I need some advice =/

[Roxyluvsme13]

My mom has been a smoker for a long time. And it's killing her. You would think after seeing what it did to my grandpa, she might quit. But no. And the worst thing? She's a NURSE.

I want her to quit more than anything, but I guess I can't force her, can I? I could flush her cigarettes or make them magically disappear, but she would notice, I would get in trouble, and she'd just go buy more.

I don't know what to do. But thanks to her habit I can't get a bird. :(

Help me, please. :(

[sweetpatata6]

I know it may not be this easy for everyone, but my friend did I guilt thing to her grandma and was like I want you to be able to come to my wedding, and see my kids, and went on and on and she ended up quitting!!

[Roxyluvsme13]

I know it may not be this easy for everyone, but my friend did I guilt thing to her grandma and was like I want you to be able to come to my wedding, and see my kids, and went on and on and she ended up quitting!!
I'm quite good at guilt trips. If it wasn't for those, I probably wouldn't be as spoiled as I am. :o Maybe I'll give it a try, thanks.

[jennielynn1970]

You're getting a bird? What kind, and from where?

[Roxyluvsme13]

You're getting a bird? What kind, and from where?
I was hoping to get one of Logan's baby Cockatiels, but I'm not putting the bird's health at risk thanks to my mom's smoking. :(

[Zippy]

My grandpa smoked for years and finally quit about 5 years ago.My aunt t smokes and my cousins and her husband want her to quit.Maybe you could tell her to try and quit and tell her you really want her to stop smoking for her health.

[Kalei]

I'm sorry that you have this problem. When I hear things like this I am always lucky to have a family that doesn't smoke. I feel bad for you and for your mom that its so hard to break away from smoking. It's definatley something that is one of the hardest things for someone to get away from.

I would think that the guilt trip might work if you keep going at it, and start showing her all the things that cigarettes do to your body. Tell her you want her to be around when you are older and have kids.

But I don't know what else you could do, I will pray for your mom that someday she can beat her addiction!:)

[Roxyluvsme13]

My grandpa smoked for years and finally quit about 5 years ago.My aunt t smokes and my cousins and her husband want her to quit.Maybe you could tell her to try and quit and tell her you really want her to stop smoking for her health.
My grandpa quit back in 2004, and I'm so proud of him. I can't believe what he went through DIDN'T make my mom quit..

Well, she doesn't listen to me.. Smoking's more important. :(

Gizzie's spay? No exact date. I haven't received any donations yet.


I'm sorry that you have this problem. When I hear things like this I am always lucky to have a family that doesn't smoke. I feel bad for you and for your mom that its so hard to break away from smoking. It's definatley something that is one of the hardest things for someone to get away from.

I would think that the guilt trip might work if you keep going at it, and start showing her all the things that cigarettes do to your body. Tell her you want her to be around when you are older and have kids.

But I don't know what else you could do, I will pray for your mom that someday she can beat her addiction!:)
I wish my mom had never started, but I wasn't around at the time, so.. And yes, I know it's hard, but I would be there to support her, and I want her to see how bad it is for her. SHE'S A NURSE. She knows how bad it is, she's seen people with LUNG CANCER and it still doesn't affect her!

She knows what they do to the body, but maybe the guilt trip will work. The guilt trip works on almost everything, so maybe it will work on this. That would be the best thing she could ever do for me and herself.

Thanks :).

[Daisy and Delilah]

Bri, my kids, my family, and friends, kept on and on and on until I quit. I felt so bad, exposing them to my bad habit, I couldn't stand to put them through it anymore. I was also coughing my head off most of the time. That, and the smell(among other things), was killing me.

Keep telling your Mom, in a nice way, you would like for her to quit. You would like her to be around a few more years. She will eventually get the message. Good luck!!

[Karen]

Make her a list of reasons why she should quit.
She probably knows them all, but tape it to her mirror, or the fridge, somewhere she will see it every day.
Include the fact that the money she spends on cigarettes could be saved for other things.
Include the fact that you love her.
Include that you know quitting will be hard, but that she's strong, and can do it.
Include all the things you want her around for - graduations, weddings, grandchildren, etc.
Include that you and she will have better skin, and better respiratory function.
Include the fact that she will be able to taste and smell thing better than she has in years once she has quit.
Include things that she, as a nurse knows, but may forget - like it's not always lung cancer, but pancreatic cancer that doesn't have the warning cough, and is silently deadly.

Repeat several times that you love her, and will help and promise to be patient with her during the quitting process ...

