Moving and quitting my job... :-(

[wolfsoul]

I have been searching around a bit for a new place to live. It's very hard to find an affordable place in my city, especially one that allows pets.

Well, there is a co-worker related thing at my work that has been bothering me alot. I never thought I would quit my job, as I do love my job, and I recently got another raise. I always wanted to wait until my boss retired so I could take over the business. But it's just not worth it to me anymore. If I have to put up with what's bothering me, I will lose what sanity I have left. So for my own mental health I think I should leave. I am very upset about it, I really do love my boss -- she is the best boss anyone could ask for. I even call her "Mommy," she is such a good friend. But she doesn't think the situation is as bad as it is, and hasn't done much to resolve it.

My job was really the only thing keeping me here. It's hard to be a dog breeder living here. Not enough shows and trials nearby. I've always thought about how much nicer it would be living on the island or in the lower mainland where I can show all the time. So now that I'm quitting my job, not much is stopping me from moving. My aunt lives in Aldergrove down in the Lower Mainland but is probably moving to Langley within the year, so she is going to look for places in Langley. I will live close to binka_nugget and slick, which will be nice.

My boss is at a dog show and won't be back until tomorrow...I asked if I could take her out for dinner sometime this week because I have something important to discuss. She is one of my very best friends, she has helped me through so much and always been there for me. I feel horrible dropping this on her. The move may not even be until a year from now, depending on how easy it is for me to find a place, so this will give her plenty of time to find someone else. I want to get a new vehicle and save up some more money before I leave. I'm pretty upset and confused right now. What if I move, and I hate my house? Or I hate the city? I have lived in this city my entire life. I know where everything is and all of my friends are here.

I just hope I'm doing the right thing. :(

[moosmom]

Okay, I'm going to give you a little of my "elderly" wisdom here.

After being born and raised in Connecticut, and caring for my elderly father for over 2 1/2 years, I decided I was going to move to Michigan to be with my former sister-in-law, her family and start over. I quit a wonderful, good paying job thinking I could get a job at another newspaper. It was the biggest mistake of my entire life. For 3 years, I searched high and lo for a job, there were none to be found. I was stuck. and miserable. It wasn't until after I got let go from what I thought was a great job (the owner didn't like me) that gave me the shove I needed to go back where I belonged, with my friends and family. I packed up my car with what I could fit into it, plus my cats and never looked back. I left EVERYTHING behind, furniture, etc. To me it was only "stuff" and could be replaced.

Please think long and hard about it. I could've saved alot of time and heartache if I had done the same.

[finn's mom]

That is a tough situation. That really stinks that your boss doesn't see the situation from your perspective. :( It must be really horrible for you to leave a job that you're that happy with and a boss you're that fond of. Is that coworker going to be there for a long time? I'm sure you've thought all the pros and cons through, though, so I won't get into any more questions. It's hard to tell what the right thing to do is, until you do it. And, really, what it's all about is what you make of it once it's done. You just have to find good in the situation when you do move and stick to that. :) And, I've done what you're doing several times in my life and not regretted a single time. It's all a learning experience. I wish you the best of luck.

[catnapper]

Think about this: how important is your job in defining who you are? Multiply it by 1,000, because once you're not doing it and can't quite get started in something else due to aq million things out your control, all of the sudden its VERY important.

How important is your relationship with your boss? You said its like a mother relationship. Prepared to lose it? I walked away from a job like that and have regretted it many times in the past 10 years. We managed to save the relationship but its nothing like it used to be.... only now that her husband is sick is she coming to me for support like it used to be.

Change is good and exciting. But changing too much all at once is setting you up for a lot of stress and insecurity.

Also, if you really want to become a breeder, why not do it now? Do you know how many of my students report that they went well over 200 miles to get their dogs? More and more people are learning about good breeding vs. bad breeding and they'll travel to get the right pup for them.

Lastly, if she doesn't see the situation, then it must be that either she hasn't witnessed the person who's attacking you, so she honestly doesn't know how bad it is, or you're reacting emotionally instead of professionally. This is a job. We go there for a paycheck. Its a bonus if everyone loves each other and laughs the day through. But in real life, you're going to come across pains-in-the-you-know-whats. and you kow what I'm finding out? If you remove yourself emotionally from the situation, and realize this person's just a miserable human being, you can accept it and tolerate it more. I also know ytou know dogs. The big trick with them is to find out what motivates them, why not find out what motiuvates this other person. Run with it and maybe you can get along in the future..... faaaarrrr into the future with pateince and time, but it IS possible.

[borzoimom]

Locations of shows is a problem. When I lived in other states other than Va. , I traveled all the time. Every weekend. As far as breeding- I just figured each time- get the best you can- travel of airplane.
For what it is worth- leaving a job you love is a harder void to fill somewhere else. When we moved out here, soon after I left the post office in early out. For a long time, I didnt care as I was feeling well starting two months after I left. Since then, with the high salary I had before, finding a job has been hard. Between my education and high previous salary- employers look at you like- why on earth do you want to work here... Before Galina got organized to come into heat, I even debated going back. Now I wont be doing that one as with pups coming, I won't work at all.
Where we live there are many shows- all within no more than 2 hours from me. However- you pay the price in job opportunities. Then you have to consider- without a good paying job- especially one you like, will you be able to afford doing it? My husband easily makes in the 6 figure bracket= and thank God! If he didnt no way could we afford the expense in showing and having a litter-- . NO WAY.. Maybe keep your job- using like a day vacation for a day day weekend to travel to the shows. .. ?

[ramanth]

I really have no advice but I can sympathise. I'm going through a bit of a job change here at work. It's causing a lot of stress and sleepless nights. *hugs*

[cyber-sibes]

The problem with quitting a job because of what someone else is doing, is that when you go somewhere else, you met "that person" again. Believe me, there's one like them at every job. It sounds like you have some good ideas going about where you what you want in your future, you said the move may not be for a year. Why not try to work with the situation as it is (keep communicating with your boss about this) and start your savings plan & getting a new car, etc. now? Maybe your boss can help you solve this problem by sitting down with both you & this other party.

Those last questions you mentioned - the big "what ifs" are very real considerations. life is full of "what ifs", so take everything into consideration. Major changes are best made when we're prepared and things seem to fall into place. ;) Don't let one person push you into something you're not sure about.

I've moved quite a bit and it usually takes 2 years before a new place feels like "home", it's not easy to start over. I say this as I'm packing up our home again, moving 700 miles from here soon.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Jordan, I hope this all works out for you and your decision is the right one in the end. Dealing with some co-workers can be so hard. Actually, some work situations are just plain hard to live with. It can make every day seem like a drudgery.

I think your boss/job will have lost a great person and employee if you decide that leaving is the best. Best wishes in whatever you do :)

[Catty1]

Jordan, I bet you mean a lot to your boss. Once you announce your decision to her, she might finally wake up and take your problem at work more seriously.

Good luck!

[wolfsoul]

Thanks everyone for your replies and support.

The person isn't doing anything to me, they are doing it to someone else..I can't really explain. It just hurts me to much to watch it. I've tried talking to my boss about it but she doesn't want to hear about it anymore -- she says it frustrates her to hear about it because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to fire the person as the person has no where else to go. But the person is damaging her business and is going to give it a bad reputation. I don't want to work in a place like that.

I'm not worried about finding a new job -- I could get hired over the phone, it's so high in demand. Groomers are very hard to find in Canada, and even though I'm not 100% trained yet, alot of people like that because they can train you the way they want and avoid any habits you picked up somewhere else. My main worry is finding a job that pays as much as this one does. I get around $300 a month in tips alone.

I am breeding now -- had my first litter last year :) -- my problem isn't people coming here, it's me having to travel to show and trial my dogs. Visa doesn't even have her CH yet, should have had it forever ago, but there's just nowhere to show. I have to wait until someone else goes so I can get a ride with them, and depending on people is a nightmare.

This person is always going to work there, no doubt about it. I remember my boss saying that she would only get rid of the person if someone really important threatened to leave if she didn't fire the person -- but I don't want her to think I am giving her an ultimadem, so if she does fire them, I will still quit. My other coworker says she is going to quit because of it too, and also move away. Maybe this will be a huge wake-up call.

I think it would be much scarier living there if I didn't have the support down there. My aunty will help me out whenever, she will always be there for me. She even told me there was no way she would let me move to another part of the Lower Mainland, I have to live in the same city as her. And of course I will be close to Ashley and Slick, so I will have some friends there. I haven't been hanging around my friends much lately anyways. The person that will be hardest to leave is my boss. I'm very attached to her...but I can get a good long distance plan and call her all the time. Sometimes I feel like the times we spend together isn't important to her like it is to me, so maybe when we only see eachother a few times a year she will appreciate me and our times together.

I'm still very half and half...but I really think I will do it. I'm scared, but I had to learn last year in my counselling that I can't always let my fears stop me from doing something that might be good for me. I have to make myself happy, not just sit back and wait and take compromises and not speak up.

