Is There Anyone?

[Kalei]

I never thought I'd being telling this on PT. But I've been a member for awhile now and my life is based so much around this site lol, that I feel I can come and ask for advice from not just people or strangers, but pt friends:)

I had my first boyfriend about 2 years ago now and well lets just say...he did what a women fears the most...the "C" word. And it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me because we were together for a year and I thought he was the 'one.' Anyways its been 2 years and I still have not found another boyfriend. I know I'm only 20, but I always pictured myself by now having a good steady boyfriend that I would possibly marry.

I'm starting to think that there is no one out there for me, or no one out there that wants me, and sometimes I wish so hard that I would find someone. Anyways I was just wondering how some of you Pter's who are in a relationship or married, met your boyfriend/girlfriend?

And if anyone has any words of wisdom for me or advice, believe me, I'll love it!:D

Thanks for listening!

-Kalei

[Taz_Zoee]

You said it........you're only 20. I felt the same way when I was 20. I didn't find the love of my life until I was 30. And I found him on the internet, match.com. Please don't feel discouraged. You are still very young and that right guy will come along for you. I know it's difficult when all of your friends are getting married and there you are........single. I went through the exact same thing. I can't believe I am telling you this stuff. This is exactly what I hated hearing while I was in that situation. But as they say, you grow wiser as you grow older. (darn it!!:p)
Oh and btw - we are STILL not married (after 4 years!! :eek: ) So I am trying to be patient just like you. It's not easy, is it?

[Kalei]

You said it........you're only 20. I felt the same way when I was 20. I didn't find the love of my life until I was 30. And I found him on the internet, match.com. Please don't feel discouraged. You are still very young and that right guy will come along for you. I know it's difficult when all of your friends are getting married and there you are........single. I went through the exact same thing. I can't believe I am telling you this stuff. This is exactly what I hated hearing while I was in that situation. But as they say, you grow wiser as you grow older. (darn it!!:p)
Oh and btw - we are STILL not married (after 4 years!! :eek: ) So I am trying to be patient just like you. It's not easy, is it?

Haha, no its not easy being patient. Specially when you want to love someone and someone to love you back. Well for my positive vibes,I am going to send good vibes that you will get married soon:D 4 years is definatley a long time to be together and not get married, but then again I've known some couples that have been together for 10 years and haven't gotten married.

And you got it down pact. My bestfriend has a steady boyfriend for over a year, even my 16 year old sister has a boyfriend, lol I feel so left out and unloved by a guy :o

Someday I hope that I will find someone.

[Karen]

Concentrate on happy with yourself just as you are. Don't think you need someone in order to be happy - that's pretty off-putting in a relationship. And when you are happy and love yourself, it will be easier for someone to love you!

And ceratinly don't let others around you being in a steady relationship put any pressure on you.

When I was your age, I had a friend who was worried about never getting married. She obsessed about it. She also was not happy with herself as a person. Now, many years later, we reconnected, and she's finally happy being single, and grateful, in retrospect, that she didn't get stuck in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

If you are going to find someone, you will - in time.

[CountryWolf07]

You sound so much like me!


First of all; I never thought I would meet a guy. Definitely don't try to LOOK; it will happen to you when you at least expect it to. That happened to me. I never believed anyone who would tell me that saying; I would shrug that off and just not listen.. then I finally stopped looking; and it happened. I have a wonderful boyfriend of 5 months; and I could've not met anyone amazing like him. He is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. I dated a lot, I have discovered that you date all the wrong ones; until you find the right one.. that saying is so true. That's completely the type of situation I was in til' Mike. So I am grateful for all the experiences I had; things I learned, it was a ride. Things happen when they happen. Just let it. :) JUST ENJOY life & have FUN!; you're only 20 years old. I'll be 23 in September, but I was single all my life up to 5 months ago.

