Tomorrow morning is THE court date for my daughter. [Archive]

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kimlovescats

03-12-2007, 02:07 PM

Well, it's that time already. Tomorrow morning is my daughter's (Amy Beth) court date. Of course it is also her *husband's* court date as well. However, they seem to think that he will get his charges dropped. Who knows at this point? I am so very exhausted from this whole matter, I'm not even trying to figure it all out anymore. There is a chance that Amy Beth could have to serve time. She said her charges carry a sentence from 2 to 12 years. I find it hard to imagine they would want to send the mother of a 2 year old to jail for that long, but I have to prepare myself. Needless to say, I am and have been very depressed for the past week or so. I don't know what is going to be *best* for the situation. I don't know if it will ever be good at this point. Ok, now I'm crying. Gotta go, prayers appreciated. :(

critter crazy

03-12-2007, 02:12 PM

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but I wish you the best, whatever that might be. Prayers headed your way hun!

moosmom

03-12-2007, 02:21 PM

Kim, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how you make out in court, okay?

jackie

03-12-2007, 03:00 PM

Whatever the outcome is, you will all survive, you just have to be strong for your daughter and granddaughter.

Hugs.

Karen

03-12-2007, 03:02 PM

You will be in our prayers, that the court decides what is best both for Amy and most of all for Jenna.

Lobodeb

03-12-2007, 03:06 PM

I was wondering when it was, but I didn't want to ask.

You and Jenna will be in my prayers. I am going to be confident that the judge will decide what truly is best for Jenna.

Be strong only when you have to. It's ok to cry too.

Hugs.

DrKym

03-12-2007, 03:15 PM

Kim,

Our thoughts and prayers are all yours!, Extra hugs and may everything work out in the way best for all.

Love from all of us here,
the Goodnows

jazzcat

03-12-2007, 03:46 PM

Oh Kim, I'm sorry all this is going on. I'll be thinking about you and keeping you all in my prayers.

rg_girlca

03-12-2007, 03:53 PM

Kim I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I can only imagine the stress you must be under. Prayers and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} on the way for you and your family.

cassiesmom

03-12-2007, 04:09 PM

Oh Kim, I'm sorry all this is going on. I'll be thinking about you and keeping you all in my prayers.

Same here
elyse

lizbud

03-12-2007, 04:56 PM

You and your family are in my prayers too.

kuhio98

03-12-2007, 05:46 PM

You will be in our prayers, that the court decides what is best both for Amy and most of all for Jenna.My thoughts exactly. We're praying that it turns out best for everyone.

Catty1

03-12-2007, 06:38 PM

I hope the right thing is done, and compassion works with truth here.

HUGS to you, Kim! And to Amy Beth as well, and dear Jenna!

Prayers at work...

manda_moo87

03-12-2007, 07:16 PM

Big hugs to you Kim... :( You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Kalei

03-12-2007, 08:00 PM

:( I"m sorry, this must be such a hard time for all the family and for you ecspecially. I will keep you and your daughter and her daughter in my prayers. I think I heard her name was Jenna. I will keep her in my prayers and hope that whatever the court decides that it will be what's best for everyone.

kimlovescats

03-12-2007, 08:03 PM

Thank you for the support and prayers. I can't remember what all I have posted on anything that has happened since all of the charges were made and Amy Beth was arrested. Basically what I have learned, from Amy Beth ... which I can't believe anything that comes from her mouth anymore ... is that the whole *gun incident* was not what she made it out to be. We had gotten Amy Beth and Jenna their apartment under the agreement that she was leaving Chad for good, and that she did NOT want him to know where she was living. This *incident* with the *gun* was less than 2 weeks after she had moved into the apartment. I wondered at the time, why she waited hours after it had happened and had gone on to work, before she called me about it. I mean the first thing out of her mouth was, "Chad came over and pulled a gun on me tonight and threatened to kill me"! Why was she not hysterical, or crying, or too upset to go to work? I wondered all of these things at the time, but when your child is telling you that someone threatened her life, that's all you really focus on at the time. I offered to pick her up and worried about her safety, but she was far too "secure". Well, I have since learned that her charges of "filing a false report" were stemmed from the fact that Chad had been STAYING with her in her apartment during that time. He basically moved in immediately after she coersed us into getting her this "safe haven"! :mad: The private investigator checked her cell phone and found that during the time she was calling the police constantly trying to get him in trouble for "stalking" her and breaking her "order of protection" ... she was texting him messages and telling him that she loved him. So, the charges against Chad for the "weapon" are expected to be dropped tomorrow. Amy Beth not only has the false report charge but also the child neglect for having left Jenna home alone when she was called down to the police department to be questioned the day she was arrested. She had no idea why the p.i. was asking her to come to the police department so she stupidly left Jenna home alone. Not only a STUPID thing to do, but the worst possible time to do it ... when she was being arrested for something else!

During the past 3 months while awaiting the court appearance tomorrow, we have had no choice but to pay her rent. After all, she and Chad have thousands of dollars in bond to pay off, or they get put back in jail. :rolleyes: Trust me, that is NOT why we've been paying her rent. My husband and I co-signed on her lease because she had no credit history. (Remember, the whole deal was to provide a SAFE home for her and Jenna away from Chad!) So if she doesn't pay her rent, then WE will be sued and have to pay the remainder all at once. Thank GOD, that we only signed a 6-month lease ... but we still have to pay April and May. She only gave us $100.00 towards her rent in Feb. and NOTHING towards it in March. Also, up until this past month, we were paying her utilities, cell phone, car insurance and her and Jenna's medical bills. THAT has stopped and we are "only" paying her $450.00 / month rent for the next two months and then the purse strings will be CUT!!!!