[binka_nugget]

Sorry to hear about this.. :( I didn't know it was so bad for you at work.

You're right. There's a huge demand for groomers. There are SO many shops looking for groomers in Vancouver right now.. it's insane. But the cost of living in the GVRD is outrageous. I couldn't find a place to rent that would accept my two for less than $1000/month.

Good luck with whatever you decide Jordo.

[mike001]

Really sorry to hear about the trouble you're having. But I have to agree with a few of the others. I think it would be the biggest mistake of your life to up and quit a job you enjoy and are looking to take over when your friend retires. You said that all your friends are there, so you seem to have a lot of moral support. And Cyber-sibes is absolutely right. You will always meet "that" same person no matter where you go. I don't know how old your aunt is, but have you thought of what it could be like if she wasn't there for you???
Travelling for shows is nothing compared to a move like you're thinking of. Maybe wait and sleep on it, have that supper with your boss, and remember, wherever you go, you'll always have some people that will annoy you.

[buttercup132]

Maybe your boss will relise having you is better then the other person and she wouldnt like to loose you. Good luck!

[Freedom]

I've moved and changed jobs a number of times. Went to a whole new area (over 200 miles away) where I didn't know a soul twice. Sometimes I quit the job (once because of someone I couldn't stand working with), sometimes it was a merger and huge layoffs. I wouldn't have traded ANY of those experiences for the world!

I have friends in all those areas, and I call, write, visit and otherwise keep in tough with all of them. And they come visit me. The first 2 months have always been the toughest, trying to find my way, reading maps just to locate the grocery store! I already had a job lined up when I moved, even though I never had a job ready when I left the prior job. So I spent some time unemployed and searching long distance.

I've learned a lot about myself and the world. Still, I don't think I could do it now that I am older. I am glad I did it when I was young and able to move and adapt.

It is scary and at times overwhelming but it also builds your conifdence. Good Luck with this!

[wolfsoul]

Thanks guys. This really isn't something I can learn to deal with -- trust me, what this person does is not something that I will find everywhere else. It's not that kind of hate relationship at all -- This person could and should go to jail for the things that happen at work and the things they do at home. Even if I talked to someone about it and they made the person stop -- it would still be like asking me to sit in a room all day with a serial killer that doesn't kill anymore; It wouldn't make me any less uncomfortable. I went through a huge depression in 2005 and when things started getting bad at work I almost had a mental breakdown. I learned to hold it all inside and just let things happen, and I really started to enjoy my job, especially when I started moving up in status. But my boss has been away the past few days and so I had to spend alot of time doing what I did before -- and it brought back memories and made me realise why I hated that part of my job. In the long run, there are ways this person can make me unhirable in any grooming parlour. I can't really say why...I wish I could, it would make you all understand, believe me.

Freedom, that is so great that you found those experiences rewarding. That is what I hope to find as well. I have a friend who lived everywhere, and tried and did everything, and her experiences make her such an interesting person. I've lived here my entire life, the biggest risk I ever took was moving out at 17. I would have a chance of actually being in a relationship over there -- not alot of younger people in dogs here.

[lizbud]

I think you are doing the right thing by quitting a job like that.Sounds like
your recognize that staying won't help anything on the job, and it's time to
move on in the business world. The owner will probably end up losing her
business before long.Good luck for the next job. :)

[wolfsoul]

Thanks Lizbud. :)

I already have three people interested in hiring me, I'm quite excited. One is in Nanaimo, on the island, so I will probably have to decline. I know very few people on the island. But it may be a live-in job so I will still consider, if it is. She shows quite extensively and wants someone to look after her kennel while she is away (which is often -- she just got back from Italy in fact). So she said she would give me a call tonight. She also called her friend in Aldergrove (lower mainland) who owns a kennel, and she is going to call me too, and she called her friend who owns a grooming school or something and is looking for a groomer. I don't know all the details yet. All of this was my uncle talking to his friend today who talked her her friend and so on. Nice people! They are all calling me tonight or tomorrow. :)

[Taz_Zoee]

I know change is scary, in fact I hate it! But you will never know unless you do it. I moved over an hour away from my family with my boyfriend and even left my 12 year career! Yes, it was very scary. But now I LOVE my job and I love the city I live in. I work over an hour away from where I live and don't want to find a job closer to home. It's that fear of change thing. :eek:
Just keep in mind....moves are not permanent. If you absolutely hate it you can always go back. Not necessarily to that job, but back to the place you grew up. I know it's a risk....but that's what you've got to do sometimes.

From what I've read, I think the move would be a great thing for you. And at least you'll have a relative and friends close by.
Good luck with whatever you choose. :D

[Aspen and Misty]

Follow your heart Jordon. People tell me I'm crazy to move to Alaska for 4 months, almost 5,000 miles away from home, when I have never lived anywhere but with my parents. To me, I feel like it's something I need to do and I have my reasons as to why I want to go (I've worked since I've been 16 and I have never had a chance to enjoy life, to just have fun, but in Alaska I will). I know this is something I will always remember.

Personally, I think we all know deep down inside when we need a change, and when we are 100% sure we need it, we will know. I say if you feel this is the right move for you, DO IT! Have fun in life. Don't let anything hold you back. Visa and Solo will always be at your side so know you will never be alone.

Good luck wherever life takes you,
Ashley

[wolfsoul]

Well, I talked to my boss, and she told me she would fire the person. So now I'm not sure what to think. I think I am going to stay, but just plan to move to the Lower Mainland one day. My aunt was very excited that I was moving down there, I feel bad. But she did tell me that she had considered buying a place up here for my other aunt to live in and I would live in the basement suite. So maybe I will ask her about that. Would make living here alot easier. Except the houses here cost twice as much as they do there, and I don't know if she knows that lol.

I am unbelievably stressed out. I told my boss I needed to talkto her really bad, and apparently it scared the crap out of her. She had to run over here or she would never have been able to sleep. I feel bad. I'm going to be a major suck-up these next few days I think. Just my nature.

So many changes lately. I haven't had this much anxiety in a long time.

[borzoimom]

Thanks Lizbud. :)

I already have three people interested in hiring me, I'm quite excited. One is in Nanaimo, on the island, so I will probably have to decline. I know very few people on the island. But it may be a live-in job so I will still consider, if it is. She shows quite extensively and wants someone to look after her kennel while she is away (which is often -- she just got back from Italy in fact). So she said she would give me a call tonight. She also called her friend in Aldergrove (lower mainland) who owns a kennel, and she is going to call me too, and she called her friend who owns a grooming school or something and is looking for a groomer. I don't know all the details yet. All of this was my uncle talking to his friend today who talked her her friend and so on. Nice people! They are all calling me tonight or tomorrow. :)
OHHHHHHHHH SQUEELS!!! Take it! Sounds like a BLAST! :D

[cyber-sibes]

Well, I talked to my boss, and she told me she would fire the person. So now I'm not sure what to think. I think I am going to stay, but just plan to move to the Lower Mainland one day. Good for you for talking to her about all this. Maybe there will be some resolutin now. And in spite of all the stress, you've begun to look at options for the future :) ! Best wishes, whatever your decision.

[mike001]

Really happy that things seem to be taking a turn for the better. Sounds like your boss is really serious about keeping you on, a valuable employee is hard to replace. Good luck whatever you decide.

[wolfsoul]

Well, looks like my boss changed her mind. She gave them a "warning." Like the millions of other warnings this person has recieved. That's it, I'm done. I told her to call me again tonight and I'm going to tell her it's over. Just not worth it.

[Catty1]

So now you are free to go, and bug Slick! lol

[mike001]

That's a real bummer. Good luck to you whatever your decision.

[wolfsoul]

Thanks guys. Today was pretty bad. I called her lastnight and told her I needed to talk to her but I just couldn't, so I texted her a long heartfelt message. I recieved no response, and she completely disregarded the topic all day today. My coworkers said she talked to them about it, but she chose not to talk about it to me. Felt pretty damn special. Now I don't have a boss or a friend. I think that was my biggest sadness going into this..was that I could lose her as a friend. Well she chose that path herself I guess. In time I think things will mend but it will never be the same. Sad for her more than me I guess....She could have avoided this a long time ago. I feel like I'm missing a big piece of my heart. I've been wanting to cry and cry but I haven't been able to. I feel like I'm in a dream and I need to wake up. I guess I'm in shock a little bit. I'm sad.

[Catty1]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

When God closes one door, He opens another...but it's hell in the hallway! :)

Scary and sad...I have been there. And yeah, it is shock.

My guess - only mine - is that your boss is also truly shocked and never thought this would happen. She might learn her lesson - but it's too late for this time.

You know we're on your side here. More hugs and prayers coming your way.

[Alysser]

I'm sorry you have to leave your job and move. That stinks, but if it'll benefit you and make you more happy then I say go for it. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you in the end.