[Daisy and Delilah]

I hope this doesn't sound crazy but I remember a comment that someone said to me that I couldn't forget.

"Smoking is socially unacceptable"

That may sound dorky but it hit me in a strange way when I heard it. I think it was more of how self conscious I was starting to get when I was lighting up and no one else was. I'm not a social butterfly by any means but that statement just kinda pushed me along :)

[Freedom]

I don't know if this will apply to your situation or not.

My next door naighbors: mom, dad and 22 year old son are chain smokers. 12 year old son is anti smoking. But every time he comes over, he reeks of cigarette smoke. Enough that it makes me cough. He knos and he feels very self conscious, even when he goes to school. He tries to take his clother out of the dryer, put them on and leave the house, just so he won't carry the smell with him. That is a tough thing for a 12 year old to handle. I just hope he doesn't succumb to second hand smoke and become addicted himself, and start smoking in a few year.

I can't go visit them in their home; the smell is in the fabric of the sofa, the uphostered chairs, the curtains.

The mom and dad did quit about 4 years ago, for almost a full year. Then the grandpa died (mom's father). And they both started up again because being with the family for the wake, funeral, tending to each other and to the new widow, well, ALL that extended family are smokers and it got them both started again.

Quitting is NOT easy. Staying away from it is hard after you quit, too.

[Catlady711]

I'll probably get reamed for this post but it needs to be said.

While I do sympathize with your situation, the fact is as long as you live in your mother's house you're stuck with your situation not getting a bird because of the risk.

You mother is an adult and nurse or not, it's her decision if she wants to smoke or not. As long as it's legal it's her right to do so, and being a nurse she does full well know the risks.

As to how to 'make' her quit, I think that's her decision not yours. While many people here have suggested giving her a 'guilt trip', taping notes around the house, and basically begging her every day, I don't believe any of those are a good idea. Sit down with her just ONCE and explain why you want her to quit, and accept whatever answer she gives you and go on with your life. When you move out of her house you can get a bird and live in a smoke-free home.

Think of it this way...We ALL have our bad habits, whether it's smoking, eating too many candy bars or ice cream, not eating enough fruits/vegetables, or not excersizing enough. How would you feel if everyday someone taped notes up for you, gave you a guilt trip over it, and basically gave you grief everytime you had a candy bar, drank a soda, or sat inside on the sofa on a beautiful summer day?? No one is perfect, but people don't need to be badgered for every thing they do that isn't healthy.

[Cataholic]

Think of it this way...We ALL have our bad habits, whether it's smoking, eating too many candy bars or ice cream, not eating enough fruits/vegetables, or not excersizing enough. How would you feel if everyday someone taped notes up for you, gave you a guilt trip over it, and basically gave you grief everytime you had a candy bar, drank a soda, or sat inside on the sofa on a beautiful summer day?? No one is perfect, but people don't need to be badgered for every thing they do that isn't healthy.


Is there a chance that you smoke? I would presume, from your comments. To equate the eating of too many candy bars, or not getting enough exercise with smoking in the presence of a minor child is outrageous, and socially irresponsible. I can't say I have seen too many studies that support a parent eating too many candy bars somehow causes diabetes in the minor child living in the house.

The only thing that needs to be said is that smoking causes cancer. Second hand smoke causes cancer. Smoking has no redeeming values, sets a horrible example for the minor, and is socially unacceptable. Not to mention horribly expensive, and in this situation, difficult to accept since Bri has posted on here before of money issues.

I can't think of a single reason why someone shouldn't be 'badgered' for smoking (or for eating too many candy bars/not exercising, either).

Bri- smoking isn't more important to your mother than you are. But, the addiction is bigger than you are. There is a difference.

[catland]

I'm worried. You are concerned about the bird's lungs - but what about yours. I used to smoke, and in later years I smoked outside. I think its horribly unfair to expose non-smokers to second hand smoke.

btw - this is a newer attitude - we didn't know about second hand smoke when I was younger and I am guilty of smoking in front of people who didn't want it. I regret that now but this was common at the time. We know better now and it is now no longer good trap other people with your smoke. If you can't get your mother to quit - please plead with her to not smoke in the house with you.

Smoking is an addiction and it can be very difficult to quit. She has to make the decision for herself though.

good luck to you

[Lori Jordan]

The only thing that needs to be said is that smoking causes cancer. Second hand smoke causes cancer. Smoking has no redeeming values, sets a horrible example for the minor, and is socially unacceptable. Not to mention horribly expensive, and in this situation, difficult to accept since Bri has posted on here before of money issues.