As far as baby Jenna, when Amy Beth was arrested for the "neglect" charges, the court awarded custody to Chad. However, since he is a loser, he left Jenna in his mother's care and started hanging out and mooching off of Amy Beth and OUR apartment instead of being a father to Jenna. So ... his mother (Denise) just filed for temporary custody of Jenna. I didn't know this until today, and tomorrow Chad and Amy Beth also have a court appearance for that as well. Today I snapped. I went to Amy Beth's apartment (her car was in the parking lot) and pounded on her door for a good 10 minutes. I knew that "they" were probably both in there and totally ignoring me. Finally I called Denise (Chad's mother) to make sure she didn't know that Amy Beth was somewhere else without her car. Well, while I was sitting in my car speaking with Denise, Chad came down the breezeway from the apartment, looking both ways to see if it was safe for him to leave! Imagine his surprise when I yelled at him from my new van (he has never seen) and called him out on it. I then proceeded to blast him out while his mother heard every word on the phone. Of course the last thing he said was to call me a "M F" which is common verbage from his mouth.

Anyway, after my confrontation with him, I went and blasted Amy Beth as well. I vented my frustration, my anger, my depression, and my motherly fear of her going to jail for years, all in one emotional burst. I just could no longer hold back. I said things to her that I know were hurtful, but I honestly feel them at this point in my life. There have been too many lies, disrespect, and manipulation to feel much else anymore. I did not fall into my normally "motherful" role of the "I love you's" and "honey", "darling", "sweethearts". The last thing I told her is that if I find out that Chad is over in her apartment any more, I will rent a moving van and remove all of her furniture myself. Then I left her apartment without one more word.

After that, I did what I always do ... I medicated with junk food in my car, and tried to go shopping. I cried through the aisles of Hobby Lobby and yet still found myself looking at things that I could buy for "Amy Beth's apartment" or "Jenna's bedroom". :( I don't have anymore little girls to buy for and I'll never have that again. My own "baby" (Amanda) has grown up way too quickly and has never been one that I could pamper like Amy Beth. I feel so lost right now. My love for decorating and buying things for my girls is how I express myself and it thrills me to no end. I bought so many nice things for "their" (AMy Beth and Jenna's) new home together ... only to find out that Chad was there and then baby Jenna was removed. :( I'm sorry to go on an on about this, but I felt I should fill everyone in. I'll try to just post the verdict tomorrow and let the future drama remain my own problem.

Thank you.
Kim :(

Kalei

03-12-2007, 08:15 PM

OH my goodness Kim. I had no idea it was this bad. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. And all I can do is pray and also let you know that you are one of the most loving, caring moms I have ever heard. The fact that you would still go shopping after all that and think of things you can by for Amy and Jenna shows that you truely have the unconditional love that mother's have. You are such a great person.
But you also know that their is only so much you can do for your daughter and the rest is up to her to change her ways. I really hope all goes as it should and all for the best. All my prayers are being sent your way.

RedHedd

03-12-2007, 08:51 PM

Kim, you got our prayers. Lean on us and we'll help carry you through this.

prechrswife

03-12-2007, 09:14 PM

Praying here, too...

Vermontcat

03-12-2007, 09:19 PM

Sending many hugs your way Kim, it sounds like you really need them right now.
I hope things go well in court tomorrow for you and your family.

Aspen and Misty

03-12-2007, 09:39 PM

Oh kim, you are dealing with more things then any one mother should have to. My heart goes out to you and broke as I read your last post. I pray that whatever happens tomrrow is in the best intrest of everyone in the long run.

My advice is to do something that you normally don't do that you love. The thing I do is listen to music and day dream. It takes my mind of whatever is bothering me and makes me feel 100% better. Find whatever will do the same for you and do it, you deserve it.

I hope all goes well.

Many (((hugs)))

Ashley

Cincy'sMom

03-12-2007, 09:53 PM

Lots of thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Logan

03-12-2007, 10:01 PM

I am going to pray for wisdom for the judge, Kim, and hope that he will make his decision based on what is best for Jenna.

Keep your chin up and know that you and your husband have done all you can.

Logan

Taz_Zoee

03-12-2007, 10:22 PM

Kim, I really don't know what to say. Please know you are in my thoughts.
((((hugs))))

Daisy and Delilah

03-12-2007, 10:39 PM

All I can do is to tell you that you're all in my thoughts and prayers. :) Best wishes that everything goes well, Kim.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

kimlovescats

03-12-2007, 10:43 PM

I appreciate all of your prayers and comments. I have cried so much tonight, my head is about to burst. As I am sitting here thinking of what time I need to get up to be at court in the morning, I am questioning whether I even should go. Amy Beth seems convinced that she will only get probation and even if she doesn't, what is my being there going to help? I'm tired of sitting in a courtroom and having my heart ripped out, knowing that my being there is not helping anything. All it is doing is bringing me further down and sickening my spirit. Whether I am there or not will not change the outcome. Seeing my daughter taken off in handcuffs and shackles once in court, was more than I care to see again. Sitting in the middle of a room full of strangers, bawling uncontrollably and having those strangers pass me kleenexes and tell me their stories, was also sufficient to go through ONCE. My husband cannot be there with me, and I don't feel strong enough to sit there all alone yet again. :( I know it is late, and few of you will have time to read this to help me make a decision on whether to go or not, but if you do, I would appreciate your input.

Confused,
Kim

Catty1

03-12-2007, 10:50 PM

{{{hugs}}}

Kim, there is a saying I like, and I don't mean to be irreverent at all - it goes like this: "I might as well give my problems to God - He's going to be up all night anyway."

Now, I know there is no way this can really happen for you - this is all so upsetting...I am just suggesting that, as much as you can and gently, turn what you can over to your higher power right now, the outcome in His hands. I don't know if you can sleep, but "sleeping on this" might give you the solution in the morning.

