at all, :o but I guess I just wanted to really say that I am excited for you at the possibility of a new puppy and do also completely understand your decision to turn this offer down - whichever you choose. How confusing is that! Actually I am no help at all! :D

[Sevaede]

That is EXACTLY how I feel.

Another kitty came into our lives about a week and a half ago. His name is Lynx. I still think about Soni all the time. The pain is still there but it would still be there without Lynx in our lives. The individual love for each of them does not meet or cross paths. They are parallel and both would still be in their place if the other was absent.

Looking never hurt. ;)

[CountryWolf07]

Think of it this way; maybe Emerson sent the 5 month old lab to YOU. :)

[elizabethann]

Cookie, I know exactly how you feel. I had to put two of my cats to sleep this year. I loved both cats so much. But one particular cat, Maxie, was the love of my life. He was my best friend. He would sleep with me, under the covers & in my arms. He was very young when he died and it was very devastating for me. I never in a million years thought I'd get another cat ever again. In fact, I didn't think I wanted one. I would cry and cry and cry and wish that Maxie were back with me.

I still cry and wish he was with me.

But one day I went to the SPCA and came across a little 3-legged cat. I wasn't sure if I wanted to adopt her. Come to find out, she was on hold for a little girl with cancer. I went on a trip out West and came back to find a recent message saying that the 3-legged cat was available. I was very happy but at the same time, I just wasn't sure I wanted another cat. I wanted my Maxie.

I adopted the kitty (now named JoJo Louise) and I now can't imagine my life without her. She's is such a love and I cherish her dearly. She now sleeps under the covers and in my arms each night. She will NEVER replace my Maxie (who I still think of and wish was still alive). But I know I've given JoJo Louise a wonderful, safe & loving home and she in turn has given me all the love I could hope for.

You'll never forget Emerson for as long as you live.

Perhaps you could pay a visit to see this pup?

[Cookiebaker]

Thank you for your help.....your insight has helped me alot! I took Malone and Lydia out for a walk and then took some pictures and I feel a bunch better!

Mark & I decided that we would talk about it later tonight.....and I'm *trying* not to think about it 'til then. I think when we talk we will figure out if we are remotely ready for this...and if so we will explore the next step.

Thanks again!! :)

[Lori Jordan]

My Moto,If it is ment to be you have the puppy,If not you know it is not time.

I have been through this so many times,It really is hard,But remeber things happen for a reason,Maybe getting the phonecall about the pup means it is time to welcome a new one into the home.

You have to feel right about it,You are not replacing Emerson,Maybe Emerson is sending this puppy your way?

They work in different ways,I still get signs in Storm from Bandit i swear,Storm does things that only have been seen or done by my Rb Boy.

Best Wishes!

[Freedom]

Different times, different pets, different people. Only you can make the choice to take this pup on. (Well, you and your husband).

When Amber died, I didn't even want to THINK about another cat.

When Dazzle was gone, got nother in about 3 weeks. And I STILL cry over Dazzle; and Amber.

It depends where you are in your life and oh so many things.

We can make suggestions of things to consider but, ultimately, only you two will know if this is the time, and this is the pup.


Best wishes

[cyber-sibes]

You'll know when the time is right. It all depends on your circumstances.

We lost Sherman just 6 weeks ago. I picked up a new dog a couple weeks back because I was in Ohio and not sure when I could return for him. (1600 mi. round trip from herein RI) I'm looking for full time work & wanted to get another dog integrated before I had to be gone all day. But emotionally it's been hard, I wish I would have been able to wait a few more months. We all want Sherman back. I have sat here bawling a number of times. Star is still grieving too, but at the same time, more interested in things now that Jack is around.

Best wishes!

