Did you have a career or children first?

[Pembroke_Corgi]

My husband and I would like to have kids, but I don't know when.

I'm working on my master's degree right now, and I won't be done for another 2 years or so...then hopefully I will find gainful employment. ;) It's a hard decision to make, when to have children. I would love to be able to stay home for the first few years but I will also have student loans, etc, to pay off by then which would make it hard not to have a job!

What did you do? How did you decide?

[CatLuvrs]

I got married straight out of high school because I wanted a family first. I wouldn't change anything for the world but I wish I would have done things differently. I would love to go to school now but me being a single mom it is just too hard because I would never have time with Marissa.

[Cookiebaker]

For me, I got married straight out of college. But, I didn't have any student loans to pay off, so that makes quite a bit of difference, I think. We waited until we bought our house to start trying to have a family. Fate played a different set of cards though, and I ended up still working for 7 more years. Just this past summer we got pregnant, and are only now starting a family. So I had a career first, but that's the way it worked out, not the way we had originally planned.

[carole]

For me at 16 I knew what i wanted to do and went down that path, to become a Nurse, however things just did not work out that way in the end, and i went from job to job mostly doing clerical work in the armed forces as a civilain, then i had my son at 24 which was a good age for me, however in hindsight now i wish i had a career to fall back on especially when my children were school age, so if i were you i would embark on that first and have the children a little later.

[Twisterdog]

I got a college degree, and worked for only a year in my profession before my son was born. I wasn't planning on having a child then. But, often, what we plan in life and what we get are two different things!

I continued to work at that company full-time for another four and a half years after he was born, then I quit that job and bought my own business.

This is my personal opinion, based on my own experience. I would recommend you do/see/go/be what you want now, before you have children. Because once you do, EVERYthing changes. I'm not saying you can't have a career and kids; I did, millions of people do. But everything else is harder with kids.

I can think many things I wish I would have done while I was young and childless. Yes, I could still do them now, I suppose, technically ... but how you see the world changes dramatically in two decades. I wish I would have lived a little more for me first.

[borzoimom]

I got married right after grad from college. It was another 4 years before I had my daughter. By then I had a very good job, with career in mind, and figured I would return to work when it was time at 6 weeks old.. I didn't... I stayed home until she was a little over 2. Money may have been tight once in a while, but I never looked back on the time spent with her. I still contribute this time home with her to her being so advanced in school. By 2 years old she knew her letters and some environmental words ( like "pepsi", "coke" "milk", " McDonalds", "Exxon"- in other words the concept that letters made words. ) I went back to work part time when she was 2, but wasnt happy not being with her more. At 4 years old, I opened my own pet store. She stayed with me all day, after morning pre school with other children. Learned how to count money.. lol.. By the time she went to first grade at 5 she was already reading on a second grade level, and could count money, etc.. lol.. It actually was pretty funny. They had to move her 3 times the first year to get her placed, and I never ever thought that time off was a bad thing- or that I had missed something.( btw- she graduated from High School at age 16... And just graduated from college at 20 and a half..) And I am the PROUDEST MOMMA IN THE WORLD OF COURSE.. !! LOL

[Pam]

I went to work right out of high school as an Executive Secretary at a bank. I got married and continued to work there until we decided to start a family. I had ten years of working and was ready to settle down. I was a stay-at-home mom and had my daughter 2 1/2 years after my son. I never returned to the work force until they were 7 and 9 years of age and then only part-time in the evening when hubby could watch them.

The world changed and technology moved forward in those years that I remained at home and I am sure, had I continued to work through my children's childhoods, I would have been bringing home a much nicer paycheck than I do now. My hat goes off to those who juggle children and careers. I know how tired one can be at the end of a day's work and cannot imagine having to come home and help with homework, baths, story time and bedtime when I would be tired myself, not to mention rising up early to get them to day care, school, etc. before heading into work. It is stressful for sure and would not have worked for me. I would not change a thing though. I still work part-time and love it. I was here for all of my children's *firsts* and that meant the world to me. That all said, I did not go to college and did not have the financial obligations that you have with college loans. Had I been in your situation I would have put off children until later, however it is a very personal thing and has to be weighed based on our own individual needs as well as desires.

[Felicia's Mom]

I met my husband after graduating from high school. We were married for five years, then lived together another 2 or 3 years.
I have never wanted childred; that is one thing both my ex and I agreed on.

After my divorce, I lived by myself with one or two cats. Besides working, I did go to college for a while.

I had to retire at age 59; I'll be 62 in January.

[dukedogsmom]

Since I never wanted kids, career. If you work so hard to get your Masters but want to take time off the first year or so, I don't know when a good time would be. Do you want a kid more than your Masters degree? That is surely something to think about.

[cyber-sibes]

Career. I was married at 21 but put off having kids till I was 30. After having my second at 33, I knew why people have them at 20! Oy-yoi-yoi! The energy level! I don't regret waiting - I was far too immature to be a good mom earlier.

[Cataholic]

I am kind of between Twisterdog's post and Cyber Sibes' post.

I did college right after high school, entered a career for 7ish years, then, went back to law school at the ripe ol' age of 29. I graduated from law school at 31 or 32, and worked for 7ish years, having Jonah at the advanced age of 38 (two months before my 39th bday). I am now 41, with a two year old, and a full time career as a lawyer.

There are pros and cons, I suppose. For me, personally, getting all my education out of the way was significant. Very significant. However, establishing myself in a career with a known saying of "the law is a very jealous mistress", THEN having a child (and single, to boot), might not have been a wise choice- in retrospect.

Having said that, I am educationally 'secure', do okay financially that I don't depend on anyone else for financial assistance, have a home, a car, blah blah blah. AND, I am blessed tenfold as I have a loving grandmother that absolutely dotes on my son- Lillycat. Jonah spends his daytime hours with her, and five cats!

So, I would still encourage anyone to get themselves established first. Like Twisterdog said, the plans we have aren't always the plans we have happen to us. No one, no matter their race, colour, creed, religion, etc., 'knows' the future. To best prepare for the unimaginable only serves you best in the long run. No one can take away my education, which goes a long way to securing my financial future, and that of my son, which allows for many benefits. If I NEVER used my law degree, wonderful. I would always have my education to fall back on if something unforetold happened. I think very few people say, "oh, I SO regret going to college", or "I wish I had waited until after my child was born to finish school".

I lived, in my opinion, alot, pre-Jonah. I went away to college, lived on both coasts of the US, lived on my own, owned a house, travelled as I wanted to, etc. I had Jonah at the right time for ME- energy levels aside..he he he, as Cyber Sibes said.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I did college right after high school too. I got my teaching degree at age 22, then met my hubby. We got married one year later . We wanted to have kids right away, but it was not for us to decide: nature didn't let us.... :(
We adopted 2 kids, and because at that time we had to be 30 to adopt( it is age 25 now), we became parents rather late. Never regretted this!!

[My Peanuts]

I have no kids so take what I say with a grain of salt. My opinion on the whole thing is that you, me, everyone, will never feel ready. I'm not saying do it now, but my cousin said she wants kids when she has a career and has something like $20,000 in the bank just sitting there. I think that's crazy. I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.

[Sevaede]

I got married right after grad from college. It was another 4 years before I had my daughter. By then I had a very good job, with career in mind, and figured I would return to work when it was time at 6 weeks old.. I didn't... I stayed home until she was a little over 2. Money may have been tight once in a while, but I never looked back on the time spent with her. I still contribute this time home with her to her being so advanced in school. By 2 years old she knew her letters and some environmental words ( like "pepsi", "coke" "milk", " McDonalds", "Exxon"- in other words the concept that letters made words. ) I went back to work part time when she was 2, but wasnt happy not being with her more. At 4 years old, I opened my own pet store. She stayed with me all day, after morning pre school with other children. Learned how to count money.. lol.. By the time she went to first grade at 5 she was already reading on a second grade level, and could count money, etc.. lol.. It actually was pretty funny. They had to move her 3 times the first year to get her placed, and I never ever thought that time off was a bad thing- or that I had missed something.( btw- she graduated from High School at age 16... And just graduated from college at 20 and a half..) And I am the PROUDEST MOMMA IN THE WORLD OF COURSE.. !! LOL

I know! Isn't it amazing how babies progress? My niece will be two on the 25th and she's been forming sentences for a while now. She asks you, "What's the matter?", "Let's go to the store.", etc. She talks more than I do (I didn't even think that was possible)! Her best friend is her Mamaw and Papaws Husky/Shepherd pup, Bart. They run and play and it's awesome. She helps her Papaw feed the kitties and birds. It's so weird to think that just over a year ago she couldn't walk and now she runs, talks a lot, etc!

[Sevaede]

Career.

I have not yet had a chance to go to college (Even though I have been out of high school for two years now). However, that will come first.

We don't think we'll be having any skinkids, though.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.
I feel the same way...it's hard to feel prepared for something so important. At least, if you have those feelings you are probably going to try your hardest to be ready before committing to having children.

My closest friend is entering medical school next fall. She and her husband want to have kids while she is in med school. :eek: It doesn't seem like the best idea to me, but she said, "There IS no convenient time," which is kind of true. In her case, she will be preparing to become a doctor for the next 7 years. By the time she is done, she will want to secure a job, and she will be 32 years old. She wants to have 3 or 4 kids so that would become less and less likely the older she got (and, I believe, less and less likely after having the first one ;)).

