Burnout syndrome (Update: 30-04-2007)

[Kirsten]

I called in sick yesterday because I had this pain in my left chest, and I was afraid it might be heart-related, so I went to the doctor. When she looked at me, she immediately stated that I was in a very poor condition. I told her that I just don't know what's wrong with me, that I'm feeling so ill and exhausted and tired. I literally broke down that moment and told her how my life is during the last years (this immense pressure at work, and no private life at all, I even gave up on photographing half a year ago because I'm just empty and lost all my creativity. And there are no social contacts at all, for years!! I even gave up almost all of my internet contacts because I'm just too tired). She said no one can live like that, and that I'm suffering not only from a burnout syndrome, I'm even a step further.

She gave me a medical certificate for the next week and said there's no way that I can go to work, but this makes me feel so bad as it brings my company in a terrible situation. We're understaffed anyway (one of the reasons for my stress), and I need to look after the computers. I'm the only one there who knows a bit about computers, and there are some things that can't be done by anyone else. This is another pressure on me, because I know that I always have be there, and always need to be available. Even going on holiday is always a problem for me.

Okay, now I'm sitting here at home and my doctor told me to try to relax and do some things I like, but I cannot help but feeling terribly guilty, and scared that my illness might have some consequences for me at work.

I know that I have to find a way to get some peace back. I wonder if anyone here was in a similar situation and has learned to deal with it...?

Kirsten

[lizbud]

I am sorry that you've been feeling so poorly. :( Is the Dr you saw
searching for medical reasons for feeling so tired, etc ? There are some
medical conditions that can take the "life" right out of you.

About your job, would your company let you work from home? I used to
work with computers too & when on call, I could login from home to fix any
problems or do routine work. Working offsite is pretty common these days.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Its time for you to take care of you. Worrying about others is not going to help you get your strength back. Concentrate on getting well again, then you can tackle the outside world. Your work will cope without you because they have to -nothing is worth sacrificing your health for

[Laura's Babies]

The first thing you have to learn is that the job WILL go on without you there. The second thing is you can not do EVERYTHING and are not responsiable for everything! That is what led you up to this situation you find yourself in right now. No one persons shoulders are big enough to carry it all..

Hay, when I realized my job at school would continue on perfectly fine without me, that opened my eyes and I quit a job that I had for 21 years shortly afterwards and went to a job that I love and more than doubled my income.

NO job is worth your health!

[Catty1]

scared that my illness might have some consequences for me at work.

Your illness will have consequences on your life. You cannot do your work at all if you die. Sorry to be blunt, but get your priorities straight.

I do not know if Germany has any kind of medical disability income, but your doctor can help you with that.

AND - each one of us is dispensable. To go back to the grim part - what if you did die (God forbid!)? The company would go on. They would find someone - they would have to.

I don't know if the company CAN'T find staff, but a letter from your doctor ought to light a fire under the management!

They cannot continue to work their staff the way they are. Your going on medical leave, if you can, might be a sign to them that things need to change.

SWEETIE - you have suffered long enough, schatzi! Don't "should" on yourself. Let the work world turn without you for a while. Burnout by itself takes a long time to get over...I know. And if you are one step beyond...you have to stop what you are doing now.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[jenluckenbach]

Kirsten, do not feel guilty. It is important to know when to put yourself FIRST! And this is one of those times. Relax and do not give up. Some rest will do a world of good. I wish you well, my freind. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Daisy and Delilah]

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. No one wants or needs to live like this. It sounds like you're sacrificing your life for your job. I have felt like this before too. One day, I finally had to take the world off my shoulders and think about "me" for a change and stop worrying about everyone else.

The extreme fatigue could be stress, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome or a combination of these things. There could also be another underlying health problem there.

Please please please try to take a medical leave from work or a leave of absence. Whatever it takes, do it now before it destroys you. You're too stressed out to live your life. Is it really worth it?

I really hope you get resolution soon.Believe me, your job will learn to manage without you for as long as it takes to get help. Best of luck with this :(

[moosmom]

Kirsten,

If you don't take care of yourself, who will??? Believe me, your company WILL survive without you, as hard as it may seem. So rather than worry about how they'll survive, concentrate on doing what's right for you, honey.

And remember, we're here for you!! ;)

[wombat2u2004]

You know what you need Kirsten ????
A holiday !!!!
A holiday away from work......like for 4 or 5 weeks....just go somewhere and sit on the beach and unwind.
I bet you'd come back as good as new ;)
Wombat

[Catty1]

Wom - is there a beach near you?? :)

[wombat2u2004]

Wom - is there a beach near you?? :)

The coast is about an hour and a half drive away from where I am.
There are lot's of beach's there.....north coast beaches....very nice.
Wom

[cassiesmom]

Kirsten, I think it would be really hard for you to be effective in your work while you are working through health issues. I hope you can give yourself a week off without feeling guilty. Please put yourself first. I went through a period of being deeply burnt out and it was very hard for me to just rest and recover. Some things that helped me were - some sleep; eating balanced meals; and spending time outside. [And, ultimately, an anti-depressant.] Your co-workers will have to get by until you return. Hugs and good wishes.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Kirsten, the more I think about you and your situation, the more I worry about you. I can really relate to what you're going through.