You have done all you can for this girl.

But - I never have been a parent. I am sure others here will have wisdom that comes from that.

{{{{hugs}}}} again.

Lobodeb

03-12-2007, 10:55 PM

kimlovescats

03-12-2007, 11:01 PM

Hi Kim.

How are you holding up?

Well, if you're still up, I think you should go to court. That way you'll hear everything for yourself and know the truth. From what you've described, it doesn't seem as if Amy Beth is capable of giving you that. I'm sorry you have to go alone, though.

I don't know, personally, I'd hate to wait to hear what happened and hear 2nd hand information.

My 2 cents.

More hugs and prayers.

Deb,

That is exactly why my husband and I thought that I should go. I want to hear the "real" truth. The way the crazy court system works right now though, the charged talk with their lawyers and the DA out in the hallway and just come in and inform the judge of what they want. Of course, I know the private investigator is really out to get Amy Beth, so I am curious to hear what she is going to present before the judge. :( I suppose I will end up going, I'll probably be awake all night anyway and wouldn't be able to sleep wondering what was going to happen.

Candace,

I have tried to put all of my trust in God, and I do for the most part. :rolleyes: It's so hard as a mother to turn your children over to Him. Somehow we always feel like "we" should be the ones in control of their lives. :( I do appreciate the reminder though! ;)

Kim

Catty1

03-12-2007, 11:26 PM

I have tried to put all of my trust in God, and I do for the most part. It's so hard as a mother to turn your children over to Him. Somehow we always feel like "we" should be the ones in control of their lives. I do appreciate the reminder though!

I know, sweetie. I am 50, and my mom phoned me after I got home from work today because it was snowing like crazy and she was afraid I had driven home in it! (I didn't - she is also my early-warning road report when there are storms! Bless her!)

You're a MOM. I didn't think for one moment you could let go of everything...but I hoped you could find some way to 'sleep on it'.

But - good point - you want to hear the reports for yourself. And if Amy Beth has any conscience, and you are there and hear stuff that TOTALLY flies in the face of what she has told you...well, she'll have to deal with that.

I know from long experience in AA, and reading other stuff - that though it seems not to matter to the kids at the time, when they later straightened out they always mention that their parents were so hurt by what they did...they just didn't have it in them to say anything. Lots of shame and guilt for them. It all takes time.

Everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

HUGS!

columbine

03-12-2007, 11:45 PM

By logic and inspiration, by compassion and reality, by all life that has been, is, and will be, may justice be done.

Love, Columbine

krazyaboutkatz

03-13-2007, 12:56 AM

Kim, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this.:( My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. (((HUGS)))

Pawsitive Thinking

03-13-2007, 06:52 AM

Kim - your posts are heart breaking :( I feel for you, I really do. I hope your daughter gets the rude awakening that is coming to her and sorts her life out

Sara luvs her Tinky

03-13-2007, 07:21 AM

My goodness Kim!!!

I'm so very sorry you are having to go through all this right now. I don't really know if there is anything I can say that could make you feel better. I will say a prayer for you, Amy Beth, and Jenna. The only other thing that comes to mind.. is that you have to go through the vally to get to the top of the mountain. Remember to praise God in the vally and he will give you peace.

Im sending the biggest {[HUGS}} ever to you right now. I can feel your pain through your post and it makes me so sad for you!

shais_mom

03-13-2007, 07:23 AM

Thinking of you today.

ChrisH

03-13-2007, 07:25 AM

Prayers on the way. {{hugs}}

pitc9

03-13-2007, 07:32 AM

I'll be thinking of you today!

Logan

03-13-2007, 08:42 AM

I think you are strong woman, Kim. Give yourself credit. You're stronger than you believe you are. Your husband obviously knows that about you.

I hope you go. It will be hard, but you need to see the facts and the decision as it is laid out, and most of all, you need to be there for Jenna, in support of her.

I'd be there with you in a heartbeat if I could, just sitting beside you, and helping you stay strong. I think we are all there with you in "spirit" today. So many of us are mothers and can't even imagine the pain you and your husband have experienced.

Chin up!!! Chin up!!!!! You will survive this and you will be a strong support for your granddaughter and her other grandmother. They need you.

Logan

4 Dog Mother

03-13-2007, 08:46 AM

Prayers coming your way this day!

Rachel

03-13-2007, 09:21 AM

Like the others, I'm for knowing the facts of the situation. Amy Beth has obviously been in denial of her own responsibility for her situation and, until that changes, she will continue to make these kinds of irresponsible choices. I'm not saying what is happening today is a good thing, but there may be some good to come out of it if is enough to wake her up to the realities of life.

You have done everything you can to be of help to her and yet she has used and abused your love. The pain of that has to be unimaginable. Now is the time to concentrate on Jenna and whatever you can do to be a positive person in her life. In order to do that, you have to be strong emotionally and not let the pain of what Amy Beth has wrought destroy you. I do believe there will be a time that Amy Beth will grow up and realize the error of her ways. Until then, you cannot be responsible for pulling her out of the fires she sets for herself. My prayers will be for you, Kim.

Lobodeb

03-13-2007, 09:33 AM

Thinking about you and praying for you today.

Be strong. And being strong means you can cry too.

JenBKR

03-13-2007, 09:52 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through so much with Amy Beth. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. ((((hugs))))

Christiansmommy

03-13-2007, 09:53 AM

I have not been on Pettalk lately but was aware of some of the things going on with your family from previous posts. First, I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this, the stress must be so consuming. You are being so strong...you might not see it, but we all can...so remember that. ((HUGS))

I have already prayed for you and Amy Beth. I will continue to do so through out the day...no matter what the verdict, my prayers will continue. That God will hold you both in the palm of His loving hands.

