My worst fear came true

[catcrazylady]

We had to euthanize my precious little Gazer yesterday. :( :( :( Some days I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

I don't know why my house is being hit so hard. Genetics? I've bleached everything a billion times. I'm as careful as I can possibly be with clothes and shoes when I come home from the shelter. I feel like I'm a walking FIP carrier and everywhere I go babies are dieing. My heart and body feel so heavy that I can't even hardly get up anymore. My family doesn't even want to come into my house for fear of taking something home to their own animals. I don't blame them at all but it makes me feel even more alienated and diseased.

I cried so hard over Gazer as he died yesterday that the poor little thing was buried soaked in tears. The vet was crying, hubby was crying, the vet tech was crying and I completely lost it this time.

I wish I didn't love my babies so much. I know there is a reason for everything that happens in this world and sometimes you never get an answer for why. I know I have to trust and have faith in God but I really feel like this is enough. We've had to bury four babies in less than two months. Isn't that enough?

Another sad and depressing post. God I miss the happy days.

[Randi]

Oh Kim, I'M SO sorry to hear this. :( I know you have done everything you could - it's just not fair!

Any chance you could take a holiday and get away from it all?

((((Big hugs))))

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Oh no..... not again :eek: :(
I feel so helpless, I wish I do something to make you feel a bit better... :(
This is all I can offer: http://users.pandora.be/bernardgabriels/images/smilies%20973%20Huge_hug.gif

[kimlovescats]

OH LISA!!!!! :( :( :( It will end soon, it just HAS to! :(

(((((((HUGS))))))))
Kim

[catlover4ever]

Lisa, I am so very sorry. My heart aches for you. :( I know you have faith that things happen for a reason but it sure does not make it any easier. I too would be crushed and my heart would be so very heavy.

(((HUGS))) --- Meg

[kimlovescats]

Lisa, I found a previous post you had about Gazer .... please remember it all has to do with each cat's own immune system as to who contracts and actually gets SICK from FIP. This is what you said. Unfortunately he was very susceptible from the beginning ... you could NOT have helped it!!!

Gazor is my sickly little boy. He has had pnuemonia and a URI for months. Nothing seems to clear up the little guys nose. He is always snotty and sneezing. I feel so sorry for him. There has been some improvement this week and I'm hoping that it almost over for him. He is spoiled rotten and spends most of his time in my lap. He is a real sweetheart.


More Hugs,
Kim

[Freedom]

Lisa, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Please know that many of us are praying that this will end; and that you will find the strength to go on!

[Craftlady]

I am so sorry this is happening again.
My advise is get a professional cleaning company (Merry Maids) come in and disinfect for you. Also, I would take a leave of absense from the shelter. Your on the path of running yourself down to point of collapse. I admire you for what your doing at the shelter. Unfortunately, like others before or after you working there it is taking it's toll.

[sasvermont]

Gosh, what a horrible happening.

As far as I know, there are different strains of FIP and some strains are more toxic than others.

As far as I know, the only way to be sure that you are not continuing the process is to clear you home of cats - not bring anymore in, and after the existing cats are "gone", leave time, clean like a crazy person and then allow new cats in......but let lots of time go by. I think weeks.

There are some tough decisions to be made in the meantime. I have decided that I cannot bring another cat in to my house until all of my current cats have passed on, hopefully years from now. I am at my limit for sure. I have a sneaking feeling that Gabe and Graemer died of FIP, but I will never know. Now Miley tests positive for it........I will not test the others as there is no point. Once you get the positive test, with any cat, you cannot tell if the cat has it or has been exposed. I have decided that in fairness to all cats, once you test positive or have an outbreak, no more cats should come through the doors! My vet strongly believes this as well.

FIP can clear a cattery easily. It is a horrible virus with no cure in site.

I would concentrate on keeping their immune systems as healthy as possible.

Right now Miley shows no obvious signs of having FIP. I assume her test was positive because she was once exposed to it. I have no idea.

This must be heart breaking for you.

[smokey the elder]

I'm so sorry about your poor kitties! I hope you can beat this thing.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear more sad news.:( I sure hope that this will finally be the end of this nightmare for you. I wish I could do something to comfort you or help you during this difficult time. I would also take a leave of absence if I was you. You need a break and some time away from the shelter. RIP little Gazer.:( Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[jazzcat]

Lisa I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say that will comfort you but know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[moosmom]

Oh Lisa, I'm absolutely stunned and crying. We love our babies so much and when this happens we try to make sense of it all.

