Major Worries! IT's EVEN WORSE!!! [Archive]

kimlovescats

11-24-2006, 09:09 PM

Many of you have kept up with my daughter (Amy Beth / Jenna's mom) and her problems for a while now. We just this week got them moved into an apartment by themselves ... away from the low-life husband / father. They moved in the day before Thanksgiving ... 2 days ago.

Tonight my daughter called me from work and told me that this afternoon, her "husband" came to her apartment and told her that he was going to kill two of her guy friends. He did this outside in the parking lot with Amy Beth and Jenna. He then proceeded to lift his shirt and show her a GUN in his pants!!!!! He further threatened that if she told anyone, "don't think I won't kill you too!" :( As he left in his car, he again flashed the gun in the air at her.

After this happened, she came by my house to pick up her wash of work clothes. She never said a word to me, but I saw her talking to our neighbor who is a security guard before she left in her car. She held this all in while she decided what the best thing to do would be. :(

Anyway, by the time she called me from work (7:00 pm.) she had called the police, they had come to her work to talk with her, and Chad had been picked up and taken to jail. He is already a felon for at least two robbery and drug charges, and has served two short terms in jail. He just got off state probation a few weeks ago! So, he is now in jail .... BUT he might still be able to post bail!!!!

Amy Beth couldn't talk long from work, so she told me a few short details. She has a court date for Jan. 2nd, she is to file an Order of Protection on Monday ... she has been given a name of a shelter to go to if she and Jenna need it. Also, supposedly she said she actually heard them police say that "the weapon was in custody" from over the police car scanner. I hope to God she is right!!!! If he was indeed picked up and found with the GUN, then being a felon, that is a federal offence! (According to what she has been told) I am still in shock and as I said, only have bits of information.

Jenna was in his mother's care tonight, so Amy Beth was going to call to see if her "father" (who is only speaking to her again since the past 2 days) will go with her tonight to get Jenna from Chad's mom. I know this is very hard to keep up with, and I am having a tough time typing it as well. :(

Any way, I think you can see that things have gotten VERY DANGEROUS and I am TERRIFIED!!!! IF he gets out of jail, we are all in danger!!!!! We just got her and Jenna in an apartment, for 2 days now and now this! We were hoping he wouldn't find out where they were staying, but we figured it was just a matter of time. Apparently he saw my husband while he was actually hauling her bed over there, and followed him.

I'm so confused right now, I can't even think clearly enough to make sense typing any more. PLEASE PRAY FOR US ALL!!!!!!!! :( :(

Kim :(

flamepony12

11-24-2006, 09:11 PM

How terrible! :( I can imagine how scary that must have been for you, as well as your daughter, of course.. I'll keep you all in my thoughs. Prayers are on the way.. ((((HUGS))))

Catty1

11-24-2006, 09:16 PM

Can you talk to the police and ask for some safety measures? That he not get bail?

A protection order is good, but Amy Beth and Jenna have to be in a safe place, since the order is only as good as its enforcement.

PRAYERS to you! At least - she sees what an animal he is!

krazyaboutkatz

11-24-2006, 09:29 PM

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear this.:( This is so scary. I sure hope that Amy Beth and Jenna will have the protection that they deserve and that Chad won't try to do anything to either of them or to any one in your family. Lot's of prayers and positive thoughts are being sent their way and to you as well. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

kt_luvs_kitties

11-24-2006, 09:35 PM

I am praying for you all. What a sad and scary situation to be in. Please keep your doors locked and the windows closed and locked as well. I would suggest Amy Beth and Jenna go to somewhere where he cant find them. Maybe a hotel or something for a few days...
I had this happen to me before.. Way before my husband! And he pulled a gun, I called the police and they did not do anything to him. It is hard when noone is willing to go the extra mile to make sure everyone is protected.
And maybe you could atleast get someone to call you when he does make bail (from the courthouse) so you all can be prepared. Hugs to you and your family. I hope all works itself out. And I am glad Amy Beth decided to call the police. That is a step in the right direction.

Lizzie

11-24-2006, 10:28 PM

Kim - this is terrible news and I'm not surprised you are terrified, I would be also. This guy sounds like the super-controlling type and they are dangerous. The image of him showing his gun and threatening to kill your daugher right in front of his own daughter is chilling and makes me deeply concerned for their welfare. Will you be able to find out if he gets out on bail? In your daughter's place, I would go right to the refuge if he gets out/when he gets out. Or at least place Jenna somewhere safe. Do you have relatives or close friends in another part of the state. Not that such a change wouldn't be incredibly traumatic for her. I'd be worried that he would hurt Jenna to payback your daughter.

What does your husband think about all this? Does he feel that you are all unsafe?

luvofallhorses

11-24-2006, 10:41 PM

omg! :eek: if they have to...have them go to the shelter. they'll be safe there. please keep yourself safe, too!! (((HUGS))) you all will be held close in my thoughts and prayers. what a bastard! :mad:

caseysmom

11-24-2006, 11:13 PM

I am so sorry, hopefully your daughter truly sees how he is now. I hope he stays away...I can't understand how they could let him out...hopefully they will not.

WolvesRawk

11-25-2006, 04:13 AM

That's awful! Please, keep safe. I agree with what everyone else has been saying, they should go to a shalter and hide. I hope that you're all safe and that that freak gets severe punishment. :(

Maya & Inka's mommy

11-25-2006, 04:59 AM

Aw Kim, I am so sorry for your daughter, Jenna, and you!! What a nightmare this must be for all of you :eek: ! He is a monster, that is proven once more!!

Please stay safe too, Kim; a monster like that is capable to harm you too.... .
You are all in my prayers, that's a promise!

jackie

11-25-2006, 05:15 AM

Wow, I really don't know what to say. Sounds like a very scary situation, made even scarier that a small child is involved.

I hope everything turns out alright for your family, and that your daughter can sort out her problems, and start fresh.

pitc9

11-25-2006, 07:25 AM

I am so sorry, hopefully your daughter truly sees how he is now. I hope he stays away...I can't understand how they could let him out...hopefully they will not.

Ditto! :(
I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this.... I pray she sees the light!

Pam

11-25-2006, 07:32 AM

Kim I will just pray that he is held without bail. The blessing, if there is any, is that she can now see him for the danger that he is. I will pray for your family's safety in the meantime. I can't imagine living with this kind of horror. :( (((hugs)))

kimlovescats

11-25-2006, 01:31 PM

The police called my daughter at 4:30 a.m. and said that Chad had bonded out. His bail was only set at $13,500.00 so he only had to pay $1,350.00 to get out! :mad: :( The police officer again told her that he had to sign a form and was warned several times that he had to stay completely away from her and Jenna or he would go straight back to jail without bond.

I did find out that the gun was a BB gun (at least) BUT, the cops said that it could still have killed her!!! :( I'm assuming because it would have been at such close range, and also depending on where he might have shot her. :(

They have a court date for January 2nd, and the cops assured her that he would be handcuffed the entire time. Most likely (I PRAY) he will be taken / sentenced to jail at that time. PLEASE PRAY for continued safety for all of us, particularly Amy Beth and Jenna during these next 5 weeks! What a way to spend the holidays, living in fear. :(

Tollers-n-Dobes

11-25-2006, 01:39 PM

That is just awful Kim. I hope everything get's sorted out soon and that everyone will be ok. :(

Don Juan's mom

11-25-2006, 01:42 PM

If I could, I would hunt down that miserable piece of scum (calling him a "rat" would insult rats) myself. But all I can do is promise I'll pray for the safety of Annabeth and Jenna, and for you as well.

Liz

borzoimom

11-25-2006, 01:48 PM

I am going to pm you with private message how to help this, but this much I will say here. If he had a felony and possessing a weapon, not only will it not be returned to him, but where he bought it from could be too.
You do need to talk to the police. They will tell you specific details but more so, it shows a inquiry for protection purposes. If she is in a womans shelter, they will tell her specific things to do too. She needs to do what she says.. And it never changes..

Karen

11-25-2006, 02:42 PM

kimlovescats

11-25-2006, 02:57 PM

Oh, Kim. Does Amy Beth work a specific schedule at her new job? Can she ask to switch shifts with someone, so he cannot follow her home from work, or intercept her on her way there? Does she have a cell phone, and have 911 as a preset? She should, at this point. Getting rides from different people would also help, so he doesn't know what car to follow.

This is a horrible situation, and I hope he does something else stupid unrelated to Amy Beth and Jenna, so he gets sent to jail before long.

Unfortunately she works 2nd shift (3pm to 11:00 pm) :( He does know where she works. She does have a cell phone, don't know if it is pre-set to 911 though. I'll ask her about that. As far as switching shifts, she is still in her probation period for this new job, and she is already worried that her boss might not want to deal with this drama. The police came to her work and took her complaint last night, so that delayed her work as it was. At least the gun was a BB gun ... but as the police told her, could still kill! :(
He just recently purchased a different car too, so I'm not used to spotting it, but Amy Beth is.

As far as him doing something else stupid ... he already has! He was stealing large ($100 +) rolls of copper and hammering to make it look old and selling it to a local metal company. He was stupid enough to bring it home and brag about it to Amy Beth and showed the sales receipts and brag about how much he made off of it! I called his boss and told on him for that, a couple of weeks ago. Apparently last night, the police told Amy Beth that they were already investigating that as well! I sure hope so!!!!

I'm praying that if we all make it safely to the January 2nd court date, that he will be put away for a long time!!!!!

Lady's Human

11-25-2006, 03:03 PM

Kim,

The bright side to this dark cloud is that if the DA prosecutes on all charges, this piece of trash could be going to jail for a long time.

Posession of a firearm in commission of a crime (and threatening to commit murder is most certainly a crime) is a felony. If he's already a felon, his mere posession of the firearm (and yes, a bb gun IS a firearm) is a federal offense. I doubt he got the weapon legally, as when you're purchasing a bb gun you still have to fill out the BATF paperwork for the NIC check, so that also adds to the charges. If he did get the weapon from a firearms retailer (highly doubtful) then he should also be prosecuted for filing a false statement, as the paperwork clearly asks several questions that he would have had to lie on to purchase it from a retailer.

Properly prosecuted, buh bye, scum. I hope he likes his new cellmate.

kimlovescats

11-25-2006, 03:07 PM

sandragonfly

11-25-2006, 03:29 PM

goodness, what a sick man he is. :mad: ..

I went through JUST exact like this last year.. terrible stress for all of you. :( nothing much you can do right now, at least do what karen adviced - amy beth should always always watch out for his car and drive different way (into public place) if he is behind her - and keep doing what you can do. I hope her cell has that option, pre-set 911 and at her home too.

had any idea what to do with news? publicizing him out anonymously as much as you can warn, may be dangerous but may will him sulk down a bit. :mad: let me PM you when I get back, okay?? for now, you all definitely are in my prayers for strength and safety!

((((hugs))))

heidiv

11-25-2006, 06:18 PM

oh dear kim--- :eek: :eek: I don't know what to tell you about all of this. But scary, give that little grand daughter a big hug. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family!!

animal_rescue

11-25-2006, 06:32 PM

Prayers on their way! I hope to God you will all be safe!