I was looking for a paper that had words of encouragement and Bible verses that I wanted to copy for you to read here, it has helped a lot when dealing with trials that we are faced with on a daily basis that I have been dealt in my own life. I can't quote it, since I have misplaced it, but it would be nice to even send it to Amy Beth to read at some point, when she's ready.

To summorize it:

I am here by God's will, He put me in this straight place, He will help me to deal with this trial, teaching me lessons He wants me to learn, He will keep me quiet during it, and in His good timing He will bring me out of it, just how and when, He knows best...

I know that you are a Christian and have a faith in God, and I too know, that while being a Christian myself, we can often still wonder why is this happening, and that we just have to let go and let God take over b/c you have prayed and prayed and things seem unchanged...it is very frustrating and hard when we try our best to lean on the Lord, but trials can just weigh too heavy on us. But God knows your prayers even if you are too weary to pray them...he cries along side of you, and wants to comfort you. I pray that you feel His presence today and that somehow He calms your fears. We don't know why Amy Beth is doing what she is doing and why you are having to go thru it along with her, but we do know that God will get you through this, and we can be certain that He allows things to happen for whatever reason, but He can turn this into good...just how and when He knows best. "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

I found this "pass it on" ( that was given to me when I was having issues going on in my life),and thought it might be of some sort of help, I know that I am not in your place and your trials are huge right now, just know that people are praying for you and God will turn this into something good.

"Strength"

The problems that we think may drown us today, could be the stepping stones to greater spiritual strength tomorrow" Max Lucado

Prayer and Love,
Robyn

Karen

03-13-2007, 10:31 AM

In our prayers today.

ramanth

03-13-2007, 10:42 AM

Thinking of you guys today. *hugs*

Catty1

03-13-2007, 10:59 AM

Thinking of you and your whole family, and sending prayers for everyone.

lvpets2002

03-13-2007, 11:14 AM

Kim you are in My Prayers Today.. Best of Luck.. I just hate that you are having so much trouble.. Hope all ends soon & that there is a pleasant road ahead.. (((( Huggss )))) God Bless

BitsyNaceyDog

03-13-2007, 11:48 AM

Kim, you and your family are all in my thoughts and prayers today.

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 03:14 PM

After staying up most of the night, I called my husband at work at 2:00 a.m. We agreed that there was no reason for me to go to court this morning. Yep, I might have found out the "truth" but trust me, I have learned enough about my daughter in the past couple of years that I really don't need or want to know any more. :( If she had gotten probation, been there done that ... if she was sentenced, what good would it do to watch her be handcuffed and carted away? As it turns out, she is "free" ... I don't know the details, but I saw her in the courtroom for Jenna's custody hearing.

That is another whole story. At the last minute, I decided to show up for the temporary custody hearing for Denise (Chad's mom) to get custody of Jenna. All I knew was that it was at 1:00 p.m. I went to the clerk's office and asked which courtroom. They told me the floor and room number and that was all. When I got there, court was already in session, so I tried to quietly slip in on one of the back rows. Well, to my surprise, the judge told me that I was not allowed in there and to leave the courtroom. I got up and headed for the door ... the only thing I said as I went through the doorway was "she's my grandbaby!" The female judge sent her guard out after me. He stops me and says, "the judge wants to speak to you" and I replied "I'm sure she does". :rolleyes: I went back in and she told me that I was not allowed in a private hearing and she wanted "respect". I threw my hands up and said "I didn't know!" She said she understood and to be respectful and leave the courtroom. :mad: :( I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time!!!!! :( :(

I truly appreciate all of the support, words of comfort and prayers from my PT friends, it truly means a lot to me. I'm very sorry for dragging you all through this fiasco for so long. Like I said, I am so ashamed and absolutely devastated right now. I won't trouble you all any more. :(

Kim

JenBKR

03-13-2007, 03:21 PM

DrKym

03-13-2007, 03:22 PM

Kim,
Your humiliation and shame are only in your eyes. Your daughter is a very ungrateful being, and loving your grandchild, is not anything to be ashamed of.

I am proud of you for going , and also for making it clear, that Jenna has other people in her life that are concerned about her. I wish the judge to learn compassion and respect in the most expedient way imaginable.

Yes there are rules to a private hearing, but in this instance she could have left it be as you were leaving and simply carried on, to recall you back in for a tongue lashing shows her own fear of herself and her position.

Big Hugs,
Kym

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 03:23 PM

You are NOT troubling us! That's what we are here for. Nothing to be sorry for, you can always lean on us. I am so sorry that you are going through so much with your daughter, I hope that she learns through all this. ((((hugs))))

Thank you so much, and CONGRATULATIONS on your little blessing! ;)

JenBKR

03-13-2007, 03:25 PM

Thank you so much, and CONGRATULATIONS on your little blessing! ;)

You are welcome always and THANK YOU!! :)

caseysmom

03-13-2007, 03:32 PM

Too bad you couldn't tell the judge you wouldn't mind showing respect if you were treated with some. Wow I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

Ginger's Mom

03-13-2007, 03:40 PM

Kim,
Your humiliation and shame are only in your eyes...

Yes there are rules to a private hearing, but in this instance she could have left it be as you were leaving and simply carried on, to recall you back in for a tongue lashing shows her own fear of herself and her position.

You are right there are rules to a private hearing, BUT the general public shouldn't be expected to know that. There should have been a court officer outside of the courtroom to make sure only those involved in the litigation entered the courtroom. The fault was not yours, and the shame should not be bourne by you.

Lobodeb

03-13-2007, 03:45 PM

Oh, Kim. I'm so sorry.

Please don't feel that you're trouble to us. If anything, feel free to vent more. If you can't do it anyplace else, you know you have us. Please feel free to say as little or as much as you'd like. You know we're here for you, either way.

