Pam
04-12-2007, 09:24 AM
TRUISM PUNS
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare center where
a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools
they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because
they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory
of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run
you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone;
it is two-tired.
* Time flies like an arrow;
fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft
and I'll show you A-flat miner.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,
resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because
he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted:
'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches
will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center
you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare center where
a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools
they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because
they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory
of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run
you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone;
it is two-tired.
* Time flies like an arrow;
fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft
and I'll show you A-flat miner.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,
resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because
he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted:
'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches
will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center
you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.