It's OVER

[Queen of Poop]

Last night I had the police remove my husband from our house. Today he collected his stuff and has left. Tomorrow the locks will be changed. My bruises will heal and Sasha and I will move on. I have to give Sasha credit, she hid during the worst of it and spent all day today cuddled up with me, being a goofy girl at times and kissing away my tears with those special doggie kisses.

Thanks for listening. I just had to get it out.

[caseysmom]

I am so sorry you had to go through that, keep safe and big {{{{hugs}}}}

[JenBKR]

((((hugs)))) You are so strong. I'm sorry you had to go through so much; I can't imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you. It's good that you have taken this step though, just keep yourself safe. PM me if you ever need to talk. More ((((hugs))))

[Queen of Poop]

Thank you for the kind words. Guess I need that right now. In case you don't recall, this is Sasha

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid207/pf792659e8e9f2e9fa940d22d3649cae8/ee92c4c9.jpg

[Karen]

Congratulations on your courage, and you will be in our prayers.

[CathyBogart]

*hugs* to you both. If you need anything, PT will be here for you!

[Flatcoatluver]

(((PT GROUP HUGS))) Dogs are so amazing when you are upset. It took so much courage to do this, I will put you in my prayers. Sasha is such a beautiful girl.

[Laura's Babies]

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Life is to short to spend a moment of it in misery. You deserve a better life and I hope you know the best revenge is to show him you can do far better WITHOUT him! :D

[DrKym]

Candle and prayers for you Gayle. I am glad you had the courage to stand up for yourself, and the conviction to follow through.

The rest may not be easy but it will get better, and things will be so much more wonderful for you. I know this.

Hugs to you and belly rubs to your girl.

Kym

[shais_mom]

wow
{hugs to you}
and kudos to you for stregnth and courage during this rough time for you.

[slick]

Oh my gosh....I don't know what to say...except...

I've never been in your situation but I have experienced a brutal breakup. I'm going to PM you my email address. Use it if you ever need to talk or vent. I'm in BC and have a very cheap long distance plan. I know that I don't respond to your threads, but I need you to know that I do read them and say prayers when necessary. You are important and I'm here for you whenever you need me.

{{{big hugs}}}
slick xoxoxoxo

[Catty1]

It was time...and I am glad you are alive. So sorry you are hurt with bruises...I hope you heal soon!

I am so glad Sasha was there to be goofy, and to lick your tears.

You are just where you are supposed to be...you already know you will be fine. I hope you give yourself lots of Gayle-time.

HUGS

[Edwina's Secretary]

I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time.

I hope things get better soon....

[wombat2u2004]

You hang in there old mate. Things always get better when you unload.
Wombat

[borzoimom]

Oh honey- I will pm you- but I will tell you- I AM PROUD OF YOU! I am sorry you went through that but this is HIS PROBLEM not yours.. As someone that went through this- I can also tell you, THERE IS LIFE and a MUCH BETTER ONE after all this.. Who YOU ARE is NOT defined by what someone else does or thinks- you are in my thoughts and prayers. Accept where you are now- as the launching board for a new life. :cool:

[Miss Z]

Woah, that's some horrendous ordeal you had to go through and I'm really sorry you had to experience it. ((hugs)) on their way to you.

Well done for being strong and telling PT, remember we're always here for you no matter what. :)

[Daisy and Delilah]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is so difficult to go through. Best wishes to you.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

sending lots of BIG {hugs}.... Be strong.. I know Sasha will make the healing proccess a lot faster!

[Ginger's Mom]

I am glad to hear that you have taken the steps to get yourself out of that situation. Good for you. There will be some rough times, and some good times ahead. Pet Talkers will be here to help you through the rough times and celebrate the good ones. {{{Hugs}}} to you, and {{{hugs}}} to that special, beautiful Sasha, for helping you heal.

[critter crazy]

All I can say, is How Proud of you I am!!! You have taken a huge step in the right irection! I just pray that you have the strength to continue down this very long Road!! Good for you!! Prayers are comming your way!!

[Alysser]

I'm so sorry! (((hugs)))

I'm glad you and Sasha are healing. Prayers being sent your way. :)

[Randi]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. :( Hope you're on the way to a better life. Stay safe! :)

[Reachoutrescue]

I am so proud of you. It takes a very strong woman to finally say "ENOUGH". I know it is hard right now, but it will get better. No more being scared and now you can sleep knowing you will wake up to a better day. Good luck and I am very proud of you.

[gini]

So many women stay in an abusive relationship because they don't have a good sense of their own self worth. Congratulations to you for finally taking a stand to take care of yourself.

You are surrounded by love and support here at PT and many prayers will be coming your way.

Stay strong!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and what you did took a lot of courage. (((hugs)))

[momoffuzzyfaces]

There is just no excuse for men beating up women or the other way around for that matter. Love doesn't beat up on you.

I'm so glad you are out of that mess. Lots of prayers on the way for you and sweet Sasha!!!

[crow_noir]

So many women stay in an abusive relationship because they don't have a good sense of their own self worth. Congratulations to you for finally taking a stand to take care of yourself.

You are surrounded by love and support here at PT and many prayers will be coming your way.

Stay strong!

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Congratulations!

When my Mom left my father it was one of the happiest days of my life. Sure, i had already moved away from that Hell, but i was happy that she was finally going to have better.

I suggest not only changing the locks, but moving ASAP and paying the extra little bit to become unlisted. Some abusers go to insane levels to get even.

Good Luck

*HUGS*

*scritchies for Sasha*

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I was mostly doing ok today, but now I'm feeling...really I don't know. Just sad. Very, very sad.

[Karen]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I was mostly doing ok today, but now I'm feeling...really I don't know. Just sad. Very, very sad.

It's okay to be sad, sweetie. Change is hard, even a change for the better. Sending you big hugs, and people from my church are praying for you, too. So if you feel hugs coming from way back East, that'd be us! The physical bruises will heal way quicker than the emotional ones, you can expect some up days and some down days, but remember that we love you, and this is a good thing. Tell Sasha to give you a kiss, it's from me!

[borzoimom]

It's okay to be sad, sweetie. Change is hard, even a change for the better. Sending you big hugs, and people from my church are praying for you, too. So if you feel hugs coming from way back East, that'd be us! The physical bruises will heal way quicker than the emotional ones, you can expect some up days and some down days, but remember that we love you, and this is a good thing. Tell Sasha to give you a kiss, it's from me!
I agree with Karen- the physical bruises will heal quicker.. It took me I would say a year before raised voices did not scare me- knowing what would come next- but then one day I realized something totally in my heart- I AM SAFE- AND ALTHOUGH THINGS MAY NOT BE RIGHT- I AM SAFE- AND THINGS ARE getting better in tiny ways.. Look at the little things- not the big.. Example- our first week alone- me and my daughter, I went shopping at walmart and we bought spaculas.. ( yes - the things that turn eggs).. Well- we had a spacula party in the house.. lol.. Look at the little- it works..

[kuhio98]

Gayle ~ I beg to differ. It's not over.

The good life for you and Sasha is just BEGINNING!
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gifhttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a373/kuhio98/o5xah3.gif

[Catty1]

A loss is a loss, no matter what. This site is gentle and wise, and is worth having an amble through...there is a section called "The Tasks of Grief", which I like.

http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html

Also, there is a book available at Chapters called How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Harold Bloomfield, M.D., Melba Colgrove, Peter McWilliams (sometimes listed just under Colgrove's name)

"How to Survive the Loss of a Love is the most directly helpful book on the subject of loss ever written. Clear, simple, comforting, inspiring -- it gives the reader what he or she needs at each step in the process of recovering from a loss.

The first edition, published in 1976, sold nearly 2,000,000 copies. This new hardcover edition -- completely revised and expanded -- encompasses not only the medical and psychological advances in the treatment of loss, but also the author's own experiences.
Since the first edition they have had, among them, the death of a parent, a major stroke, two serious car accidents, a bankruptcy, a lawsuit and the valley of the shadow of divorce.

How to Survive the Loss of a Love makes a loving, caring gift -- for another or for yourself. As The Writer's Newsletter suggested, "It's the kind of book you should hand everyone who's lost a friend, a lover, a mate or a dream."


{{{hugs}}}

[Kalei]

PT is always here for you!:D Thanks for letting us all know. I'm so glad that you were able to do that and you know you did the best thing for yourself and for Sasha, I hope you are much happier now:)

[dukedogsmom]

I've been there, minus the police and abuse to me. The abuse was to Duke. The only thing different is I moved out and back to Florida. I know how hard it is. But you get to a point where you've had enough and finally find the strength. It's hard to work through because you do have mixed emotions about the decision. In the long run, though, I never regretted it. I hope you feel the same way one day.

[king2005]

I'm so proud of you! *HUGS*


Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I was mostly doing ok today, but now I'm feeling...really I don't know. Just sad. Very, very sad.

I know its hard, I wish I could say you'll feel happy really soon, but thats usually not that case. I'll take a while to really get over it. But once you can everything behind you, you'll really start to enjoy everything again!

Its almost a year for myself & I can tell you it wasn't easy. However I wasn't strong enough to leave. Luckly he had found someone else & kicked me out. I have some perm. damage from being hurt, so your very lucky you did something when you did.

HUGS

[ramanth]

Many *hugs* to you Gayle that you had the courage to do what many other woman don't.

Change can be scary but things will change for the better now.

Don't forget to cuddle those slithery ones of yours. They are a great comfort too. ;) :)

Lucy sends hisses and tongue flicks.

[My Peanuts]

It's so wonderful that you got yourself out of a bad situation before it got even worse. You are a very strong woman and you've just shown us all that you are.

[Laura's Babies]

When I got my dicorce so many years ago. I found this poem in the newspaper. I pinned it to my bedroom wall and kept a copy in my purse. Whenever I was blue, sad or felt upset, I would take it out and read it. There was days I know I read it 10 times. THIS poem is what helped me through it and taught me that I AM worthy! If it helps you half as much as it did me, you will get a lot from it....

" Comes the Dawn"
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning
and company isn’t security.
(Kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.)
After a while you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.
So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn.

[Husky_mom]

I can´t imagine what I would do in your situation, I understand feeling sad, as mentioned before, change can be saddening, more so change involving relationships..........even for better............

but I have to tell you...........my hat´s off your you Gayle!!.........you make the woman genre stand up high..........congrats for being brave and having the courage to stand up for yourself..........certainly you did good.........

if you need anything we are here for you, but that you already knew, big hugs to you and Sasha........keeping our thoughts with you.......((HUGS))

[Catty1]

I am sharing this in hopes of giving you a bit of a smile, and mean no harm:

I was divorced in 1988 after a marriage of just several years. A high school friend of mine, who was very nice but who I never thought was given to quick wit, sent me what was at that time one of them new-fangled divorce greeting cards.

The cover of the card was black; large capital red metallic letters spelled out D-I-V-O-R-C-E, hyphens and all.

Beneath that, in smaller print - but still red - was: "It's not a pretty word - but remember..."

Open the card:

"..it's worth 18 points in Scrabble."

I just HOWLED. It was so unexpected!


HUGS to you. :)

[joycenalex]

gayle...(HUGS)). from reading your posts, this marriage hasn't worked for a long time. and any man who would hit a woman isn't worth the dna. i know it hurts, but you will survive and be better for it. happiness will find you again. (hugs again)

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks again everyone. Catty I will be looking for that book as soon as I dare venture further than work and home. With all the snow and crappy driving conditions I'm just not venturing too far right now. Laura, love the poem. I'll pin it up at home and work. I am having a better day today, feeling good and confident. He came and collected more of his stuff last night and I wasn't upset by it - interesting. I'm thinking today might be a good day. Bruises are getting more technicolor, but that means they're healing. Sasha is much more relaxed with it being just her and I. We girls are doing ok today - one day at a time. But darn, I'm getting tired of shovelling the snow, the banks are now almost as tall as me!!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

You should be proud of yourself!!! Good luck with your new and improved life :D

[pitc9]

So many women stay in an abusive relationship because they don't have a good sense of their own self worth. Congratulations to you for finally taking a stand to take care of yourself.

Couldn't have said it better!

{{hugs}} to you!
And {{hugs}} to Sasha for helping you through this!

[emily_the_spoiled]

Congratulations Gayle,

It is always a difficult decision and never an easy one, but it is the right one. You and Sasha will be much happier without having to be in fear all the time.

You did good kiddo!!!

P.S. You can order that book online (and then you don't have to go out in the snow :D )

[Queen of Poop]

P.S. You can order that book online (and then you don't have to go out in the snow :D )

Yes, I could. But the book is only $9 and the shipping/handling is half of that again.

[Queen of Poop]

I've just learned that he's taken a couple of email addresses from my blackberry. Fool thought if he deleted them on my blackberry that he'd get away with it. But they're on my computer as I have it set up to delete from my computer only, not the blackberry. So I have an electronic record of his treachery.

