What is wrong with me?

[kittycats_delight]

I don't even know where to start. I have been completely off lately. For probably 3 or 4 months now and it is just getting worse. I am not happy most of the time and it takes nothing for me to want to cry. I have always been a happy person and always the one to over comforting words and a shoulder but I just cannot do it now and it kills me because I want to but I just don't have the 'energy' to do so.

I mean I missed everyone so much from here and now that I am back I barely post threads or even reply unless it is for silly games and things that don't need me to put much of myself into them. I just don't know what to do with me. I feel like everything is a chore even the things that brought me so much pleasure and joy before. I don't know but could I be depressed? I have never had any kind of problem like this before. No type of emotional or psychological issues. I feel completely alone even when there are people around. I don't want to read anymore. I don't want to play games. I don't want to do graphics. I don't want to chat. Hell, I don't even want to shop. Everything just seems a huge challenge. I just don't know.

I am so confussed as I have never felt like this and there is nothing that has really changed in my life recently. I don't know. I just really don't know. Sorry guys I just guess I needed to get this off my chest. I don't want to tell my husband this as he will lose it. He worries too much about me as it is but I know I will have to sooner or later. Thanks for letting me blab on. I appreciate it.

Michelle

[borzoimom]

Honey- it sounds like a mild case of depression- common after the holidays. May I suggest getting some B complex. Take it at night as this is a water soluable vitamin and will pass in your urine- so night time is best.. YOu can get it at walmart, cvs etc..
I love your posts honey- please just hand in there.. I went through a month of depression too, and my words- I am serious it worked for me!

[critter crazy]

I have felt tis way before, and still do sometimes. I am unsure how to change it tho, as it still comes and goes with me. One day i am deeply depressed, and the next day i am my old self. My problem now, is the constant onset of Headaches. I dont want to do anything, I want to sleep all day, and am mostly miserable. I feel for you hun, as I am in the same boat most days. :(

[borzoimom]

critter crazy- same advice for you.. See we use to eat more green veggies and we dont...

[Vela]

It sounds like depression and it can be very debilitating. If you decide to try the Vitamin B and that doesn't help then you should see your doctor. They can prescribe things to help. Often things like depression are really an imbalance in the body's chemicals and with correction it can help. If there have been no major life changes recently to cause you to feel this way it could very well be hormonally induced or chemically induced by an imbalance in your body. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

[Kalei]

Welcome to the wonderful world of depression...not! I am actually a person that gets depressed alot. There in 2005 I was depressed for a whole entire year, I literally would do nothing but sit on my bed stare at the wall with just candles on and my gothic like music playing. It is so empty feeling and like you just wanna die. Luckily I came out of that, now I only get depressed off and on and try to control it.

I had been taking birth control pills to and my mother told me to go off of them cause she thought they were making me depressed and ever since I went off of them I am not getting depressed as often as I was. Sometimes I wonder if I need depression pills because of how I can get depressed on and off daily. Anyways take the others advice, they sound like they definately know what they are talking about!:D I think I will try their advice too.:) I'm sorry you feel so down and I hope you can pull through it soon enough.

[Prairie Purrs]

As others have mentioned, what you're describing sounds like textbook clinical depression. Please see a doctor right away! Depression is an illness, not a character flaw. And it's a serious illness, not something you should ignore or try to deal with on your own.

[wolflady]

{{Michelle}} I had no idea you've been feeling this way :( What's scary, is everything you wrote could have come from my own writing. I too have felt this way for a very long time, and I have to think it is part of the reason for my husband's and my seperation. :(
I too was always a very smiley and happy person, full of love and life, and now...it's just a facade. I put on the face, but it's not how I feel inside. It certainly sounds like depression, hon. Like Vela mentioned in her post, it can be very debilitating. Things you once loved to do, you lose interest in. Oftentimes you feel like curling up and being left alone for a long long time.

Another thing that can cause this is thyroid. Before I was put on anti-depressants, they checked my thyroid first, to see if that was the cause of my depressive state. It's definitely worth it to go see your doctor, so you can be on the road back to yourself.

