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RedHedd
12-23-2006, 11:49 PM
GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas when the Three Wise Men: Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb went to see the baby Jesus; and according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact.

There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.

And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics 1. They were wise. 2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion; this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift.

"No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men.

That is why today I am presenting GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.



Merry Xmas

DJFyrewolf36
12-24-2006, 12:05 AM
Im a girl and gift wrapping is a royal pain for me. You can always tell what gifts I wrap! :D

It comes from the heart tho, and thats what matters I think. People should focus on the gift not on the wrapping paper.

Cinder & Smoke
12-24-2006, 12:13 AM
... the Three Wise Men: Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb ? ...

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper!
Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.
This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient

and HERB ??

OMG! ... I almost wet my pants. ... Still laffin! :D

As for the Male of the species and Gift Wrappin ...
My Dad was a Bag-It kinda guy. And that was before they made "decorative" bags!
Dad would lay out a sheet of wrapping paper,
place the gift in the center,
gather & lift up the 4 corners,
then *choke* the paper together midway between the gift and the 4 corners.
A wrap of Scotch Tape around the *choke* point to hold 'er tight;
then apply The Ribbon over the *choke* point!

And WALLAH! ~ It's "wrapped"!

:D

catnapper
12-24-2006, 07:21 AM
Thanks for the morning laugh!

My family REFUSES to wrap anything in my presence because I make sure they aren't wasting paper or tape and the creases are proper. :p

Pam
12-24-2006, 07:52 AM
Cute story! I am a wrapper and not a fancy gift bag person unless it just won't fit in a box or didn't come with a box and I don't have one. (I do save boxes from previous years though ;) ).

Hubby, who has almost nothing to wrap, goes to extremes at times. I have seen him actually try to match the pattern on the paper. Since the amount of gifts he is responsible for wrapping are usually less than can be counted on one hand that is the reason. I have way too many to wrap to be crazy like that, but I am like Catnapper in that I am a stickler about nice creases and folds. :p

Karen
12-24-2006, 07:52 AM
I was always the "wrapper" for my brothers and Dad particularly - and more than once I'd commence wrapping a pile of gifts, and a couple minutes later, the brother would yell "Wait, close your eyes!" dash in, and grab my gift out of the pile. You could tell which gifts were for me - those were the ones with the - shall we say less than neat - wrapping job.

Miss Z
12-24-2006, 08:50 AM
LOL! I love the conversation at the end! :D

I do love wrapping presents though, I wrap all the presents for my dad because he truly is awful at it ;)

lizbud
12-24-2006, 09:48 AM
Hee Hee :D Who wrote that article? Sounds like a Dave Berry story. :D

RedHedd
12-24-2006, 09:54 AM
I don't know who wrote it, but I received it in my e-mail right after I had finished wrapping all my gifts and laughed out loud too. Phred, you don't remember Herb? :D

chocolatepuppy
12-24-2006, 11:07 AM
That's cute. thanks! :D

Dorothy39
12-24-2006, 02:57 PM
Great story Redhedd~

I thought the Three Wisemen were named, Ike and Mike and Bill~ :eek: :D

My Mother taught me how to wrap a gift. As a teen, she worked at a Men's Clothing Store and everyone there just loved her personality, as well as how she could gift wrap~

My husband, and my Son, can't seem to get the Hang of it~ :rolleyes:

cmayer31
12-24-2006, 03:37 PM
I just finished wrapping all of the gifts that I bought. For the first year ever, I'm actually giving gifts in wrapping paper and not in bags. While it may not be pretty, I didn't waste a whole lot of paper. I did go through a few rolls of tape, so those four gifts that I bought will be a joy to open. :D

krazyaboutkatz
12-24-2006, 03:53 PM
LOL Great thread.:)

I've always enjoyed wrapping gifts even though I'm not the best at it.:) When we were little my dad would just use brown paper bags and then put our names on them. My mom was the one who did all of the wrapping and she's very good at it.:)

cyber-sibes
12-24-2006, 09:35 PM
ROTFLOL!!! Oh my, let e wipe the tears from my eyes - whew! That was funny! I love wrapping gifts! I have a paper fetish and keep bits of interesting stuff forever. We wrap customer's clothes at work, and I'll tell you, mine are as close to perfect as can be. I watch some of the other girls wrap and it drives me up a wall ---- "Here, let ME do that"!
Here is the conversation I had with my husband in the car tonight:

Me "I still have to wrap some gifts tonight"
Him "Can't we just put them in one of those big bags?"
Me "NO, I'll wrap them"
Him "Just stick it in one of those bags."

I rest my case. :D i have to go wrap now.
Merry Christmas!

Ginger's Mom
12-25-2006, 06:33 AM
Very funny thread. :) I am really amused at the people who have said just use a plain brown bag. Hehehe. I never thought of that. Just wait until next year. :D