This is serious - what can I do?

[catnapper]

I went to a family baby shower this afternoon. I knew from Ashley's baby shower that my 17 year old cousin was heading down a bad path, but I had no idea HOW bad. Long story short: my cousin is special needs. She doesn't look "retarded" but she is VERY mentally slow. She's been in special schools since 2nd grade and is at a 3rd grade intellectual level. Not only is she slow mentally, but my aunt did an awful job parenting her and she is socially retarded... not Denise's fault, my aunt was truly an awful parent. So here she is, mentally slow AND socially stunted. To make matters worse, she's not even 5' tall and well over 300 pounds, and bathes only once a week or so... but I wonder if thats because their bathroom HAS NO DOOR. I can't imagine bathing while someone walking down the hallway can see you. Her brother used to use her as his own punching bag and a few of us wonder what else he used her for. I'm talking about a real quality home life here :( (yes, thats sarcasm at its finest)

Anyway, at Ashley's shower, Denise was rambling about having a baby because she has a godson (her best friend's baby) and how she wanted one of her own. I figured it was Denise being Denise - just talking and not realizing what the words she says mean. Apparently, Denise is serious about having a baby and has been practicing unsafe sex with any man willing to have sex with her. If she does get pregnant, we'll have no idea who's the father. Not only that but I can't imagine what diseases she's exposing herself to. She has NO IDEA what she's doing is harmful and wrong, and her mom just shrugs her shoulders and says "What can I do? I talk to her about sex all the time" :eek: is my aunt for real???? I sometimes feel like I am descended from the worst white trash on the eastern coast.

Sooooo.... my mom for once is outraged (it takes a LOT to get mom angry). Up til now she's told me to leave things alone and let them live their lives. Now she's ready to get her "fixed" (LOL, mom was seriously kidding to break up the tension) I told her that you can't spay a 17 year old girl like you can a dog, though it WOULD be the best thing for her. I told mom this is a case for Child Services since Denise is still a minor. Dare I call about this? I know CS investigation would kill my aunt. She already has bad health and severe depression. She was on suicide watch a while back. I am at a loss. Poor Denise needs intervention to protect her from herself.

PS: I had to giggle at Denise's outfit today. She was all dressed up wearing black sheer stockings and fip flops. How can you wear flip flops between your toes and stockings? But she did! She honestly doesn't know right from wrong - she was never taught or explained common sense things.

[Andie]

As someone who grew up around a group home : I'm sorry to say this but someone has got to call Child Services on this one. It would probably almost kill your aunt emotionally but if what you say is true you need to look out for your cousins best interest. (IMHO)

[Corinna]

call your aunt has no sense and sounds like she needs help too. save them both so what if they find out and get mad you at least can rest knowing you did something to help.

[moosmom]

Kim,

Someone needs to intervene on Denise's behalf since her mother obviously has problems herself. Is there anyway you can get her to Planned Parenthood and have her put on the pill and educated about sex??? Let's face it, if she does get pregnant by God knows who, not only is she opening up herself to a wide variety of STD's, but she risks her child's life by passing along any birth defects she has (down syndrome, ADHD, etc.)

I think you should call Child Protective Services. Let them know the whole story including Denise's mom's not so steady psyche.

[areias]

Please call child services, if something happens to denise you will regret not doing anything.

[jenluckenbach]

PLEASE intervene on her behalf before she turns 18. At least NOW they can do something to let the healing (and educating) begin. But if she turns legal age, she might never get the help she needs.

(it is quite possible that I am wrong on this fact, but face it, SOONER has to be better than later............or TOO late) :(

[jazzcat]

Kim I would have to say call. It may be very hard on your aunt but the alternatives are much worse. Imagine a baby being brought into this.

[kuhio98]

I hope you decide to call. It sounds like Denise needs your help.

[BOBS DAD]

As someone who grew up around a group home : I'm sorry to say this but someone has got to call Child Services on this one. It would probably almost kill your aunt emotionally but if what you say is true you need to look out for your cousins best interest. (IMHO)

sad situation... but i agree with you andie

[catnapper]

The problem is my aunt... if she would actually commit suicide, then I'd have her death on my conscious. I'm really lost. I know Denise needs outside help... now more so than ever. My aunt needs help, but she doesn't know it. She's dysfunctinal at best.

Mom was ready to hit my aunt today. Mom went early to help set things up for the shower (its her son's girlfriend who's expecting the baby) and my aunt apparently just sat there chain smoking and didn't set up anything. She just let mom do everything. The mom of the mom-to-be did the same. After mom threatened to toss a pitcher of water over her cigarette because she shouldn't be smoking where babies and pregnant women would be at the shower, mom told her to hire a caterer next time (go mom! She typically lets people walk all over her). Mom then high-tailed it outta there when I left just because she knew if she didn't, that she'd have been made to clean up too. Mom is pretty sure they left the place a mess. I can't remember the last time I saw mom that mad! Maybe I can get her to call CS and file a complaint at the same tie I do.... if we do it together then we would both be doing it and neither would be responsible for anything if my aunt commited suicide. Believe me, the threat of suicide is real. :(

[Andie]

Believe me, the threat of suicide is real. :(

Then your aunt needs just as much help as your cousin does. Believe me I know what it's like to live under the fear of sending someone to the brink but you will feel so much better knowing that you did the right thing.


