Really need opinions....

[caseysmom]

I have a question and I am asking because I am really not sure about this, would help to get some other views.

My niece graduated from a pharmacy tech vocational program...this she completed about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I have to really nag her to go look for a job, she has had one interview.

Okay this sounds horrible but she is really homely looking...she had extremely thick orange hair and will not blow dry it, I dry it and straigtened it several times to show her and she just won't do it. The reason why I mentioned this is because I think it will be a bit hard for her to get a job working with the public...she is very socially challenged.

Now for the question...there are several pharmacy tech jobs starting at 2500 a month will full retirement and medical benefits for the state...only catch is they are at the mental institutions or prisons. My take is she needs to do what she needs to do to get a job, I can't imagine they would put her in harms way. At least interview and look at where you would be employed, she flat out refuses.

I am off today, I usually work during the day. She is just laying around the house, I told her if your not going to go look for a job go wash your car, it hasn't been washed since I helped you 2 months ago and its embarrasing to have it parked out front like that, you have to clean your car.

Anyway, am I being crazy expecting her to apply at a mental institution or prison?

[Catty1]

I think you ought to go back to the ultimatum of shape up or ship out.

Could the military not use someone with her skills?

Nagging won't do any good. I think this girl has problems....reminds me of my bouts with clinical depression. Has she ever been checked for this?

Otherwise, start cooking and cleaning just for yourself.

Sorry...just not liking this. Maybe she has to be ignored...in her house, it sounds like negative attention was better than none at all...

[caseysmom]

catty...I have 2 teenagers (one of them well thats another story) so I make dinner most nights and we eat as a family, she never offers to help or clean up after NEVER.

I think she needs to be assesed, I have asked her uncle to try to convince her of that.

The military has been broached to her with no response but I think the military would be fantastic for her. (and me she would move out!)

[Jadapit]

I think the girl needs to appy anywhere that she can get a job. I'm sure she wouldn't be in harms way at either of those places. Its amazing to me that she can get through school but she cant get off her butt to help you or say thank you for all you've done for her. I bet there are days you feel like tearing your hair out, hers to for that matter. :p

Are things going any better with you daughter? Aren't teenagers fun?

[caseysmom]

No things aren't really going better with my daughter either. She likes a boy that has been in trouble, he is in juvenille hall and sending her letters, my husband is having fits. I honestly don't see what she sees in him, she has had it bad for him since she was 13 and trying to mother him, I have heard her on the phone trying to keep him out of trouble.

Back to my niece...I have also looked into the peace corp...not even sure if they would accept her, they actually want you to have a 4 year degree...she has some college and a year of vocational. That would get her on a 27 month program in another county, hopefully would help her get some life skills too.

I told her today she HAD to wash her car, she did wash her car, the wet towels, bucket, and soap are strewn all over the lawn and she is laying on her bed.

[moosmom]

Caseysmom,

Your niece needs to do what she has to do in order to find a job. It's a tough world out there. I've been looking for full-time for about a year now, since I returned to CT from MI. Looking for a full-time job IS a full time job.

Tell her to try CareerBuilder.com, Monster.com (although I've heard that's a joke) and any other website she can find that will help her find work.

Having her assessed isn't a bad idea either. Depression can be really tough on you when you're trying to find work. The military will give her an excellent opportunity to use her skills and see the world. Any chance of maybe having a recruiting officer pay her a visit??? Just a thought.

Good luck!

[Lady's Human]

The military would be a BAD idea for someone with social problems, trust me.

[caseysmom]

Thanks for the input lady's human ...and everyone else. I am really curious about your opinion on her in the military though.

Wouldn't she learn to show respect, clean up and all that good stuff? I know I have only seen the movies never lived it...do you think they would just eat her alive?

[My Peanuts]

I'm really sorry. I know I've said that before. It's a tough situation. I agree with the shape up or ship out idea.

[catnapper]

Oh my - its not easy, is it?

