catnapper
05-06-2007, 10:37 AM
I'm not looking for advice, just a little bit of a sad story t o tell....
We're planning a first birthday party for Cameron. Nothing huge or elaborate, just a cookout at the godparent's house with a pool and tennis courts. It'll basically be friends and family. We were printing the envelopes and making up directions yesterday. I was REALLY surprised to see Cam's father's dad on the invitation list. They do NOT get along. In fact, CF (Cam's Father) refuses to let his dad see Cam (though Ashley goes to lunch reguarly with Cam without CF, and I'm sure she does it without CF knowing..... she's REALLY good at avoiding confrontation)
Anyway, I noticed a distinct lack of his family on the invitation list. Not CF's mom, not his grandmom, no aunts... nothing. I told Ash I'd print out invitations because I have the addresses from the shower. She shrugged and mumbled something I didn't understand, so I let it drop. Then this morning it hit me with immense clarity: CF and his mom's side of the family will NOT be attending this party. In fact they most likely are planning one of their own.
I feel just awful for Ashley. She is living two completely different lives. one here with her family and friends. One there with CF and his side of the family. She's having two parties because nobody, and I mean NOBODY, on our side likes CF. None of her friends like him in the least. We (as in my husband and I) do not mention him anymore because that only makes her more determined to be with him and nagging never heps anything. Her friends on the other hand are quick to make comments about what a loser he is. Friends often can say things family can't get away with :p
So rather than have tension, she's avoiding the confrontation and having two parties. Doesn't she see that unless she does something now, this is only going to get worse? How does she see doing this forever? Always two parties? Always two Christmases, two Easters, two everything. What about her wedding? She still plans on marrying CF some day (hopefully long in the future) does she plan on two receptions? One for the groom and another for the bride? Sarcasm aside, I really do feel so bad for Ashley. She's only 19 and dealing with grown-up stuff. She's trying to do what she thinks is right without fights. Problem is, this type of thing will only explode eventually. And the more she avoids small confrontations, the bigger the final blow-up will be. :(
The last thing to this long novel.... why didn't she tell me yesterday when I asked about the adresses that Cameron would be having TWO parties? Why hide it? Did she think I'd flip out and threaten to cancel this other party? I thought we came a long way in the past year. I thought she learned to trust me and that I wasn't such a bad guy. I guess not :(
We're planning a first birthday party for Cameron. Nothing huge or elaborate, just a cookout at the godparent's house with a pool and tennis courts. It'll basically be friends and family. We were printing the envelopes and making up directions yesterday. I was REALLY surprised to see Cam's father's dad on the invitation list. They do NOT get along. In fact, CF (Cam's Father) refuses to let his dad see Cam (though Ashley goes to lunch reguarly with Cam without CF, and I'm sure she does it without CF knowing..... she's REALLY good at avoiding confrontation)
Anyway, I noticed a distinct lack of his family on the invitation list. Not CF's mom, not his grandmom, no aunts... nothing. I told Ash I'd print out invitations because I have the addresses from the shower. She shrugged and mumbled something I didn't understand, so I let it drop. Then this morning it hit me with immense clarity: CF and his mom's side of the family will NOT be attending this party. In fact they most likely are planning one of their own.
I feel just awful for Ashley. She is living two completely different lives. one here with her family and friends. One there with CF and his side of the family. She's having two parties because nobody, and I mean NOBODY, on our side likes CF. None of her friends like him in the least. We (as in my husband and I) do not mention him anymore because that only makes her more determined to be with him and nagging never heps anything. Her friends on the other hand are quick to make comments about what a loser he is. Friends often can say things family can't get away with :p
So rather than have tension, she's avoiding the confrontation and having two parties. Doesn't she see that unless she does something now, this is only going to get worse? How does she see doing this forever? Always two parties? Always two Christmases, two Easters, two everything. What about her wedding? She still plans on marrying CF some day (hopefully long in the future) does she plan on two receptions? One for the groom and another for the bride? Sarcasm aside, I really do feel so bad for Ashley. She's only 19 and dealing with grown-up stuff. She's trying to do what she thinks is right without fights. Problem is, this type of thing will only explode eventually. And the more she avoids small confrontations, the bigger the final blow-up will be. :(
The last thing to this long novel.... why didn't she tell me yesterday when I asked about the adresses that Cameron would be having TWO parties? Why hide it? Did she think I'd flip out and threaten to cancel this other party? I thought we came a long way in the past year. I thought she learned to trust me and that I wasn't such a bad guy. I guess not :(