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way. Totally uncalled for.

jazzcat

03-13-2007, 03:50 PM

You are right there are rules to a private hearing, BUT the general public shouldn't be expected to know that. There should have been a court officer outside of the courtroom to make sure only those involved in the litigation entered the courtroom. The fault was not yours, and the shame should not be bourne by you.
Exactly! Kim, that was not your fault so don't let it get you down.

I'd say you not going to Amy Beth's trial was a good thing. As for talking about it here, if it helps keep doing it. Don't keep it all bottle up inside because it won't do you any good and you are getting a lot of good support here.

I hope Amy Beth or the other parties involved will all least have the decency to let you know that outcome of Jenna's custody soon.

pitc9

03-13-2007, 03:54 PM

Yes there are rules to a private hearing, but in this instance she could have left it be as you were leaving and simply carried on, to recall you back in for a tongue lashing shows her own fear of herself and her position.

Exactly!!!
Wow... what a WITCH!!!! :mad:

Many {hugs} to you!

Catty1

03-13-2007, 04:36 PM

Post here as much as you want to - my goodness!!!!!

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!

If Chad's mom gets custody, I am sure you will get to see Jenna.

Do you even want to see Amy Beth?

HUGS

rg_girlca

03-13-2007, 04:41 PM

I truly appreciate all of the support, words of comfort and prayers from my PT friends, it truly means a lot to me. I'm very sorry for dragging you all through this fiasco for so long. Like I said, I am so ashamed and absolutely devastated right now. I won't trouble you all any more. :(

Dear Kim, you are NOT dragging us down in any way my dear. You came to your PT friends for support, advice, hugs and whatever else to help you get through this terrible situation. We may not all have the right words to say, but we sure can give prayers and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
I know right now you are devasted and you have every right to be, but whether you realize this or not, "YOU NEED US RIGHT NOW!!!"
You NEED to get your feelings out. You NEED to vent. You NEED the love and support from your friends.

After ALL that you and your hubby have done for Amy Beth, it still boggles my mind how she just walks all over you guys and doesn't seem to show any appreciation at all. I truely understand that she is your daughter and that you just cannot turn your back on her, but Kim, enough is enough. How much more heartache do you think you can handle. You've been helping her for years now and each time she stabs you in the back. It's time to put your foot down and mean what you say. Like, "I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time" and "We are "only" paying her $450.00/month rent for the next two months and then the purse strings will be CUT!!!."

I know this is going to be very hard on you Kim, but it is starting to affect your health and remember this, you have a lot of people around you who DO care and LOVE you, so please, take time for yourself and take care.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

cassiesmom

03-13-2007, 04:46 PM

That is another whole story. At the last minute, I decided to show up for the temporary custody hearing for Denise (Chad's mom) to get custody of Jenna. All I knew was that it was at 1:00 p.m. I went to the clerk's office and asked which courtroom. They told me the floor and room number and that was all. When I got there, court was already in session, so I tried to quietly slip in on one of the back rows. Well, to my surprise, the judge told me that I was not allowed in there and to leave the courtroom. I got up and headed for the door ... the only thing I said as I went through the doorway was "she's my grandbaby!" The female judge sent her guard out after me. He stops me and says, "the judge wants to speak to you" and I replied "I'm sure she does". I went back in and she told me that I was not allowed in a private hearing and she wanted "respect". I threw my hands up and said "I didn't know!" She said she understood and to be respectful and leave the courtroom. I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time!!!!!

How unprofessional of the judge to have a hissy-fit on the bench. And, Kim, I would see it differently if you were some nosy neighbor or someone else who did not have Jenna's best interests at heart; but you are her grandmother and as such, do you not have a right to be present during court proceedings involving her? I'm not an attorney, but I am having trouble understanding why you would not be permitted in the courtroom. I hope that you, Chad and his mother will remain on positive terms so you'll continue to have contact with Jenna. I will keep praying.

Karen

03-13-2007, 04:51 PM

Kim, you will continue to be in our prayers. I am glad that Chad's mother and you get along, even if her son is an idjit. When will you find out about custody hearing results?

cyber-sibes

03-13-2007, 04:58 PM

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way. Totally uncalled for.I agree, very unprofessional.

You will ALWAYS be Jenna's dear grandmother, no one can take that away from you. Don't lose hope, you never know what tomorrow might bring. Things will settle down after a little time, things don't always turn out as bleak as the seem. ((((hugs))))
Praying for you.

My Peanuts

03-13-2007, 05:58 PM

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way, but don't feel bad. I've never encounted a judge that didn't act that way. More prayers are on the way. I hope things get back to normal soon.

ramanth

03-13-2007, 06:18 PM

*hugs*

elizabethann

03-13-2007, 07:00 PM

I'm sorry the judge treated you that way, but don't feel bad. I've never encounted a judge that didn't act that way. More prayers are on the way. I hope things get back to normal soon.

Yea...Judges have really big ego's when you are in "their" courtroom. I'm surprised their fat heads fit in the doorway.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you've done all that you can and it's time for your daughter to act like an adult. You can't keep running to her side everytime she messes up. I know as a Mom you want to -she's your baby and you don't want any harm to come to her. But there comes a time when you have to say "enough".

I'm sorry if I sound mean. But it just sounds like your daughter is using you and I can hear & feel your pain in your posts. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better. No parent should have to go through what you are going through.

You sound like a very strong woman and a wonderful, caring Mom. I don't think I would have your patience & understanding in this situation.

I am sending you a virtual hug. Take care & good luck.

Alysser

03-13-2007, 07:12 PM

I really don't know about the events you speak of, but I think I understand enough. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and don't think you need to stop bothering us, when you aren't even bothering us. We want to hear from you, you are such a kind-hearted person and you don't deserve what's happening in your life. (((hugs))) I hope everything works out for the best.

