Just a vent.....

[caseysmom]

Some of you probably remember my post from 3 weeks ago. My brother passed away.

Well he leaves behind a 22 year old and a 25 year old with severe autism who is in a home.

I have taken in the 22 year old, she doesn't have a lot of skills around the house. I have been doing all her laundry, taken her shopping and taken her to get her hair done. Her mother passed away 3 years ago.

My sister has done NOTHING...she wrote a $900 check for my brothers cremation...sounds pretty good...okay well she is loaded. I have spent hours cleaning my brothers house so I can sell it, cooking for my niece....making phone calls cancelling satellite services and the like. Going through mountains of paperwork in anticipation of my appointment with an attorney tomorrow. Meeting with the church regarding his memorial, making up the program for it.

I thought she was at least calling the relatives, apparantly I got that wrong...she isn't..her one job and she says she didn't agree to that. I get a call from the only uncle I have left who is close to 90, he is practically in tears because he just found out today that his nephew passed away. I am so pissed I can't see straight.

She tells me "you also need to get on his computer and get in his email to see about anyone else" I said ...ummm no I have no time. My 15 year old had her impacted wisdom teeth removed last tuesday, she is still in pain I fear for infection and both my teens start back to school tomorrow, I am meeting with the attorney tomorrow so no.

Oh and by the way..she has not called my niece one single time ...not once. Well my niece comes across as rude, she is truly socially retarded....in 3 weeks I have had one thank you and I make her lunch to take to school every day and do all her laundry etc...but I have not cut her off because of this...the girls has problems...wth...you just ignore her.....sorry I am so pissed right now.

[dukedogsmom]

That is so horrible. I don't know how people can live their lives like that. You sound like you're loaded with stress. I have a friend who's brother, he's 55, can't even go grocery shopping by himself. She has to do it. And her husband won't help around the house or with him. It's really frustrating. I hope things get easier on you. Your sister ought to be ashamed of herself. I don't know how you're doing it all.

[caseysmom]

Thanks Val, I told my husband he has do to the house, fix it up sale it, the works....I am overloaded and he loves that kind of stuff.

[Catty1]

and...any point mentioning your sister's attitude to the attorney? Can he/she do or say anything even 'unofficial' to kick her in the, er, shin?

HUGS to you, and I hope your husband gets onto that house soon!

I think you might want to talk to your attorney about how much of the house sale you can get. Do up an invoice for cleaning and repairs.

Just a thought!

HUGS

[Laura's Babies]

Sometimes these burdens fall on one family member to take care of and I know you feel like it is a thankless job and nobody cares. You have to live with yourself and your sister has to live with herself so you do what helps you to live with yourself.

We all get our just rewards, if not here then on the other side when we leave this earth. Live each day so when you get there and you face your creator, you can do it without any guilt or shame.

[caseysmom]

Thanks Catty and Laura's babies...

I am pretty sure we can get our expenses for selling the house at the time it sells, we can get back the money we will have to pay to keep the mortgage up. We went through this with my mom's estate also, only thing was their was 3 of us kids helping out.

I don't think she really cares what the "right" thing to do is, she is pretty selfish. I did ask her to take my daughter to the doctor this afternoon for me if they need to see her when I have to go to the attorney and she agreed. She is really good with my girls because she feels close with them.

[gini]

There is an old saying that I learned.

You can't give, what you don't have.

It has helped me understand why people are the way they are.

What a beautiful person you are to do all of this for your family.

[Jadapit]

Wow, if that were my sister acting like that I would kick her butt. ;) I'm so sorry she is being that way. I just dont get people at times. I agree with Gini, you are a beautiful person for doing all this for your family. I hope things get better for you soon. :)

[caseysmom]

I am so fed up with some of these companies. I just called to cancel their internet and the guy kept on insisting that he would transfer the account to me, I said "I have internet already...he is DEAD cancel the account" He kept cracking jokes so I said "a word of advice, when someone calls because someone has died joking is in poor taste" and I hung up.