.

I agree 100% with you,Both my mother and father had smoked.And all us kids ended up smoking,

I have quit as soon as i was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes,The Doctor said to me "Diabetes and Smoking DO NOT MIX"
So that scared me to death!I quit instantly,I have not touched a cigarette since Decemeber.

Sometimes people dont want to be told too quit and it is hard for most it is a discusting habbit,My house smells so much better rather than a ashtray.

I do hope for your sake Roxy that she will quit!Not only for you but for her,I cannot believe how much i can do now,I all around a healthier person,Im back to jogging which i could never do while smoking.

Best of luck!

[Cataholic]

So that scared me to death!I quit instantly,I have not touched a cigarette since Decemeber.


Congrats! You are headed towards a six month anniversary! I hope you treat yourself to something special to celebrate.

Catland- big difference between what you knew then and what you know now. No one knew....and thank you for speaking out against second hand smoke. :)

You two are proof positive that one can quit.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I also know it's bad for my health. And I hate it, and just the smell of the smoke makes me gag. She smokes in the house, I've asked her to go outside, but it's still a no =/. I know I can't change her mind. And I know it's probably the biggest addiction she faces, but for her health, and my own I wish she'd stop. It kills me to watch her continue smoking even after she's always making me climb stairs for her and get things for her. She can't even climb a small set of stairs without being out of breath :(.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

[Husky_mom]

you know my mom also smokes....... and have been trying for zillions of years for her to quit....... not even her childs telling.......more like begging her to quit made her do it..... I hope your mom does...... I really do......

in my case what I have left is to prohibit MY exposure to her...... so IF she want to be near me or my kid or my house or my car or my whatever she need to not smoke........

she always says she´ll stop but 10 or so years hearing the same....... well. :rolleyes: ..... we were even soooooo hard on her telling her she WOULD DIE!! and not even that worked (yes we were that harsh)

she has bought those patches and quitting stuff, but I made my mind she has NO self strenght to do it....... in the other hand my dad who also smoked when young he said one day "this is my last cigarrette" and so has been...... no "just one more" no "lacking syndrome"...... that was it, and that I call DETERMINATION.......

[Crayons09]

My friend got her mom to quit smoking by giving her mom a deadline. She told her mom that if she didn't quit smoking by december, she would shave her head to show her mom what she would look like on chemo (s/p?). It took her mom awhile but she did it. This is an extreme example. You could also cough alot whenever your mom smokes around you. She might get the message then. Good luck! :D

[KittyGurl]

My mom use to smoke but quit two years ago. I was so proud. I cen't stand when people smoke. It makes me cough and the smell is just nasty! Yuck!

[Lori Jordan]

Just wanted to check in,I hope you can convince your mom to quit!

It is so hard but she will be so much happier in the end!

[Roxyluvsme13]

UPDATE

So, I just talked to my mom. And she said she'd think about quitting when we get our bills straightened out. It's just really stressful for her right now. So, yay! Maybe now I can get a bird. :)

[Alysser]

Bri, the problem I think is that she is one of those people who thinks smoking helps burn off stress..which isn't at all true. To many smokers it seems like it really does, but truley it isn't help AT ALL. You just add stress to your body and mental health.

I hope your mom will quit soon, as smoking for years can do great harm to your health. I am also lucky that my parents never smoked, something less I have to worry about....

[Taz_Zoee]

My father smoked for the first part of my life. He saw in a magazine a picture of a healthy lung and one of a smokers lung and quit smoking right then and there. But then went on to smoke pipe and cigars. Now he only smokes cigars. Somehow he thinks this is different!! What ever.
Anyway, I have my bestest friend at work who smokes. I have told her I'd really like to have her around for a while. She was going to look into Chantix, it's a perscription medication to help quit. She hasn't done it yet, but I keep reminding her about it. LOL
Good Luck!! I hope your mom and you can do it! :D

[Catty1]

Bri - sorry to hijack this post a bit - but why are you even thinking of getting a bird when you are having some trouble looking after your 4 other pets?

It's more expense. I don't get it.

hugs :)

[Roxyluvsme13]

Bri - sorry to hijack this post a bit - but why are you even thinking of getting a bird when you are having some trouble looking after your 4 other pets?

It's more expense. I don't get it.

hugs :)
Because well-being wise all the pets are fine, they're just not spayed..

[Catty1]

True. And I have never heard of a bird being spayed! :D

[Roxyluvsme13]

True. And I have never heard of a bird being spayed! :D
I don't think it's possible, lol.

[Zippy]

Birds can't be spayed.Meaning they will still have breeding behavior.I would do a lot of research before even thinking about getting a bird.They are wonderful pets.I also don't understand why you don't get your animals spayed first and then think about getting a bird.Birds can be expensive.Plus if you move people don't like to rent to people with pets.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Birds can't be spayed.Meaning they will still have breeding behavior.I would do a lot of research before even thinking about getting a bird.They are wonderful pets.I also don't understand why you don't get your animals spayed first and then think about getting a bird.Birds can be expensive.Plus if you move people don't like to rent to people with pets.
Yes, I know this, and yes I've been researching. I've been looking up things online as well as reading a Cockatiel book.

Because I can get my pets spayed this summer with my summer job? And I can let my mom get me the bird, and then after my pets are spayed the rest of my money can go towards the bird..

[dab_20]

My mom smokes, too, and she is also a registered nurse.

I'm sorry, but I think the only thing you can say is that you care for her and her health, and it would mean a lot to you for her to quit smoking. It's bad for your health, too. I think it is your mom's choice, and you (and I with my mom) have no control over that choice. The only way for her to quit is when she is ready, and you will be there to support her when she is. Quitting is a hard thing to do when people have been smoking for years, I think the only way for her to quit is when she's determined and ready.

[angelbow20]

I really know how you feel my mom is a smoker and just a few days ago she went to the ER and they found a blood clot in her lung and it most likely was because she smokes :( I wish there was a way to get everyone to stop smoking its just a horrible thing and takes so many lives... I wish I could help ya but I cant....

[Twisterdog]

I smoked for twenty years. I never thought I'd quit.

But last summer my son was sent to the state reform school for smoking marijuana. He kicked his habit, and got his life straightened out. He asked me, a few weeks before he came home, if I would quit smoking. He said basically, I did it and so can you.

So I did. I smoked my last cigarette the night before at went to pick him up, at midnight, and threw the rest of the pack away. I've never touched a cigarette since, nor will I ever again.

Did I really want to quit at the time? No. But what could I say? He was right. My fifteen year old kid was telling me he stopped a dangerous, unhealthy habit, and I could, too.

Just my story, for what it's worth. Sometimes the love and respect for a child go a long way.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry that your mom smokes. You can't force her to quit- but you can help her. There is a national quit line that can give your mom free counseling and free nicotine patches. The number is 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

My husband Eric is a smoking cessation counselor and answers calls at this number. I know from talking with him that it is very, very hard to quit cigarettes- and it won't be easy for your mom to do so. But that doesn't mean it's impossible!

One immediate, huge change she could make for the health of everyone is to stop smoking in the house. Not only will it make the house a safer environment for you and your pets, but it will help change the conditioning she is used to- changing smoking habits can be a step to quitting entirely. Have her call the number and try to encourage her to smoke outside. Over 50,000 people die each year just from second hand smoke, and if even she decides to smoke, it doesn't mean you have to have suffer if she is willing to move outside.

[Cataholic]

PC- I am SOOOOOO tempted to call Eric up this moment and say hello! LOL. I won't, but, I am so tempted to do it. :p

[dab_20]

Oh, I forgot, my dad has stopped smoking for 2 months... for the first time in 34 years! He has tried all varieties of medicine... but he just found one that works. I forget what it's called though... but it makes people hate cigarettes. It worked for him.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

PC- I am SOOOOOO tempted to call Eric up this moment and say hello! LOL. I won't, but, I am so tempted to do it. :p
Well, he doesn't start work until 12:30 pm MT. But there's a chance it might be him on the phone! He answers calls from Colorado, Ohio, Idaho, and Montana.

It's quite handy that my brother lives in the Cincinnati area for that. He tells people to start shopping at Jungle Jims when he gets callers from that area. :D Have you been there? I go every time we visit my brother, I love that store!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Oh, I forgot, my dad has stopped smoking for 2 months... for the first time in 34 years! He has tried all varieties of medicine... but he just found one that works. I forget what it's called though... but it makes people hate cigarettes. It worked for him.
Could it be called Chantex maybe? I asked Eric, he said it's a new drug that does that, it's supposed to work really well!

[Uabassoon]

I've heard great things about Chantex, but I've also heard that it's a little expensive and many insurances won't cover it which makes no sense to me because a few months of some pills is much cheaper than years of cancer!

What finally made me quit smoking was getting a new car, I realized that my addiction was costing me more than half of my monthly car payment! I went on the patch 3 weeks ago and am doing well. Even with this week being beyond stressful (I was just transfered at work and it's finals week) I'm still doing well. Maybe showing your mom how much money she will save will help, I was spending $150 a month!