Pam

03-13-2007, 07:31 PM

Kim I am sorry I am so late in responding to this thread. I saw it last night before I turned off my computer but didn't even know what to say. I think you were probably wise to not show up in court. I don't know if I could have done that because of my "need to know." At some point Amy Beth must realize that she and she alone is responsible for what she does and you will not always be there to bail her out. That said, I know that your heart aches for Jenna and you certainly want to do your darndest to see that she gets the love and nurturing that she deserves and that this mess causes as little impact on her as is possible.

I am so glad that you and Chad's mom have a good relationship. That is definitely a good thing and something to build on, especially since she does not seem like the type of person that would be threatened by, or jealous of, your presence in Jenna's life. I think you are both on the same page with regard to Jenna. You both want what is best for her and hopefully can work together toward that.

As for Amy Beth, I think right now what is needed is what they call *tough love.* I have always wondered how a parent could practice such a thing, but I can see where it is necessary in some cases. I truly do believe that in time Amy Beth will have a moment of clarity when she realizes what she has put everyone through and sees Chad for what he is. That may very well be the time that you two will forge a wonderful new relationship. Sometimes out of the darkest valleys come our mountaintop experiences. Kim, please don't feel that you are ever burdening us. We love you and we want to help. I don't believe anyone here is a licensed therapist but we are all offering advice and counsel as best we know how. (((hugs))) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v80/Belrip/Graphics/huggroup.gif

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 07:48 PM

Amy Beth showed up at my door this afternoon. I sat and listened to all of the details of the day. Her charges for filing the false report were dropped, and her child neglect was re-worded as simple child neglect and she was given 11 months 29 days probation and ordered to take parenting classes.

As for the child custody case on Jenna, Denise was given temporary custody but only until the next appointed court appearance sometime in May. ( I don't remember the date.) During the time until that date, Chad and Amy Beth can neither one take Jenna anywhere and can only have supervised visitation with her. They each are also going to have to pay child support to Denise and take parenting classes for I think 8 weeks and also family and individual counselling. IF they accomplish those tasks by the next court date, then they will most likely get Jenna back. Right now, I find it very hard to believe that they can accomplish all of those things in that amount of time. I am trying to put it out of mind, but I already find myself thinking of advice to give her on what to do first and how and ... and ... and..... !!! :rolleyes: :( It is just so hard to stop THINKING for your child when you have done it for 22 years. I wish so badly that hubby and I could just pack up and move away. :(

Oh, for those who have (like me) thought that Denise was being so nice to me, well I also found out today that she told Chad that she was only trying to get Jenna, to keep Amy Beth or ME from getting her. WHy? Because we are both crazy! :( Right now at this very moment, I'm not sure if I will even try to see Jenna for a while. I don't know how much more I can take, how much more personal attack I can withstand. My ex-husband ruined what little self-esteem I had when he drug me through court over our two daughters. He tormented and berated me for years and still hasn't stopped. I cannot throw myself into the fire for persecution any more. I had some very self-destructive thoughts on the way home from that courtroom today. Thank God for my loving husband and my daughter Amanda, who are the two people on this Earth who still make my life feel worth living.

Catty1

03-13-2007, 07:54 PM

What a beating you have taken!

If you want custody of Jenna, what sort of case would you have to present? Denise's saying you and Amy Beth are "crazy" is slanderous.

I am glad that Amy Beth and Chad are being forced into counselling. And good for you for staying away from advice giving, though you must have bitten your tongue for a good long while.

I don't imagine those courses will be any picnic. And if her probation is efficient, AB will be accountable for what she says and does.

HUGS, Kim. I hope you can relax for a few days, and let the worst of it wash away.

More prayers going to you...

momcat

03-13-2007, 08:18 PM

Kim, first of all and above everything else don't you ever hesitate to come to us! Yours is a very painful situation, keeping all this in will do you nothing positive and will end up making you hurt even more. You have to let it out!!!

As for the custody hearing and the judge; I'm a child support specialist with the State of New Jersey and am very familiar with procedures in Family Court. I was the Family Court liaison for three years when I was with the child support unit in the county welfare agency and worked on many court cases. The Family Court hearings are closed to the public due to the nature of the types of cases and situations that are handled there. According to Court Rules, and in some states the statutes (I'm not sure which it is in your state) for Family Court matters only the parties to the action are permitted to be present during the hearing. A party to the action, is the individual who files the initial motion and the person or persons the motion is filed against. Now, if Amy and/or Chad weren't named on Denise's complaint they most likely wouldn't have been allowed to be there even though they are Jenna's biological parents. Again, I'm not completely sure how that works in your state. Even though you're Jenna's grandma you were not legally a party to this action and the judge was well within the law by asking you to leave the hearing room. Had the judge not done this, the case could be compromised and could lead to more legal problems down the road. A possible example would be if at some point in time you decide to file a motion for Grandparent's Visitation. Granted, this judge could have dealt with this much differently but perhaps it was mistaken for an attempt to disrupt the court which does happen frequently. Judges tend to take a very dim view of that. I'm not defending the judge because I think she did it all wrong, just offering a not uncommon reason for what she said. A better approach would have been to take a few moments to explain why you couldn't stay. In all cases the primary focus of the Family Court is what is in the child's best interest. Not always easy to determine and at times the court's decision is difficult to understand.

My only intent here is to try to help you understand what happened at the custody hearing and why based on my own professional experience with the Family Court system. If I have upset you in any way, I sincerely apologize. Don't hesitate to pm me if you have any other questions. And give Jenna a huge hug from me.