Sorry about your daughter. Trust me, I know what you're going through. You want ot shake them and ask what on earth they see in the guy. The more you make of it, the more determined they'll be to stay with the guy. Let her figure out on her own what a loser he is... I know, its hard when they are so young. But trust me, from experience with Ashley, the more you make him out to be off-limits, the more she'll do to be with him.

As for your niece, man, I have no idea! The car wash thing? I have a mean streak once I feel pushed to my final limit... I can only take so much. I'd be pouring soapy water on her as she slept and tell her that she got "washed" because she didn't wash the car! Then she's be sleeping on the floor after she cleaned up the wet bedding, and loading the washer with the sheets (kill two birds with one stone: get a point across and actually get her to do some laundry LOL) One time my son didn't take out the trash and he came home from school to find it on his bed... mind you there is MUCH more to that story, and the trash was in a bag (not as if I had strewn it all over the bed). I only did the trash thing once and he figured out real fast not to push me that far again ;)

[Corinna]

I'm not sure what to tell you as i am having some problems with my son (he moved back in Too long to go in to Pm me if really intrested) But is this the neice who was raised by the brother who died? Didn't you say she had problems them? You are fighting the way she was raised, and you need to not apoligise but have a long Patient talk about sorry but life has changed these are my rules and if you can't live with in them find another place. Then actually make a chart of the day and what is expected. I know it sounds like your treating as a child but seems to me she is a little slow in her development and may need a structred routine. I know thats my sons problem. we have started back to it andhe is getting better. Maybe get her in to a socail setting (church group or hobby club ) of something she likes just any thing to get her moving and having a sense of self worth. Bet she blooms if she does.
I know you'll hate this next part it is hard for me too, but she was raised different and doesn't share your goal setting skills , hold your self in check and count to ten until she get's it on how your house works. Sending you huge hugs I'm there right now too.

[caseysmom]

Thanks everyone. She goes to church twice a week, I would have hoped she had some friends her age, she is in the college group at church but nope...no friends.

I have thought about making her a list everyday.

[Catty1]

I have thought about making her a list everyday.

Caseysmom....this, in just my opinion, would be just one more thing you would do that she would ignore.

I think you ought to get the uncle much more involved.

She is not going to change, the way things are right now.

She has no friends at church?

Hon, you have done so much and it is admirable...but I am wondering about her getting assessed for something. It seems she has problems that are beyond a do-it-yourself situation.

I hope you get someone else involved...

hugs!

[jazzcat]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to give you my support in this. I know it has been hard on you.

[emily_the_spoiled]

Unfortunately I can not offer much advice on motivating your niece because I have never had this experience. I can address your questions about being a pharmacy tech (I was a pharmacist for many years).

I assure you that she will have VERY limited access to any patients in a psych hospital or prison. She will not be put in direct danger, but she needs to use some common sense when working in those types of facilities.

If she does not want to work in that environment look into your local hospitals, they also hire pharmacy techs and pay well. The difference is that there is shift work involved in working in a hospital and likely there is no shift work in the other institutions.

[Cataholic]

The military would be a BAD idea for someone with social problems, trust me.

WAIT a moment there, LH! If assuming what you said is true, then, well, uh....LOLOL..,.I am totally just teasing you, which I hope you know.

Anyhow, Casey's mom- do you know what the meaning of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. :p

You have been in a similar situation with your neice, what, ten other times? YOU doing the work, YOU making the calls, YOU forcing/shoving/giving her ideas....it didn't work before. WHY would it work this time?

Give her two months notice, and then Show. Her. The. Door.

It is tearing you up, adding more stress to your household, and not your responsibility. She isn't going to change for you. She needs to change for her. :(

[caseysmom]

A two months notice is a good idea, unfortunately that would put us at christmas. I think I will tell her by the first of the year, I know its a rough time of year but I guess oh well.

A job in a hospital would be her dream job and I don't think she minds odd shifts.