Please know that I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. We will all help you get through this.

RIP sweet Gazer. :(

[AbbyMom]

I'm so sorry. Prayers on the way that your remaining babies have a strong enough immune system to resist. Hugs for you.

[catfamily]

I'm so sorry Lisa :( Me and Mike both had tears reading this.We both feel so bad.Your cats got so much love from you.More than most cats ever get.So try to see some good.It will help you.

[Prairie Purrs]

I'm so sorry. It truly isn't fair.

Rest gently, little Gazer. Please watch over your meowmie--she could use a guardian angel right now.

[Glacier]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Rest well, little one.

[Donnaj4962]

Oh my, I am so sorry to be reading this. You poor thing. I can only imagine the pain you must be going through.

RIP sweet Gazor, RIP.....

[orangemm]

I don't know what else to say that could possibly ease your pain; nothing could right now, I'm sure. What a sad and tragic thing to happen to you again.

Please consider what others have said about 'taking a break'. You could use it.

Please know we are here for you, even though there is nothing we can say to comfort you.

Rest easy, little Gazer.

(hugs)

[jenluckenbach]

I too have no words that could possibly ease your pain. :( :(

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

You are probably experiencing the worst of all our fears......that you might lose them all. But trust me when I say, YOU cannot be the cause! MANY MANY cat rescuers (and other cat households) have had an episode of FIP and it does not usually spread like the wild fire in your area. Some how your babies must be more susceptible. :confused: I know this doesn't help with your losses, but I hope you can drop the guilt of thinking YOU could be the cause of it.

I will pray and continue to pray that your nightmare will end and the sun will shine once again.

Again, I am SO sorry for your losses. :( :(

[catmandu]

Gazers in Pet Heaven now, with lots Of Big Pets to play with, and lots Of Hotels to party in, and lots of great food.
He appreciates what you did for him, and says dont cry, Lisa.It was my time.
I will see you, and you will be My Eternal Meowmie.
One Fine Day.

[rosethecopycat]

So sorry about your tragic losses.

Godspeed to the Bridge, Gazer.

[K & L]

My heart goes out to you right now Lisa. Are you dealing with FIP for sure, or could this be cases of Panleukopenia? It's highly contagious with a high death rate.

http://www.petcaretips.net/feline_panleukopenia.html

I just wish there was something I could do to help you and ease your pain. You are in mine & Kevin's thoughts at this terrible time. XOXO

[rg_girlca]

Oh gosh Lisa, my heart goes out to you girl. I am so sorry on the loss of Gazer.

I pray that this will be the last of it. Please know that you don't need to go through this alone. We are here to share your tears, your pain and the frustration that you must be feeling right now as to why this is happening.

Happy days will come to you soon sweetie.

((((((HUGS))))))

[Jayna78]

Lisa, my thoughts are with you - I am soooo sorry your ordeal is continuing. May your little furbabies that you've lost rest in peace.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

My heart breaks for you :(

[Dorothy39]

I don't know what to "type" :(

My heart is breaking for you~ You have clearly been through such a long hard strain of loss!!!

Hugs and Prayers~~~

May Sweet Gazer Rest in Peace!!!

[trayi52]

Oh Lisa, my heart is breaking for you! This has to stop very soon, maybe this is the last one to go. Like Kim said, Gazer was very susceptable to the disease, and just could not fight it off. You could not help him in any way possible.

I will be praying for you, your husband, and all your cat family, that all remain strong, and stay well. God bless you, Lisa.

Love ya,
Willie

[sirrahbed]

Oh Lisa :( I wish I could give you a big hug and sit down for coffee with you.

[Laura's Babies]

My Goodness! I came home, got on PT, HOPING to find a one of your wonderful Saturday updates on the brats. I was caught completely off guard by this horrid news. Lisa, I just don't know what to say. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray this ends for you right away.((((((HUGS))))))

[Logan]

Lisa, I'm out of words. :( No one, especially someone with a heart as big as yours, should ever have to deal with so much loss in such a short period of time.

You will be in my prayers.

Logan

[prechrswife]

I am so, so sorry... :(

[Catty1]

Lisa - I hope you take Craftlady's adivce to heart. Please.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}