Three steps forward, two steps back...

[moosmom]

Just when I thought I was getting everything in order, yet ANOTHER bombshell was dropped.

I was talking to my *ahem* best friend, Suzie on the phone last night about my impending move. She proceeds to tell me that "30 days is sufficient enough to find an apartment". After speaking with my children, they aren't very happy that you and your cats will be staying in their room." Um, Hellllooooooooo!!! Your children don't live with you anymore. "Yes, but it's still THEIR room. Oh, and the closets are full." :eek: Not that I was planning on staying there for any long period of time, mind you. And finding an apartment isn't the problem. It's finding a job to PAY the rent for the apartment. My daughter is as surprized as I am, considering she told her that I'd be staying for a couple of months.

I'm hurt and angry that she just didn't come out and tell me she doesn't want me there. We've been friends forever and have always been able to level with each other.

So, I cried buckets last night (I seem to do that alot lately) and then went online to look for apartments (still don't know how I'm going to pay rent). I found a couple that are pretty cheap (not in the greatest area, but it beats living out of my car) and will let me bring my cats.

I am wiped out emotionally right now. I have an appointment with Social Security on Thursday at 9 a.m. to file for Social Security Disability. Keep your fingers and paws crossed.

[Catty1]

You're right - why didn't she just say no to begin with??? ARRGH!

I think she owes you an apology, if she wants this friendship.

I wish youall the luck at SS on Thursday - and hey, they may have a housing registry as well.

You aren't meant to be at Suzie's - which now sounds like it could really damage the friendship.

Our HP has some wacky ideas in store sometimes...and might just have a wonderful surprise for you!

HUGS!

[moosmom]

Catty1,

For the first time in YEARS I wanted to drink. But I just kept saying the Serenity Prayer, took my medicine and went to bed. It passed.

I sent her an email this morning. Here's what I said:

Sue, all you had to do was level with me and tell me you really didn't want me staying with you instead of beating around the bush, using the girls and every other excuse you could come up with (the closets are full???). I thought best friends could be honest with each other. I guess I was wrong. :(

If she calls me, I'm not answering. I need time right now and I think if I talk to her, it'll only make things worse.

I just don't know how much more I can take.

[Queen of Poop]

Donna, I am so sorry this light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished. But fear not, where one thing goes astray, another usually comes along right away. Glad you did not take the drink, but your meds and bed time instead. I send you a big hug and a ton of prayers that you find a place and get the assistance you need.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Donna, I'm sorry to hear this:( and I hope that everything will work out for you. Lots of prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

[catnapper]

Donna, I am so hurt for you! I wish I had the space to let you come here. Heck, I'd love to do a bartering thing with you -- you live here in exchange for taking care of Cam during the day ;) (Hey, did that get a smile outta you?)

I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed things turn out well with your meetings and you find a new appartment. Shucks, I miss all your exciting threads about your crack ho neighbor, so maybe you'll get a new one! LOL -- now I hope that got a smile out of ya!

((((HUGS)))))

[cyber-sibes]

Gosh, Donna, what a bummer. She probably shouldn't have said anything to you till she cleared if with her kids, if that's who had the final say. Sorry you are going through even more stress. I'm proud of you for finding another way than to take a drink. It's at times like these that this disease starts "talking", and you kicked it in the teeth! The most important thing you can do each day is stay sober. If that's the only thing you do each day, then you are a success. Will keep praying for you, hon. Maybe next week at SS you will find additional sources of support. HP is lining things up somewhere right now. Don't quit before the miracle. (((hugs)))

[ramanth]

That just stinks. :( *HUGS*

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

When we moved out, our rooms got turned into a guest room, a sewing room, and a storage room. There was no such thing as the children's room anymore. No sir.

[Sevaede]

That just stinks. :( *HUGS*

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

When we moved out, our rooms got turned into a guest room, a sewing room, and a storage room. There was no such thing as the children's room anymore. No sir.