PS: Please feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I may not be online every day but I do check my messages and respond often.

[Catty1]

Of course, when you phone CS (not if), you will tell the people there about the very real threat of suicide.

They've dealt with these things a lot more than you or I have.

Chances are, they would deal with your aunt before they deal with Denise.

They both need help, and I hope they each get it. Miracles happen every day!

HUGS

[emily_the_spoiled]

If your aunt is a danger to herself, then you/your mother can try and have her committed. This will generally give you 72 hours (depending on the state) where she would be under observation. I know that is not the ideal solution, but your cousin needs help NOW.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Sounds to me like that are both in need of a lot of help and you are in the position to get the ball rolling for them.......make that call, its the right thing to do

[sasvermont]

Jezzzzzzze. What a mess. Sounds like intervention is needed. I would call someone....maybe your aunt can get help for her depression. What a horrible situation.

I was just joking about moving and not leaving a forwarding phone number etc. :confused:

[lizbud]

Wow. It really sounds like that whole family needs serious help.

[catland]

Think of the "what-ifs" if nothing is done.

What will happen is that Denise will become a breeder. She'll have a child - raise it for awhile until its sufficently scarred for life, then CSD intervenes and takes it away, then she'll have another child, and another.... :(

As for the suicide threat - your aunt sounds mentally ill. You did not cause this. You would never, ever be responsible if she carried her threat out. (gee - talk about the ultimate in manipulation - she's nothing more than a three year old with a temper tantrum who has discovered the ultimate bluff to get her way - sick-sick-sick. ) She sounds like one messed up person.

Stay sane and best of luck to you and Denise.

[VTJess03]

The problem is my aunt... if she would actually commit suicide, then I'd have her death on my conscious. ... and neither would be responsible for anything if my aunt commited suicide. Believe me, the threat of suicide is real. :(

(Sorry for the long response, all)

You can only be responsible for you. You can do something about Denise's situation, since she's a minor, but your aunt has to make her own decision. Please don't blame yourself for something that someone else decides or worry about that decision. Trust me, I have been struggling with a suicidal (soon-to-be-ex-)husband who has actually looked me square in the face and asked me to take a shotgun and kill him (and yes, he was serious...not just emotional, having a fight over-reaction type of stuff, like we both are/were prone to anyway). We are separated now, in part because of this...he has attempted to take his own life 5-6 times now, according to what little he will tell me, and he blames me for a lot of the relationship problems we've had (and yes, I'm partly to blame, but his recently diagnosed bi-polar and clinical depression have contributed also...2 sides to every story). If he chooses to end his life now, I refuse to bear that guilt on my conscience...he is an adult who has to make an adult decision whether to continue or end his own life and no one else can decide that for him.

You can help a minor whether they want help or not, but you can't help an adult unless they choose to accept that help. If you really think she's a danger to herself, have her committed (as someone else has suggested), but until she chooses to recognize her own mental instability, she will be untreatable. It took my almost-ex about 3-4 years to admit that he had bipolar, even though I'd been trying to get him to see someone about his behavioral/temper problems for almost that long.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kim, I also agree that an intervention is needed. Please do something before you regret it.

[Dorothy39]

Whew!!!

That thread was a real eye opener into depression and dysfunction.

I would sincerely be very stressed if I realized that "I" had to make the right decision. Your Aunt is chronically detached (duh? Ya think Dorothy?)--and no longer a Mother at all. I feel so sad for everyone involved.


I think there have been enough replies that I can match here. It's a no win situation all the way around. Intervene---subsequent dyfunction--domestic dispute maybe--- or----not get involved-----drastic consequences as well.

I just feel so sad for this teen ager .

I assume you and your mother have already had a heart to heart talk about this. I'm so sorry that this "issue" has raised your eye brows.

Prayers and Huggs to You and Your Mother, Catnapper.

[twgilmour]

Well, I guess it's unanimous. What more do you need? If you can't find the phone book for the child services number, just call 9-1-1. You don't get a second chance at regret for not doing what you KNOW needs to be done.

God Bless you and your mother. You are doing the right thing for the RIGHT reasons.

Terry

[Catty1]

Nothing is being done. It will cause other family divisions to do so.

An anonymous stranger letter carrier or someone would have to phone in.

Tons of prayers for this situation!

[jenluckenbach]

Nothing is being done. It will cause other family divisions to do so.


:eek: :eek: :eek:

Doesn't sound like a good enough reason to me. :mad: