Help! Moms and Grandmoms!

[catnapper]

Ok folks, we're going out of our minds here. The baby is good as gold when Ashley is around. The moment she leaves, he bawls his eyes out for HOURS. We feed him, we change him, we rock him, we talk to him. We burp him. We try the swing, the crib, the sway lounger. We prop him up. We bounce him on our knee..... you get the picture. We try everything and anything and he continues to cry.

I figured by now that he'd be used to me, especially, since I babysit him at least 3 ties a week for 6-8 hours each time. If anything, the bawling is worse. I am glad though, because its not just me! Everyone said it was ME in the beginning because I "was too uptight and needed to relax". Well, they finally got their opportunity to babysit him for 6 hours like I typically do. I honestly think they fare worse than I do. I swear that since I have learned to tune out incessant dog barking at work that I can tune out incessant crying. But nobody else can and everyone's at their limit.

He just cries non-stop. Real, solid, crying with tears. He's been checked out by the doctor and nothing is wrong with him. He's as happy as can be at the doctor's - probably because Ashley is there. He simply wants attention (or so it seems) the moment we approah to pick him up, its like an "off" switch, and he quiets. He's happy to be held for a few minutes, we rock him baclk to sleep, and the moment we put him down, he reawakes and the crying begins again.

We've tried the theory of letting him "cry it out" and.... well... that was a fundamental failure. I let him cry for half an hour yesterday until I felt too guilty and picked him up. No lie, he fell asleep on my shoulder within a minute of being picked up. Problem is he won't stay asleep unless he remains held.

Ashley hardly ever puts him down. Which I think is the problem, however we can't convince her of that. We're all frustrated and feel helpless. Its confusing. could he be teething early? If so, why does he only do this when mom isn't home?


HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go attend to a screaming baby.

[caseysmom]

I never subscribed to the "just let them cry" theory. I think they need all the contact and interaction you can give. In a few months he will be more able to entertain himself and it will get easier, while he is tiny I am afraid there is nothing you can do.

[catnapper]

I never subscribed to the "just let them cry" theory. I think they need all the contact and interaction you can give. In a few months he will be more able to entertain himself and it will get easier, while he is tiny I am afraid there is nothing you can do.
WAAAAAAHHHHH, thats not what I wanted to hear! (LOL ;) )

Actually there IS one thing that keeps him quiet, I've been doing it every day - walking him in the stroller. My upper arm muscles are getting strong because its a broken stroller and I really need to control it. I've walked and walked with him and typically he's happy and quiet as can be during the walk. I just can't afford to leave for any long period of time because I work from home and need to be there in case a client calls. Sigh.

[Husky_mom]

Oh Kim..........been there done that.........LOL..........my kid got a bit "embrasilado" (thats a spanish term used to define when a baby want to be hold at ALL times LOL) so he always wanted to be held, he didnt cried as you desribe lil Cam does, but he did cried until u piked him up, and we also let him cry it out for a while, he did get the idea, thankfully, it was giving me back pains ;)

as for advice I think i read somewhere they suggested recording Ashley´s voice and you couls get her to use some clothes of you so they get her "smell" on them, you could try music, and maybe even get some breast milk and use as "perfume"........just a thought........

and don´t get frustrated cause I believe babies feel anxiety and would demonstrate by crying more, so try to stay as calm as you possibly can, maybe get some lavender scent (i know its used to soothe horses, but maybe babies too ;) ) I´ll ask my mom other thing she had to do to keep baby nice and quiet :p

[Cataholic]

I don't subscribe to the 'let them cry' theory, either. I don't think it is appropriate for an infant of this age to cry non-stop for 30 minutes. Maybe that was an exaggeration on your part, but, that doesn't seem right.

Some babies are high needs. Maybe Ashleys is one of them. Infants want their mothers. I personally feel they should have them every minute of every day at that age. I know, I know, everyone needs a break. Well, not at the expense of an infant. Maybe the baby just wants more of Ashley? More continuity? More security?

Maybe there is some reflux going on? Maybe there is an issue with where he is placed for sleep? With Jonah, I heated his bed before placing him in it, so he didn't experience that cold feeling when I removed him from me and placed him in a cold little bed.

He will grow out of it.

[catnapper]

Ok, relief came in the mail! I looked online last week and came across a pacifier that is vanilla scented and supposedly calms down babies... it was only $3 including shipping,so I thought why not try it. It came today, and guess what? IT WORKED! He's now happily sleeping.

Is it too early to tell if the pacifier made the difference?

Thanks for the suggestions and hope that he will grow out of it.

[Catty1]

DON'T QUESTION IT!!!! :D

Let sleeping Cams lie...

[BitsyNaceyDog]

You just discribed my nephew. He was the same way, only he cryed even when his mom was there. He's 4 months old now and it's better, but he still crys a lot (my M-I-L swears he doesn't stop). One thing that works with my nephew is a ride in the car, it puts him to sleep everytime.
Would you post a link to that pacifier, I'd like to show my sister-in-law.

[caseysmom]

Kim, I just remembered that my swing saved my life when my kids were that small.