[carole]

I can only advise you from my own personal experience, i lost my dear cat Sooti coming up 5years next year, in tragic way, and my heart was aching just like your's, i suffered depression i never knew i could experience from loosing my beloved kitty,it was just awful and i know exactly how you are feeling, i just have to say when i finally decided to take another kitty, my darling lil Lexie, it was the best thing i ever did, she brought back the joy in my heart,and filled the empty void that sooti left,she did not by any means replace him, but uncanny as it is she is so like him, a gentle loving kitty, a real companion, i was not even going to adopt a kitty that looked anything like him, it would hurt to much, he was pure black, and if you look below you will see my lil lexie, who was hiding under a blanket in a cage at the cat shelter, she looked up at me with her beautiful yellow eyes,and all i could say to hubby was , oh my gosh she looks just like sooti,apart from her being a girl and a little white dash on her chest.

You can only do what you feel is right in your heart, but don't think by getting another puppy, that it any way takes away the love you had for emerson, he will always be in your heart forever,if i were you i would open my heart again and take the risk and take that puppy and give it all the wonderful love you obviously have to give. :)

P.S just wanted to add you will still grieve for you dear emerson, but i will help ease the pain some, believe me,it still hurts but i in hindsight wish i had not waited so long to adopt lexie, but then i am glad i did too,because i would have missed out on the best kitty in the world,hope that makes some sense.

[K9karen]

Think of it this way; maybe Emerson sent the 5 month old lab to YOU. :)

Eggactly what I was thinking. A laid back labbie..Hmmmm. I know it's a lot to think about. I had a phenominal experience which led me to Mz Logan. I firmly believe our pets love us so deeply, they don't want us to be sad. Good Luck with your decision. *Hugs*

[shais_mom]

I think you know that you won't ever have Emerson back - but he may send you 'something' in his place. I'm sure you've talked with Mark by now.
Whatever your decision, we'll support you of course! But maybe it wouldn't hurt to bring him to your house to meet Marigold, Malone and Lydia. Or maybe somewhere neutral to meet Malone?
good luck!

[anna_66]

Anna you know that we didn't wait long before bringing another puppy into our home after Angus died, but then again we didn't have a baby either:)

I think you'll "know" if it's meant to be or not.

Good luck either way.

(((HUGS)))
Anna

[Logan]

Anna, reading your words made me sad. My whole personality changed in the last two years, losing Murphy, Zipper, Mimi and Lilly so close together. I adore Honey, but she is Helen's dog. I love my Baby Mack, who was given to me to try and heal my broken heart after we lost Zipper, and he has been a fun, wonderful boy and I love him with all my heart. But there was something about Zipper and something about Lilly that I just kept on missing and grieving over. And I loved the way my Golden Retrievers were together, such good friends. I promised Scott and Helen that I would wait at least six months after losing Lilly before I asked for another dog. That was as much to help me settle down, love the ones I have and just grieve over what we had lost. I still find myself going back to pictures and things I wrote about them all and remembering how much I loved/love them. :( In June, I realized I probably couldn't make it six months without another perfect companion (like I had in Lilly). That's when I started looking for a rescue female Golden Retriever. Well, as we all know, I didn't end up with a girl, but I got the BEST boy, Ben, and I think God helped that to happen. The timing was good for Ben and it was good for me. And Scott and Helen were very, very supportive of the decision.

Everyone is different, you know. But you do what is right for your family and for you. Emerson will still be your special angel. I just have to believe that or I don't think I could have survived the last year and a half.

A very wise man sent me a beautiful message after Zipper died. He is a fellow rescuer and when he heard Zipper had passed away, he said he felt the need to share with me. I'm going to post his email here for you to read.

"It is so amazing - I have the hardest time remembering peoples' names, but the Goldens........
I vividly remember the day I picked him up and brought him down to Greenville. He wasn't about to accept being relegated to the back seat of my car. That was the day I learned how to left-hand shift my 5-speed transmission while attempting to restrain Zipper from joinging me in front by using my right hand.
He's in good company, and I envy him in many ways.
Upon losing my first Golden almost 5 years ago and sharing my profound grief with friends back in Colorado, one dear friend replied with such special thoughts that I never had to write them down - they're carried in my heart (almost vebatim) to this day (and to the end of days). She Said,
"You couldn't feel such grief and devastation unless there had first been a tremendous love betwen you;
And you'll never, ever find any other dog that will fill "that aching hole in your heart," but you will find another who will make a very special place of his very own in your heart;
And you shouldn't just wait for all that you're feeling to slowly fade away, but honor the memory of you departed best friend by going right out and bringing another dog into your home and heart. And the first night you have your new dog home you'll be down on the floor, kneeling with your new guy, hugging him with great heaving sobs and tears streaming down your cheeks as you remember the dog you've lost. And your new guy won't understand the tears - but he'll happily lick them away."
God Bless."
Curt Haag

Anna, he was right. :) Best wishes, my friend. I wish I could help your sad heart. I haven't yet figured out how to heal mine either, though.

