snowshoe2
11-16-2006, 01:31 PM
I recently received this from a friend.
I apologize if it's been posted before, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it as much as I did. :)
PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose
height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please
note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping
on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,
try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try
to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
canine or feline attendance is not required
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids
because they: 1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally,
11. IF they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
I apologize if it's been posted before, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it as much as I did. :)
PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose
height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please
note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping
on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,
try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try
to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
canine or feline attendance is not required
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids
because they: 1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally,
11. IF they get pregnant, you can sell their children.