[catnapper]

The pacifier is the Gumdrop pacifier. I found mine on ebay, I don't know what they are offering on ebay today. I was thrilled to get it so cheap :)

Gumdrop pacifier (http://gumdroppacifiers.com/?src=overture)

[Karen]

Swing! If the pacifier stops working, a swing will give him the "motion" feel he likes without you leaving the premises and missing client calls. And though it may not seem like it now, he will outgrow it. And just think what strong lungs he's building! He could be the next Pavarotti, right? ;)

[catnapper]

Karen, he doesn't like his swing. We put him in it, and he's quiet for twenty seconds then he starts bawling. :(

[jenluckenbach]

Strap on a frontal baby carrier and just walk around with him all day.

[Dorothy39]

Strap on a frontal baby carrier and just walk around with him all day.
:D :D :D I waited, and waited, (dial up!!! ;) ) ,

When I got to the last post,

:D You took the words right out of my mouth :D :D

[moosmom]

Babies need to suckle. Especially at that young of an age. Did he EVER have a pacifier?? If not, that gumdrop thingy you described like it did the trick.

Good luck Nana!! ;)

[Corinna]

Our Charity loves the swing hates any kind of pacifier. Likes her fist better. But then she is the oppisite of Cam can't get the girl to stop smiling.
Hope you can keep him calm with the new pacifer. Hugs and prayers for you as you watch him. I get to watch Charity (my little ladybug)4 days a week .

[Sevaede]

I know how you feel. Gracie is/was the same way. She freaks out when ANYONE leaves, though. She is, also, alike in that she MUST be held when she falls asleep. We have tried everything and just cannot figure it out either. She is 20 months old.

SOMETIMES, if we give her something to drink then she calms down a little bit. She's not a big eater.

My advice would be to be inventive. With Gracie, I find new ways to play with her. For example.. holding her back to my chest, with my arms firmly wrapped around her and under her armpits, we swing around a couple of times. She likes to play and be tossed up. :)

Grace, I don't *think*, has ever really had a crib. She has been sleeping with someone since the beginning, pretty much. We believe that her deal is caused by being held and cuddled too much, too. It makes it quite difficult for a tired aunty. :D

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Cali went through a stage where she cried constantly if I was out of her sight. NO-ONE could calm her down, and as soon as I walked back in, she would stop crying.

Contrary to what the books say, VERY small babies can suffer from separation anxiety.

When I was back in SA I went to the hairdresser, and my mum eventually put Cali in the car and drove to the salon, as they could not calm her down (I had only been gone for 20 minutes).

All I can say is that Cali outgrew it pretty quickly, and hopefully Cam will too. (Cali will still not stay with any random person - she is fine with my housemaid though - which is great as I can shoot out to do grocery shopping or go to a doctors appointment without dragging her around in the car in 55 degree Celcius heat!!).

One caution - introducing "crutches" such as driving around to get babies to sleep / walking with them or rocking them until the fall asleep etc can lead to a long-term problem - some babies become so used to this "crutch" that they are unable to self-soothe, and cannot fall asleep unless being walked or whatever.

I KNOW it's tempting to do ANYTHING at the time to get them to sleep, but unless it's something you are prepared to do EVERY nap time and bed time for the next few years, try to avoid starting bad habits.

Also I read in a book that little babies can only concentrate on maximum 2 things at once - that's why the "shush and pat on the back" calms them - you introduce two new things to think about - the sound of the shush and the feeling of the pat - and that's all they can think about at one time, so they forget to cry ;)

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Ashley hardly ever puts him down. Which I think is the problem, however we can't convince her of that

This won't help in the long run......try to persuade her to put him down even if its only for short periods of time. Otherwise she will find that she has no time to call her own

[Pam]

Another grandmother reporting in - or, in my case, I am known as Nannie. :) There is some really good advice here! My own children did not care for pacifiers but did enjoy the swing!

My grandson, Christian's crying seemed related to his feedings (gas, etc.) and Robyn switched him to Carnation Good Start (comfort proteins :) ) and he was like a new baby! No one has mentioned formula changes yet so I thought I'd throw that in for what it was worth.

Little Jeremy (now three months old) is not a crier at all. He cries basically only if he is hungry or needs to be changed. Robyn put him on Good Start as well and he is doing very well on it. She also uses the Baby Bjorn (sp?) for carrying him around when it is close to feeding time and she is still involved in some sort of household task. He also loves his pacifier, the only child I have known who does. I am always amazed when I am in stores and see all ages of children with pacifiers in their mouths (some way too old in my opinion but that is another story) so obviously they serve a purpose for some.

I never did let mine cry. I had a sister-in-law who told me I was crazy and that I was becoming a slave to my babies. I never regretted being the way I was. They grow up so fast that those opportunities to hold them and cuddle are way too short. They grow up in the blink of an eye. :)

[catnapper]

Did he EVER have a pacifier?? If not, that gumdrop thingy you described like it did the trick.
He actually used a gumdrop pacifier, but natural scent (its what the hospital sent him home with and was the ONLY pacifier he liked). We only had one and kept close tabs on it for fear we'd *gasp* lose it. Looking online revealed they make a vanilla scent to calm crying babies. Ashley looked for it and saw the cheapest it could be bought was $6 including shipping, so she was shocked when I got it on ebay for $3.