**hugs**

[kittycats_delight]

Thanks you guys all of you. It means so much. You have no idea how much. I am actually fighting back tears just from reading your posts. I had never thought of me as a person to become depressed so I guess that is why I am have a hard time accepting it. I have kinda known for awhile though that is most likely what I am dealing with. I have lived with a few people over the years that have had depression. I actually took my brothers ex-girlfriend to the doctor for this a few years ago just before she came to live with us. I have also been living with my husband about 4 years and he has severe depression. He is doing well though and has not taken a pill for the entire time we have been living together. He has had maybe 4 or 5 episodes in these last 4 years and I am now also living with my brother in law who has severe depression and is on meds and goes to a psychologist once a week.

If I didn't know better I would say it was contagious but this I know is impossible. I think it would make it easier for me to deal with if I could actually think that way though. Cause right now I just can't explain things and that is worse than anything.

Michelle I will pick up some vitamin B complex on Monday when the pharmacy opens as there is no where else here to get it. Remember I am in Italy and there are no walmarts here unfortunately.

Karen thanks so much for the suggestion about the thyroid. My mom was just recently diagnosed with Grave's Disease so I will definately have the doctor check my thyroid. Maybe it is that as I can't seem to lose any weight and I am barely eating.

Thank you all again. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you all. You are great people and you mean the world to me.


Michelle

[jenluckenbach]

Been in your shoes. And in my case it was BOTH tyroid and moderate depression. But medications have helped both problems and I feel much better now.

So, at least TALK to your doctor. And many {{{{{HUGS}}}}} are here whenever you need them.

[lizbud]

It sounds like depression and it can be very debilitating. If you decide to try the Vitamin B and that doesn't help then you should see your doctor. They can prescribe things to help. Often things like depression are really an imbalance in the body's chemicals and with correction it can help. If there have been no major life changes recently to cause you to feel this way it could very well be hormonally induced or chemically induced by an imbalance in your body. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.


I agree. This can be caused by a chemical imbalance in your body & it's
a condition over which you have no control. A Doctor could find out just what's going on. Good luck.

[Kfamr]

You've gotten some great advice. I am sorry I don't have much to add to that advice. However, I wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you. I have been in and out of depression for quite some time but have never done anything about it - my dogs have helped me a lot. Don't know what I'd do without them.


Anyhow, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Kay

[luvofallhorses]

Have you thought about going to a counselor, Michelle? I am on meds for depression. I suffer from chronic depression. My animals and volunteering at the shelter helps me a lot, though. (((HUGS))) you know how to reach me if you ever need to talk. please take care. we are here for you and love you.

[dukedogsmom]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same way except I've had lots of things happen lately. I've been in bad depression since Duke died and some other things happened at about the same time. Please contact me if you need to talk.I'm sorry you're feeling down.

[kittycats_delight]

Thanks again you guys. I will follow the advice. I will go on monday to get the vitamin b and ask my doctor about getting my thyroid checked. If there is nothing wrong with my thyroid then we will move on to something else.

Krista a counsellor is kinda hard for me here as I don't speak enough Italian and it is rather hard to find one that speaks english well enough. I think I am gonna have to go the medicinal route on this one. I will be in touch Krista. When I have a decent day I will chat with you.

Right now I am heading to bed as it is almost 3:00 am here. So I will check in again tomorrow with everyone.

Thanks guys. You are the best. I really do appreciate all the support and well wishes. (((((((((((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))))))))))))

Michelle

[kimlovescats]

You definitely have described depression! I have Major Depressive Illness and also Bi-Polar II Disorder. Medication can be a lifesaver! Get to a doctor, get your thyroid checked, and get on some medicine! ALSO, stay in touch with all of your friends here on PT!