Anyways, he now has the email for my boss and my counsellor.

What will he do with this - Lord only knows.

He's lost a measure of control be being out of the house, now he's trying to find another one. He's actually starting to scare me now.

[joycenalex]

call them right away and let them know that he might be contacting them, pretending to be you. now, this is from someone who was physically abused (once) and financially misused to the tune of 20,000. close all and any accounts that he has access to, change all the passwords to everything. get a lawyer, today. have you changed your locks yet? do your co-workers know he's been removed by the cops? you might want to let security at work know that he's out of your house and has been removed by the cops too. we have an employee assistance people at my job, and they can give you lots of advice and help. ((HUGS))

[Queen of Poop]

call them right away and let them know that he might be contacting them, pretending to be you. now, this is from someone who was physically abused (once) and financially misused to the tune of 20,000. close all and any accounts that he has access to, change all the passwords to everything. get a lawyer, today. have you changed your locks yet? do your co-workers know he's been removed by the cops? you might want to let security at work know that he's out of your house and has been removed by the cops too. we have an employee assistance people at my job, and they can give you lots of advice and help. ((HUGS))

I have let them both know. Fortunately our banking is separate. I have told people at work the situation. He cannot get onto our floors in our building without a passcard.

[Husky_mom]

good grief!......why can´t they accept it......like a "man".....

I bet this makes you even more glad you ended it........scary I know, but glad you are no longer involved........

you did right, let everyone be aware of the situation so he can´t proclaim be you and do stuff on your behalf.........take care honey......we are still here

[Catty1]

Let the police know too!

http://www.fp.ucalgary.ca/sexualharassment/Stalking.htm

This is at the U of C, Gayle. I know you have a counsellor, but this might be something worth discussing with her.

Write down every little thing he does. IT may be enough to add up to jail time, and mandatory counselling for HIM.

And your workplace, counsellor and boss all have record of this now.

Is there someone else you can stay with for a while? A friend that can all you at pre-arranged times? (Invent a code word so that she knows to disconnect and call 911 if necessary.) Or can the police have extra car surveillance with a drive-by?

The last thing I want to do is panic you...you have good people there and here - all working for your safety!

[lvpets2002]

:( I am so sorry to hear this.. But you do not have to take this from anyone.. You hang in there & it will work out.. (((((( BIG HUGGSS ))))))

[joycenalex]

hey gayle!!! i've been thinking of you. how are things? (hugs)

[Daisy and Delilah]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[borzoimom]

YOU just remember- none of this is YOUR fault. He is making the decissions he is, and it only proves more so illegal actions. Telling your boss of this- remember - there is such a thing a martial stalking.
As far as a pass card- unless he works there- the company has every right to ban him from the building. ie- stop him from entering even the parking lot. I am not sure where you work, so I am assuming its not a store.
If you need to talk- I have been there- and more than willing to help.. But I will say this- GET A DIVORCE LAWYER... !

[Queen of Poop]

Sorry, everyone. I've been licking my wounds and trying to mend my broken heart. I seem to be having alot of sad days and don't want to come here and whine/sniffle. I'm doing ok. Just real sad.

[Catty1]

Sweetie....you come here and whine and sniffle ALL you want...OMG! You have been to Hell and back, you DESERVE a good cry!

Lots of shoulders here - post over to General here!

HUGS!

[dukedogsmom]

Don't ever be sorry to come here. I wish I had a place like this when I went through my bad marriages. We can help you be strong. I think it's great that you're getting away from him. Have you thought about an injunction for protection or would that just make matters worse? It does sound like he's got a bit of a mean streak in him. Just be careful and know we're here for you.

[borzoimom]

Sweetie....you come here and whine and sniffle ALL you want...OMG! You have been to Hell and back, you DESERVE a good cry!

Lots of shoulders here - post over to General here!

HUGS!
I AGREE! YOU ARE ENTITLED TO FEEL AS YOU DO- and then there is tomorrow.. Please trust me- there is a life you have NEVER IMAGINED in your life- and its just around the corner.. I just with I could help.. I have been there- I know.. I thought my life was over- and NOOOOOOOOOOOOO it was JUST STARTING!

[luvofallhorses]

I am sorry, I just saw this. stay safe. nobody should have to endure this. you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
((((HUGS))))) btw Sasha is beautifu and hugs to her as well for helping you through this.

