Advice on "helping" a person with an Eating Disorder??

[shais_mom]

This is new ground for me. Most of you that really know me know that I am not speechless or at a loss for words much of the time but with this I am at a total loss.
I did a research paper on Anorexia back when I was in H.S but now I have a close friend age 20 that is spiraling out of control. And no one knows how to help her. I don't think tough love is the answer.
She has been seeing a counselor and a doctor. But I'm not sure what else.
I have watched this beautiful young woman become a shell of herself - literally.
I know its a disease.
I know its a mental control issue.
I have done the research - but when it comes down to it
I don't have a clue what to do.
It all started about a year ago when the guy she was head over heels for dumped her - she started working out and eating healthier. Now an 80 pound weight loss has left her in the double digit weight category. She has since broken up with first guy and is now dating a different guy who treats her much better - only thing is I think he may like to dabble in recreational drugs and I think she might be with him.
I don't want her to lose her job over this but more importantly I don't want her to lose her life.
Has anyone ever dealt with this before?
Thanks....

[IttyBittyKitty]

You're right, "Tough Love" isn't the best answer for ED's ... it's like telling a schizophrenic "okay, you can stop hearing voices now ..." The best thing you can do is show her as much love as you can, tell her how beautiful she is inside and out, and how much you cherish her as a friend. Gently encourage her to seek help through the right channels, and just be there for her. Give her lots and lots of cuddles! Also, how are her family handling this? Perhaps if you feel that they are not aware of the situation, maybe you should have a quiet chat (as her family are probably in the best position to coerce her to continue seeking help)

The more love and caring she has in her life, the better chance she will have of beating this terrible disease.

Good luck!

Tam :)

[RedHedd]

Eating disorders are tough. It sounds like an intervention is in order. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is check a friend into a treatment center for eating disorders. It helped a bit, but it's a tough "addiction" to break. Today, years later, my friend still battles with it.

[Logan]

Staci, I'm in a big rush right now, but saw this and wanted to at least direct you to these two websites, where you might find some valuable information. The first is NEDA (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=337) which is an organization developed specifically for people with eating disorders. The other is one that was created by a friend of mine, Karin Collins, who now lives in California, but suffered for many years with Bulemia. Her website is www.spoonfedart.com . She has an interesting story.

Logan

[Catty1]

It's like helping an alcoholic...to care about but not take care "of" is hard.

But if you go to some of the links here, and get some insight, that will help you know what and what not to do.

It is hopeful that she has sought help already. Doing an intervention (done with a professional in charge) might help her give it the extra effort and attention that she has to give it.

If she has any spiritual leanings, she might have to decide who's the team leader between her and her creator. This is why a lot of 12 step programs focus on spiritual or "inner" change. As a group, we are control freaks - and the addiction/obsessive behaviour is us 'playing God', to our own detriment. We aren't good at it!

Using our willpower in line with a Higher Power is the solution.

I don't want to push or proselytize - but if you know her well, this might be a key. It's worked for millions.


HUGS and good luck!

[lizbud]

That's a sad disorder to have. I'n not sure there is anything else you
can do for her besides supporting her with encouragement to continue
seeing her counselor & doctor.Prayers help too.

[cyber-sibes]

I have a very good friend who has eating disorders like this. she was greatly helped by therapy and working a good 12-step program. She goes to "open meetings" of AA, where everyone is welcome. She adapts the word "alcoholic" to her own situation, but the principles are just as effective in helping her. She's been in recovery now for over 12 years. There are also support groups & literature specifically for eating disorders. Perhaps you could in touch with someone in such a group to find out more. She is lucky to have a caring friend like you, Staci!

[wolflady]

This is defintely a tough one to handle, especially if the person is in denial that they have an ED or simply don't want help. My parents and I swear that one of my older sisters had an ED, but everytime we tried to address it, she would get angry, defensive and ignore us. There really wasn't anything we could do, and there's not a whole lot you can do if the person doesn't want help. I think the first thing that needs to happen is the person with the ED needs to realize it and accept the fact they need help.

My sister is a psychologist, and I created a website for her here:
http://www.risscounseling.com/index.htm

She specializes in eating disorders (which oddly enough..she is the one that we suspected had one!), so if you want me to ask her anything just let me know. She has some links in the links section that may be useful.

**hugs**

[slleipnir]

I had someone really close to me almost die from it. She still struggles with it today, but she is doing better. She had to get a lot of therapy. It's really hard to deal with and know what to do...it's really hard to see someone you love waste away to nothing.