Pam, what a great idea for changing formula! He's on Infamil (did I get that right?) but its supplied by WIC. Do you think WIC would change it if we report that he's having terrible gas issues from the formula? I do know he has gas quite often and I give him a drop of the gas relief, but everyone in the house reigns down on me when I do so -- they claim I'm too quick to medicate. Am I? I looked online and the stuff I read about the drops says they are safe to give twice a day if needed (I've never given them twice in any given day). Perhaps he does need them. :confused:

As for me walking him -- I personally could use a crutch myself! I've been enjoying our walks and hope to start making them longer (as in further, not me walking slower ;) ) because I used to walk miles upon miles every day. It helped keep me "thin" (well, I was never thin, but it kept my weight down to a 16.... its so NOT a 16 right now). I'm hoping that walking him every day will be the catalyst to losing the weight I've said I'd lose for years now. I just wonder how I'll want to walk him once the worst of winter hits. I KNOW I won't walk without him. If I can't convince Nicki to go for a walk then I don't walk (which is why I've gained so much weight, Miss Nicki doesn't like my long speed walks anymore). I feel too self conscious walking around here by myself. ANYHOO....

Cam was perfect all night once Ashley got home from work. We all sat her down and told her that something has to be done about his crying during the day. Her answer was "perhaps he just has a few bad days now and then." :eek: How about every day?!?! Heather promised to video his next crying fit so Ashley can truly understand what we're talking about because she has yet to see him do it. He rarely fusses when she's around, even if she's not holding him.

[Pam]

Pam, what a great idea for changing formula! He's on Infamil (did I get that right?) but its supplied by WIC. Do you think WIC would change it if we report that he's having terrible gas issues from the formula?

Kim it is worth looking into. Maybe a letter written from Cam's pediatrician that it is *medically necessary.* My own boss (the ophthalmologist) occasionally has to write a letter for a patient that such-and-such drops are necessary when their insurance refuses to pay for a certain medication.

With little Jeremy, Robyn felt that it might have even been a reflux sort of thing. He would burp and occasionally it would even come out of his nose. Now that is a scary sight to see. :eek:

[moosmom]

Kim,

Good idea videotaping his crying. Maybe then Ashley will realize that carrying him around constantly is detrimental. When my kid was a baby, I used to put her in the car and drive around till she fell asleep. Of course, that was 30 years ago!! :eek:

[caseysmom]

If he rarely fusses when she is around even when she is not holding him why do you need to videotape him, its not her fault that he loves his Mom. She is his whole world and security.

It sounds like she is doing a wonderful job and nothing she is doing is detrimental. Good for you Ashley you have your priorities in the right place for such a young mother.

[Cataholic]

I really don't think Ashley carrying Cam around 'too much' is the problem. Infants are made to be carried around, lots of loving contact, as their other senses are not as developed as much as their sense of touch is developed.

:(

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Kim, thanks for posting that link, I'll share it with my S-I-L.


I am always amazed when I am in stores and see all ages of children with pacifiers in their mouths (some way too old in my opinion but that is another story) so obviously they serve a purpose for some.
I know what you mean. My friend's 2 year old daughter still uses a pacifier.
My Sister-In-Law used one until she was almost 4. My S-I-L finally gave them to the Easter Bunny in exchange for her Easter basket.

[Cookiebaker]

I really don't think Ashley carrying Cam around 'too much' is the problem. Infants are made to be carried around, lots of loving contact, as their other senses are not as developed as much as their sense of touch is developed.

:(

I totally agree with you, Cataholic. Maybe this sounds weird, but I believe that babies totally need their Mommy, and are made that way. Cam was with his mommy 100% of the time for the first nine months. He knows her smell, her voice, and now her touch. I know that it might not be financially possible at this time, but Cam is protesting loudly that he wants, needs, demands his MOMMY, and nobody else. He has a void, and nobody else can fill it. The good news is, that as the months go by, he will grow and become more independant.

[Logan]

My brother and sister in law had a baby, right around the same time that Robyn's Jeremy was born. At six weeks, my sister in law had to return to work and my parents are caring for the baby. My mom told similar stories, Kim, about Hugh crying so much. They ended up changing formula and it has worked miracles. Mom says he is like a new baby. Happy, sleeps soundly, etc. I don't know what they were on or what they changed to, but sometimes, I think that may be the answer. I would check with the pediatrician and consider it. It may be colic and it just so happens that when your daughter arrives home, he may be more comfortable. Who knows? It would be worth a try, though. I'm glad the new pacifier seems to be helping, though.

Logan

[Karen]

Karen, he doesn't like his swing. We put him in it, and he's quiet for twenty seconds then he starts bawling. :(


Does his swing have "stuff to do" or is it just a plain swing? Just curious. Some babies like the swing, and some just don't, it's funny how we are born with certain traits, it seems, just as much as we're born with certain eye and hair color!

[Cataholic]

Jonah didn't care for the typical swing-swing, but, he did like the aquarium swing- it moves in a side to side motion, was more snuggly, etc.