[sandragonfly]

oh my golly.. I never knew this. :mad: :( nobody, especially my friend should go through this!! I'm so sorry to hear this, I hate what you're feeling now.

please know I will always think of you, (have anyway) and here for you if you want/need me. 2, 3 or 4 in morning is fine too! seriously. looks like we can start off a new life together this year, go us girls!! ;)

just one advice, document everything, date and time of incidents, keep mysterious messages/notes - it'll save you!! ((((hugs)))) hang in there, kudos to you, be careful and love you.

[borzoimom]

"Musical: My Fair Lady
Song: Without You

Eliza (singing):
What a fool I was, what dominated fool,
to think that you were the earth and the sky,
What a fool I was, What an elevated fool,
What a mutton-headed dote was I!
No, my reverberated friend,
you are not the beginning and the end.

Professor Higgins (speaking):
You impetant hussy there's not an idea in your head or a word in your mouth that I haven't put there.

Eliza (singing):
There'll be spring every year without you. England still will be here without you.
There'll be fruit on the tree.
And a shore by the sea.
There'll be crumpets and tea without you.

Art and music will thrive without you. Somehow Keats will survive without you.
And there still will be rain on that plain down in Spain,
even that will remain without you.
I can do without you.

You, dear friend, who taught so well,
You can go to Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire.

They can still rule with land without you.
Windsor Castle will stand without you.
And without much ado we can all muddle through without you.

Professor Higgins:
You brazen hussy,

Eliza (singing):
Wihtout pulling it the tide comes in,
without your twirling it the Earth can spin,
Without your pulling it, the tide comes in
Without your twirling it, the earth can spin
Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by,
If they can do without you, ducky, so can I
I shall not feel alone without you
I can stand on my own without you
So go back in your shell
I can do bloody well
Without. you..

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Sorry, everyone. I've been licking my wounds and trying to mend my broken heart. I seem to be having alot of sad days and don't want to come here and whine/sniffle. I'm doing ok. Just real sad.

We are all here for each other during the good times and the bad. You whine/sniffle (or grieve as it is technically termed) as much as you want - that's what we are here for

[gini]

I sure don't think anyone here would think you were whining and sniffling.

You have been through a lot and it is normal that you would feel sad and depressed. Your life has been turned upside down. This is a caring forum and we are here to give you support.

Take good care of YOU!

[carole]

Sweetie even though your relationship has been an abusive one, I am sure there were some good times too, and it is only natural for you to be grieving, because no matter how good or bad it is, it is still a loss , the loss of a relationship as you knew it.

It is normal for you to feel sad and at a loss, and we are all here for you to help in anyway we can, just know that, you will get through this, and you will be a much happier person,just believe in yourself and know there is something much better our there for you and in time you will discover that, you are a wonderful lady with a heart of gold.

[sumbirdy]

((((hugs)))) I am so sorry...

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks everyone. Things just keep getting more interesting. I am sure he is losing his mind. 2 days ago he wanted to divide up our property and then work on our marriage. Now he accuses me of cheating on him. I never have and that is the Gods honest truth, I swear on all of my furbabies. He so needs to go far, far away from me.

Catty, I did get the book and have read it and might read it again, thank you, it's great. Yes, he is a classic abuser. I'd just like to take Sasha and go away. We need a break from this nightmare.

I am so glad to be able to come here and be among friends. Thank you all so much.

Anyone who's in a questionable relationship, run for the hills before you get sucked in too far. Please don't let yourself get into my position, it is the most awful place to be. Be careful girls, learn from my huge mistake.

[Karen]

Glad to hear from you, and glad you and Sasha are okay. Still sending hugs!

[Lilith Cherry]

We are still thinking of you and sending loving thoughts.... stay safe and as far away from him as possible!

[Catty1]

Oh, Gayle...is anyone keeping an eye on this guy? Do you think he is dangerous? Have you changed the locks?

He's the crazy one and YOU'VE been seeing the counsellor for years?

I think he better get one too.

Remember - we have that new law in Alberta about enforcing treatment...I don't know if he is in that category though.

I'm scared for you...but you seem ok in that house with Sasha.

I hope he DOES go far, far away from you SOON! Can you and Sasha get away somewhere?

[cyber-sibes]

Just now reading this thread. I commend you for your courage, it is never worth staying with someone who abuses you. Sending you prayers & ((hugs)), and pm.