Lady's Human

11-25-2006, 06:38 PM

Kim,

One other thing. If you or your daughter have any voice during the sentencing (assuming the jury system works and it is found guilty) ask that the sentences be consecutive, not concurrent (Or ask the prosecutor to push for consecutive sentences). Concurrent sentences (Multiple sentences served during the same time period) would allow the idiot to walk sooner than it should.

catmandu

11-25-2006, 08:38 PM

We Are Praying That You, And Your Family Are Safe From This Lunatic.
Those Are Terrible Situations Where He Can Have A Gun Returned To Him , Even After He Has Made Death Threats Against Your Daughter.
There Are More Rights For Criminals Than Law Abiding People Sadly.
We Pray That You Will Not Be Hurt.
If Theres Anything Thats Ruining North America , Its Narcotics.

chocolatepuppy

11-25-2006, 08:42 PM

Kim, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. What a horrible situation.

anna_66

11-25-2006, 10:08 PM

How awful, I'm very sorry to hear about all of this. It must have you all scared to death:(
You'll all be in my prayers.

shais_mom

11-26-2006, 12:08 AM

I have kept up with this but didn't post - I am just letting you know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

dukedogsmom

11-26-2006, 07:46 AM

I am so sorry. I would think with his past history and now the probation violation, he shouldn't be allowed to post bond. I think they should go ahead and move to the shelter. I hate to say this and don't want to scare you but from past experience at work, people like this don't let restraining orders get in the way. Please be careful! He sounds very dangerous. I'm sorry your family is having to go through all this.

cyber-sibes

11-26-2006, 07:57 AM

You are all in my thoughts & prayers. I can't imagine how frightening this must be. Is Jenna safe when she's with Chad's mother? She wouldn't let her idiot son do anything, like kidnap her, would she?

catnapper

11-26-2006, 09:08 AM

Oh Kim!!!! This saga just gets more intense! Many prayers coming your way t hat the "father" gets sent to jail for a long, long time and all his rights to his daughter revoked.

moosmom

11-26-2006, 11:07 AM

If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that because he's in violation of probation, he should go back to jail to serve out the rest of his sentence along with serving more time for these recent happenings. How the hell he got out on bail has me baffled.

I'm praying for your entire family, Kim. You guys certainly don't deserve this. :(

kimlovescats

11-26-2006, 12:33 PM

Thank you for all of the prayers! We certainly appreciate and NEED them!
He is definitely out because Amy Beth passed him in her car yesterday! :( Thankfully, he didn't see her!!!

Hubby and I took some more of Jenna's things over to their apartment last night. They are both so happy to finally have their own place. Jenna was showing me "mommy's room and Jenna's room"! I want them to feel safe and be able to STAY in their new home so badly! I refuse to let this piece of scum ruin this for them!!!!! I bought Amy Beth some Pepper Spray to carry on her keyring at all times! She has her cell phone with her all the time as well.

I'm going to try on Monday to see if I can find out any information about the court proceedings and anything I / we can offer as far as input! I don't know if they will let me know anything though since I am just the mother-in-law! :confused:

I'm going to attach a couple of pictures that I took of them on their move-in day. I need to think about the happy things going on for them right now!!!
Jenna was "helping" Poppy carry all of the furniture into the apartment! ;)

Pembroke_Corgi

11-26-2006, 01:14 PM

How scary- I'm sorry to hear about this situation. I hope everyone in your family stays safe until he is tried, and hopefully sent to jail for a long time. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

*LabLoverKEB*

11-26-2006, 01:18 PM

Wow, that is just horrible. How scary. Prayers for you and your family, Kim....

Karen

11-26-2006, 01:21 PM

Lit a candle for you and your situation at church today, so now you have a ton more people praying for you.

Russian Blue

11-26-2006, 02:20 PM

Kim, what a sad and scary situation to be in. :( It must be so hard for you to watch from the sidelines and hope everything will turn out.

Amy Beth and Jenna look so happy in their new home! :) Hopefully the courts will throw the book at him and he will be a distant memory.

Sorry I don't have any other advice but I've never been in this situation. (((Hugs))) to you and your family during this very difficult time.

kimlovescats

11-26-2006, 03:50 PM

Lit a candle for you and your situation at church today, so now you have a ton more people praying for you.

Karen, thank you SO much, that really means a lot to me! ;)

THANK YOU EVERYONE for the support, prayers and kind words and thought! You ALL mean the world to me!

Love,
Kim

ramanth

11-27-2006, 08:47 AM

How terrifying. I cannot even imagine. :( *HUGS* Many prayers that things go your way.

Queen of Poop

11-27-2006, 09:05 AM

I pray that you and your family remain safe from him. I pray that he has the smarts to stay away from your daughter.

Any way she could alter her appearance so that he might not immediately recognize her?

Karen

11-27-2006, 09:58 AM

As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I thought of something I hadn't mentioned - simple "disguises" - like Queen of Poop just mentioned. Baseball cap and even a bandana covering her hair underneath, sunglasses, and changing her coat, if he's familiar with what jacket she normally wears. Anything that might make it harder for him to tell who that person is ... it's an imposition, but better safe than sorry. Of course, if she's driving the same car to the same place at the same time, she needn;t bother, but if she's "out" with someone else, it cannot hurt.

Pawsitive Thinking

11-27-2006, 10:09 AM

Praying hard for your safety. Hope they lock him up and throw away the key......................What a "big man" he is threatening a woman and a small child.

I do hope he meets his match very soon

gini

11-27-2006, 10:19 AM

Kim, you have my prayers that everyone will remain safe. This must be tearing your heart apart!

rg_girlca

11-27-2006, 05:03 PM

Oh Kim, I am so sorry that I am just seeing this now. What a scary situation for you and your family.

Prayers on the way that everyone stays safe and this scumbag lands up in prison for a very, very, VERY long time.

((((((HUGS)))))) Kim.

kimlovescats

11-29-2006, 04:50 PM

Just an update:

Chad has anonymously (blocked number) called Amy Beth twice .. but he doesn't say anything. Unless he actually speaks and she can confirm it is definitely him, there's nothing she can do. He's such a jerk! He thinks he is so smart always trying to "beat the system"! :rolleyes: :mad:

Today Amy Beth went and filed for a restraining order of protection! The people there were really nice and spoke with her for well over an hour. She had to take the narrative over to the judge for approval. He did approve it, and they have a court date for December 7th. They will both have to be present and the orders understood by both of them. Chad will have to pay the court costs! :p

Things are starting to come together for our case, but with each thing I know his family and he get more mad. Please continue to pray for us!

Thanks,
Kim

borzoimom

11-29-2006, 04:52 PM

There is a service she can get through the telephone company that will block ' blocked numbers". Depending on your area, like ours, they can also trace any number. They need 10 seconds even if its her silence, its stilll on the line. Have her call the telephone company or have her officer do it.
The other option is to change her number and be done with him. However still notify the investigator.

kimlovescats

11-29-2006, 04:54 PM

There is a service she can get through the telephone company that will block ' blocked numbers".

Yea, but now she is hoping he WILL call back and just say a word or two. That's all it will take to put him back in jail!

borzoimom

11-29-2006, 04:58 PM

Yea, but now she is hoping he WILL call back and just say a word or two. That's all it will take to put him back in jail!
YOu do know they can tap her line.. For any blocked number. Not sure if the threat qualifies but they can.

kimlovescats

11-29-2006, 05:00 PM

YOu do know they can tap her line.. For any blocked number. Not sure if the threat qualifies but they can.

I doubt they would go through the trouble / expense for this case.

belterv

11-29-2006, 05:03 PM

kimlovescats

11-29-2006, 05:05 PM

OMG THAT IS SO SCARY!!!! WHAT A HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND!! :mad:
*shutters* I cant imagine. You obviously raised an excellent daughter though for her to tell people after being told he would kill her if she did! *shutters* Eeeek.....

Unfortunately, he is her husband! In fact they were married One year, the day before he did this to her! :(

Russian Blue

11-29-2006, 06:32 PM

I've kept all of your family in my thoughts, Kim. As I said earlier, I hope you all can put this behind you very soon. (((hugs)))

Catty1

11-29-2006, 06:58 PM

His FAMILY is getting mad too? I guess anyone's mom can get protective...but sheesh!

HUGS and I hope this is over soon.

kimlovescats

11-29-2006, 08:51 PM

His FAMILY is getting mad too? I guess anyone's mom can get protective...but sheesh!

HUGS and I hope this is over soon.

Oh yes, Momma always bails her baby boy out! :mad:

borzoimom

11-29-2006, 09:44 PM

Oh yes, Momma always bails her baby boy out! :mad:
Then " Momma" can keep those apron strings on him and keep him at her house and out of more trouble!

krazyaboutkatz

11-30-2006, 12:07 AM

Oh yes, Momma always bails her baby boy out! :mad:
I was wondering how he was able to come up with the bail money. I sure hope that your grand daughter isn't staying with his mom any more because there's no telling what she might allow to happen to her. She might even hand her over to Chad.:(

I'm still keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I sure hope that this nightmare will soon be over for good. (((HUGS)))

kimlovescats

11-30-2006, 12:52 PM

I was wondering how he was able to come up with the bail money. I sure hope that your grand daughter isn't staying with his mom any more because there's no telling what she might allow to happen to her. She might even hand her over to Chad.:(

I'm still keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I sure hope that this nightmare will soon be over for good. (((HUGS)))

Tracey, Jenna will NOT be staying with his mom anymore! Only me or someone in my family! ;)

kimlovescats

11-30-2006, 12:57 PM

Would you believe he duct-taped a cologne-filled note on Amy Beth's apartment door knob sometime early this morning? :rolleyes: It said something like "always and forever" and signed it with their personal knickname they used for eachother!!!! This guy is SICK!!!! :mad:

She called the police and the police woman came out and made a report and took the note as evidence. Unfortunately, she said she could not go and pick him up based on the "evidence". :mad: :( She told Amy Beth to go down to her Cricket store and ask for a print out of her calls. Supposedly even blocked calls will show the number it came from on their records! I sure hope they will cooperate and CAN do this for her!

It angers me though that this evidence was not enough to go and pick him up ... it is STALKING!!!! (one of the many things she put in her narrative for her restraining order) I just don't understand it. If she just says she sees his car in the parking lot, or that he called and he talked to her, he can be picked up. FRUSTRATED MOM HERE!!!

borzoimom

11-30-2006, 01:07 PM

Russian Blue

11-30-2006, 01:17 PM

Would you believe he duct-taped a cologne-filled note on Amy Beth's apartment door knob sometime early this morning? :rolleyes: It said something like "always and forever" and signed it with their personal knickname they used for eachother!!!! This guy is SICK!!!! :mad:

............
It angers me though that this evidence was not enough to go and pick him up ... it is STALKING!!!! (one of the many things she put in her narrative for her restraining order) I just don't understand it.

Because no one saw him place this on the doorknob, any person could have done this (in the eyes of the Police). What a horrible, scary time for Amy Beth and your family.

Is there any possibility of Amy Beth and your granddaughter moving away for now? Maybe to a out of town relative etc.? It's horrible she has to move to get away from this guy, but at least it would be some piece of mind for her safety (in the short term). This guy is not playing with a full deck and it sounds like he is going over the edge.

Also, small spy cameras are pretty cheap these days because of the advancement of technology. You could buy a cheap one and tape it to the top of her door so if anyone comes near her apartment it will be recorded. Just a thought to catch this creep.

borzoimom

11-30-2006, 01:18 PM

I disagree- he has already been arrested- they have his finger prints. Please call them..

kimlovescats

11-30-2006, 02:19 PM

I disagree- he has already been arrested- they have his finger prints. Please call them..

That's what I thought too, but I'm assuming this case is not "big enough" for our small department to waste their time and money on that! :confused:

kimlovescats

11-30-2006, 02:21 PM

She needs a restaining order to herself and her property. Every incident call the police... EVERY SINGLE ONE. And they can finger print it too. Next time tell her dont touch it- but I would not wait until a "next time" .