Indeed. "My" bedroom at my parents house is now a fishing room. :p

*****HUGS***** Congrats to you for not taking the drink! :) I am proud of you!! :D

If need be (and I am not trying to frighten you or anything, I am just saying if this ever happened) and you needed your babies fostered for a while, you know you can PM or email or IM me. :) I'd offer you a place to stay but I doubt you would want to move down to LA. :p

[jenluckenbach]

How horrible is that?!?! I sure wish I had answers for you. :(

[Pembroke_Corgi]

So sorry to hear that! :(

Is there any chance you could get more hours or ask for a small raise at work that would help with expenses? I hope they can help you at SS.

[Catty1]

Donna - I am sure eyou know now that trashy behaviour like that is not worth drinking over! I can't think of anything that IS!

BUT - you just got out of hospital, and are regrouping. You are regrouping and a bit fragile right now. So this threw you big time!

Give your sponsor a call every day, just to check in.

HUGS

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Donna I don't want to make you feel worse but, unless things have changed since I filed for SS disability ten years ago, they will automatically deny the first time you file.

I was lucky and mine was only denied one time. Even at that, it took a year to get it to go through. I hope things have changed and you get approved quickly. Good news was they repaid back to the date my disability took effect. I was disabled in 1995 but it wasn't approved until 1996. They paid the 1995 money to me. I sure hope this has all changed now!!!

PRAYERS on the way!!!

[davidpizzica]

Donna, you KNOW that I still have the shoulder any and all the time you need it. Big Pittsburgh {{{{HUGS}}}}!!!

[Catty1]

ummm...David....know anyone with a spare room and kitchen privileges?....

:cool:

[lizbud]

Donna I don't want to make you feel worse but, unless things have changed since I filed for SS disability ten years ago, they will automatically deny the first time you file.

I was lucky and mine was only denied one time. Even at that, it took a year to get it to go through. I hope things have changed and you get approved quickly. Good news was they repaid back to the date my disability took effect. I was disabled in 1995 but it wasn't approved until 1996. They paid the 1995 money to me. I sure hope this has all changed now!!!

PRAYERS on the way!!!


Moff, I'm glad you brought this up. It's very important to keep in mind.
While I have no personal experience with SS disability claims, a friend at
work sure did. Her husband had a good job & then developed diabiates
amd had problems standing for long periods(which his job required) he had
to apply for the SS benefit. Denied the first time & they had to finally hire
an attorney to finally getting approved. Whole thing took about two years.
It was a real struggle for them. I do hope it goes better for your Donna.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Moff, I'm glad you brought this up. It's very important to keep in mind.
While I have no personal experience with SS disability claims, a friend at
work sure did. Her husband had a good job & then developed diabiates
amd had problems standing for long periods(which his job required) he had
to apply for the SS benefit. Denied the first time & they had to finally hire
an attorney to finally getting approved. Whole thing took about two years.
It was a real struggle for them. I do hope it goes better for your Donna.
I had to get an attorney too. I was lucky to get one who worked with SS cases and they didn't require any payment until the case was settled.

Fingers crossed and prayers for you Donna. Just don't give up!!!

[moosmom]

I had my therapy session today. I walked out of there unable to breathe because I cried to much. Out of sheer desperation, I called my older (and only) millionaire brother to see if he could help me. I told him that Sue backed out. When I tried to explain why, he cut me short. "Bottom line, how much do you need??" I told him that if he could just pay my rent for a year's lease, I'd be well on my way. Otherwise my mailing address would be E36P48 (my license place #) "Donna, you should still be looking for a job!" I could hear the agitation in his voice, even though he stayed pretty calm. What the hell does he think I do everyday? Sit on the couch and eat bon-bons??? :mad: Then he told me I should think about getting a roommate. A roommate for what?? To live in my car???? That option is too far down the road. I have to find a place first and figure out how I'm gonna pay the rent before I can think about a roommate. I'm glad my therapist was there when I called. She said I handled it very well. I was NOT going to sob into the phone and it took everything I had to not cry. I told him I called around and found a couple of retail stores that need help so I'll have 2 part-time jobs to support myself. He cut me off again and said he has to talk it over with wifey-poo first and would call me tonight with the answer. I've got a knot in the pit of my stomach right now.

Subsidized housing has a 2 year waiting list. :eek: I know all about the Social Security nightmare, having gone through it with my daughter. So I'm prepared to be rejected (I'm used to being rejected).