HUGS,
Kim

[JenBKR]

Oh Michelle ((((hugs)))) I had no idea you felt that way. I have been there too, like many others here, and it's a miserable feeling. I would also recommend talking to your doctor about this, and probably get on an antidepressant. It could even be that the move to Italy triggered your depression, or maybe you feel that you don't know enough of the language to communicate to people on a daily basis, so you feel isolated. Not that I'm saying that moving to Italy was bad for you, just different, and sometimes that's all it takes. I have been battling depression since I was about 17, and it has always been ups and downs for me. I now know that I will always be on an anti depressant of some sort, and I'm ok with that fact. I don't like the person I am when I'm off the medication. ((((hugs)))) if you ever need to talk just PM me!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Sweetheart you are depressed - could be a chemical imbalance or something that can't be explained.

Don't struggle on without medical intervention - you'd have a broken limb fixed straight away!!!

Good luck from someone else who knows..........

[Marigold2]

I am so sorry to hear that you have been depressed. I really knew nothing about this disease until a family member was treated for it. It was very very difficult for everyone in our family. I have never been depressed so at first it was hard for me to relate, but I learned. It is a chemical inbalance that is easily treated with the right meds and the right Dr. The trick is to get treatment in the beginning and not wait till it gets so bad that it takes over your life. When this family member started on meds the difference was like night and day. This is not something that you can treat yourself. If you had cancer or kidney failure all the love and good advice you get can only go so far. What you need is the right medicine and the right Dr. I wish you all the best of luck. Know that it will get better, you will once again be happy and your life will be good. Oh and yes, birth control pills can make depression worst. But usually only for the first couple of weeks although everyone is different.

[Anita Cholaine]

Michelle, I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I can't really help much, but you've gotten great advice on this thread.
((((HUGS)))) Please now there's someone in Argentina thinking about you now (and actually all PT is here for you ;))

Natali

[cassiesmom]

You've gotten some great advice. I am sorry I don't have much to add to that advice. However, I wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you. I have been in and out of depression for quite some time but have never done anything about it - my dogs have helped me a lot. Don't know what I'd do without them.


Anyhow, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Kay

Same here - thinking and praying!
My cat has helped me enormously - not sure what I would have done without her.
How is the weather in Italy this time of year, can you get outdoors and get some sunshine? I have had an ongoing depression and it definitely gets worse with shorter daylight hours. It's a bright, sunny day in Chicago today even though freezing cold. On days like this I try to go out in the natural light for a bit and it does seem to help.

(((hug))), elyse

[wolflady]

I'm so glad that you're going to look into this. That is the first big step to feeling better. Also, what you said about being contageous isn't entirely false. Living with/being around other people with depression or bi-polar conditions can affect you and your mood.
I have a very dear friend who has pretty severe depression, and while she was living with one girl ,who was also very depressed, and another who was bi-polar, it really had a negative affect on her already depressive condition. The environment was horrible, and none of them even knew about it. Once my friend moved out...she felt so much happier. Wierd, huh?

Another thing you can do to help elevate your mood is St. John's Wort. I have actually been off my medication for some time now (I really need to go back on since I've been really down since the seperation), but I've been taking the St. John's Wort, which actually has been helping.

If you ever need anything, I'm just a PM away. :)

**hugs**

[kittycats_delight]

wow...you guys are so sweet and caring and compassionate. I thank you all so much. I will be going to the doctor on Monday to see what we can find out. I will be asking for a thyroid test and also trying the vitamin b. I will also ask what she thinks about anti depressants for me. I think she will most likely want to wait for the thyroid results before prescribing anti-depressants though. But we will see.

You know I have been thinking about it and I think being in this house with my severely depressive brother in law and eternal complaining father in law has a bit to do with things. Also maybe the fact that we are solely relying on Guido's income doesn't help either. My father in law in a compulsive spender and he brings home a huge sum of money but cannot make it to the end of the month and is always complaining and driving everyone else nuts about money. He brings home about 2500 euro a month and only pays the rent which is less than 500.