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 09:00 PM

Momcat, I appreciate your explanation. I do understand that there have to be rules, but I was so used to all the other :rolleyes: court sessions that Amy Beth has been a part of where anyone just walks in and out and there is standing room only. I just felt very embarrassed and humiliated and scolded like a child, when I was already feeling particularly insecure as it was. Oh, it hasn't helped that I have also been MAJORLY PMSing these past few days. :rolleyes:

I can't tell you all how very much your posts, prayers, PMs and a recent phone call have meant to me! I don't have any local friends here to talk with... my hubby is my sounding board in all things. Bless his heart!!! Today was very bleak for a long time, but somehow the visit from Amy Beth brought me back up a notch. It's weird I guess, but making me so disgusted helps to replace sorrow with disgust, which is easier to deal with. :confused: No doubt, the sorrow always creeps back through, but I try to remind myself how fed up I really am, and how I have the right to be.

THANK YOU ALL!

Love,
Kim

Karen

03-13-2007, 09:32 PM

Sending you more big hugs.

For some reason, I just thought of something my friend Margaret once said to me. Her older son, Chris was 27, engaged to be married, employed and living in San Francisco, and she's here in Massachusetts. Chris called to talk, and mentioned he was sick, and Margaret worried, despite herself. She said to me "I know he's a perfectly capable individual, and is just fine, and will be just fine, but I still worry, because I am hi mother. And I know it's ridiculous, but I worry anyway."
"When we were first married, and talked about having children, I was all for it, you know, raising a baby, getting it through the school years, off to college, etc. But I think, in the back of my mind, I figured each kid was about an 18-year commitment. But this week has really brought home to me - I'm gonna be a mother for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how old they get, or how tall (Margaret is almost 5' 1", so both her sons passed her height-wsie by the time they were in 9th grade)), or how far away they move, I am STILL their mother. I don't know if I would have signed on for the job had I realized that!"

You will always be her mother, and you will always love her and worry about her, even if you don't particularly like her sometimes, but realize that just comes with the territory, sweetie.

moosmom

03-13-2007, 09:40 PM

Kim,

I've been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to find the rights words to say. I'm speechless.

You have been through much these past months. You are such a strong person. Someone I admire and highly respect. I only wish I could help take away some of the hurt and anger. You certainly deserve so much better.

Don't ever feel like you are burdening us, because you're not. We are all here for you, anytime. Got that??

Love and Hugs,

Donna

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 09:41 PM

Thank you, Karen. That is my hope for Amy Beth, that she too will realize the love that she has deep inside of her for her precious baby girl. That in a few years from now, these times will be a vague memory replaced with years of loving, caring, and nurturing her precious Jenna. That one day she will wonder how she will ever go a day without putting her child first in her heart and mind.

kimlovescats

03-13-2007, 09:45 PM

Thank you too, Donna! I think you and I were posting at about the same time! I appreciate your support.

Love,
Kim

Sara luvs her Tinky

03-14-2007, 06:42 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Im so very very sorry that you are feeling so down right now!!!!!
I wish I could give you a real hug!!!
I'm still praying for you, Amy Beth and Jenna.. and *wishing* :mad: Chad :mad: would go the h*ll on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DrKym

03-14-2007, 07:23 AM

Exactly!!!
Wow... what a WITCH!!!! :mad:

Many {hugs} to you!

Ahem, we witches aren't all bad! ;)

Some of us are rather pleasant :D

DrKym

03-14-2007, 07:29 AM

Kim,

I am thinking of you, and praying for you. If you haven't already read it, a book I reccomend to many of my clients is 'When Bad things happen to good people". Although I do not endorse all of the book, there is some very good information in it. It may bring some peace and clarification, many hugs.

Kym

kuhio98

03-14-2007, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by pitc9
Exactly!!!
Wow... what a WITCH!!!!

Many {hugs} to you!

Ahem, we witches aren't all bad! ;)

Some of us are rather pleasant :DI could be wrong, but I interpreted the posting to mean:

Exactly!!! (Meaning, I agree with everything you said)
Wow... what a WITCH!!!!! (meaning the judge who felt the need to make a bad situation worse)

Catty1

03-14-2007, 09:26 AM

I think Kym's comment leads to the idea that since many witches are quite pleasant, it's insulting to witches to call the JUDGE a witch! :D

Did I get that right, Kym?

cassiesmom

03-14-2007, 10:28 AM

Ahem, we witches aren't all bad! ;)

Some of us are rather pleasant :D

Hey Dr. G., have you seen "Wicked"? Kim, I've read the book "When bad things happen to good people" and I hope that if you read it, you'll find it helpful. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you again today. [hug]

kimlovescats

03-14-2007, 02:40 PM

Hello dear friends,

I just pulled my behind out of the bed, at ummmm, 2:00 p.m. :eek: I am feeling better today, thanks to all of the loving support from everyone here, and my hubby who left a card for me on my desk this morning. He does that often, but today was just perfect timing. :)

I prayed myself to sleep last night asking God to restore my Faith and give me (once again) the strength to turn everything over to His care. I always have the hardest time when I get in bed at night. Do any of you other mothers do this .... lie there and think of everything bad that could possibly happen to your children when you aren't "there" to protect them? :rolleyes: I sometimes think that we moms endure one of the biggest tests of Faith ... turning our babies over to God's care, but then look at what Mary had to go through watching Jesus being sacrificed for all of us? Unbelievable!!!!

