Umm this is weird..*MAJOR problem*

[animal_rescue]

My friend is having problems and I don't know how to help her! See she has older friends and one is like her best friend ever(the woman is truly a good person and very sweet!) But ever since she befriended this woman's hubby she is feeling uncomfortable around him. Mostly because when they talk he gets a bit personal. She doesn't know if he's joking or not because her friends and her often joke about dirty/stupid things(I mean nothing bad really, just stuff to laugh at that's all). He's not really a perv at ALL but some things he said made her feel uncomfortable. Like sometimes he tells her he loves her, which she assumed he means in a friend way(because her and her friends always say love you, ect.. before they stop talking). Or when they joke about her having a "guy" mind he said "if only you were a bit older. LOL" OR after she was chatting online back and forth between her hubby(in one room) and her friend(in another room) he told her not to tell his wife they were talking but then he left. So now she feels guilty and has this awful feeling in her stomach and doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to hurt/embarrass anyone but doesn't want to accidently lead the guy on because she loves her best friend a lot. She's not sure if this guy is making a poor attempt to fit in the group or is just being weird. So what do you guys think?

[Catty1]

I'd say she should cut ALL contact with him. I think her best friend should know...how to do it, I am not sure. Maybe talk about it in the same room with the two of them.

Maybe she could talk to her friend first...and then they decide to gently confront him, with your friend saying she will not talk to him any more.

He may get all flustered and say he was just joking...but at least the boundaries will be drawn when he sees that no one is laughing at his "joke".

You'll get other views on this...hopefully your friend and her best friend know each other well enough that your friend would not be blamed.

Good luck!

[Catlady711]

If it were me...

I'd either just totally ignore his inappropriate comments and see how that worked, or speak up directly to him that his comments made me feel uncomfortable and wait to see what kind of response he has. If he responded in an inappropriate manner to my request, or continued to make comments, then I'd speak to my friend in a non-confrontational way and see what happens. If neither approach works, I'd make sure the hubby was not around when I wanted to spend time with my friend. If the wife responded inappropriately also then I'd reconsider whether it was a good idea to be friends with her.

But that's just how I would handle it, your friend may not want to go that route for herself.

Good luck to your friend.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

It sounds to me like this man is acting very inappropriately. I would suggest she keep away from him.

Maybe she could tell him he makes her uncomfortable with his comments, and if he continues to make them she will tell his wife. Hopefully she can continue to remain friends but stay away from the husband...if he continues his behavior even after confrontation I think she should tell her friend. What a tough situation. :(

[Soapets]

I had kind of a similar situation when I was a teenager. The husband sent me letters and gift sometimes after I went to college, and I made sure to write thank you notes addressed to BOTH of them, listing HER name FIRST, and he got the message real quickly and stopped doing it.

Maybe your friend could sometime, in the presence of the wife, say something to the husband like "You know my friends and I all say 'love you' before we hang up, in a friendship sort of way. I guess it's OK if you say it, too, if you want to." If she approaches things like that, always with the wife present, he'll soon get the message. And maybe she could say, in a joking-like tone, something like "What did you mean you didn't want me to tell your wife (or say her name here) that you were chatting online with us?"---again in the presence of the wife.

If she brings everything out into the open like that in her best friend's presence, I can guarantee he'll get the message and it will stop. If not, then he's definitely making a very poor attempt to fit in!

[animal_rescue]

Thanks guys, I passed on the advice to my friend and she really appreciates it. For now she's just going to try and ignore him when he's on the computer trying to talk to her and stay near her friend when she's hanging with her. But if it comes to the point where she has to say something, she definitely will take your advice on it!

[kuhio98]

Unless he is saying those STUPID things in front of his wife, he is being inappropriate. She should trust her feelings. If he is making her feel uncomfortable, she should stay away from him. She's done nothing wrong. But, if she stays quiet he will continue to speak this way to her and even escalate it.

She could do what I did... I friend's husband was coming on to me at a dinner party. She was in the same room as us, but out of hearing. When he made his "offer", I laughed very loud and long until I had several people's attention. Then I said something like, "You'll never guess what Fred just said!" Fred got a panicked look on his face and quickly went over to his wife and never left her side for the rest of the evening. He's avoided me like the plague ever since. :D

I'll never forget something my grandma told me. She said, Cockroaches like the dark. Turn on the lights and watch them scatter!

[Laura's Babies]

Tell your friend to always trust her feelings. If it makes her uncomfortable, TRUST that feeling and I think Soapets advice was right on target how to put a stop to it.

[Miss Z]

This definitely sounds like an uncomfortable situation and I think something along the lines definitely isn't right. Your friend certainly has every right to suspect what she suspects and I think it would be best if she let her friend know gently before things get out of hand. Soapets advice was also a great idea.

I hope everything goes well :)