[buttercup132]

Gizzie's spay? No exact date. I haven't received any donations yet.


Because I can get my pets spayed this summer with my summer job?

:confused: So why are you asking for donations? Your asking for people to give you money to fix your cat but getting another animal. I don't get it. If your that desperate that you need to ask for donations over the internet to fix Gizzy then why the heck would you be thinking of bringing another life into your home? Especially when Gizzy is on the line because she isn't spayed. Why not use that money and get her fixed..a bird can always wait and by what you have made it sound Gizzy's spay can't cause she will be taken to the shelter if she dosen't stop.



Birds can't be spayed.Meaning they will still have breeding behavior.I would do a lot of research before even thinking about getting a bird.They are wonderful pets.I also don't understand why you don't get your animals spayed first and then think about getting a bird.Birds can be expensive.Plus if you move people don't like to rent to people with pets.
I agree.

I hope your mom stops smoking. I think adding another animal (meaning more money to fork out) when it isn't neccisary is going to cause her more stress and make her never want to stop.

[Flatcoatluver]

I am sorry about the whole situation with you mom smoking. Both of my parents smoke. So I know how it feels.

But please Bri, I don't even know how you even are thinking of getting another pet, when you are at a risk of loosing a kitty. I know you love Gizzie, and honestly if I were you, I would be doing whatever I could do be keeping her, and not relying on kind hearted people to help raise money. Going out and finding a job now, why wait until summer. JMO. Ok now I will step down and hide.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I am sorry about the whole situation with you mom smoking. Both of my parents smoke. So I know how it feels.

But please Bri, I don't even know how you even are thinking of getting another pet, when you are at a risk of loosing a kitty. I know you love Gizzie, and honestly if I were you, I would be doing whatever I could do be keeping her, and not relying on kind hearted people to help raise money. Going out and finding a job now, why wait until summer. JMO. Ok now I will step down and hide.
Thanks, Bre.

No, you're being nice about it. Some people say it rudely.

I am not getting a bird.. I never really said I was.. I was just thinking about it..

[dab_20]

Could it be called Chantex maybe? I asked Eric, he said it's a new drug that does that, it's supposed to work really well!
I think that's what it's called. My dad had sleeping problems and he was really moody on all other medicines except this one. The only thing he is having problems with is his fingers still want something there... so he uses a straw.

[Cataholic]

Well, he doesn't start work until 12:30 pm MT. But there's a chance it might be him on the phone! He answers calls from Colorado, Ohio, Idaho, and Montana.

It's quite handy that my brother lives in the Cincinnati area for that. He tells people to start shopping at Jungle Jims when he gets callers from that area. :D Have you been there? I go every time we visit my brother, I love that store!


WHAT????? Your brother LIVES in the Cinti area? How fun! Please tell me you will let me know the next time you come into town. I would so love to meet you.

I have been to Jungle Jims many times. It is such a great place to shop, but, it is a 45 minute drive for me, and not something I would do every week. It is THE place to go for unusual things, no doubt. I live in the south east part of the greater Cinti area, and JJ is in the northwest part of the greater Cinti area.

[Cataholic]

Hmmm....I thought you could get birds spayed. I am pretty sure my sister had her bird spayed.

[Twisterdog]

One thing I'd like to add, and to correct about my previous post, is that smoking is much more than a habit, it is a physical and phychological addiction. I called it a "habit" twice in my post, which is certainly is, but it is also much more than that. I think it's important to make that clear.

A habit is having desert after a meal, biting your nails, leaving your bed unmade. It is far easier to change a bad habit than to conquer an addiction to a drug.

Nicotine is actually the most powerfully addictive drug there is ... harder to quit than heroin, even. On the addiction scale, nicotine is a ten out of ten.

So, while it is certainly possible to quit ... I did, after smoking for twenty years ... it is NOT easy and it is NOT simply "breaking a habit". People who have never smoked regularly have no idea of the physical, mental and emotionally torture of giving up nicotine. Don't take it lightly when someone quits, it was hell for them, whether they voiced it or not. And have some empathy for people who try and fail, or just can't quit. It's hard.

That having been said, I agree with Cataholic ... smoking in the house around minor children is NOT ok. It is NOT the same thing as choosing not to exercise enough, or eating a cookie instead of an apple. Children aren't immediately, physically affected by a parent's choice of dessert, whereas they are certainly affected by second-hand smoke.