She filed for the restraining order yesterday, and the judge approved it. Unfortunately it takes a few days before it is served. :rolleyes: They have a court date on December 7th for that! The court date for the assault charges are January 2nd.

borzoimom

11-30-2006, 02:37 PM

That's what I thought too, but I'm assuming this case is not "big enough" for our small department to waste their time and money on that! :confused:
It has nothing to do with it. The laws have gotten tougher with woman getting seriously injured or worse by the PD's lack of support, that now quite frankly- they should do it. Talk to the Police chef. See he knows, if he doesnt do something, and something happens, ...

borzoimom

11-30-2006, 02:38 PM

She filed for the restraining order yesterday, and the judge approved it. Unfortunately it takes a few days before it is served. :rolleyes: They have a court date on December 7th for that! The court date for the assault charges are January 2nd.
Good- then all she has to do with an approved restraining order is call and see she got another letter. If nothing else- it goes into the pile for the charges or sentencing etc.

catfamily

11-30-2006, 04:47 PM

OMG!!! I'm so sorry I'm just reading ALL of this.What a sick situation.I hope and WILL be praying MANY prayers for your daughter,grandaughter,you,your hubby,and the rest of your family.You'll need all the prayers you can get.I went through a very similar situation with my ex-husband and it was so horrible I still have nightmares 15 years later.
I do hope they take prints for later.And of course your daughter seems extra smart with everything she's done so far.Good for her.You should be so proud of her for calling the police right away.I know you are and I know how scared you are.God,there's not much to say here Kim.I just need to tell you that I'm in BIG fear for her and all involved's lives here.This is more serious than imaginable.Things DO happen,and FEAR is necessary.
Prayers,Prayers,Prayers on the way.

rg_girlca

11-30-2006, 05:46 PM

kittycats_delight

11-30-2006, 05:58 PM

kim, I have been following all the horrible situation your daugther is going through and I just don't know what to say. The guy is sick and he scares me so I can only imagine the horror you and Amy Beth must feel. Please know my thought and prayers are with your entire family. I hope everything works out for your daugther and your granddaugther.

((((HUGS))))
Michelle

kimlovescats

11-30-2006, 07:35 PM

Kim, just letting you know that prayers are still on the way that you and your family stay safe.

One question though. Since you know your daughter, do you think that there might be a slim chance that she might want to get back together with him if he continues to sweet talk her or is she seeing him for what he really is and wants nothing more to do with him?

Lorraine, that is exactly what he is trying to do. It HAS worked several times in the past. This time, she knows better and she knows from many times before that he just does it to gain control again. He goes right back to his old ways of mistreating her and doing whatever he wants to do. He just wants to avoid a divorce and CHILD SUPPORT!!!! :mad:

An interesting fact that we learned yesterday: The domestic violence director told her that because Jenna was born out of wedlock, Chad does not have custody of her or claim to her at all. Even though he is her father and signed her birth certificate and married Amy Beth a year later ... it doesn't matter, because she was born out of wedlock! In order to claim her and fight for any custody rights, he would have to pay for a paternity test! NO WAY he would do that!!!! This was a very important piece of information for us ... and anyone on here who has given birth out of wedlock! ;)

borzoimom

11-30-2006, 08:13 PM

He can not get custody of the child if out of wedlock but he can get visitation rights- however- also end up paying child support.. uh huh...

kimlovescats

12-01-2006, 03:20 PM

Ok, the detective working on Amy Beth's case called her this morning. She told her to go to the Sheriff's Department and have THEM call the detective. Then SHE would tell them what he did regarding the note and they would issue a warrant for his arrest. Thankfully, the detective and someone else called right as we got there, and the warrant was taken out! He should be served today (hopefully) and arrested again! The bad side is that he can STILL bail out again! GRRRRRR! I don't understand how when someone violates their bond agreement, they can turn around and bond out again! :confused: This time it will be set at $20,000 ... but that means he only has to come up with $2,000.00. That is ANOTHER thing I don't understand ... what is the point of setting it at a high amount when everyone only has to actually pay 10%???? Can anyone shed some light on this for me ... I am so sick of him being able to get right back out again! :(
Amy Beth thinks he probably has the money in the bank .... as he loves to brag about all of his "drug money"! :( SURELY he will run out eventually, if momma quits bailing him out. *sigh*

borzoimom

12-01-2006, 03:46 PM

kimlovescats

12-01-2006, 03:56 PM

Well they can make him not contacting her as part of his bail. Then if he violates this by contacting her, he can be arrested, held in contempt of court and bail and will not be allowed bail. The prosecuting attorney/ alias district attorney should be contacted. The officer with the arrest warrent can do this, or you or she can.

This was ALREADY part of his bail arrangement. That's WHY they are picking him up again. I already tried to contact the "DA's" office. There are at least 3 DA's .. and they said they had too many cases in that court to speak to anyone before the court date. They would just "forget" what you told them! Some legal system, huh?

borzoimom

12-01-2006, 04:00 PM

This was ALREADY part of his bail arrangement. That's WHY they are picking him up again. I already tried to contact the "DA's" office. There are at least 3 DA's .. and they said they had too many cases in that court to speak to anyone before the court date. They would just "forget" what you told them! Some legal system, huh?
If this is a bail violation, he may not be granted another one. Just sit tight.

kimlovescats

12-01-2006, 04:05 PM

If this is a bail violation, he may not be granted another one. Just sit tight.

The women at the Sheriff's office said he would as if they really knew. I hope they are wrong!!!

borzoimom

12-01-2006, 04:13 PM

sent you a pm..

catfamily

12-01-2006, 08:09 PM

I'm sure he knows NOW that your daughter means business and soon he'll start behaving better.(By keeping away).At least I hope!I'm so glad your daughter has her family(You and your husband)to help her through this.Most woman don't.I'm so happy your family is close.

borzoimom

12-04-2006, 06:32 PM

How is it going???

kimlovescats

12-04-2006, 06:37 PM

How is it going???

Thank you for asking! We haven't heard ANYTHING since we filed for the warrant!!! :confused: I don't know if they can't find him or what! It is very disturbing and frustrating!!!! They have a court date this Thursday morning, for the restraining order, but I don't think THAT has even been served yet!!!

:(

borzoimom

12-04-2006, 06:39 PM

Thank you for asking! We haven't heard ANYTHING since we filed for the warrant!!! :confused: I don't know if they can't find him or what! It is very disturbing and frustrating!!!! They have a court date this Thursday morning, for the restraining order, but I don't think THAT has even been served yet!!!

:(
You show up anyway. If nothing else a bench warrent will be given for his failure to appear and threat charges for a restraining. You go- and say whatever you and her need too. The judge will still listen to the restraining order as it has nothing to do with the arrest...

kimlovescats

12-04-2006, 06:50 PM

We will. I sure was counting on him being arrested again by now though. :confused:

borzoimom

12-04-2006, 06:53 PM

We will. I sure was counting on him being arrested again by now though. :confused:
Whether they get him yet or not, the restraining order if they dont find him, convinces the judge more so to get it done! ( trust me..)

Ginger's Mom

12-04-2006, 06:54 PM

Well, actually, they can't issue a bench warrant for failure to appear for a court hearing that he was never noticed to appear at. However, borzoimom is right, your daughter Must appear at that hearing. She can ask the Judge to continue the restraints, and he may listen to some of the other concerns she has. At the next court hearing even if her husband has not been served the Judge may make the restraints permanent (issue a final restraining order). Your daughter should take a copy of the final order to ther local police department to be put in their files as well. Just make sure that your daughter shows up at every court hearing in relation to that restraining order, whether he shows up or not. I have seen RO dismissed for lack of prosecution because the complainant didn't show up.

kimlovescats

12-04-2006, 06:56 PM

Thank you, Ginger's Mom, for your input as well! ;)

kimlovescats

12-06-2006, 07:33 PM

I swear!!! We finally got Chad arrested and picked back up again this afternoon. This was from the warrant we issued from him putting that note on Amy Beth's door. It was a violation of his probation. His bond was set at $60,000.00 so he had to have $6,000.00 to bail out. Well, Amy Beth just called and said that the jail called and told her that Chad just bonded out AGAIN! Where in the heck is he getting all of this money to keep getting out???? :mad: Supposedly, his mom doesn't have that kind of money! I'm just sick over this! :(

cyber-sibes

12-06-2006, 08:05 PM

kimlovescats

12-06-2006, 08:11 PM

:eek: :( :mad: What the #x!!*#! Not again! I'm so sorry you have to go through this. The workings of the legal system just baffle the imagination sometimes. All I can say is hang in there, his behavior will surely land him back in a cell (hopefully for a while) and I pray you are all safe in the meanwhile.

Thank you for caring! I feel like many have just moved on from this thread, but it's real in our lives and is no where near over! :(

joycenalex

12-06-2006, 08:38 PM

kimlovescats

12-06-2006, 08:53 PM

dear kim, i haven't posted before, but i've been reading every update. you all have been in my prayers. i have an idea, can you and your daughter get an appointment to talk to the lead proscuter in your area, bring all the copies of notes, the bailbonds, any police reports, hospital reports, anything related to this case and when you talk to them this time, tell the DA that you will also be talking notes from this meeting and going to the local editor of the biggest paper in town and what ever tv station has an "action team on your side". publicity makes poor public preformance improve. smile, gently mention this. and we'll keep praying for you all

Thank you. I already tried to call the DA's office and was told that there are at least 3 different DA's and they have 100's of cases coming up at the same time. Basically they couldn't do anything ... we would just have to wait until the day of court and fill them in at the last minute! :rolleyes: Some system, huh? As far as calling the news .... we're not "big time" enough.

Tomorrow morning, Amy Beth has to be in court at 9:00 a.m. for the restraining order she filed OVER a WEEK ago! As of today, it hadn't even been served yet!!! I don't know if they served it when they arrested him today or not ... I doubt it! So, most likely she will waste her time in court tomorrow, he probably won't be there, and she will get put off for who knows how long.

The court date for the aggravated assault charge is January 2nd. All I can do is hope and pray that he is sent to jail for a LONG time after that! I never thought I would ever want Christmas to come and go and the first of the year come. :(

mina'smomma

12-06-2006, 09:04 PM

Tomorrow morning, Amy Beth has to be in court at 9:00 a.m. for the restraining order she filed OVER a WEEK ago! As of today, it hadn't even been served yet!!! I don't know if they served it when they arrested him today or not ... I doubt it! So, most likely she will waste her time in court tomorrow, he probably won't be there, and she will get put off for who knows how long.

Kim,

Hun don't let them try and say they can't serve him in jail, because they can. That is a federal law. If you have to find out when he is in jail go up there and present them with the order and a return notice that he has to sign saying he has received it. If you need help or someone to talk to I'm always here for you.

Hugs
Renae

catnapper

12-06-2006, 09:05 PM

Oh Kim, I am appaled at these updates. It puts such faith in our court systems... it seems they are now set up to protect the criminals instead of the people they hurt. Many prayers for your family tomorrow.

Catty1

12-06-2006, 10:11 PM

Amy Beth is not wasting her time. As someone here - Borzoimom? - said, she has seen restraining orders cancelled because the complainant (Amy) did not show up.

Her showing up shows that she - and you - are serious about this.

HUGS!

borzoimom

12-07-2006, 07:02 AM

You show up honey- you show up! It shows the court this is not resolved, it shows the court YOU ARE RESOLVED to finish this, and it shows the court, you are willing to take the time because you believe in this and know what is going on.. You show up.. ! Get there early as a matter of fact. Other cases get dropped because people did not show- but you are there..

Cataholic

12-07-2006, 10:09 AM

I will add the following: make sure Amy Beth and YOU show up, without Jenna. Dress appropriately, write down ahead of time what you want to make sure you emphasize, and be strong.

The prosecutor has too many cases, and they usually shift rooms every month (at least here in our main county), cases settle, etc., that no time is spent at preliminary hearings, or, for trials. Staying in touch with the main officer, or probation officer is **usually** the best thing. Make it personal to them. Write a letter or two to have it stuck in jacket. Let the prosecutor, that sees this day in and day out, know how serious you are. Too many times this is just used as a way to get back at someone....

Stay the course. :(

ramanth

12-07-2006, 10:14 AM

Still thinking and praying for you, Amy, Jenna, and the family. *hugs*

Maya & Inka's mommy

12-07-2006, 10:18 AM

kimlovescats

12-07-2006, 10:45 AM

I didn't get to go because I had to keep Jenna. Amy Beth did go, and his mother came and sat down right beside her, to harrass her! I wish I had been able to go and keep her from doing that!!! :mad: :(

We don't have anyone else right now that can keep Jenna .... the mil was usually our backup. I will be sure to make it to the main hearing in January though. I think my hubby will still be on his work break and can keep Jenna for us! If not, I will find SOMEONE to keep her for us!!!

