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slleipnir
09-13-2006, 04:23 PM
I don't know what to do anymore, or who to talk to...

My mom and I fight a lot. We also get along good though...if we're not fighting, we're like best friends. She means a lot to me, but I just can't take this not getting along thing. She makes me feel like crap.

Last year we were driving to halifax and got into a serious car accident. It was raining harder than I've ever seen it rain before, plus the tires were 70% worn and needed to be replaced (I didn't know this till after) Anyway, I was driving and we hydroplaned. I was driving. I felt so horrible and guilty that I can remember thinking at the time I was going to go into the woods and wished I would die there. I STILL feel badly. I don't really feel it was my fault...I mean, these things happen...I'm a very careful driver...I even still see it in my head (the accident) when I'm driving on highways.

Anyway, suddenly this year, my moms insurance goes up $300 dollars. It didn't go up after the accident appearintly because we didn't hit anyway.

I don't drive her car a lot cause I don't live with her, but every now and then I want to do some place I can't walk to....like the farm I worked on. It's 1.5 hours away, so a 3 hour drive there and back. I usually drive my dads car, but I feel badly using it all the time...

I went to the farm last week with my dads car, and want to go this weekend to see the baby llama. Now, I don't go out that often, it's just because I want to see the baby. Anyway, so I asked my mom if I could borrow her car this weekend and she like flips out at me. She says well, you know I'm going to take you off my insurance because I can't afford an extra $300. *I* wasn't even driving but yet it still goes up. It wasn't *my* fault! YOU should pay the $300. (If she doesn't have that then I certainly don't...) She kept implying how it's my fault and everything. I would pay her the money but I just don't have it. I almost never drive her car. I only drove that day because it was a long drive and she got tired. Then she was like how dad's car isn't in good condition because of how I drive it...she didn't say it like that but that's what she ment. I've never even gotten a speeding ticket (knock on wood) let along ruined it. She said "oh well you can go fast over bumps in a big truck, but you can't in my car". Um, no, not really. I don't drive like that no matter what I'm driving.

She keeps implying that I drive poorly. My dad, whom I live with and use his car often has never once told me I can't drive good or that I break the truck. I've never been in any accident other than that ONE.

Oh yeah, and a while ago I borrowed her car while she was away, and a light came on and said "change oil" she flipped out at me for that yelling at me saying I broke it and that it was something I did to it. Guess what was wrong with it? NOTHING! The light just popped on?!

99% of the times I'm upset is after I've been talking to her. It makes me feel like I can't do anything right and that I ruin anything I do. I feel like I've ruined her life or something because she needs to pay an extra $300 a year. She keeps saying "Geez, I might as well just sell it!"

You know what? She has a 2005 grandam. Why would she buy such an expensive car when she can't afford it!!!

Sorry for venting. I don't mean to talk rudely of my mother. I love her dearly, but it's really hurting me...I try to talk to her, but she honestly doesn't listen to anything I say. Actually, that's another thing that hurts me. I can be talking to her and she'll just start talking to someone else like I wasn't even saying anything. And I KNOW she knew I was talking cause she does this ALL the time. And once when I was telling her how I felt, I needed to say something 5 times PLUS say "you don't listen to me" 5 times before she actually heard me.

i'm sorry this sounds so immature, but it's just how I type. I hold it all inside and sort of bursts out of me in one long confusing story.

caseysmom
09-13-2006, 04:38 PM
Sounds like you a whipping board for anything that goes wrong in your mothers life, sorry thats just how it sounds.

I am sorry your going through that, I am glad your father treats you decent.

Zippy
09-13-2006, 04:59 PM
*HUGS*
Sorry you are having a rocky time with your mom.

Catty1
09-13-2006, 05:27 PM
I wonder if this will help...look up symptoms of adult ADD and leave them for your mom to see. Or show them to her when you are getting along, and tell her you are worried.

Have a look first and see if it fits.

Her reasons sure don't sound rational - but ADD might be part of it.

hugs!

slleipnir
09-13-2006, 06:15 PM
I wonder if this will help...look up symptoms of adult ADD and leave them for your mom to see. Or show them to her when you are getting along, and tell her you are worried.

Have a look first and see if it fits.

Her reasons sure don't sound rational - but ADD might be part of it.

hugs!

She would laugh at me and or get angry.

Catty1
09-13-2006, 06:58 PM
Well - why not look it up just for your own reference? See what you think.

It doesn't make her behaviour any better or nicer...but if it happens to be a Symptom, that might help YOU a bit.

hugs!

Logan
09-13-2006, 07:00 PM
Even if you did suspect that your mom has ADD, I think that is the last thing in the world that you would want to bring to her attention. :eek:

Audrey, I hope that everything will settle down soon. Obviously, once you can get your own car and pay your own expenses, that will be one less argument for you and your mom. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with her.

Logan

slleipnir
09-13-2006, 07:38 PM
Logan: I don't live with my mom, I almost never drive her car, and she doesn't give me money and I don't ask for it....I've lived with my dad my whole life, and she never had to pay money for me or buy me clothes etc when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, she has given me more than she needed to/should....

