Update on my mom...

[CagneyDog]

Ive been getting a few pm's asking for an update on my mom and her drinking problem. So here it is:

I've tried talking to her on numerous occasions and she either changed the topic or said that she wasn't getting drunk. So clearly, that was not working. I went to one Alateen group but I didn't find them so helpful. Actually, I didn't say anything so I was more of a listener. But I may go back now that I have time. Today i confronted my grandparents about it and they've admitted that they've known about it. They have talk to her about it but got the same response as I did. My grandma also told me that the whole family is concerned and willing to help. So the first step she's going to take is informing our family doctor. My mom has an ulcer and other stomach problems and the doctor keeps giving her meds for them. These stomach problems are most likely caused, or flared up, by her drinking. She has always refused to take tests on her liver and such because she didn't want to get "caught". So we're letting the doctor know about that. My grandma is also going to get the family involved and we are going to confront her about it. Turns out that some of my family members have been looking into recovery places for her already, they are expensive but we could all pitch in and pay. The thought of her having to go away some place absolutely terrifies me, as it will probably not happen til the school year and then i cant visit. :( I'm staying with my dad right now and I'm having a really hard time being away from her, I'm scared something will happen. I'm glad that I no longer have it in my hands. My family knows about it now, and we were all just doing the same thing, hopeing the problem just magically goes away. The other thing that scares me is that if she goes away, where is Cagney going? He can't live with my dad. But anyways...I'll all hopefully work out.

Anyways, I;ll keep everyone updated on this thread.

Thanks for the support.

[luvofallhorses]

I truly hope things look up soon...it's great that your whole family is going to try to get her the help she needs. :) ((hugs))

[Laura's Babies]

In order for her to get the help she needs, she has to WANT it but I congratulate you on getting the family involved. Maybe one of them can say something to wake her up and get her out of denial. Both of my parents were acholics so I know how it effects the children.... even the grown ones. Being the child of acholics, the hardest lesson I had to learn was I could NOT fix someone elses life (I was the fixer) they have to fix their own life. I can tell you are a "fixer" too. You can not fixer her life for her. I do wish you luck in life and wish you well. Keep going to those meetings, they can and will help you understand your role in this and what you CAN do. Never give up on her though, someday she may wake up and listen to you.

[Alysser]

Oh, I really hope your mom gets the right help she needs and stops. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Ginger's Mom]

Lindsey, I am really glad that you made a public post. I, too, have been wondering how things were going for you. I am glad to hear that you have spoken with other family members and that everyone is working together to help each other through this. Please do go to another Ala-teen meeting, you may find it will help. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[K9karen]

I don't know where you live, but if necessary, I'll care for Cagney. He'll have a safe, happy, fun place to stay. don't worry about that. Take care of your mom. Let me know by PM or email on my profile.

[JenBKR]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. It can't be easy to have to take care of your mom like that. Thank goodness that your family is wiling to step in and help - maybe your mom can get the help she needs. ((((hugs)))) If you ever need someone to talk to please PM me!

[CagneyDog]

Thanks everyone. I really, really appreciate the replies. It's hard for my to get to Alateen meetings because I need to get a ride a fair way into a larger city but I have a friend who is willing to drive me. There really isn't an update yet, my grandma did talk to the doctor but we are still deciding on how we could confront her about it and make her realize that we care and also make her stop denying it. Any ideas?

I pm'd you k9karen.

[Catty1]

Cagneydog - what you and your family are doing is great...sometimes it helps a person to know they are not fooling anyone any more.

What your family is planning is called an "intervention". These are often done with the help of an addictions counsellor. This person is there to keep a handle on things - and is indispensable in guiding the family beforehand.

The doctor might be able to put you in touch with someone, or if other members of the family have contacted treatment centres, those centres would have someone too.

If your mom agrees to get help - some hospital stay might be necessary for the withdrawl, and also to check on the general state of her health.

An intervention shows that everyone knows - and CARES!

Good luck!

Catty1

[RedHedd]

Cagneydog, you're showing great courage in taking the steps you have. I know it's not easy. My friends cared enough about me many years ago to do an intervention on me and it worked. Somehow I was ready to hear what they had to say. I have to encourage you to keep taking the steps you're taking. My doctors knew I was alcoholic long before I did; many of them didn't say anything because they didn't know what or how to say it. Now, years later, one doctor in particular asks me for help when he has an alcoholic patient. Keep up the good work and let us know how it goes.

[CagneyDog]

I really appreciate the replies. Catty1, I don't think we'll have an intervention counsellor. It's hard to find all of that where I live.

So, my mom is going to go to the doctor sometime in the next few days to pick up a new prescription and the doctor will talk to her then.

It's getting so discouraging. She admitted that she had a problem to my dad on the phone a few days ago, but she is back to denying it again. :(

My dad got her bank statement last month and she had bought 20 bottles of vodka in 1 month. That means that on average some of those bottles didn't even last a day.

I talked with my dad about it last night and apparently this is a large reason why she lost her job, and her marriage. :rolleyes: Her drinking has been going on a lot longer than I thouht, but on and off.

What if she dies before we're able to help her :(

[animal_rescue]

I really hope your mom gets the help soon and I'm glad your family is so caring and willing to pitch in for it.

I'm praying for you, your family, and your mom. I hope she gets the help soon!

[DrKym]

I know how hard this is for you. Please make sure your friend gets you to the alateen meetings. If her physician cannot broach it with her (and he might not be able to HIPPA laws) he can recommend therapy. Please understand that there are a lot of resources out there to get help from. You cannot control anothers behavior but you can control yours. I am not sure if you are in school or a minor if so please make sure that you and the rest of the family make the school aware of the issue,there are organizations that they can contact to help her. Unless she hits "bottom" she won't benefit from help and only she will know what her "bottom" is. Our family will keep you in our prayers.

[Catty1]

If she does die before she stops?

Remember this: You didn't start her drinking, and you can't stop her. Only she can stop herself, byt getting the help necessary. As they say in AA: "It takes what it takes."

Take all the blame out for you. She is sick. This might run in her family.

If she was diabetic, you wouldn't blame yourself, right?

Alcoholism is an illness too.

Of COURSE this is emotional and horrible for you. Just kick the guilt out, cause you have enough to deal with.

hugs
Catty1

[Anita Cholaine]

I'm sure it must be really hard for you to deal with all this. I know you and your family are doing everything you can for her... Hopefully, when she realizes how much you love and care about her, she will decide to change...
Your mum and you will be in my prayers (((hugs)))

[JenBKR]

If she does die before she stops?

Remember this: You didn't start her drinking, and you can't stop her. Only she can stop herself, byt getting the help necessary. As they say in AA: "It takes what it takes."

Take all the blame out for you. She is sick. This might run in her family.

If she was diabetic, you wouldn't blame yourself, right?

Alcoholism is an illness too.

Of COURSE this is emotional and horrible for you. Just kick the guilt out, cause you have enough to deal with.

hugs
Catty1


You worded that so well. It IS an illness, and NOT your fault. CagneyDog, I think you are an incredible person for going through everything you have with her and helping her. I too hope that she realized how much you and your family care for her and tried to quit on her own. It sounds to me like she's making progress so far, even if just baby steps. ((((hugs))))

[Kfamr]

I'm so sorry to read this, Lindsey.
I want to echo what everyone's said about it not being your fault. That couldn't be anymore true!

I hope things look up in the future. I know they have for me, as my mother used to have a major problem. She has reduced her consumption greatly and I'm proud of her.


Kay