Trying to figure relationships out...

[catnapper]

I know, this is one thing people have spent a millenia on ;)

But..... can someone PLEASE shed some light on this? Please?

Long story made incredibly short: we don't like Cam's father. Well, nobody except Cam's mom :p He hasn't been to our house since New Year's Eve when a huge fight erupted between Ashley and him (hmmm... he needs a name... how about CF for Cam's Father?) So, CF and Ash had a fight on New Years' Eve, hubby stepped in and told CF that he is to NEVER, EVER talk to Ashley like that EVER again. CF was so manipulative, mean, "scary angry" to Ash and hubby couldn't stay out of it any longer.

So what did we get for hubby stepping in and protecting Ashley? We've not seen hide nor hair of him. Ash simply goes over to his house to see him a few times a week. She fights tooth and nail whenever we make a negative comment. So, we just no longer make ANY comments about him. Nothing good, nothing bad. We just act like he's a non-entity. Might not be a functional arrangement but it keeps fights to a minimum :o

Sooooo.... we've been living for 3 months in this sort of unreal state. Ash had some friends over tonight from school. Both kids (young adults ;)) know CF and spent a couple hours bashing him and making fun of him. They told Ash that she could do so much better. They were seriously trashing CF and Ash was laughing along with them and agreeing to everything they said!

Now.... this is where I need some help. Do you think she really feels they are right? Its a bit different hearing it from your peers who were "friends" with him than it is hearing it from your parents who were predisposed to disliking CF from the start?

Did you all follow that? I can't give too many details or I'd have a book right here. This is long enough :p

[DrKym]

Kim
You are doing the most beneficial thing, ignoring him.

Ashley needs to feel that she can depend on you both, and she already knows, that CF is all wrong, evidenced by her "going along" with the bashing her friends did.

It is hard to admit that your parents are right, harder still to make a break amongst negativity. You and hubby ignoring it, and not fueling it will allow her the chance to make her decision with out feeling pressured into it.

Sit tight and be supportive and if AT ALL possible find some kind thing to say if pressed, if not agree with her nice comments and leave it at that.

This will pass in Ashleys best interest and you will all be able to breathe a collective sigh of relief.


I will send my bill via Wombat on his snail mail ;)

hugs,

Kym

[jackmilliesmom]

Remind me Cam is your grandson right (sorry if I am wrong) and his father is a real waste of space right?

Ash will discover is for herself if she has not already that this guy is going nowhere fast and that if she tags along for the ride she will end up with nothing and going nowhere also. You and your husband have done all that can be done at the moment but if she dumps him still say nothing and let her come to you do not go to her - just take it easy and watch from the sidelines after viewing a recent family situation similar to yours the parents were highly surprised and impressed with their daughters decision and maturity in handling the situation.

[catnapper]

Yup, Cam is my grandson. Yup CF is a huge waste of skin and air. We are playing the "let her figure it out on her own" card, hoping and praying she does figure it out!

Side note: One of his highschool teachers came into work the other day. I didn't know she was a teacher until one of my coworkers gushed over her being their favorite teacher. I said "oh, then you taught my grandbaby's father" she asked who it was. Her reaction was priceless, "Oh. Him." loooong pause "I know him, and will refrain from further comment" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[caseysmom]

Oh Kim if we could only she could have the wisdom now that she will have in 5 years. You know she is going to have to get that wisdom the hard way. Hopefully for Cam's sake that boy grows up.

[Cataholic]

As someone who is in a similar situation, I would **never** speak harshly of my child's father within a mile of my son, not that I really have harsh comments on him to begin with. I wouldn't think too highly of anyone that would trash my child's father within MY earshot, whether I considered the statments true or not.

[king2005]

As someone who is in a similar situation, I would **never** speak harshly of my child's father within a mile of my son, not that I really have harsh comments on him to begin with. I wouldn't think too highly of anyone that would trash my child's father within MY earshot, whether I considered the statments true or not.

I wish my mother took that approach, would have been easier on us kids.. My sister went mental & tried to stop the pain with constant drinking, drugs & hurting herself.. she was only 12 when she snapped :( Our mother when to the extent where her & Child Services tried to force us to say that our daddy was a bad man & was touching us!!! Which he never did!!!

My dad took you approach & I'm still close to him. he said us kids came first & he would never say or do anything to harm us.. so he never said anything bad ever & never faught with mom or anything.. my dad was super civil & lost everything as he said us kids needed it more.. My did lived in a dump with junk...


All I can say is that acting like the parent you disslike doesn't exzist is a million times easier on the child... all that yelling & stuff really messes kids up...

its been over 10yrs now & dad still doesn't say anything bad about mom or her family.

[catnapper]

I never, ever would say anything bad about his dad to Cam. My mom never ever said anything bad about my father.... she left us to figure it out. I figured it out long before my brother - he spent half his life feeling like he was missing out on something great. I gave up saying anything bad about CF to Ash because harping and nagging never gets anybody anywhere and there's not much to say that she probably doesn't realize on her own anyway.

Sigh... she spent hours last night laughing over her friends making fun of CF and now she's over at CF's all night. She'll come home around 11:00 tonight with a very cranky baby in tow :rolleyes:

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Is it possible that she does see him as being a not so great guy and does really agree with her friends, but goes to see him because she wants him to be active in Camrons life?