I got a phone call from an adult apartment complex. Minimum age is 55. So close (53 years and 8 months and the one time I WISH I was older) yet so far away. :( In between and rock and a hard place yet again. I also called one complex on West Street in Hartford (not a great section, but not in the schkeevbag slums). Studio apt. $550/month including heat and hot water and they accept cats. Another one is in the suburbs (Plainville), $565/month not including utilities (electric heat and hot water). The guy I spoke to was wonderful, very upbeat. I told him my credit sucks but my background check is impeccable as I am a former Aux. State Trooper. He said cats are welcome as long as they are indoors. Works for me. I'd rather risk paying the utilities and know I'm in a safe neighborhood than having them paid for and worrying about whether my car will be there in the morning. I told him about asking my brother for help. He said that they have other options and not to worry.

*sigh* *looks up in sky, waiting for something else to hit her*

Catty1,

I don't have a sponsor. I just call my friends Davidp and Catnapper, and it passes. Besides, I have no money to drink. It's gotta go into my gas tank.

I'm sorry I'm ranting so bad. I don't mean to whine on like I have. I just wish my HP would lighten up a little and cut me some slack.

Thanks everyone for being there for me. Yes Kim, I did chuckle at the Crack Ho remark AND the bartering idea, although the thought HAD crossed my mind.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

I'm glad you won't be shocked by what you will be getting into with SS. I was!!! Odd thing about disability, you really need to apply at least a year before you really need it!!!

Prayers continuing!!!

[Catty1]

I'd rather risk paying the utilities and know I'm in a safe neighborhood than having them paid for and worrying about whether my car will be there in the morning. I told him about asking my brother for help. He said that they have other options and not to worry.

WELL - if this guy is upbeat and has other options, what are the options? Clean ones, I hope! :D (just teasing).

Tell him you don't do windows!

I know you have a lot going on - but I wish you could find a meeting to go to once a week, even, just to feel grounded every so often!

HUGS

[moosmom]

Well, he called. "Here's the deal, Donna. We'll send you $400/month for 6 months. This way, you can contribute $150 out of your BB&B check towards the rest." I reminded him that I still had a $300/month car payment. I tried very calmly to explain that I also needed one months security and one months rent. "You didn't tell me that!!" Where did he think I was going to do, pull it out of my ass?????? I'm just so worn down, I told him I'd call him in the morning. He said "fine" and hung up on me. I was stunned. Back to square one. Then I got to thinking...so I called him back. I asked him if he could possibly pay off my car note ($2,000) along with the $400/month. He said he had to think about it (in other words ask wifey-poo) and not to go off the deep end tonight(what the hell is THAT supposed to mean???) and to call him in the morning. If he can do that, I should be okay.

I also called my roommate and told him what was going on. He said he hadn't given his notice yet to his landlord and was on a month-to-month basis with them. I explained what happened over the past couple of weeks (he's been gone). I didn't want to tell him, but felt I should under the circumstances. He mentioned to me that he and his partner had a condo for rent. He's going to look into that for me. He told me not to panic, that I stil had two whole months. I told him that wasn't alot of time when you have nowhere to go. He'll be home tomorrow night.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted right now so I'm taking my meds and hitting the hay.

Now I'm beginning to understand why my father couldn't stand my brother. He can be SUCH a jerk at times. I feel like my life has become a soap opera lately.

[Catty1]

You can choose your friends...your relatives are wished on you! :rolleyes:

But you chose us on PT and we chose you - SO THERE! :D

I think it's good that you told your roommate - tell everyone who might help. People generally LIKE to help!

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

[moosmom]

Catty1,

"Good friends are God's way of apologizing for bad relatives." I'm so very greatful for having such wonderful friends here on PT. I feel bad for all the ranting and raving I've done on this thread.

I was a little ashamed to tell my roommate because I'M supposed to be the one HE looks up to, having been his instructor in the Aux. State Police so many years ago. I don't want him to feel obligated to me. This is my problem.

[Zippy]

I will keep you in my prayers.I know we haven't gotten along in the past but I pray everthing works out.

[Catty1]

Hmmmm....could be a bit of pride there?

I think it is a greater gift to show others that we are only human...then they can lighten up on themselves. :)

HUGS!