Anyway, the judge continued it because he said a civil case has to come AFTER a criminal case. So the criminal case (aggravated assault) will be held on January 2nd, and the continuance for the restraining order will be held on January 25th. HOPEFULLY, he will be arrested and jailed after the January 2nd date and there will be no need for the January 25th date. This thing just keeps going on and on and on.

Surely he will stop stalking her now .... as he only found out about the restraining order yesterday when he was arrested. His mother played her usual games of "just wanting to see the best for Jenna" and denying he has done anything wrong! :rolleyes: She wants to see Jenna really bad, but that isn't going to happen until all of this is settled!!!

THANK YOU all for your continued support and prayers! I am reading all the comments and taking the advice that you give as much as I can!

Kim

borzoimom

12-07-2006, 10:50 AM

She sat next to her to show there wasnt a problem with how they got along. I would have moved - even it meant standing in the aisle... I know this process is exhausting- just continue to take the steps and keep going.. ! Remember what I sent in private messages, and keep trucking!!! lol Your prayers and hers are with us...

kimlovescats

12-07-2006, 11:30 AM

lvpets2002

12-07-2006, 11:40 AM

:( Oh Kim I am so sorry you all have to go thru this.. How long do you think they can keep him in jail?? Do you realy think he will stop Stalking Amy Beth?? Just remember he will always state he was just trying to see his girl Jenna.. CREEP HE IS!!! Gosh I wish I could come to TN & I would for sure keep Jenna for you.. Hey PM me any time.. Sending Many Many (((((((((( Huuggss & Prayers..))))))))))

borzoimom

12-07-2006, 11:50 AM

She just sat there for a few minutes, then she moved and sat somewhere else.
GOOD!!!! ( witch.. mutter mutter...)

Pembroke_Corgi

12-07-2006, 12:21 PM

I'm sorry to hear that things are still unresolved...hang in there until January, and then hopefully you will be able to rest more easily at night.

mina'smomma

12-07-2006, 08:44 PM

Hey Kim. If I wasn't going to be back in school by then I would take the time off to come down there to watch Jenna for you.

kimlovescats

12-08-2006, 01:20 AM

Hey Kim. If I wasn't going to be back in school by then I would take the time off to come down there to watch Jenna for you.

That's very sweet of you, Renae, but it would be way too far for you to come! ;)

mina'smomma

12-12-2006, 09:57 PM

That's very sweet of you, Renae, but it would be way too far for you to come! ;)

YOU WAY WORTH IT SWEETIE!!! :D

kimlovescats

12-14-2006, 12:07 AM

Last night after Amy Beth got home from work .... around midnight .... she was at her neighbor's apartment. (the former high school friend who makes sure she gets in safely every night) He stepped outside and saw CHAD walking down the sidewalk towards Amy Beth's apartment ... wearing a black hoodie!!!! He was obviously trying to sneak up on Amy Beth's apartment!!! :( :mad: His car was also parked in the same row as hers! He is so stupid!!!

Anyway, the cops were called, and he fled on foot. Two guys were in the parking lot and Amy Beth's friend confronted them. Later it was discovered that Chad was visiting / hiding out in these guys' apartment. One of them is his best friend, and lives in the same building as Amy Beth! :rolleyes: :( Amy Beth's friends went down and let the air out of Chad's tire, but didn't slash it or anything bad like that. Chad still left in his car later, but he probably got some rim damage! :p

Basically the cops said they couldn't do anything, and Amy Beth got a bit upset with them. One of them was a jerk and told her to not tell him how to do his job! :mad: She later left a message for her private investigator.

This evening her P.I. called her back and asked her to meet her at 8:30 a.m tomorrow at the Sheriff's Dept. downtown. I think SURELY she will do something about this! She is the one who picked him up this last time. Please PRAY that they get him AGAIN! I don't doubt he will make bail again, but each time he does this he is just hurting himself more and more. What scares me is that if he continues to do stupid things, he may be thinking that since he is sure to go to jail "anyway" that he "might as well" do what he wants! I'm scared that he might escalate what he tries each time. :(

I'll update as soon as I know anything else. HOPEFULLY tomorrow!

K9karen

12-14-2006, 01:22 AM

Tsk, Tsk. It's always the poor babies who suffer. If I lived closer, you bet I'd have that precious, beautiful child with me whenever you needed help.

My prayers are with you and your family, Kim. My heart is breaking for you, too. I know, as a mother, to see this going on with your daughter, is heartbreaking.

joycenalex

12-14-2006, 06:15 AM

can amys' witness to chads' ongoing stupid behavior go with you AGAIN? keep documenting. keep reporting, and can you line up a non-family babysitter, so as many family members go with amy as possible? to make it obvious she's supported by many loving caring people?

ramanth

12-14-2006, 08:29 AM

What a moron. :mad: :( I really hope Amy's meeting with the PI and sheriff go well. *hugs*

catfamily

12-14-2006, 08:40 AM

I hate when cops talk to woman like they are a peice of cr..
Him saying to her "Don't tell me how to do my job".
This is why so many woman get killed by their ex's because some cops are too male chouvinistic toward woman to help them fully.What an a.. for that remark to her.
Amy Beth is doing everything right.You must be so proud of her.I hope this creep gets put behind bars soon for a long long time.

cassiesmom

12-14-2006, 11:06 AM

How terrible! I'll keep you all in my thoughts. Prayers are on the way.. ((((HUGS))))

ME, TOO (((hugs)))

kimlovescats

12-14-2006, 03:52 PM

So much for the thoughts that Amy Beth is "doing everything right". She called me this morning around 10:00 a.m. to tell me that she was being arrested and taken to jail! She said that "her" private investigator charged her with filing a false complaint (or something like that) for the call about Chad being at her apartment yesterday. I don't know what to believe. But regardless of whether this charge is rightful or not, is NOT the issue. While Amy Beth was gone to meet with the P.I.... she had left Jenna at home in the apartment ALONE!!! At the time of this call to me, Jenna was STILL home alone and had been for close to 2 hours!!! :( :( :mad: Needless to say, I screamed and yelled at my daughter for being so stupid and negligent. All she could do was say how her charges were so unfair and everything was Chad's fault. She thought the meeting with the P.I. would only "take about 5 minutes" and today was MY day off from keeping Jenna, and she just didn't want to deal with taking Jenna along. Jenna is TWO, and she gets restless and fussy in public places, so DEAL WITH IT!!! Don't leave her HOME ALONE!!!! :mad: :(

I immediately got off the phone with her and got my husband to rush to the apartment to get Jenna. We called the apt. manager to have maintenance meet us there with a key. (Amy Beth didn't want me to have a key even though WE co-signed for her lease!) Any way when we got to the apartment their were 2 cop cars there. I literally ran into the apartment screaming for Jenna!!! Thank God she was ok and the cops had fixed her some Fruit Loops to snack on. No doubt the first she had to eat all day! :( I grabbed Jenna right into my arms and bawled my eyes out for a very long time. I just cannot believe that Amy Beth did this. To add insult to injury there were items on the counter that were very upsetting and harmful! All out in visible sight on the counter. All of this was documented, video taped, and photographed. There was also no food in the cabinets and the small bit of milk was out of date. I just gave her over $200.00 of her own money this past Friday to buy groceries for the next two weeks, and she hadn't bought anything! :( I can only assume that she is buying drugs instead of food for her baby. I know that Amy Beth has still been eating fast food. Yesterday I asked if Jenna had eaten lunch, and her response was "oh, she ate a little bit of a taco ... but I don't think she liked it .. so yeah, she probably is hungry!" In otherwords, she bought herself tacos, Jenna got a bite or two and nothing else. Grammy always feeds her when she gets here.

I am so beside myself with shock, fear, disgust, and broken-heartedness that I can barely think straight. Amy Beth's bondswoman just called me to co-sign to let her bail out .... I refused. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I have no doubt that my daughter thinks that I have turned my back on her. I told the bondswoman to explain to her that it is the fact that she left Jenna home alone, and in an unsafe environment, that was the final straw for me.

DCS approved us to keep Jenna for now ... thank GOD we got there in time so that she wasn't put in foster care! It is only good until Dec. 27 but the DCS worker said that it will most likely be extended at that time. I just hope and pray that they never let Chad come and get her either!

I am so frazzled right now, please pray for us.

:( :( :(

catfamily

12-14-2006, 04:03 PM

OMG! Kim...I'm so so sorry.This is horrible to say the least.She is NOT doing the right thing...like we assumed she WAS doing the right thing.. :(
You have so much on your plate Kim..I wish I could help you in some way.
You have all the cats...now a new baby living under your care...and you now have to worry about what's going to happen in the future with your daughter and if they eventually put your granddaughrer in foster care.I hope it never comes to that.I PRAY it never comes to that.
Prayers...extra for you and your family from Maine.I hope they work.

critter crazy

12-14-2006, 04:07 PM

OMG!!! I just cannot imagine what you are going through right now!!! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!! Thank god you got there in time to take care of Jenna!! Poor baby!!! I think you did the best thing, by not paying the bail!! She definitely needs to think about what she has done!! Especially to her child!!! Prayers for you!!!

kittycats_delight

12-14-2006, 04:07 PM

Oh Kim, I don't even know what to say. I am soooo soooo very sorry. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope something good finally comes out of this. Poor little Jenna. Thank God she has you. Be strong I know it is hard but you are the only strength Jenna has. So be strong for her. And in turn we will be strong for you.

((((HUGS))))
Again I am sooo sorry for all this nightmare.

Daisy and Delilah

12-14-2006, 04:14 PM

I feel so bad for you and Jenna, Kim!! I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers :(

I can't imagine the stress you're going through but it's got to be next to impossible to live like this. Keep the faith sweetie!! :(

Maya & Inka's mommy

12-14-2006, 04:18 PM

OMG ....... what the heck was Amy Beth thinking???? NO thinking here, no doubt about that ...! How could she leave a 2 year old alone with drugs on the counter :eek: :mad: . No excuse for that, you took the right decision about NOT bailing her out!
Poor little Jenna, I feel so sorry for this sweet innoscent little girl... . But at least she is safe now, she is with her dearest grandma now :) , someone who loves her VERY much!

You are all in my prayers, Kimmie!!

kuhio98

12-14-2006, 04:23 PM

Dear sweet Kim. All I can say is that I think Amy Beth is in the right place. She needs to stay there. And, Jenna is in the right place. She needs to stay with you.

You are in our thoughts and prayers.

jazzcat

12-14-2006, 05:00 PM

OMG Kim! I can't believe how bad this has turned. I think you did the right thing in not bailing her out. She needs help and hopefully this will help her realize it.

You're in my prayers.

dukedogsmom

12-14-2006, 05:00 PM

This is so sad. I'm proud of you for not bailing her out of jail. Can you sue for custody and just let your daughter have visitation? That way, no more money for her and Jenna would be getting proper care. This would be hard any time but it being Christmas mus make it doubly hard. Do you have a Paypal account? Maybe some of us could send you some money to help with Jenna's Christmas. I feel so bad for you and your family.

cassiesmom

12-14-2006, 05:05 PM

What can we send you to make your Christmas better?

kimlovescats

12-14-2006, 05:08 PM

Thank you jazzcat, Dukedogsmom and Cassiesmom ... I'm crying too hard right now to even say much else.

borzoimom

12-14-2006, 05:12 PM

Good Lord I am shell shocked! I am totally speechless.. I am worried she may loose the child but maybe its the best thing if she came to live with you.. I really am at a loss for words here. No food in the house- drugs??? And her image to the court is more important now than any time in her life... I am just totally speechless. You are SO IN MY PRAYERS !!!!! SO IN MY PRAYERS!!!

rg_girlca

12-14-2006, 05:54 PM

I, like others, am totally shocked by this. I thought for sure that Amy Beth was finally seeing the light of what is wrong and what is right. Well, obviously NOT.. How could she even think of leaving a 2 year old alone for even 5 minutes and to take advantage of you Kim after ALL that you have done for her and Jenna, just disgusts me. :mad:
I just couldn't believe what I was reading. How I pray that Jenna can stay in your care where she belongs.

Kim, I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. My heart goes out to you.

If there is anything, anything at all, that I can do, please do not hesitate to ask.

Prayers and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} on the way for you, your hubby and Jenna.

shais_mom

12-14-2006, 05:55 PM

OMG Kim! I can't believe how bad this has turned. I think you did the right thing in not bailing her out. She needs help and hopefully this will help her realize it.

You're in my prayers.
I am in shock
you did the right thing for not bailing her.

moosmom

12-14-2006, 06:01 PM

Kim,

I'm glad to hear you have Jenna. She is in the best place right now, with her grandparents. I think Amy Beth is where she belongs at this point too. She lied to you. And I think there is far more to the story than she is letting on. To deny your child the simple basics in order to get high is despicable. I hope DCS will let you keep Jenna. She deserves two people who love her and will keep her safe. You've given Amy Beth every opportunity to get clean and take care of her child. It's obvious that getting high is far more important. It's time to think of Jenna and her well being.

Love and hugs to you, Kim. I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially during the holiday season. If there is ANYTHING I can do, please PM me, okay?

Jadapit

12-14-2006, 06:03 PM

I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with all this crap. You did do the right thing by not bailing your daughter out of jail. With her having NO one to enable her she will hopefully realize she is the one, the only one that can fix her life. My thoughts and prayers are with ALL of you. Please take care of yourself.

Craftlady

12-14-2006, 06:04 PM

I've been reading along here keeping up-to-date and this latest event is sure a shock. I'm so sorry your having to go through this with your daughter.

You did the right thing by not bailing her out. She needs to sit there realize the consequences of her actions.

DCS is on the ball seeing that your home is a safe place for Jenna. :) Having them extend it past the Dec 27th date shouldnt be a problem, I wouldnt think.
DCS is more than likely aware of the "fathers" actions too so IF they were to allow visitation it would be under supervision or what they call "supervised" visits.

Since you have a good relationship with the DCS caseworker, you will have a heads up on what is going to happen in the future.

I would contact a lawyer for advise on how you should proceed to keep Jenna's best interests in forefront.

Will keep good thoughts and prayers.

Catty1

12-14-2006, 06:31 PM

That must have been the HARDEST thing, to not post bail. But it is the right thing to do, as so many others have said.

Hopefully, she has a better chance than Chad of straightening out her life.

And what a horrible shock for you.

When you know what help you need, PLEASE post! You know we are here for you!

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

sirrahved

12-14-2006, 07:12 PM

Kim,

I'm crying right now for you and your situation. This is unimaginable to me! I pray that she will be ordered to parenting classes and that everything will work out for the best.

What I wouldn't give for a child to care for!

K9karen

12-14-2006, 07:18 PM

You did right by not enabling her by bailing her out. I can't imagine how you feel. I'm so upset.

PLEASE..is there anything we can do to help Jenna have a beautiful Christmas. Please PM me with your address. I'd love to help ASAP.

chocolatepuppy

12-14-2006, 07:18 PM

Kim, thank God Jenna is safe with you. I pray your daughter will get help and I pray for you to have the strength to deal with this situation. {hugs}

joycenalex

12-14-2006, 07:21 PM

you did the right thing in getting to jenna so fast and refusing to post bail. i am so sorry that this is so ugly.

cyber-sibes

12-14-2006, 07:24 PM

Of course you did the right thing by not bailing her out. Your daughter is a very sick woman who is completely controlled by her addictions at this time. Maybe a little jail time would sober her up & clear her head. I think craftlady's suggestion for you to see a lawyer about getting custody of Jenna is very sensible one. Your daughter will not be fit to care for her for a very long time, possibly years. She needs some serious intervention if she is going to ever get her life on the right track.
For your sake, please realize Amy Beth's drug/alcohol problem is not your fault. Thank God that you are there to pick up the pieces. lots of hugs & prayers going out for you.

Kfamr

12-14-2006, 08:20 PM

I really want to cry for you, especially after looking at Jenna's sweet sleeping pictures. I know all too well a similar situation like this - my friend and her baby daughter. She never ended up going to jail (although she should have) but it was the same situation - abusive baby's daddy, drugs, wasting money, etc.
Except, she isn't as fortunate as Amy Beth. Her family was very abusive towards her but still turned around and bailed her out. She still needs to learn after a year or so of this happening, just like Amy Beth, and it's a great thing you are allowing her to learn. Sometime down her path she will thank you for this, I am sure.

I am so glad Jenna is in your loving care. She is a very beatiful little girl. I want to give her a great big hug.

Karen

12-14-2006, 08:47 PM

You are in our prayers, Kim, you know that, but I wanted to say it publicly as well. Amy Beth has been given every chance, and has now blown them all. I am glad that Jenna is safe with you through Christmas. I hope and pray that Amy uses this chance to get rehab and straighten her life out, but am glad that Jenna will be safe with you in the meantime.

Bengalz

12-14-2006, 08:49 PM

Kim, my heart just breaks for you and your family :( You have been so strong and yet so loving throughout this ordeal - I admire your courage.

Amy Beth has a hard lesson to learn and it won't be an easy one. Watching her struggle has to be the worst experience of your life. Please remember to take comfort from those around you who care and don't be afraid to ask for help - you deserve every shoulder to lean on, dear lady.

Having the baby with you is a godsend - at least you know she is out of harm's way. You are her guardian angel and she is a lucky little girl to have you.

Sending you continued prayers that this situation takes a turn in the right direction - many hugs,

Betty

catnapper

12-14-2006, 09:59 PM

Oh Kim.... what a terrible mess. What has Amy Beth gotten everyone into?!? Hopefully this will be the wakeup call she desperately needs. No more excuses, this is REAL and SERIOUS! Sounds like she has been painting Chad as the bad guy all along when she was equally at fault.

Thank goodness you have Jenna and she'll spend Christmas in a safe and loiving place. Prayers that she continues to stay with you and things work out soon.

Logan

12-14-2006, 10:21 PM

Kim, it seems to me that you and your husband have done everything possible to help Amy Beth, protect both her and Jenna, and still this has backfired. I want to force my daughter to read everyone of these situations that I read about to make sure she knows how wrong things can go!

Thank you for loving Jenna the way you do. And thank you for loving Amy Beth enough to have done what you have to support her, but knowing when to stop, too.

Logan

krazyaboutkatz

12-15-2006, 12:19 AM

Kim, as others have said, you did the right thing by not bailing Amy Beth out. Hopefully she'll be able to clear her head and get the help she needs for her drug addiction. I'm so glad that Jenna is now safe with you and I hope that you'll be able to get custody of her. Lots of prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

Twisterdog

12-15-2006, 01:03 AM

Sometimes our children break our hearts, that's for sure. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sometimes tough love is the only love that works. I try to remember this saying ... "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." Stay strong, and don't forget, you are doing to right things, albeit not always the easy things.

Christiansmommy

12-15-2006, 07:55 AM

Kim, I don't even know quite what to say. I am sorry that you are going thru this mess, having to deal with this must be hard enough, and having to care for a 2 year old at the same time as you having to sort through your thoughts, emotions and everything else you are dealing with...I am just so sorry. I agree that you did right by doing the "tough love" thing with Amy Beth, why should she be given a reward as getting out, when she did something so wrong. Hopefully her time in jail will give her plenty of time to think through her mistakes. Thankfully Jenna is fine and is luckily not any older than she is...I think she is too young to ask too many questions or to really comprehend it all, so that in and of itself is a good thing...if she were 4 or 5 years old, then it would probably really be affecting her more ( but I am sure it is confusing to her just the same).

I will pray for you and your family...you can be sure. (((HUGS))) and love from me, Kim.

elizabethann

12-15-2006, 08:08 AM

I am sending you a cyber hug right now (((((hug hug hug))))).

Please take care of yourself and best of luck to you in this situation. Nice to hear that Jenna is safe with you. She is lucky to have you in her life.

Laura's Babies

12-15-2006, 08:14 AM

Kim, these kids seem to make the all the wrong decisions in their youth and inmaturity and we can't help but wonder what they are thinking sometimes with the things they do. For some reason, this is a lesson she needed and I am 100% behind you on refusing to get her out of jail. THAT alone may do her more good than anything you have ever done for her.

Hang in there and keep praying for her (and I will add my prayers for her to yours) and someday, she will grow up and be the adult you know she can be.

pitc9

12-15-2006, 08:26 AM

O...M..... G... :eek:
Thank goD you got there in time to get Jenna! She was probably as happy to see you, as you were to see her.

I also am VERY proud of you for not bailing Amy Beth out of jail. She needs to sit and think about what she's doing, and realize that what she's doing is not just affecting her life... but her life style is now also affecting Jenna's life as well as yours.

Maaaany hugs to you!

Queen of Poop

12-15-2006, 09:21 AM

Oh boy, what a mess. I am so proud of you for leaving Amy-Beth in jail. She needs to come to the conclusion that she's got a problem and needs to get help for it. You can't help her now, you've tried. She needs to do it for herself. Perhaps in jail she can figure this out. I am glad that Jenna is with Grandma and will be cared for properly. You should do all you can to keep this little sweetheart in your custody. It is now clear that her parents are incapable of providing the necessities of life for her. Bless you for altering your life to care for your grandbaby. I pray that your daughter can get her head straightened out, that you remain strong and safe and that your grandaughter can get past this and lead a normal life.

borzoimom

12-15-2006, 09:39 AM

I agree- at some point, even with all you have done to help, she needs to understand the law is the law... She will not get the help she needs now- distroyed your trust this was fine and she was handling this- and now needs to go through the programs to get her on track. Meanwhile- the baby is fine with you.. I wish I could give you a HUGEEEEEEE {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

ramanth

12-15-2006, 10:05 AM

Gosh Kim, I'm so sorry. :( :( :( I'm pretty much in agreeance with everyone else. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.

sasvermont

12-15-2006, 10:10 AM

Kim, that baby should not be with her mother. Her mother needs to go in to rehab ASAP. I suspect the child will be taken from her eventually if things keep up the way they are going.

Tough love, my dear, though love. I think that's what your daughter needs.

My gosh. Such a horror and such a horror for Jenna.

joycenalex

12-15-2006, 10:42 AM

kim, my hospital chain has support groups for custodial grandparents, does your local hospital have something similar? the experience, strength and hope of others who are in your (baby) shoes can be invaluable. and i'm going to suggest ala-anon. this group is for families and loved ones of those with chemical dependancy issues. it has been invaluable for me in my life. hugs again this morning, i woke up thinking of you.

luvofallhorses

12-15-2006, 11:17 AM

I am sooo very sorry, Kim. :( atleast Jenna is with you and you did the right thing by not bailing her out. I wouldn't have, either. maybe this will give her time to think what a horrible thing she has done to her daughter. my thoughts and prayers are with you all. (((HUGS)))

wvmutts

12-15-2006, 01:12 PM

Kim, I'm so very sorry to hear that. :( I really hope that your daughter can get some help.

I'm glad that Jenna is safe with you.

anna_66

12-15-2006, 01:52 PM

Oh man, I can't even say how sad & angry it makes me that she left her child alone. I'm glad you and your husband have custody. Times like this make me glad I don't have any children :o

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lizzie

12-15-2006, 02:37 PM

Kim - I'm only now reading the latest updates, a wind storm last night kept me from getting online. I was so utterly appalled that Jenna was left alone, it makes my blood run cold. Even when I was in my early teens and baby-sitting my brothers, nothing at all would have made me consider leaving them alone for even "five minutes". Those drugs have her in a tight grip and she's totally incapable of rational thought at this time, only the kind of thinking that will get her what she wants.