[Randi]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( I know that dealing with all these things are very stressful. Your niece is probably grieving too, but still, the neccesary things has to be done, and a little help from her sure would be useful! When the most important things are over, you should simply take some time to relax, messy surroundings or not. Let her see that you just can't handle anymore, and she may realise that her support is needed.

(((((hugs)))))

[jazzcat]

Oh wow, you are dealing with so much. You are making me realize I need to appreciate the help I have with caring for my Dad and be more thankful. I am very thankful for all the help I have but I still get angry that more could be done by my siblings some times, especially my sister but at least she does help from time to time and she does call to check on Dad 2-3 times a week.

I'm sorry you don't have that kind of support.

How absolutely tasteless of the internet guy. I think I would have told him off. I remember when my mom died I told off several people which is not typical of me but come on people show some respect!

(((HUGS)))

[caseysmom]

Most of my gripe was about my sister, my niece is just, well, I think something is wrong with her to be honest.

The latest, I called my sister Tuesday night to see if she had recent pics of my brother from holiday gatherings. I know I have them but they aren't organized and I don't want to dig through stuff.

It is now Thursday and she hasn't called back. I had a dream last night she didn't show up for his memorial service, I hope that doesn't happen.

[gini]

I am so fed up with some of these companies. I just called to cancel their internet and the guy kept on insisting that he would transfer the account to me, I said "I have internet already...he is DEAD cancel the account" He kept cracking jokes so I said "a word of advice, when someone calls because someone has died joking is in poor taste" and I hung up.

I would have gotten his name and reported him. That is way way out of line.

Funny that he could change the account so rapidly! I am divorced, but kept the cable tv/internet which was under my ex's name. I tried to change it, but I needed to go in person. Finally I went - exchanged all of the old analog boxes for the new digital ones with new remotes. (they gave me all of this without any questions). To change the name they wanted MY DIVORCE PAPERS, COPY OF THE BILL, MY DRIVER'S LICENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER etc. I gave them all of that.

Two days later, I get it all back in the mail. He has moved out of state and they need his current driver's license number, address blah blah. I don't have any of that but provided a last known address and phone. Now they want copies of utility bills with my name and address, phone bills, another copy of my driver's license.

So for me, I have to go through all of this (Comcast-now Time Warner) - but for you - they could transfer the account over the phone???????

How much you want to bet if I was late with a payment - they sure would be coming after me.

[Catty1]

I hope you report that internet guy to the company he works for - that was beyond rude! :mad:

[caseysmom]

I would but don't feel like wasting my energy, I think a lot of these companies are pretty slimy.

[moosmom]

Boy, is this deja vu. When my Dad was sick and I cared for him for 2 1/2 years, my useless brother never called to see how I was holding up through all this.

After Dad passed away, I was the one responsible for disposing of his belongings, cleaning out his apartment (he was found dead in his apt. and it was NOT pleasant). I made good money as a paralegal and made sure his bills were paid.

Keep in mind my brother is VERY wealthy. He is not a self-made man. Most of the money came from his inheritance from my aunt (his Godmother). If it weren't for my parent's blood, sweat and tears, he wouldn't have had the education. Not once did he ask me if I needed help with anything. Never asked me HOW Dad's bills got paid. My brother and I don't speak. When the memorial was held, he came, made an appearance with his bitch of a wife, and left. Haven't heard from him since.

You are a saint for taking in your niece. She needs guidance. Hang in there and keep posting here. We are here for you!!

[caseysmom]

Thanks Donna. Me and my sister haven't been real close but close enough, I would never let her do this on her own.

The attorney said an interesting thing yesterday, he said most likely you will get the most help moneywise and help wise from the folks with the least money and least time. He is right, people from my brothers church who I know don't have a lot of money are giving of themselves unselfishly right now.
My cousin whom I haven't seen for 15 years sent my niece a check yesterday and a card, I am not kidding my sister has not contacted my niece once. She paid for his cremation, I am getting that back to her through the estate, I don't want that from her, I want support and help.

One good thing is I have made some really lovely friends that my brother had, I am so glad he had those friends around him.

I know my sister didn't like my brother, he is not a bad person, just too religious and too lazy for her I guess. Her house is always immaculate and anything else doesn't live up to her standards.