Today is (a new day) the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! :)

Love,
Kim

Kalei

03-14-2007, 02:58 PM

kimlovescats

03-14-2007, 03:02 PM

Thank you, Kalei! ;)

momcat

03-14-2007, 05:34 PM

Hi Kim, It has been said that God doesn't give us more than we can handle though at times I admit I'm not so sure. With faith, we can face anything. Support and understanding from friends sure does help too. As I often tell Soncat when he thinks he's getting over or when he won't admit something is bothering him, "Moms know these things!" As moms, we do the best we can when our kids are growing up then as they go off on their own all we can do is hope for the best. I talked to my Pastor earlier about some church business, you are now on our prayer concern list. And you remain very much in mine. Take it easy, get some rest, and continue to pray. Should the going get tough, come to your PT friends...we're always here for you.

It is no secret what God can do,
What he's done for others He'll do for you.....

DrKym

03-14-2007, 05:47 PM

I think Kym's comment leads to the idea that since many witches are quite pleasant, it's insulting to witches to call the JUDGE a witch! :D

Did I get that right, Kym?
Exactly Candace!!

:)

kimlovescats

03-14-2007, 08:07 PM

cassiesmom

03-14-2007, 08:14 PM

Kim, this one is for you...
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

kimlovescats

03-14-2007, 08:31 PM

Kim, this one is for you...
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

Shew! Thanks for the smile! :D

catnapper

03-14-2007, 08:47 PM

Oh Kim..... I'm just now catching up on this whole sordid chapter in the AmyBeth saga. I don't even know what to say! Just know I'm thinking of you and am here if you need a sholder to cry on. (((hugs)))

rg_girlca

03-14-2007, 09:16 PM

Kim, just wanted to let you know that you are still in my thoughts and in my prayers.

One day at a time dear Kim, one day at a time.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

carole

03-14-2007, 09:34 PM

kim reading your post was one of the saddest i have read on PT for a while, it really hits home, when you are a mother yourself, you understand the complete heartache and despair you are feeling right now,I can only imagine how stressful this is for you, and I must say I admire your courage, you are indeed a very strong woman, great to see you wake up and feel like you can carry on another day, because i am sure there have been days where you felt you could no longer do just that.

Just want you to know i am here for you too, and that my heart goes out to you and your family through all this,i hope with all my heart Amy beth can sort herself out and soon and you can feel true happiness again,hang on in there, you are a loving, caring person.who has had to endure more than anyone should need to,I hope you will never feel that you are alone , and that you are burdening anyone here on PT, that is so far from the truth,please always stop by and unload your stresses,we are all family here and only too willingly to offer you support and help that you may need from time to time, bless you and your family.

jennielynn1970

03-14-2007, 10:46 PM

My ex-husband ruined what little self-esteem I had when he drug me through court over our two daughters. He tormented and berated me for years and still hasn't stopped. I cannot throw myself into the fire for persecution any more. I had some very self-destructive thoughts on the way home from that courtroom today. Thank God for my loving husband and my daughter Amanda, who are the two people on this Earth who still make my life feel worth living.

I just wanted to give you some "words of wisdom" that someone had passed on to me... I often blamed my ex that I lived with and was verbally and physically abused by for the time I was with him.

I have the following quote posted in many places, and also at work, because even there, there are certain people you work with that just try to bring you down.

Eleanor Roosevelt was an amazing woman, and I love this quote:
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

It's something to remember... You need to believe in yourself. You have to be your own cheerleader, and know that you are a wonderful person and have all the potential in the world. Don't let others make you feel like crap. Know that the ones that do do that, are the ones who feel crappy about themselves to begin with and the old saying "misery loves company." It is so true.

Be good to yourself. Don't be an enabler to your daughter. She's preying on your "motherly instincts", and is using your sentiments for her own well-being without any thought of how she is slowly destroying you. I know it is hard, but you have to look after yourself at this point. She's an adult now, and is responsible for her own actions and cannot be allowed to blame anyone else, or make others feel responsible for her. That is extremely manipulative. Shame on her for doing that to her mother. It also doesn't sound like Denise has the best interests of the child at heart either. Another spiteful person doing something to make others feel inadequate. I'm sure she'll be easy on her son and let him see Jenna when he wants. As horrible as it sounds, a foster placement might be the best thing for Jenna at this point.

kimlovescats

03-15-2007, 01:29 PM

Thank you Kim and Lorraine!

Carole, I appreciate your understanding and support!

Jenn, thank you for the reminders ... I am often my own worst enemy! :rolleyes:

ramanth

03-15-2007, 01:31 PM

Jenn, thank you for the reminders ... I am often my own worst enemy! :rolleyes:
Aren't we all? :)

*HUGS*

Logan

03-15-2007, 03:32 PM

Kim, I was checking in to see how you were doing, and I'm glad to see that you are on the right track! Bless your heart. It is so easy to get down and out, especially given all that you have dealt with lately. Plus, if your husband is working when you go to bed at night, I can imagine that your mind races and it is hard to relax at all.

You take care of Kim, Amanda and hubby, and be available and alert to Jenna's needs, when and where you can. I think that is all you can do.

I heard a really great sermon last night at our Lenten service. He spoke on "sin" :eek:, but most of all forgiveness. And forgiveness comes in all forms and it is between you and your Lord. He also said, and I agree with this, totally, that forgiving doesn't always mean that everything is mended, just that you have found some peace in your heart and with God, and you are able to move forward. That was a comfort to me. If I can get him to send me a copy of his sermon, I'll send it to you.

Much love to you. May each day get a little better for you. I know that with the love of your husband and daughter, you will get better every day.

kimlovescats

03-15-2007, 08:38 PM

Maya & Inka's mommy

03-16-2007, 10:22 AM

kimlovescats

03-16-2007, 11:06 AM

Dearest Kim,
I am so sorry I didn't see this thread when you started it. I have had surgery and almost sleep the days away....
I feel so sorry for you and your hubby, it is almost to much to take..... :( :(

Sweet Lut,

Don't EVEN think you should "apologize" for not posting! I know you have been very ill!

HUGS,
Kim