VENTING - RANTING whatever you call it...

[jackmilliesmom]

So JackMilliesdad (JMD) and I took a week off last week to spend time together get a phone call to say that MIL has fallen and broken her hip, so we rush up and decide to stay and help FIL as much as possible. We decided to freshen sheets and so on being good kids and all that. Went to get clean sheets and discovered that there was none and that the washing machine had been broken for weeks unknown to FIL. Also discovered the fridge was on the blink and had been for weeks too. So we went out and bought new ones to replace old ones and washed and cleaned all bed linen to discover that they would not clean because they had been there so long so all were thrown out and new ones bought.

I then proceeded to clean out the room and run a hoover over it - it has not seen a hoover or duster in years it took 3 hoover bags for under the bed alone never mind the rest of the room yuckkkkkk....... Decided would finish things off wiht the permission of FIL and moved through the house cleaning and so on replaced furniture and so on that needed replacing and did a major overhall all round. FIL was so pleased and could not thank us enough - (he is 73 and not able for much any more after 2 hip replacements and a bad back and ticker) BIL and his wife came to see FIL and went balistic told him we were taking over and to watch his back we would have him out on his ear before we knew it but FIL told him to cop on and that we have done more that he could ever have asked for and he was delighted with all the work (we basically painted cleaned and removed carpets and put in new flooring etc) as he said it badly needed to be done.

We then went to see MIL and she full on attacked me telling me I was some b*t*h to come into her home and take over who did I think I was and where the h*ll did I think I was coming from I calmly told her that all I did was what her son asked me to do to help and did no more. John (JMD) was seething wiht anger but I told him to leave it have known for some time now that MIL is an alcholic but she refuses to see it and have known her to down a bottle of vodka in minutes and then turn to cans of beer and drink in one night what most people would drink in a week. BIL buys them for her as it is her only pleasure in life HAH!!!!!!!!! It would suit him better to get off his fat a** and get his wife off her fat a** and help around the house rather than buy her drink what he spends in one week for her would have bought her a new chest of drawers or wardrobe - serioulsy am I wrong here or should I just step back.

FIL is crying out for help so is hubby but BIL his wife and MIL are screaming at me to back off. Anything I did was done with blessing of FIL.

Please opnions needed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Vela]

You did the right thing in helping him. Your FIL and husband both asked for your help and your FIL obviously can't do it himself, and nobody else seems to care. The rest of them haven't helped your FIL and it's not fair to him to have to live like that. I would continue helping, who cares what the others say? If they had cared about him enough those things wouldn't have been in that condition.

[jackmilliesmom]

Things are bad and people live in awful conditions but he said to me this morning that last week was the best he has eaten in a long time I felt so mad and so sad too. He said that he has been eating out of the local take away and deli counters for the last 2 years and only eats a proper dinner when they visit me for dinner - what is she at she is a sprightly 63 years old and fitter than I am and she just does nothing. She could not be operated on until Tuesday morning because she had drink taken and she fell that morning at 11 a.m. and could not have pain killers and everything else associated wiht it until the alcohol had left her system how much had she got to drink??????????

[Marigold2]

Sounds like there is some depression going on perhaps some Altzheimers. Can you get them to a Dr. for a check up? You did a good thing. Good luck to you.

[Miss Z]

Oh my, I sympathise with you completely. You are doing the right thing, and don't let anybody tell you that you aren't. Your MIL should be thankful that she has someone like you in her family that is prepared to help her out to such an extent in problems such as this. She needs to remember that kind people like you don't grow on trees!

I really hope that your MIL addresses her drink problem. Has your husband tried to talk to her about this privately? Not to be rude or anything, but words may have a little more depth to them if they come from her son, and if he explains how her actions are upsetting him and those close to him, then surely she must see sense.

[jackmilliesmom]

He has tried every approach and even to the extent of going to the G. P. to see if he could get her signed in somewhere if FIL would agree and that was last Friday FIL and hubby were to meet wiht GP on Tues to arrange this but somethings are not meant to be so she wound up in hosp first with an injury. Her last words to FIL yesterday were cannot wait to get out gasping for a drink!!! She is really pushing things now FIL has said he would rather move out than be there when she comes home if she is going to continue to carry on like this

[wombat2u2004]

Your MIL is angry with you because simply put....you have outdone her.
If she ever gets off the drink and up off her butt, then maybe she could keep some semblance of a clean home.....AND keep her husband fed.
Thats my feelings anyway mate.
But still....your FIL would appreciate your help, so keep doing it for his sake mate....don't worry about the sponge in the hospital.
Wom

[jackmilliesmom]

Not worried have received an irate phone call from BIL and told him where to get off and that there are two of them in that house and we have to look out for them both and make sure they have a comfortable clean home and plenty of nourishment to keep them healthy and satisfied for the remainder of their days.

Have decided to take a stand and not let them put me off I will be there for as long as they need me and when ready for me to step back I will do it.

[wombat2u2004]

Hmmmm....this BIL sounds like a nasty bit of work.
Why would he complain that you have actually cleaned the oldies house for them ????
Doesn't make much sense to me.
Wom

[jackmilliesmom]

He is just annoyed that he did not do it and that we got some praise for getting things done thats all but let him get annoyed I will not back down from a fight without leaving my mark - I can be tough when I need to be.

[wombat2u2004]

He's just jealous....eh ????
Anyway mate.....a swift slap on his left ear will shut him up... :D
Wom

[jackmilliesmom]

Will you come over and give it to him for me?

[wombat2u2004]

Will you come over and give it to him for me?

No mate...he might be bigger than me !!!! :eek:
Wom

[Catty1]

JMM - If your FIL already talked to her doctor, I hope the hospital knows about it - if they couldn't do a lot of medical stuff because of the alcohol she has taken in, I would expect and hope they would jump on that problem right away.

If you talk to your FIL, maybe he can ask the doctor if he is in touch with the hospital?

She is in the perfect place to be safely detoxed - and most hospitals have addiction counsellors and an AA meeting or two.

GOOD FOR YOU for standing up to BIL! Idiot - the linens are rotted, fridge and washing machine don't work...SHEESH. Send BIL an invoice!

Prayers and hugs.

WOM - I'll come with you and stand by with a big baseball bat.

Or portable liposuction - you hold 'em down, I'll do the work! :p (I AM BAD)

[jackmilliesmom]

Thanks Catty knew I could count on some friends on PT You hold him down and I'll hold her down and Wom can do the work you know these builders they can patch anything up.....





JMM - If your FIL already talked to her doctor, I hope the hospital knows about it - if they couldn't do a lot of medical stuff because of the alcohol she has taken in, I would expect and hope they would jump on that problem right away.

If you talk to your FIL, maybe he can ask the doctor if he is in touch with the hospital?

She is in the perfect place to be safely detoxed - and most hospitals have addiction counsellors and an AA meeting or two.

GOOD FOR YOU for standing up to BIL! Idiot - the linens are rotted, fridge and washing machine don't work...SHEESH. Send BIL an invoice!

Prayers and hugs.

WOM - I'll come with you and stand by with a big baseball bat.

Or portable liposuction - you hold 'em down, I'll do the work! :p (I AM BAD)

[wombat2u2004]

HAH !!!! You two are crazies !!!!!! :D :D :D
Wom

[Hellow]

And ill be there with a sledgehammer just in case he gets up.
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:vxHO5BlrdyQcuM:http://www.gp.lib.mi.us/information/about/Tools/sledgehammer.jpg

[jackmilliesmom]

Yeah Reggie the more the merrier but seriously folks I think the best way to kill them is with kindness I notice they are fading further every time I am kind to them all day with their petty little calls so will get them yet but on my terms if I need back up I will call.....