My brother in law is disgusting. He doesn't wash himself and is sat in front of the playstation almost continually while he is in the house. He does nothing and pays for nothing. If he isn't in front of the tv or playstation he is working. I really dislike him and he even drives my husband nuts too. He stinks and he is a know it all but really he is a know nothing at all. You cannot tell him anything. He is just so disrespectful. If you are sleeping it doesn't matter to him he will make the most noise possible the same as the father in law. At 5 in the morning they actually stand outside our closed bedroom door and have a roaring conversation. But if he is sleeping the entire world must stop. We are not even suppose to flush the toilet in case it wakes him. You know my answer to that. 'f u buddy' He is the center of the universe and everyone is suppose to bend to his wishes and needs.

Can you tell he makes me angry. Sorry I guess I just need to get it out.

The other thing is Guido being our only bread winner. Guido makes decent money but we pay for everything. If we want to eat we have to buy ALL the groceries even though there are 4 adults here not just Guido and me. We pay all the bills except the rent. Daddy pays the rent and brother pays nothing. And besides that we have our car payment and insurance. I know these are every day things but when I see brother in law and father in law spending freely and us putting all the money into the house it is very frustrating. And as long as we are doing this and I am not emplyed we will not be able to get out of this place. I guess I feel trapped in this house with these rude, arrogant, disrespectful A-holes.

Wow...it feels good getting all this out. I need to get a job but the language is a problem. I cannot work inside the american base as I am not an italian citizen. I think I am just going to have to hit the job agencies and find some crappy job to get us enough money to get our own place. *SIGH*


Ok vent finished. I apologize for blasting away but I think I really needed to get some of this stuff off my chest. Thanks you guys.


Oh yeah cassiesmom the weather is fine here warm most days and usually sunny. I think I will take the advise of you and a few others and get my butt out for a walk to get away from the house a little.

Thanks again everyone

((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Michelle

[Felicia's Mom]

I hope you feel better soon. I have no more advice for you. I've been pretty depressed lately myself.

[Vela]

Well goodness just from hearing that I have no wonder why you feel depressed! You don't have to feel bad about getting it out, you have to get it out somewhere and here you can do it without fear or repercussions at home hehe. You will feel better too once you get some sort of a job and can see a light at the end of the tunnel, as far as getting out of that house. That would be upsetting for anyone, I don't think I could deal well with it either!

[krazyaboutkatz]

Michelle, I had no idea that you have been feeling this way.:( If I were in your shoes, I think that I'd be feeling depressed and unhappy too. I hope that things will start getting better for you. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Oh dear Michelle, I had no idea either you were feeling so badly.... :(
I've been through a severe depression like yours 8 years ago. I am glad you agreed to see a doctor, because it is very hard or almost impossible to get better without medication. I was on Prozac for almost a year; it was tough, but it worked!! Don't worry if the meds don't seem to work and even if it gets a bit worse; it is normal, the meds only start helping after 2 or 3 weeks. Don't give up, we are all here to pull you through, sweety!!

Tons of gentle hugs !!!! http://users.pandora.be/bernardgabriels/images/smilies%20986%20grouphug.gif

[cassiesmom]

what you said about being contageous isn't entirely false. Living with/being around other people with depression or bi-polar conditions can affect you and your mood.

**hugs**

hear, hear ... I know I am hard to be around when my depression is really bad so I try not to be a burden to my family and friends at those times... hope you are having a good day today!

[Daisy and Delilah]

I'm sorry to hear about this Michelle. After reading what you're currently living with, no wonder you're depressed!!! It sounds like you're a prisoner in your own home and you're forced to tolerate people that are toxic to your life. You are probably having feelings of hopelessness due to the fact that you are enduring such garbage. Nobody wants to live like that. It sounds like a case of full blown anger, disgust, and an overwhelming feeling of the need for revenge(all normal reactions in this situation).

My heart breaks for you. I hope you can get some help soon and find a way to be rid of these people that are controlling your life. You certainly don't deserve it. I'm glad you got it off your chest. That's the first big step to a possible solution!! Good luck in getting this resolved asap. Please keep us updated.

[Catty1]

Maybe your doc can give you meds to slip into your in-laws' drinks? ;)

Be sure to tell your doctor about the situation you live with...docs sometimes have resources we don't know about. Tell her about the bills and job situation.

HUGS!