[caseysmom]

Okay I will step in as the devils advocate here. Your brothers offer of 400 a month for 6 months was quite generous. He may have a lot of things but probably has payments to go with all of them.

I am going through something similar with my niece, my brothers family always thought we have money so we can pay for everything. I do have a nice home...guess what I have a nice payment that goes with it.

Sorry Donna this just touched a nerve I am going through this with my niece expecting me to pay for everything and no thank you's or appreciation.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Here for you Donna!

[pitc9]

Many hugs to you Donna!
I can't believe the hard times you are going through right now!
I hope we at PT can help you stay strong!
The condo for rent sounds promising!!
Paws crossed for you!!

[moosmom]

My brother and I had a long talk this morning. An actual CIVILIZED discussion.

He said, "Here's the deal...I want you to fax me all the information on your car, pay off amount, account number and where to send the payment to, I'm paying your car off. I'm also going to send you enough money for the security deposit, first and last months rent and $400/month for six months towards your rent. That should give you sufficient time to find employment and will also require you to contribute something to the rent. The only thing I am adamant about is that you keep on taking your medicine, go to counseling and keep looking for a job." :eek: :eek: I was totally bowled over. He said he finally realized how serious my illness was and that he is the only family I have left.

I have an appointment to look at a studio apt. tomorrow. Can't wait to see it!!

He then asked me WHY I moved to Michigan and I told him. I also told him that it was the biggest regret I have, as the grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's the first time we've had a civilized conversation in 9 years. I told him I loved him. I hope it's a new beginning for us.

Caseysmom,

With all due respect, I have NEVER asked my brother for anything, so it's not like I'm always calling him asking him to bail me out.

I feel like I've had an enormous amount of weight lifted off of me.

Zippy,

Thank you for your support. I never hold grudges girl. I'm just glad that that everything worked out on your end with regards to your kitties. ;)

Thank you EVERYONE for your support. It means the world to me.

[caseysmom]

Donna, I know its different with you than my niece I was just trying to get you see his side, he may have lots of money but debt and bills also...thats all. Actually he sounded a bit like how my sister is being toward my niece and its pretty ugly.

I am glad he is able and willing to help this will give you a chance for a new beginning.

[JenBKR]

Donna I am so sorry that I am getting in on this so late. Sooo very glad that your brother is helping - you must be so relieved. You have been in my prayers for quite some time, so hopefully they are paying off. I know it has really been one thing after another for you, if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open. ((((hugs))))

[moosmom]

Thanks JenBKR. You're the best!!!

[momoffuzzyfaces]

What good news, Donna.
I know brothers can be a pain in the behind sometimes but then, sometimes they just turn around and amaze you. Mine sure did!

Prayers that things are beginning to turn around for you !!! :)

[jenluckenbach]

God bless your brother. I am glad that he realizes that family should stick together. I am so relieved for you. With less to worry about over the next few months, you can concentrate on YOU!


{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[jazzcat]

Donna, I'm just now seeing this and I'm sorry you've been on such a rollercoaster. Thank goodness for your brother and I'm so glad your relationship with him sounds back on track.

I'm sending you lots of good thoughts, prayers and (((HUGS))).

[Prairie Purrs]

I am so glad that your brother decided to come through for you! And that something good--an improved family relationship--may have come out of all the upheaval you've been experiencing.

Best of luck finding an apartment! :D

[Soapets]

Just wanted to let you know I'm still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, even though I haven't been on here much lately....................

Deb

[Karen]

Sounds great, Donna - and like you and your brother may actually be forming a genuine, understanding, adult relationship out of all this. I'd say "give him a big hug from me," but I do know that not every family is a "hugging family" like mine is.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Donna, I'm glad to hear that your brother is willing to help you out financially and that your relationship with him is improving.:) I hope that everything will work out for you and your furkids. Lots more prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

[krazykitties]

she's right you will probably get turned down the first time and I hate to say this but you may even need a lawyer, but then you will get it all paid back to you retro-active from when you first applied, not sure about the lawyer cost though. But you never know, I was very lucky--I was accepted the first time, because I had 2 doctor's write letters for me.

hoping the best for you :)

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Maybe your brother realised that if the situation was reversed you would do all you could to help him.

Sending you positive vibes :D