MIL has now calmed a little and is getting over herself and has gone into a orthopaedic rehabilitation hospital for the foreseeable future and she will get help in there.

So fingers toes and eyes (Except when driving now) crossed that things will work out.


Jo

[wombat2u2004]

So the drying out begins. :eek:
Wom

[wombat2u2004]

And ill be there with a sledgehammer just in case he gets up.
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:vxHO5BlrdyQcuM:http://www.gp.lib.mi.us/information/about/Tools/sledgehammer.jpg

Good on ya Reggie....I knew I could count on you. :D
Wom

[Hellow]

HaHa!LOL!

[crow_noir]

Well good for FIL to realize that he deserves a better life. Good food and a clean house is a God given right, not a privilege.


He has tried every approach and even to the extent of going to the G. P. to see if he could get her signed in somewhere if FIL would agree and that was last Friday FIL and hubby were to meet wiht GP on Tues to arrange this but somethings are not meant to be so she wound up in hosp first with an injury. Her last words to FIL yesterday were cannot wait to get out gasping for a drink!!! She is really pushing things now FIL has said he would rather move out than be there when she comes home if she is going to continue to carry on like this

[jackmilliesmom]

She is in good form and had her first AA meeting and physiotherapy session yesterday, BIL drove to my house which is a good 3 hours from his to apologise in person to me yesterday evening - things are looking up but my guard is still up and will be for a long time.

[crow_noir]

Well, enjoy it while you can. Congrats to you and them.

At least enjoy the dream.

It'll give your nerves a chance to recoup. :D

*hugs*


She is in good form and had her first AA meeting and physiotherapy session yesterday, BIL drove to my house which is a good 3 hours from his to apologise in person to me yesterday evening - things are looking up but my guard is still up and will be for a long time.

[Queen of Poop]

You've done the right thing and hopefully the ungratefuls will see that in time. I stand behind you and will be at the ready to back you in a scuffle. I may be 5 feet and 100 lbs soaking wet, but I pack a whollop!! I am very, very proud of you, stand your ground, you're in the right!!!

[cyber-sibes]

Of course you did the right thing. Please bear in mind that is MIL i an alcoholic, she is a very sick woman and believe it or not, is probably doing the best she can. (as pi** poor as it may be). It's a blessing she's in rehab. If she can get some sober time, se may realize she has a serious problem and it is causing pain and misery all around. Bless you for helping them out ins spite of her venom. I'll be praying for the whole situation.

[kimlovescats]

I'm sorry that I am just now reading this thread! WOW! You have been wonderful and should be praised and thanked!!! Your poor FIL has had a sloppy drunk to deal with for years and he deserves a break!!! This hip break of hers sounds like a blessing in disguise! I'm happy to hear that she is already having AA meetings, whether she wants them or not! Hopefully she will be in physio rehab long enough to also get her AA rehab!

It sounds like the BIL is finally seeing the light as well, keep up the good work! I'm only a PM away! ;)

Hugs,
Kim

[jackmilliesmom]

thanks everone for the good wishes more Updates - MIL has just discovered the reason for her hip break is because she is under nourished and her bones are slowly crumbling. She is shocked by this but in a meeting we all sat with her (all that is except BIL's wife) and explained that she has a boiled egg and toast for breakfast and then thats it for the rest of the day unless someone buys her somthing to eat or cooks for her so she was not getting all the nutrients she needed. I am happy we had the meeting and hope she now takes things into account for herself. She also found out that her body was eating at her muscles because it had nothing else to survive on so they were wasting and all of this contributed to the fall.

She got a shock and the doctor and Counselor had to tell her what else could happen if she does not look after herself. We also found out that she has been getting a lot of sores on her arms and back and tummy from not looking after herself and if she keeps this up they will get infected and make her worse. so these are all things she needs to think long and hard about before she can be released.

I hope she gets a good rude awakener from this and comes out better than she went in.