How I met him? He saw me on campus; just walking around in October, and just noticed something about me. He smiled at me, and I smiled back at him, and we walked past eachother. He never forgot me. Later on; he found out I was friends with his best friend's girlfriend that I have known since 4th grade. We didn't meet until January. We both had instant "chemistry", we were friends for two weeks; we hung out every day; I still consider him as my friend, but a lot more. We didn't start dating until two weeks later after we met; it just felt right, and it just happened. I believe that we weren't supposed to meet THAT day he saw me.. but later on, things fell in place. :)


Here's a picture:

http://photos-960.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v71/87/67/12449168/n12449168_36604960_8893.jpg

[Taz_Zoee]

Well said Karen.
Let me just make one more point. While we've (Bruce and I) been together for 4 years, I am okay with the not getting married. At first I really wanted to BADLY! But now I've come to just enjoy the love we share, and how happy we are. Married or not, nothing's going to change that.
Yeah, I really wasn't expecting anything to happen between Bruce and I at first......mainly because he is 13 years older than me. But I just went with it and it worked out beautifully!! :D
As the other two said....just go with the flow and don't LOOK too hard for something. Find happiness within yourself and then love will find you.

[Twisterdog]

I have been married for one year ... and I'm thirty eight years old!

I waited a long time to find the right one to marry.

Be happy with your own company. Because if you aren't, you will not have much to offer someone else. No matter who you are with until the day you die, you always are with yourself. Learn what you like and dislike, what you want and don't want, what you value and desire. Only when you know these things, will be able to decide if someone has the qualities you are looking for or not.

It's far, far better to be single than to be with the wrong person.

[joycenalex]

twisterdog has it right, better to be single then with the wrong person. when i was 20, i grabbed the wrong for me person, and held on for dear life for 11 years. i was afraid of being alone, and held onto what should have been a 6 month dating situation, not a commitment. i wish that i had enjoyed my life more then and not had the fear rule me. kindest regards, joyce

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I've been married for almost 28 years !
I've met my hubby when I was 22 and a half! All my friends were making fun of me because I didn't find a man....! I lived in a very small village with only 900 inhabitants. My dad was the local police. So everyone in the village was talking about me, I was the talk of the town!! Then I decided to follow a dance-course for singles. Guess what: I met Bernard then, and 9 months later we were married!! Haha, of course I was the talk of the town again, everybody was sure that this was " a forced" marriage (a kid on the way).
They were all wrong :) :) :)

ps. how I got his attention?? I stepped on his toes all the time :p ;)

[catnapper]

Ah, you sound like I was at the same age. First thing you need to remember: don't fall for the first guy that starts dating you. I did that. He was a "nice guy" but not for me. I was just so in love with the idea of having someone to love that I overlooked glaring incompatabilities. We were actually pre-engaged (sounds funny to me now but it was oh-so-serious at the time :p)

Second thing to remember: enjoy your life. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy the freeedom to do what you want, how you want, and find out who you are first. Many marriages end in divorce because people change. Its easy to change when you didn't know who you were in the first place. This kind of self-knowledge often doesn't come at 20 years old. If it does, then you're lucky. I don't know many people who have the same philosophies and outlook at 30 as they did at 20. Life and experience brings wisdom and a well-rounded self. Experiences include work, school, friends, and trying on different relationships.

which brings me to my third point: Try on different guys. Guys you might not have otherwised considered. Think you only like the quiet, sensitve type? Try a boisterous sports guy. Try an ambitious thinker. Try them all! you might be surprised at what they can teach you about yourself and you might just find the perfect match in a guy who you'd have never looked at twice otherwise.

I didn't get married til I was 28. I swore I was going ot be an old spinster living with my parents forever. I swore I was never going to find the right guy for me. I can't tell you how perfect my husband is for me... he's not perfect, neither am I but we're a perfect fit together.

[Kalei]

Wow, I am so happy to come on and see so many people replying:D! It means alot and I have taken in all your advice and love hearing the stories. I guess you are all right, I do have to find myself before I get married or in a really serious relationship, and I know I don't truely know who I am yet, I know that I am Kalei and I love animals and whatnot, but I still get very confused about life and definatley don't know where my life is headed yet.

I like myself, but am also insecure about myself too sometimes, so I should try and learn to be happy with myself. I am very happy for you guys that alot of you have very happy marriages and found that right one for you! That is so great:D

I will say that it is nice being single when it comes to being able to do everything for myself lol. But I would also love to have someone to love too lol.