Divorce issues - need advice

[wolfsoul]

A really good friend of mine is very unhappy in her marriage. She has considered a divorce for the past year, but her main reason for not going through with it is that she doesn't want to deal with the legalities of a divorce. She knows he will be vicious and try to take everything from her. She owns her own business and she recently spent all of her tip money from the past 20 years on a vehicle --- she knows he will try and take them away. Basically she's afraid she will be left with nothing.

I told her that she should sign anything she wants into someone else's name so that he isn't entitled to it. I even offered to let her sign her business in my name, and say that she is only a manager. I don't know how her husband could get past this. In all honestly I don't think he has alot of power -- she makes three times what he does. He's just ruthless when he wants to be and will fight for everything.

Is there anything she can do? Any way that she is sure to keep all of HER belongings?

She says he can take everything as long as she gets the animals, the business, and her two vehicles. He didn't work for any of these things -- She did, and she desveres them. She said he can have the house, he can have the money, everything inside the house, she doesn't care. But he will want it all. :( Her mother went through the same thing. Her husband fought her for everything and won. He even took her dogs. So she killed herself. I am afraid that my friend will end up the same way. :(

[Catty1]

There are a couple of lawyers here on the board who will chip in a bit. Also, most lawyers give a free consult of about 20 minutes or so. She might want to talk to one, just to see what she would be up against.

If there is a YWCA or other women's association in her area, they might be able to recommend a good lawyer.

She might want to look at a mediator as opposed to a lawyer as well.

I wish her luck.

[Karen]

She needs a lawyer, right now, before she starts any proceedings. A good experienced divorce lawyer - she can call the Bar Association in her state and ask for a recommendation. I'd have her do that right away, before signing anything over to anyone.

(Note: this is coming from someone who doesn't like dealing with lawyers unless necesary.)

[Logan]

She needs a lawyer, right now, before she starts any proceedings. A good experienced divorce lawyer - she can call the Bar Association in her state and ask for a recommendation. I'd have her do that right away, before signing anything over to anyone.

I totally agree. She doesn't need internet advice, she needs real, live legal advice from a lawyer who represents her.

Logan

[Queen of Poop]

I absolutely agree with Karen. Your friend needs to see a lawyer NOW. The lawyer can advise her on what she can legally do and what her rights are.

[lv4dogs]

I agree with everyone else. I hope she finds & gets the help she needs.

[Cataholic]

I have a saying, "pay me now or pay me later"...in which I mean either pay up NOW to get decent representation, or, pay me later when you want me to dig you out from your huge mess. Usually, it is cheaper to pay for the right work, now, then, emergency work later.

An experienced divorce attorney, of which I am not, will be able to sort through this, and advise your friend appropriately. In connection with a good, professional counselor, your friend will make it through.

[wolfsoul]

Thanks for the advice everyone. :)

The problem is, she won't even go meet a lawyer unless she knows she can get through the divorce without losing her stuff. She doesn't actually WANT to leave him, so she doesn't have alot of motivation, just alot of uncertainty. She's been going it over in her head for over a year and as unhappy as she is, she stays...She just doesn't want to lose everything. If I can somehow show her that she won't, then maybe she will go see a lawyer.

[mruffruff]

It would be to her advantage to have everything set up NOW and allowed to stay that way until she's ready to divorce. Only an attorney can help. He/she will know the state laws and what the best way would be to protect her possessions. Then if or when she's ready, there will be no question of what he gets.

[Catty1]

But - she won't know she can go through that without losing her stuff UNLESS she sees a lawyer! :confused:

Offer to go with her - that you want to help her out, but need to know if what you do to help her (signing over, etc) is legal, or she could be in worse trouble.

She is digging in her heels - you know her best, but you might have to refuse any help UNTIL she sees a lawyer, for your own good.

Good luck.

[Karen]

Thanks for the advice everyone. :)

The problem is, she won't even go meet a lawyer unless she knows she can get through the divorce without losing her stuff.

Only a lawyer will be able to tell her this. Talking to a lawyer does not mean that she'd be starting the divorce proceedings, rather that she should be meeting with one to protect her assets in the first place, and make sure her business stays as her business. She should do this now, in case HE starts proceedings.