Love,
Logan

[Cookiebaker]

Well we've thought about it now for a day and a half....and we separately and together came to the same conclusion that we are not ready for another puppy. :(

For one thing, our nights have been so crazy lately, and we feel like we are walking zombies on steroids sometimes. :eek: Add to the mix a puppy that might or might not be housetrained overnight? It doesn't seem like a good idea. For another, I am having a hard enough time keeping Malone from constantly clonking Lydia with his big paws. She is spending a lot more time on the floor (rolling and almost crawling) and I am thinking that a rough and tumbling duo of labs is not a healthy idea, because who knows what could happen in the blink of an eye??? Thirdly (and I didn't mention this in my first post) but she really does not want to have him neutered until she decides whether to continue the line when he is a year old. I really don't want any issues with an unneutered male and a neutered male mix. She didn't think it would be an issue because the puppy is so laid back. But Malone can be a bit ummm "funny" when it comes to other unneutered males.

I have to call Evelyn tomorrow, and I am dreading the phone call. 'Cause as much as I want to say no, I want to say yes, too. Call me a female I guess. :p

Maybe in 4 or 5 years though!!!

[Vermontcat]

Sorry that I didn't reply to this thread until now.
I think you made the right decision to wait. :)
I know you are a great dog mom and a great mom to baby Lydia too but I think that adding a puppy right now would be too much.
Enjoy every little milestone with Lydia, from her learning to crawl, learning to walk and her first words(doggie maybe?)then maybe it would be the right time to add another dog, possibly an adult one who is already mellow and housetrained etc.
Is there a chance that your friend would keep the dog for a year, get him trained and fixed then offer him to you at that time?

[clara4457]

it is time. God love you for understanding this.

[Karen]

Your decision sounds like the absolutely right one, for all the factors you list. You'll be in our prayers for continued healing.

[kallisto4529]

Trust me you will know when the time is right for all of you, including that beautiful baby of yours. I miss Mousse and Ginger every day I take a breath, but having Reilly has helped with some of the grief. It took me a while after we lost Ginger to really be ok with getting another dog, I wanted one only because God did not bless me to have human kids and a dog for me helps replace some of that "mothering" need. Reilly will never replace them, I loved each of them differently, Mousse I believe was my "heart" dog and no other will replace him. At times when Reilly is being really obnoxious I wonder to myself what in the world have we done!!!!! BUT when that time passes and he is back to his normal wonderful self, I thank God every minute for him, I would have gone crazy had he not been brought into our lives. I truly believe Mousse and Ginger picked him out for us, he has become both my husband and mine. If it matters to you I think for your family you have made the best choice possible for now, in time it will change. Good luck to all of you and God bless you.

[Pam]

Anna I think you are making the right choice. If I was in your shoes I would do the same thing. As you already know, a baby is a handful :) and so is a new puppy. I think when Lydia is a little older would be a better time for many of the reasons that you mentioned. You and Mark are thinking with your heads and not your hearts and that is not all bad. I know if you had seen this little guy you might have lost all control and brought him home. Better that you didn't have that temptation! :) Someone will give him a wonderful home and, when the time is right, Malone will have another pupster to play with. :)

[cyber-sibes]

Sounds like a good, well-thought out decision you won't regret. :)

[elizabethann]

That's okay. You'll know when the time is right. At least you were very smart and thought it out.

[Alysser]

You know what's best for you. As for this decision, I am glad you thought it out thoroughly and came to the right choice. I would have chosen this to. This is obviously not the right time for a pup, but I am sure you'll know it when the time comes.