It all makes you wonder how much she said against Chad was true and how much to get sympathy and more support from you. Are the friends of his in her apartment building also friends enough with her to be supplying her with drugs? Is this all a power play between her and Chad with Jenna in the middle? For ten years, I watched my next-door-neighbor try to deal with her drug addict son and the chaos it caused to an entire family. She enabled him and it made the situation much worse. He lied to her repeatedly and she kept believing him because she didn't want to not believe him. She almost lost her hard-working daughter because she allowed her son to pretty much rule her life. The entire neighborhood was relieved when he moved out this year after she got a new boyfriend with a very clear head.

I send my strongest hopes that you will be allowed to foster Jenna. All through the posts, I kept seeing an image of her with a cheeky grin in my mind and hoping desperately that the damage to her will be minimal. I don't want to imagine the impact all this would have had on her if she didn't have you and your husband to provide her with a safe haven.

You are going to have quite a chaotic Christmas with a two-year-old tearing open presents, both her own and everyone else's!

Jods

12-15-2006, 08:07 PM

Oh Kim I am so sorry I am sitting here in tears for you and your family. Jenna must have been so scared! I wonder if this is the first time shes been left alone, and for her to be mad about her charge and not worried about Jenna!. Your daughter needs re-hab there is no way she can get out of this mess on her own. The drugs have a hold of her, shes not thinking straight. PLEASE don't let her take Jenna back when she gets out PLEASE!!! File for custody! Its only a matter of time before Jenna is badly injured or taken away by CPS. :( I truly don't believe your dealing with the real Amy beth anymore. its the drugs!

joycenalex

12-17-2006, 08:59 PM

hey kim, i've been thinking of you today, how are you all doing?

BC_MoM

12-17-2006, 09:51 PM

Oh my.. What a shock to hear Amy Beth left poor Jenna all alone. :( :( I have to commend you for not bailing her out of jail. Jods is right, this definitely doesn't sound like the same Amy Beth who was starting over and trying to get rid of that damned husband of hers!

Lobodeb

12-17-2006, 10:18 PM

Wow! I just read this entire thread and cannot imagine how helpless and exhausted you must feel. I'm very sorry that you, hubby and Jenna are going throught this, but I have to thank God that Jenna has you to care for her instead of going into foster care. Hopefully, you'll be able to get full custody of her.

My prayers will include you and your family. And as others have suggested, is there anything we can do to help make this Christmas special, considering your circumstances? I'm willing to help.

(((((((((((((Hugs to you, hubby and Jenna)))))))))))))))

petslover

12-17-2006, 10:33 PM

Wow, I am just reading this thread. I am truely sorry about what you are going through. It broke my heart for you, your husband, and Jenna. You must be exhausted through this trial time. I have to believe that you did the right thing for not bailing your daughter out. I hope it gives her time to think about where her life is going if she doesn't straighten up.

I will just pray for your family and that things get better for all of you.

Soapets

12-17-2006, 11:18 PM

I've been away for awhile, so am just now catching up on this. I think you did the right thing by not posting bail for her. I am glad that Jenna is safe with you. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.............

Deb

borzoimom

12-18-2006, 07:44 AM

How is it going?

jackmilliesmom

12-18-2006, 09:41 AM

Hi Kim, I have just been catching up - take strength where you can and know that I am passing as much strength as is possible to you. I am very proud of the stand you took with your daughter and you need to keep that stand and not back down no matter what she says or does until she has proved herself again. I am sending you the most blessed Christmas Wishes and praying that you have a peaceful and happy healthy New Year and this is extended to your husband and your beautiful little angel Jenna. I hope Santa has enough room in his sack for her this year and that she gets her little hearts desire.

I know you feel your heart's desire has been crushed but believe me it has not you have something more precious - Jenna. I hope that DCS will let her stay with you and that you will proceed and get some legal advice on taking her on full time - I know this is not your ideal situation maybe but you are her home her love and her protector now. Stay strong and keep well my dear lady. With best wishes and lots of love and (((({{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}})))) for you and yours this season.

Pawsitive Thinking

12-18-2006, 10:24 AM

I know she's your daughter and everything but Amy Beth and that Chad creature need a damn good kick in the pants!! That poor little baby girl - what chance does she stand with those two as parents - thank God she has you and Grandpa!

molucass

12-18-2006, 10:50 AM

lizbud

12-18-2006, 01:09 PM

I am sorry I haven't responded before now, but please know that I have been keeping you and Jenna in my prayers since I first read this thread.

I don't even know what to say in a situation like this, but I did want to tell you that I am continuing to pray for you and your family.

I feel much the same way. Prayers for you & the whole family.
Knowing how the courts seem to work, your daughter must be out of jail
by now. I really hope that some way can be worked out to keep this poor
child safe & protected.

kimlovescats

12-18-2006, 02:49 PM

First I just want to let everyone know that I AM reading your posts ... I just don't have the ability right now to address every one of them. All of you are dearly appreciated and I can't tell you enough how much all of your support and prayers mean to me during this terribly sad and stressful time.

Yes, Amy Beth is still in jail, as we have not bailed her out. She is calling several times per day, crying and pleading for us to get her out for Christmas. I am trying to remain strong, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out. It's very difficult leaving your first born baby in jail, especially during the holidays. :(

borzoimom

12-18-2006, 03:07 PM

Honey- having her come to grips with this for one Christmas might help her make the next one.. The help you can provide is for the grandchild now, and let the courts get her the help. She obviously isnt listening to you..

BC_MoM

12-18-2006, 03:27 PM

Amy Beth is old enough to take care of herself. She had a wonderful mother like you to raise her, and it's her choice to take what she learned from you and apply it to her own life. Why should you waste your life babysitting her?

You, now, have to take care of itty bitty Jenna (not that you mind, I think? but it does tie you down sometimes) and give her the best Christmas possible right now.

Stay strong!

cassiesmom

12-18-2006, 03:53 PM

What would be the next step(s) if you were to bail your daughter out? What would happen next if you opted not to take that action?

I agree with brody's mum and jackmilliesmom -- that Jenna is blessed to have her grandmother and granddad who love her and have her best interests at heart; and a wish that you'll have a peaceful and joyful Christmas and all the best in the new year. [[[hugs]]] and prayers being said. If you find you need something, just say the word. hugs... elyse

borzoimom

12-18-2006, 04:04 PM

I agree- if she spends the time in there verses any other day, it might make her realize she has to take charge of her life. ..

catfamily

12-18-2006, 04:17 PM

Your one strong woman and the best mom I know :) I'm here for you whenever you need me Kim.Please don't hesitate...just call.
Love and Hugs to you my Dear Friend

gini

12-18-2006, 04:18 PM

If you told us that your daughter had called and was crying because
she was going to miss out on her daughter's Christmas

then I would have a hard time over that. But instead I read that SHE wants to be out for Christmas.

TOUGH LOVE is exactly that TOUGH! And it is very hard on everyone.

If you bail her out, you will be right back at square ONE.

It sounds so horribly harsh - but what your daughter is doing to herself and to her own daughter - could not be harsher................

leaving that child alone..............it should never, ever happen again!

In the meantime, I offer up many prayers for you and your family.

borzoimom

12-18-2006, 04:36 PM

I agree with gini...

kimlovescats

12-18-2006, 04:59 PM

Amy Beth does miss Jenna. She always wants to talk with her on the phone and cries her eyes out afterwards! My daughter loves her baby girl, she is just very young still and has problems that need to be addressed. There is NO excuse for all that she has done, and she needs to "pay" and suffer .... and the courts and DCS will expect a lot from her before they give Jenna back to her. The thing is, that she is getting no help by sitting in a jail cell. There is also the chance that once she gets to court, that she will have to serve some time. If this happens, there is no getting her 'out'. She has severe abandonment issues with her own "father". It makes it that much harder to make her feel that I have also abandoned her. I know that I would be giving others the same advice that most of you are giving me ... but it is a completely different thing when you are facing this with your own child. :(

borzoimom

12-18-2006, 05:06 PM

If nothing else- she is detoxing- without able to do anymore.. You do know that detoxing from this can cause depression..
Honey- we are just here to support you and your care for your granddaughter during this trying time. I really do feel this is the only way for your daughter to realize- this is a real problem. She needs to show she is trying to do something to correct the situation. Also with this situation with her, it will be hard to get a restraining order as the court could see her as a just as neglegent. Or at least she has a problem with her credability..

RedHedd

12-18-2006, 05:07 PM

I agree with gini...
Me too. Prayers going out your way, Kim, that the path gets easier.

My Peanuts

12-18-2006, 05:51 PM

I am so sorry about all this. Prayers are on the way. I know it must be eating you alive to leave Mary Beth in jail, but it needed to be done. I hope that she will understand that one day if she doesn't now.

Catty1

12-18-2006, 06:06 PM

Are you in a position to order rehab treatment for her, or a psychologist? I'd call up someone - maybe that grandparents group at your hospital, a social worker, shelter, anything....even call a rehab centre.

They have seen and heard it ALL, and will be a great source of information and solutions.

Suggest that if she wants to be free, that she spend one of her phone calls on AA, and agree to a visit with them. They will send a pair of females (or maybe one). I know there was pot - but sounds like she has issues with alcohol as well.

SO many have lost families and kids - and got them back again. She can too, if she's willing to get honest and do the work.

Have her call AA, hon. And maybe call Al-Anon for your own sake, just to talk to someone.

HUGS

catfamily

12-18-2006, 06:30 PM

Catty 1 ...That's great info

kuhio98

12-18-2006, 07:27 PM

Kim ~ Your whole family is in my thoughts and prayers. I urge you to stay strong. Tough love may be just what she needs. She needs to know that she is responsible for her actions. Yes, she may think she's learned that lesson, but if you bail her out, she may always think in the back of her mind that you'll always be there to clean up her messes. Please stay strong. This very, very, very hard lesson may keep her from making countless mistakes in the future.

Please don't bail her out to make yourself feel better about the whole thing. We all want to be there for our kids. But, you are being there for her. In a different way. In my humble opinion, the biggest, kindest gift you could ever give her, is this time in jail to reflect on where she is. Where she's been. And where she's going. Stay strong!

kimlovescats

12-18-2006, 07:51 PM

kimlovescats

12-18-2006, 07:57 PM

Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.

Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.

catnapper

12-18-2006, 08:03 PM

Oh Kim, you are being a good mom and grandmom. This is what she needs, even though she likely won't realize it for quite a while. Glad to hear she passed the drug test and isn't going through withdrawl; thats a positive sign that you got her before she went completely down the wrong path.

Alysser

12-18-2006, 08:09 PM

I just read the whole thread and I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you, especially around such a joyus time. You, Amy Beth, and little Jenna will definately be in my prayers. Go with your instincts and stick to them, they will lead you on the right path through this. ((Hugs))

Pembroke_Corgi

12-18-2006, 08:14 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about the latest turn of events. Thank god you were there to get Jenna...despite everything she is lucky to have wonderful grandparents. I'll keep everyone in my thoughts.

Lizzie

12-18-2006, 11:04 PM

Kim - Is it possible that if you did bail out Amy Beth, it would be seen in a negative way by DCS? Might they think that you are enabling her, or at least that you are not taking it as seriously as they would like to see. Surely your refusal to bail out your daughter will be viewed by them as a good reason to allow you to continue to foster Jenna. This might help Amy Beth understand why it is in Jenna's best interests for you to refuse to bail her out. At all costs, Jenna must stay with the family that she knows and loves.

What does your husband and other daughter think?

Catty1

12-18-2006, 11:11 PM

If you bail her out...remember how mad you got at Chad's mom for doing the same thing.

She can bail HERSELF out by reaching out for help from AA or some form of recovery.

That's HER job. Put the ball in her court, where it belongs.

And PLEASE call Al-Anon!

START HERE, if you want: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

borzoimom

12-19-2006, 07:30 AM

Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.
I am glad she passed the test. But also witnessing what these drugs do to you by observing other people might actually help her bring the message home to herself to do something to change her life- this time for real and to stay..

kuhio98

12-19-2006, 08:05 AM

If you bail her out...remember how mad you got at Chad's mom for doing the same thing.Good point! His mom thinks she is doing the right thing every time she bails him out. But, it's hurt him in the long run. He hasn't learned his lesson. And he keeps making bigger mistakes.

4 Dog Mother

12-19-2006, 08:37 AM

While I agree that Amy Beth needs some "tough" love, I also don't think I could let my daughter sit in jail over Christmas. I might let her sit and stew for a few more days but I KNOW I would have her out for Christmas. What kind of a Christmas is Kim going to have with her child in jail - it's easy to say you wouldn't give in but in reality Christmas is about love and family and God who gave us Jesus so we could learn more about love and forgiveness. My son is dead and I would do anything to have him back for one more Christmas.

And from what I read Chad's parents haven't even let him spend a night in jail - that's hardly the same thing. We can all sit and say what would be best but in the end no one really knows how this will turn out and what the consequence of each action will be (let her stay in jail vs. bail her out). We can only pray that everything will turn out all right.

BitsyNaceyDog

12-19-2006, 09:18 AM

I've been following this thread every inch of the way. I'm not too good with words though so I haven't said anything. I do want to let you know, Kim, that you, Jenna, Amy Beth, and your whole family are in my prayers.

While most everyone has suggested letting Amy Beth sit in jail for Christmas is for the best I'm going to disagree. I think the best Christmas present for Jenna would be to spend the day with her mother. This must be such a hard time for Jenna and I'm sure she misses her mom. (Kim, you will still have custody of Jenna if Amy Beth is bailed out, right?) I want to add that I can't even begin to know how difficult this decision is to make, and I know whatever you decide, Kim, will be for the best.

kimlovescats

12-19-2006, 10:34 AM

Thank you 4dogmother and Kblaix for the honesty and varying opinions. This is NOT an easy decision to make and even though I am her mother and "should" know her better than anyone, I am not sure that I DO! :( She has done so many things behind my back and totally ignored my advice so many times that I just don't know. However, I can say this for her ... if I ask her about things, she generally tells me the truth ... if she truly thinks I know, and even some times when I didn't, she always feels the need to come clean with me. Yet at the same time, I know how my deceased brother used to lie and manipulate to all of us ... and he WAS an addict and it ultimately caused his death. :(

To answer Kay's question: no I do not actually have CUSTODY of Jenna right now. If at any time Chad requested it, he could come and pick her up from me and I could do nothing about it! It could be today, tomorrow, any time. I am just temporary SHELTER for Jenna right now. :(

shais_mom

12-19-2006, 10:36 AM

kimlovescats

12-19-2006, 11:20 AM

what about the restraining order? is that null if she's in Jail? is Jenna no included on it? :(

That's right, I think that he could not get her for at least now. His court date is also in January. There are so many different dates and issues to keep up with, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm basically just waiting for SOMEONE to tell me what to do when. :(

borzoimom

12-19-2006, 11:29 AM

That will work- then just do it.. lol. Go into " autopilot".. You are in my prayers, and I just wish I could help..

lvpets2002

12-19-2006, 12:16 PM

:( Oh Kim such heartaches now & I am so saddened for you.. Just Love & Hang on to that Jenna.. We & I are all here for you.. PM me anytime for anything.. You Are Always in My Prayers.. (((( HUGGSS ))))
That's right, I think that he could not get her for at least now. His court date is also in January. There are so many different dates and issues to keep up with, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm basically just waiting for SOMEONE to tell me what to do when. :(

cyber-sibes

12-19-2006, 04:33 PM

I don't envy you, what a hard decision to make. I went to a carry-in on sunday and spent the last half hour talking to a young woman (20-something) about how she has spent the past 3 Christmases in jail because of arrests related to her drugs and alcohol use. THREE Christmases! :eek: This will be her first sober Christmas. I don't know if this suggestion would help, but she said that the last time, she went from jail directly into a half-way house for women addicts, she realized that she simply couldn't keep clean on her own. She is now coming up on 1 year of sobriety/clean time.
You know that you will have support here on PT whatever decision you make. Thank God you are there for Jenna.

kimlovescats

12-19-2006, 05:19 PM

The Domestic Violence office called today to remind Amy Beth that she has a court date for this Thursday. I don't even know if she knows about it. So, I called the jail and they showed only one court date for her, and it is for TOMORROW for her preliminary hearing for HER two charges. There have been so many court dates thrown around between Chad, both of them, and now just for HER that I don't know what is going on when ... or what I should or shouldn't go to. PLUS, I have NO ONE who can watch Jenna for me to go and I can't take her with me! The judges get very angry when small children show up in court, and I totally understand the reasons why! I am torn between bailing her out to be sure she makes all of her court appearances and so I can go to, or saying I don't care anymore and just staying out of all of it. I am so stressed right now, I am seriously about to have a break down. All I want to do is lie in my bed and bawl my eyes out and I can't even do that because Jenna is with me 24/7. God, I wish I could just go away somewhere and get away from all of this. :( :( :( :(

Craftlady

12-19-2006, 05:27 PM

I'm betting the courts are aware she is in jail. She will be taken to the court appearance or her lawyer will appear and let them know where she is at the moment. So for this aspect you dont have to stress yourself out.

borzoimom

12-19-2006, 05:27 PM

Man- I am at a loss for words. She should have a county public defender. I am sure they can work out the court dates and all. You can not be her lawyer- thats thier job. YOu can not do anymore tonight anyway.
As far as you- you need a night off. Turn off the tv, bag the phone, make some hot chocolate, ... I wish I had the answers honey, but I do not. But I do know you need to take care of yourself.

Vermontcat

12-19-2006, 05:41 PM

Kim, I am so sorry to hear how badly things have been going for you. :(
I have been so busy with work lately that I barely have time to even peek in on Pet Talk.
The most important thing is for you to be there for little Jenna.
She needs you and some stability in her life right now.
Can your husband or younger daughter help you out with Jenna at least for an hour or two to give you a break?
Are they able to care for her if you do go to the court dates or do their work and school schedules conflict with the court date times?
Are there other trusted friends or relatives that could help out with her?
If you really want to get away, you and Jenna can come up here to Vermont. ;)

Sending lots of hugs your way, it sounds like you really need them right now.
Samantha sends purrs and headbumps your way too. :)

cassiesmom

12-19-2006, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.

Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.

She's been there long enough now that if she were going to get the message, it should have happened. Post her bond and bring her home. [[[hugs]]]

rg_girlca

12-19-2006, 11:09 PM

Kim, how I wish I had the words that would help you, but unfortunately I don't. I can't even imagine what this must be like for you and my heart breaks for you. Is it the right thing not to post bond for her? I don't know.
Is it the right thing to post bond for her? I don't know that either. All I know is what you had mentioned in one of your posts that has me very, very concerned for Jenna.

QUOTED BY KIMLOVESCATS
There was also no food in the cabinets and the small bit of milk was out of date. I just gave her over $200.00 of her own money this past Friday to buy groceries for the next two weeks, and she hadn't bought anything! I can only assume that she is buying drugs instead of food for her baby.

I don't doubt that Amy Beth loves Jenna, but for her to put the welfare of Jenna in harms way, I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to comprehend. She HAS to get her priorities straightened out and her first priority is Jenna and nothing but Jenna.
I just pray that this has finally made Amy Beth see that.
She desperately needs help and I pray that she will allow herself to get it.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} continue for you Kim and prayers for your family.
I know this is easier said than done, but please try and stay strong for your own sanity and for the sake of sweet Jenna. Lean on us for strength Kim.
This tough time WILL end. Just know in your heart that you don't need to go it alone. We will always be here for you.

joycenalex

12-20-2006, 04:54 AM

this is always hard to tell. i'm the oldest kid in my family, my first brother is 3 years younger then me. in his late teens, he got into drugs, then breaking and entering to get money for drugs. he stole from my mom (her mothers rings went so he could get more drugs), he stole from my neighbors, he tried to shake me down for drug money. he was a stupid criminal. he went to county jail time and again, mom kept posting his bail, he kept doing the same thing over and over, and it got worse, finally. he has been in the state prison system for the last 15 years. every christmas, mom cries. he's never coming out of prison, he never learned to take responsibility.
not everyone is like my brother, i know. it hurts me so much to see my mom cry every christmas, yet, if he had not been 'rescued' time and again, maybe it would have been different for him and her. be strong kim, it's not easy, but jenna comes first. (hugs)

jackmilliesmom

12-20-2006, 05:57 AM

Ok Kim I have posted before and said that you need to be strong and take a stand well you have so far. You now need to take a stand for your own health and sanity and put your foot up your husbands nether regions and your younger daughter's nether regions also.

I understand that they may be disappointed by Amy Beth and that things have not been great but you are not their disappointment Amy Beth is and Jenna is an innocent in all of this. You need a break from her though so they must now put their selfishness aside and take her from you even for a half an hour so you can even have a cup of coffee in peace or just close your eyes for while or take a walk. They need to pull their socks up and get themselves moving and into gear to help you and Jenna now.

I must sound horrible but things have to be done and you are just one person. As for Amy Beth's Court Date get the County Defender or whatever to explain to the Court the situation and tell them that at the moment you are not prepared to bail Amy Beth out until she asks for help. I know she tested clean but she still had the drugs in her apartment and left a curious 2 year old on her own - you found Jenna happy and healthy but it could have been a different scenario and you could have found a limp lifeless body then AMy Beth would have to deal with being charged for manslaughter or worse - just think about it and then decide if you want to bail her out or not - I will support you no matter what you decision is but just sit and think about it first before you do anything rash....

Karen

12-20-2006, 07:50 AM

God, I wish I could just go away somewhere and get away from all of this. :( :( :( :(

Time to call your pastor, if you have one. I am sure he might know someone who could take Jenna for a few hours on Thursday- some churches even have "Grandparents parenting support groups" or even "Mommy's Day Out" opportunities. You need to take some time for just you, as precious and important as Jenna is, you need time to retain your own sanity and energy.

Sadly, my only relations in Tennessee are over 3 hours away (I Googled it), so I have no body on the ground there to offer you, but reach out, sweetie, okay?

Pembroke_Corgi

12-20-2006, 07:58 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about this, I really am. I wish that I could offer some good advice and help in some way. However, please know that you are in my thoughts and you have everyone here praying and hoping for you.

BitsyNaceyDog

12-20-2006, 09:29 AM

Karen offered some great advise. If you have one a church family is a wonderful place to look for help and support. Does your other daughter (please forgive me, I can't remember her name) have a friend that may be able to babysit for a few hours?

How far are you from Chattanooga? My sister-in-law goes to a private college there (Tennessee Temple). She's here in Florida right now for the holidays, but she may be able to help you some after she returns to Tennessee.

cassiesmom

12-20-2006, 03:05 PM

Kim, how are you all doing today?

Logan

12-21-2006, 09:24 AM

I wanted you to know I am thinking of you, Kim. I know this is a horrible time for you. Be strong for Jenna and please, please, please take care of yourself, too.

We love you and hate to see you in the midst of such turmoil as a mother and a grandmother. It is going to get better. It has to!

Logan

Catty1

12-21-2006, 10:45 AM

Kim - how are your other daughter and husband reacting to this? What are they doing?

Is is possible that your being so upset, which you have a right to be - are you pushing them out without meaning to because you are so caught up on "how" to fix this?

If you are someone who always has trouble reaching out to others, this is the time to stop. Maybe your husband and daughter learned long ago that whatever they did, it wasn't good enough - so they don't try any more.

I am not bashing you, hon - but I saw this happen in my family, and others. And it really hurts more at times like this.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

AbbyMom

12-21-2006, 12:44 PM

I have read this thread many times and thought about how I could offer words of wisdom or encouragement. I find that I have nothing to offer that others haven't already offered.