Being honest, I feel that you're scared to rock the boat at work for fear that they might replace you. Sorry if I'm assuming incorrectly.

If you can take the medical/personal leave, maybe you can take the time to look at other job options. It seems scary to leave a job but it may be the best thing for you. It sounds like your job either doesn't have a clue what they're putting on you or......you're working yourself to death and giving the impression that it's easy. As long as you're doing the job of 3 people, they'll expect you to continue it. Not wanting to disappoint anyone, you'll keep doing it.

I am very much like this so I know how you feel. I always used to do alot more than my share until I reached a breaking point, as I said before. the old work saying.....the more you do, the more they expect you to do. So true.

Take some time for yourself before you end up in the hospital. As painful as it is to admit it, in most cases, as someone said, you can be replaced in a heartbeat. As much as we would like to think we serve as the perfect employees, I know if we were to leave tomorrow, they would forget us within 2 weeks or less. This is not always the case but I have found it to be true in several jobs I had over the years. Sad but true.

Take care of yourself-there's only one you and you only have one life. Remember that the people you work with/for are mainly acquaintances and not necessarily friends :)

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I am sorry you are going through this difficult situation... . I think everybody here wrote great advize for you. Forget that job and concentrate on your health! I wish you lots of courage, dear Kristen!! :)

[Randi]

Kirsten, I agree with what Daisy and Delilah - and a few others said. You really have to think about YOU - NOW!!

Yes, if you go on sick leave you may lose your job, but think about it - it is worth ruining your health? Luna and Lily are also important to you, I know. :)

After a weeks time where you relax and think about it all, you may find that you can do some of the work from home, or come in to work half day, at least you could offer that, to let them know that you ARE trying your best. If it's not good enough for them, tell them to go and find another!!

Also, when you feel better, you could make an appointment with a Temp. Agency (I can recommend Randstad) they may be able to find you other jobs. But you need to feel on top before you do so! ;)

I have been in a similar situation not so long ago, so I feel your pain and I really hope you'll find a solution, because you can't live like this for much longer.

You're welcome to PM me if you need to talk. :)

Big ((((hugs)))))


Go and stand in front of your mirror and say 10 times: Whatever happens, I WILL NOT RUIN MY HEALTH FOR THIS JOB!!! You'll either start laughing, crying or get so mad that'll you'll see what the right thing is to do. ;)

[K9soul]

Your situation really touches my heart deeply, I can feel your pain and anxiety in your words. I used to have a job I worked at that I had loved, but for some reason I started to gradually struggle and go downhill emotionally until even just coming in the door at work in the morning made me want to close the door to my little office and cry. It got debilitating and I finally had to take short-term disability. I felt guilt about it, they were short-staffed and I felt I was putting a huge burden on my co-workers who would have to pick up my "slack."

I spoke to a psychiatrist and took about a month off to heal. I felt I was doing better, my anxiety and depression seemed to ease off more, I didn't feel so "trapped." That's the only word I can really think to describe it, I felt trapped, even though my job was not miserable, was not something I abhorred doing by any means.

I felt ready to return and did so, but that day it all came crashing back. My supervisor said maybe it was too soon yet, and I had to leave again and extend my time out.

Ultimately I ended up taking a new direction with my life, I made the decision what it was I wanted to do and pursued that. It took some time, and there was hardship on the way, and I felt for a long time I had failed my workplace that had been so good to me. But in the end I know I did the right thing. It was a very difficult time but I have never gotten to the point I was at then again.

This may not be what you need by any means, but perhaps some change, whether it be job-related or just in general life-related, is what you are craving and needing. I think counseling, or even just talking with close friends and family, to get to the root of things, think about what it is that deep down you may be craving to change in your life. Of course, treatment for depression may also really help in this too. I truly hope you are able to get out of this 'rut' you feel stuck in. At least, that is how I felt, and I empathize with you.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sending warm {{hugs}} across the miles to you.

[Kirsten]

Thank you very much for your replies and advice everyone - and for sharing your own experiences. You certainly made some good points here!

K9soul, what you described sounds so familiar to me. "Trapped", is exactly the right word for it. Not only regarding to my job, but also when I'm thinking about my perspectives in case I'm losing this one. Jobs have become so rare here (at least jobs that are paid well enough to make a living of it), and I'm 41. And the unemployment agencies put so much pressure on you these days. I'm very worried that I won't be able to work until I'm 67!

And actually, I like my job (the actual work), but there are so many things going on there that just take a lot of energy from you (cannot go into detail here), and I feel it's not healthy for me.