[Logan]

It is different for everyone. I married at 22, six months after I graduated from college. I married my "high school sweetheart". He was in NO rush to have kids. I was. Guess who won? Not me! I had my daughter, Helen, when I was 28 years old. I had a decent job and there was no question about whether I was going to have to continue working. It broke my heart to go back to work when that baby was 5 weeks old. Her dad stayed with her for a week and she went to daycare at 6 weeks old. She has been just fine, though. I was lucky enough to be able to take her out of after school care when she was in the 3rd grade, as I started working from home.

Gosh, time passes so quickly and now I have an independent, well adjusted young lady for a daughter. She drives herself to high school every day and pretty much takes care of herself. She is almost 16 years old.

Our marriage did not last and when she was two, we seperated and divorced. It wasn't easy, but we did just fine, and he has been a major influence in her life. Yes, I wish I had given birth to her when I was a bit younger. I was ready and could have managed it just fine, and I hoped for more children, too, but with him, it never would have happened.

I think you have to do what works for both of you. There is a "happy medium" there, somewhere, I promise. But, like Johanna said, I would choose to make more of the time I had prior to my daughter's birth. But then, I also would not have gotten married at 22 if I could do it all over again. LOL!!!

Logan

[Crazy-Cat-Lover]

I have two daughters, Sierra (3) and Emma (6 weeks), and I'm 21. I never really thought about having a career, I'd rather be a Mother. Being a Mom is harder than any job - but it is the most rewarding. I can be a complete dork when I'm with my girls - they're my licence for fun! I completed a Veterinary Assistant course last October, but haven't pursued it yet. Someday I hope to start working, it's just going to be hard not seeing the girls 24/7. :)

[catnapper]

I never thought about it. I just graduated college and went to work. I didn't meet anyone worth seriously dating until 25. Then I met my husband at 27. By those ripe old ages, I was definately established within my career :p

I always just figured that having a child was something that happened (or didn't happen) For me, it happened in the form of marrying a man with 3 kids. I met him after I started working as a fulltime designer. In essense, children never did happen for me since I never had a baby of my own. If I ever did end up pregnant, I would have had the baby at whatever point in my life it wanted to come. Since thats not even a remote possibility now, I am just glad to play with my little grandbaby! :D

[JenBKR]

Well, I'm 27 with no kids and a job, so I guess I'd say career. I don't think I exactly planned, I just went to college, started working, got married.....not that we don't want kids, because we do. It just hasn't happened yet.

[CountryWolf07]

I'm 22 years old, not married, but I am in college. I think the way life is going for me - it'll put me in the career path instead of marriage/children.

[wolflady]

For me, it's career all the way. I'm not ready to be a parent, and I'm starting to feel nervous about that because I'm already 30 and still not sure if/when I want to have kids.
There is so much pressure about having kids, but I just don't know if it's for me. I still don't feel like I've "lived" and experienced all the things I want to before I'm tied down with kids. I like my independence and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want.
I also believe that people should be financially stable before bringing kids into the world, and I just don't feel like I'm in a place to provide for kids right now. I don't believe in day care or strangers raising my childen (what's the point of having kids if you never see them or raise them yourself), so one of us would have to give up our career...which is impossible to do out in California. We'd have to move to another state in order to be able to live on only one salary, and I'm just not ready to do that right now either. :(

Of course...the biological clock IS ticking...*sigh*

[critter crazy]

I joined the Army straight out of highshool, shipping off two days after graduation. So yes I put my carreer first! I had no intention of startig a family right away. But after one year in the Army I met my husband, and we were married two years later! Then shortly after we had our son. It was very hard trying to juggle our carreers and a family, but somehow we made it work. Now however, I am currently unemplyed after getting a medical discharge from the Army, and i have to say it is the best thing that could have happened! I am now able to spend all the time in the world with my son. I can go to all of his school functions, and always be there when he needs me. After serious discussion with my husband, i hve decided that I put off working again, until our son is older(he is 6) :)

[Uabassoon]

Alexa and I plan to work on our carrers first. She's already graduated from college but is going back to work on a teaching certificate. I recently decided to go back as I realized that there aren't any jobs in bassoon performance! So now I will be studying business management. We were thinking sometime withing the next 5-8 years, we still have so many things we want to do before we have kids. We haven't seen all of the world yet! I still want to travel, take random weekend road trips, study, get promoted at work, make a steady salary. I don't think we will wait until everything is "perfect" because I know it never will be, it's so easy to say "it will be better after ____ happens". However we do need to have some money saved up so that one of us can take some time off work. I think whoever is making less money will be the one to take some time off, if I stay with my company however I'll qualify for a year long sabattical in a few years.