But I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family and sending prayers.

kimlovescats

12-21-2006, 02:36 PM

I saw my daughter in court this morning. It was extremely hard seeing her in handcuffs off in a seat in front of the entire courtroom. Chad had an attorney who asked the judge to drop the protective order from him in regards to Jenna. The lawyer had Amy Beth sign to agree to this. Before I even got home, Chad and 2 police officers were at my door and took Jenna from my husband. There is nothing I can do about it at this point. He is a "free" man and she is his daughter ... since Amy Beth agreed / signed to drop the protective order regarding Jenna, then he has every right to her. Right now I am just so exhausted that I am numb.

I bawled my eyes out nearly the whole time I was in the courtroom ... it was very hard sitting there all alone. Several other women in the courtroom came over and hugged me and gave me tissues. After court, I ran in to Chad and his mother in the elevator. She hugged me and I didn't even speak, I just broke down in her arms. The elevator door opened and I got out. I looked into getting an attorney to file for custody of Jenna, but the only who could / would talk to me today wanted $6500.00 up front! We don't even have 1/3 of that! Right now I am just not going to pursue custody. I know that Chad's mother will be the one actually caring for Jenna while she is in "his" custody. Chad even told my husband that he doesn't want full custody of Jenna. He also claimed that he had been staying at Amy Beth's apartment with her some during all of this. I don't know who to believe anymore and I am fed up with the whole thing. I know that between myself and his mom, Jenna will always be cared for and protected as much as possible. The court date is set for January 2nd to determine the outcome of her charges.

For those speaking of my husband ... you have the wrong impression! Jerry could not be a more supportive or loving husband to me. If anything he is too tender-hearted almost to a fault. He loves me and my girls and would do absolutely anything I asked him to do. My younger daughter (Amanda) is tired of having her time with me messed up and pre-occupied with Amy Beth, Jenna and their problems. I know exactly how she feels ... I lived the same scenario with my older brother and sister.

borzoimom

12-21-2006, 02:40 PM

I was afraid this would happen. Without her staying with a protective order, with him the father, he is entitled. I have no idea what to do.. None..
I feel for you so much. I wish there was something I could do.

Catty1

12-21-2006, 02:41 PM

I am glad you have Jerry's support....I hadn't heard much about him, and am glad to hear this.

As I said in my post, I was not trying to bash you - I just didn't know what he was or wasn't doing!

It almost sounds like you and Chad's mom might have some sort of alliance...your kids are both in trouble. She has been in pain too.

Maybe you can arrange visits meanwhile?

I know you can't see which way is up right now, Kim - but I hope you have some quiet time right now.

I guess Amy Beth signed over custody because there was legally no one else she could sign over to at that moment...and she certainly wouldn't get Jenna back right now.

PRAYERS and HUGS.

cassiesmom

12-21-2006, 05:25 PM

more [[[hugs]]]
Dear God, please bless Kim and her family this afternoon ... please help them to feel your presence at this holy time of the year. Please give them physical health and strength. Please be with Jenna and her parents and all those who love her. God, I know that what is impossible with people is possible with you, so I would just ask that your peace would be with Kim and her family right now. Thank you, God, Amen.

Craftlady

12-21-2006, 06:47 PM

My heart goes out to poor little Jenna. She is more than likely one confussed little girl. It's not a wonder she hasnt freaked out when officers in uniform show up. It's twice now that they have showed up and she has been taken somewhere else to stay. Even though it's been from one grandparents to the other set of grandparents the way it's occurred would upset any child let alone someone as young as Jenna.

It's sad when small children are caught in the middle. God is watching over Jenna for sure & that is a comfort.

carole

12-21-2006, 07:25 PM

Kim my heart goes out to you, and i am extremely saddened by the latest situation, i can only imagine how you must be feeling, if it's any consolation remember this is the drugs not really Amy Beth, no it does not excuse her behaviour, but it is why she is doing what she is doing, sadly they become the most important thing in their life, when they don't care enough about themselves they are hardly in a position to care about anything or anyone else.

I am certain she loves her daughter and you too,but right now she is ill and needs help desperately, before she can be a caring mother and daughter.

I so hope things improve and that you can attain custody of your precious Jenna, right now she has to be number one priority, as i know you already know that, please take care and i hope with all my heart that life gets better for you all and soon, HUGS.

kimlovescats

12-21-2006, 08:24 PM

Today has been another exhausting day, but I at least have some peace for the moment. I have been praying for guidance from God this entire time, and praying that He would put on my heart what was the right thing to do. Today when I left the courtroom, and returned back home, Amy Beth called me. At that moment I knew that I needed to bond her out, if only to see her baby for the holidays. I did it. I know many of you will be disappointed and not understand, but I ask you to please try to put yourself in my shoes. I felt like that if Chad had a right to now have Jenna during Christmas and not be in jail, why should my daughter not have the same? There is a good chance that either or both of them will have to serve time after their court dates ... Jenna deserves to have both her Mommy and Daddy in her life for as long as she can. I know now that his mother (Denise) is struggling as well ... she put her arms around me in the elevator today and said, "our kids really mess up, don't they?" I didn't say a word but just broke down and bawled in her arms. When the elevator door opened, I stepped out and we went our separate ways.

I just took Amy Beth back to her apartment, and her MIL (Denise) is going to bring Jenna over to visit with her. I pray that they enjoy their reunion and are blessed during their time together.

Thank you all for your continued prayers ... Cassiesmom, I appreciate your beautiful prayer here on the thread!!! You ALL mean so much to me!!! This all is far from over ... court and sentencing still lie ahead ... but for the next couple of weeks, I hope to be able to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and the Love that God has freely given to us all!

Kim

borzoimom

12-21-2006, 08:29 PM

We are behind you at a 150 percent.. no kidding.. You are there- we are not.. I am so sorry it came to this- I just wish I knew what to say here..

joycenalex

12-21-2006, 08:34 PM

kim-((hugs)) you are walking a hard road, i wish it goes well for you.

Catty1

12-21-2006, 11:58 PM

HUGS. You know the situation and your heart best.

Will Amy Beth be staying at her apartment? I wish you a family Christmas with all the love possible!

kimlovescats

12-22-2006, 01:04 AM

HUGS. You know the situation and your heart best.

Will Amy Beth be staying at her apartment? I wish you a family Christmas with all the love possible!

Yes, she will be staying in her apartment. The same bondswoman bonded both Chad and Amy Beth. She told her that if either one of them tries to contact each other in the slightest way, she will have them both thrown right back in jail! They both have court appearances on January 2nd.

Chad has custody of Jenna right now and Amy Beth has supervised visitation with her. However, Chad told my husband that he didn't want full custody of Jenna when he picked her up today!

Amy Beth has to find a job ASAP ... she was told to get a title loan on her car right away and pay whatever she could get to her bonding agent. Once she gets a job, she has to make $100.00 per week payments on her bond as well. If she misses a payment, she goes back to jail as well. The bondswoman told her that if she could come up with $2,000.00 in the next week then they would consider her paid in full. (Her debt is actually $2,500.00) Well, if she (we) had that kind of money sitting around she wouldn't have needed to make payments! :rolleyes: They also only gave her 90 days to pay off the full debt! :confused: Even if she goes back to jail before it is paid off, she will still owe the balance.

I can't thank all of you enough for caring to keep up with this thread and continuing to pray for us! It is far from over, I'm not nieve about that, but I can at least take a breather and enjoy Christmas with my complete family.

LOVE YOU ALL!
Kim

jackmilliesmom

12-22-2006, 03:29 AM

Craftlady

12-22-2006, 08:54 AM

Bondsman/women dont fool around they are upfronting the monies and want to be paid back. 90 days is very reasonable pay back plan. $100 a week is steep but then again that's the price one pays for not sitting in jail.

Good Luck

Lobodeb

12-22-2006, 09:26 AM

For whatever it's worth, I think you did the right thing by bailing Amy Beth out now. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to let her stay in jail for the time that she was there, but I'm sure she learned something during that time. You didn't bail her out the minute she got in. You let her think about what she's done and hopefully, she'll see what mistakes she's made and come up with ways to remedy her situation.

I'm confident that you will have a merry Christmas with your family. Please enjoy this happy, peaceful, magical time. :)

jazzcat

12-22-2006, 09:39 AM

Kim, I've been keeping up to date on this and I just want you to know I've been thinking about you and your family. You know you have my full support and I pray that things are turning around.

ramanth

12-22-2006, 09:58 AM

Thinking about you. *HUGS*

kimlovescats

12-22-2006, 10:22 AM

I am sorry for what I said about your husband and Amanda I did not realise the situation but I am glad that Jerry is there for you.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and hope that Jenna has a good Christmas and hopefully her New Year looks brighter. I am also going to say that I hope Amy Beth abides by her bail conditions and that Chad does also - take care and I pray you have a peaceful Christmas and New Year

You didn't upset me at all! I understand that it is hard for everyone to possibly know all that it going on in this. I try to just post the main points and I have neglected to really mention how other family members have been acting / feeling!

I could not ask for a more loving husband and / or daughter as I have in Jerry and Amanda! They are truly gifts from God!

borzoimom

12-22-2006, 10:26 AM

You didn't upset me at all! I understand that it is hard for everyone to possibly know all that it going on in this. I try to just post the main points and I have neglected to really mention how other family members have been acting / feeling!

I could not ask for a more loving husband and / or daughter as I have in Jerry and Amanda! They are truly gifts from God!
We understand kimlovescats- I do not post my husbands point of view with things either- that doesnt mean he is not there, and loving and caring man etc.. We are continueing to offer support. Its hard for us to totally understand all the things going on, but we feel for you and you will continue- as your whole family- to be in our prayers.. !

kuhio98

12-22-2006, 11:36 AM

Continued prayers for your whole family. Hopefully, this was the wake-up call that Amy Beth needed to begin to change her life.

Kim, please be gentle and kind with yourself. You are an amazing lady. A gift to us all (not to mention all the kitties). :p

Jods

12-22-2006, 12:58 PM

still thinking of you all! I'm so happy that jenna's paternal grandma is so understanding. If she wasn't I imagine it would be hell for any of you to see her. Will be thinking of you all over the holidays have a merry Christmas.

carole

12-22-2006, 09:22 PM

No-one here will be judging you Kim, we are all your pals and are here for you 100 per cent, as a mother myself i understand exactly where you are coming from, i hope and pray that all will improve, and wish you all the best, Hugs.

cyber-sibes

12-22-2006, 10:19 PM

You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I hope things work out for the best for everyone. ;)

catfamily

12-23-2006, 02:19 AM

I just read about the court date and tears kept rolling down my face.That must of been so horrible for you between seeing her in handcuffs and having to hand over your granddaughter.What a total nightmare.I know that your granddaughter Jenna will be taking care of well by Chad's mom so try not to worry too much. AmyBeth saw how hard this has been on you in court watching you.I know someday she'll look back on this and say"I have the greatest loving family in the world"after she gets away FULLY from Chad.I really think Chad is such a bad influince on Amy Beth but it will eventually weaken as she sees the light.Don't worry..it will happen...Amy Beth is a nice girl undeneath all this and as soon as she sees Chad as the BAD guy she'll be an awesome parent.And will grow to love her Daughter Jenna,and Mom, Dad & Sister and Brother over ANY man.
I hope you can get here for a visit after all this is done.
Your Friend,Carla

Maya & Inka's mommy

12-23-2006, 03:24 AM

Dear dear Kimmie, I cannot say it any better: You are the best mom !!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to you and everyone in your family :)

Pam

12-23-2006, 10:33 AM

Kim I just want you to know that I am reading and following along, and even though I am far away and not aware of all that is going on behind the scenes you have 100% of my support. Life is very hard at times. We all have burdens to carry and, honestly, I don't know how we'd get through this thing called life without giving these things to God. (((Hugs))) to you and please know that many of us care and are remembering you in prayer. I am so glad that you and Chad's mom seem to have a good relationship. After all, each of you wants the same thing - a resolution to your children's problems and the very best for Jenna. I wish your family peace and blessings at Christmas and always.