Working from home may be possible in a couple of years, but not now. And working only part time is impossible because I depend on my full income (please don't think that I'm greedy for money, but I need to be able to pay my rent and bills). Life in Germany has become expensive during the last couple of years.

lizbud, I already talked to my doctor about ruling out a medical condition. I will see her again on Tuesday, and will also have some blood tests done. It could be that my Hashimoto's is acting up again (an auto-immune disease that destroys your thyroid gland). I'm on thyroid hormones for years, but as I was so busy all the time, I didn't have it checked as regulary as I should have. Maybe they have to chance my meds. This extreme fatigue could very well be thyroid related, been there before when I was hypo-thyroid. Also, I often have a lack of Vit. B12, Vit. C, and Ferritin (sorry, I cannot find the correct translation for this). All this could be very well responsible for how I'm feeling.

Regarding a long holiday: I would desperately need one, I guess, but it's just not possible. I'm not in the financial position to go on holiday, and I'm not allowed to go on holiday during the summer. I have asked for two weeks in November, and one week at the beginning of May (which will most likely be cancelled because I'm on sick leave now).

But I'm really a nervous wreck by now. Even little things that do not work make me want to cry and run away, and I can hardly concentrate on things, not even reading, something I usually enjoy a lot. And I don't sleep very well. Doctor gave me an anti-depressant which is supposed to help me sleeping, but it did not help yet.

Well, maybe I just cannot expect too much in two days...

Thanks for listening,
Kirsten

[Catty1]

Kirsten - is there such a thing as government-paid medical leave in Germany? Do you have some financial options???

HUGS

[Kirsten]

Usually your company will have to pay your full salary for 6 weeks, and after that, you'll get a sick-pay from your health insurance, which is 80% of your income.

Kirsten

[lizbud]

Kristin, good for you for not giving up on finding a medical cause for the
tiredness, etc. I do hope the Dr. can find the cause & proper treatment to
help you. I understand about needing to hang onto a steady income & am
glad your company understands you are working to help yourself. Hang in
there.Good luck with your next appointment. :)

[DJFyrewolf36]

Working with computers myself, I understand the "trapped" feeling as it seems that NO ONE can fix a darn thing! At some jobs, I felt like I had to baby people around the computer, which is NO fun lol! A lot of times it seems that people expect too much because to them, working on a computer is so hard yet you make it look easy.

Take the time to relax, and figure out what is best for YOU! Some purr therapy couldn't hurt either ;)

[beeniesmom]

I know how you feel. I sent you a PM.
I am going through the same thing as you... :(

[joycenalex]

hugs to both of you

[Kirsten]

Thank you all!

Lizbud, I almost hope that it's thyroid related, that way I can do something about it.


At some jobs, I felt like I had to baby people around the computer, which is NO fun lol!

Sounds familiar!!! It's often scary how little people know about computers! :o

I'll keep you updated!

Kirsten

[joycenalex]

i had a case of burnout at a stressful job, too. i woke up crying, heart racing and just shaking with fear. i went to my doctor, she took me off work for a week, put me on meds and gave me great advice, to which, that i'm not irreplacable at my job. i'm irreplacable to alex, but work will get along without me. i might need the money, but i needed my life more. i got my life back, slowly, a piece at a time, and i'm happy, healthy and glad to be alive. take the week now, take the vacation, you've earned it, and you need it.

[Kirsten]

joycenalex, I also have moments like that, sort of panic attacks from stress, I guess. I'm glad you seem to have found a way out of that mess! Your doctor was absolutely right and sounds like mine, and yes, they are right! If there wasn't this exintencial fears that I have.

Well, I will see if I'm still allowed to have my vacation now...

Kirsten

[cassiesmom]

Kirsten, I am just wondering how you are - I enjoyed your Lily and Luna photos and your zoo photos so very much! Hope your burn-out is not as bad as it was. Thinking and praying for you, with a hug... elyse

[Kirsten]

Well, I saw my doctor again on Friday, and she told me to stay at home for another week. She said she would like to send me on sick leave for at least 4 weeks, but I cannot do that. I have to back next week, I cannot risk to lose my job!

I spent some time taking photographs and hoped that it would help me to relax, but it did not work. The fear of losing my job (or of other changes that may come, like working in shifts, etc.) is a heavy burden, and I cannot relax.

Today, I updated my parents' homepage (of their restaurant), and you know, usually I love this kind of work. But today, I had problems to concentrate on the html codes, and I messed them up; and I hated that work so much that I wanted to scream... What the hell is wrong with me??? I always loved working with computers, but these days, I cannot type three words in a row without tons of typos! How can I do my job next week in a state like this?!?

BTW, my blood test results were back on Friday and the TSH was too high (which means I need a higher dosage of my thyroid hormones), and my Vitamine D-level is still way too low, which means I have to take supplements for a very long time.

Kirsten

[Daisy and Delilah]

I really hope you're feeling better soon. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} :)

[beeniesmom]

Hugs.

[joycenalex]

i'm sorry you're still stressed out. ((hugs))

[Lilith Cherry]

Still thinking of you Kirsten... I really do hope you get your glow back soon!