I buy everything for myself. I still live with my dad, but anything I want, I buy. I pay for everything to do with my pets including food and vetting. so I don't think it has to do with that?

Thanks everyone for listening to me :) I talked to my dad and I feel a little better. he said it's ok for me to use his car this weekend to save me the trouble....

Pembroke_Corgi
09-14-2006, 10:36 AM
I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little better. I'm sorry that it's hard having a relationship with your mother... I feel the same way about my dad.

He makes $20,000 more per year than my mom (they are divorced) but I NEVER ask him for anything, because if I do 1) I'll have to dance through hoops to get it 2) I'll be made to feel guilty/upset about it later in some way. I still see my dad but not much. I care about him but we never really talk about anything important. I hope you are able to have a relationship with your mother if that's what you want, but don't beat yourself up about HER issues.

JenBKR
09-14-2006, 11:01 AM
((((hugs)))) sounds like a rough relationship with your mom. Have you guys ever tried to get some counseling? Sounds like maybe she wouldn't go for it, but it can't hurt to try. I think that the accident you had was a freak thing, and it still has you a bit shook up. That must have been scary. And then to have your mom react that way must have really hurt. I'm glad that you are able to come here and vent, because it sounds like that's what you really needed to do. I am glad that you have your dad, he seems like the rock that you need right now. More ((((hugs))))

slleipnir
09-14-2006, 02:03 PM
Yeah, I don't know what I would do without my dad. He is always there for me no matter what. Mom always gets angry if we're out somewhere and I get upset and always need to call him. She says why can't I talk to her. I do, but he is the one who is there for me all the time....

It's hard to explain. My mom seems different. We use to get along really good. We would fight but she generally seemed to care about me. I always call her and ask how her day is and how she is feeling...she never calls me and sees how I am....Sometimes I honestly wonder if she still loves me...I know she does, but it's hard to believe sometimes. I know I'm being greedy and she probably has something wrong with her and I should be more caring to her...but you have no idea. I don't know how I could possibly care more and it's still not enough. I can't say "poor you mom" everytime she has a pain...that would be like 1309023902 times a day.

Oh well. I don't want you all thinking I'm talking badly of my mother, cause I'm not. I just can't take how she treats me. It really hurts to feel that your own mother doesn't want much to do with you...

JenBKR
09-14-2006, 02:13 PM
I know I'm being greedy and she probably has something wrong with her and I should be more caring to her...but you have no idea. I don't know how I could possibly care more and it's still not enough.

You are NOT being greedy! You deserve to feel loved by your mother. It sounds like you love your mom very much. This must be very painful for you. ((((hugs))))

sandragonfly
09-14-2006, 02:30 PM
..dunno what to say. :( it's best you don't live with your mother, so glad you have your father.

all I can do now, give you hugs! may not help but let me know what can! (((:))))

slleipnir
09-14-2006, 03:36 PM
..dunno what to say. :( it's best you don't live with your mother, so glad you have your father.

all I can do now, give you hugs! may not help but let me know what can! (((:))))

I could never live with my mom. I hate her roommate...

Queen of Poop
09-14-2006, 04:41 PM
Hugs for you sweetie. I'm sorry your relationship with your mom is not what is should be. I am glad that your dad is there for you. It sounds to me like your mom has issues and is simply incapable of dealing with anyone elses. Knowing this, if you change the way you deal with her, leaving your issues to be handled by your dad (who you know will help you), you may find you get along better with your mom when things are just general. Just my thoughts.

K9karen
09-15-2006, 01:39 AM
I'm so sorry, Audrey. I know your situation is very painful for you. If your mom is always complaining when you call, she might be in dire need of attention. I'm sure she loves you very much, and as they say, "we always hurt the ones we love". Your mom just may be releasing her frustrations on you. Don't forget, strangers don't really want to hear one's problems, so she feels she can take her feelings out on you, her daughter. So when you look at it that way, it may ease your pain.
I had an awesome relationship with my mom, but there were times she said things to me that took my breath away! During the time I home cared her and she got sicker and sicker, things got worse and worse, but I know she loved me with all her heart. In fact, minutes before she passed, she yelled at me! But I didn't take it personally. She was who she was.
I'm so thrilled you have such a super dad to turn to. There were times I could only ask my dad for advise and comfort. Just different personalities. It's obvious you love your mom. We all need to vent and I'm glad you have your PT family to turn to.

Cataholic
09-15-2006, 12:15 PM
Audrey,
I am sorry you are experiencing this with your mom. Something that helps me sometimes deal with the way people treat me is to remember- the way someone treats you is a reflection of THEM, and not of YOU.

Your mom treats you this way largely because she can, and there is a deficiency in HER life that makes her this way. While she is your mother, I am not so sure I would encourage you to have a relationship with you. It seems to keep you in turmoil. It isn't something you are doing right/wrong that makes her react the way she does, and you cannot 'fix' or change the way she interacts with you. You can, however, change your situation by staying clear of her, for much of the time. Just cause someone is 'family', they aren't entitled to treat you poorly.

And, I would not encourage you to educate your mom on any of her apparent deficiencies- what a way to fuel the fire! :eek: