May I please ask for your prayers and thoughts

[K9soul]

Some may remember the thread I started last fall when things were not going well between my husband and I. Everyone's prayers and support really helped me then, and I just would like to ask for prayers again now as I am going through the most difficult and painful thing I have ever experienced. My husband has decided he wants to end our marriage. It's hard to even put into words all I'm feeling and going through, though I'm sure some already can relate. I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It truly means a lot to me. The pain of this feels so unbearable, and the fears of what is to come are so hard to even contemplate right now. Thank you friends.

Jess

[Vela]

I'm always here for you Jess, no matter what. I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I know how horrible this is and I wish it wasn't so. I wish I had a magic word or wand to make things better but I don't. Love you always.

[luvofallhorses]

omg, Jess! :( I am so, so sorry. :( ((((((((HUGS)))))))))) please don't hesitate to PM me if you need anything at all. I will keep you held close in my thoughts and prayers. we're here for you, please know that.

[RobiLee]

Jess, I am so sorry to hear this news from you. I had really hoped that things would work out. You know I care and of course you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

{{HUGS}}

[sandragonfly]

sigh. :( I hope it's for the best. and I hope you'll still have dawn, tommy and tasha with you!

thinking of you.. don't forget to take care of jessica too.

(((many hugs as much you need))). :)

[Dorothy39]

Some may remember the thread I started last fall when things were not going well between my husband and I. Everyone's prayers and support really helped me then, and I just would like to ask for prayers again now as I am going through the most difficult and painful thing I have ever experienced. My husband has decided he wants to end our marriage. It's hard to even put into words all I'm feeling and going through, though I'm sure some already can relate. I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It truly means a lot to me. The pain of this feels so unbearable, and the fears of what is to come are so hard to even contemplate right now. Thank you friends.

Jess


Hello Jess,

Dorothy39 here.

This post is not about pets , I know that!! I am so sorry to have read about your plight.

What is the underlying problem in your marriage.??Money, sex, family, religion?? It has to be one of these!!!! Working hours?

How long have you been married? How old are you ????


I am happily married, so the saying goes, but my husband and I have weathered so many tormenting storms . We are from the 60's, and we bonded while in High School. We were puppies from the same box, so to speak.


I cannot , in so many words, stress how important it is to hold onto each other when the going gets real rough. Why does your husband feel a DIVORCE will fix things? It won't!!! You know it won't !!!! You love him, I can tell. I am not a counsilor by any means---I don't know any of the details either. But this much I do know, -----when you become older, and older, and older, the person that you genuinely love will make an imprint upon your heart. You will look for "him" within another person if you do divorce. I know you understand what I am typing.


Please, stay at Pet Talk, we are not only Dog Lovers, We are compassionate people . Pet Talk is such a wonderful forum!!!! It is real, it is free !!! Fill me in on some History about you and your husband, He seems lost!!! A lost lamb!!!!


I have read your posts in the dog game forum, "Name a Famous Dog" as well as "Dog Sayings"

Did you post, "Throw me a bone" :p --I'll check it out later.


at any rate, throw ME a bone here, I care.

[JenBKR]

((((hugs)))) I am so sorry you are going through this - I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If there is ever anything at all I can do please let me know!

[Flatcoatluver]

Aww (((hugs))) I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts, I may be young but I am always here if you need a listner.

[catnapper]

I am so sorry to hear this. I know its scary facing the uncertain future but you have lots of friends here and at home that you can lean on in your time of uncertainty. (((hugs)))

[My Peanuts]

I'm sorry to hear this. I can see your pain in your words. You are such a sweet, wonderful person and I hate to hear that you are going through this. I have never been married, but my fiancé and I broke up last year. We were together for 10 years and it was very hard. I know what you are going through is a lot harder, but if you need someone to talk to I'm here.

[ramanth]

*hugs*

[Ginger's Mom]

Oh Jess, I really am sorry that things have not worked out. Although not constant, I have kept you in my prayers, and will redouble my prayers or you. {{{Hugs}}}

[Queen of Poop]

So sorry he has decided to end it. Now is when you need the love of your pets to bolster your wounded self. They will help you thru this and help you heal. Hugs to you. Take care of yourself. Prayers to help you thru this most difficult time.

[Kater]

Jess, I am so sorry to hear about this painful decision. :( I hope that you can find peace, as hard as that may be. You will be in my prayers and thoughts. You can always PM me if you need to talk.
***BIG HUGS***

[finn's mom]

I have to say I am more angry right now than sad. I know you have gone through the entire spectrum of emotion since all this started for you. And, I'm sure you will go through the spectrum again, as will I, as I have watched you go through it. I know I will be heart broken along with you as I really sit down and think about it...but, right now, I'm just really angry. I'm not totally sure why, I guess just because...grrr, never mind. Jess, talk to me if you need to. I'll pm you my new cell phone number, and, you can send me yours again, too, as I don't have it anymore. I won't be hurt if you don't turn to me, as long as you turn to someone when you need it. The anger is already turning into sympathy and empathy again, as I've been there, too. If you need a vacation or some real change, you know you're welcome here. I love you, and, I'm sorry that your path has changed so drastically from where it was.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

{{{HUGS AND PRAYERS}}} from me too!

[Rachel]

Jess, I am so sorry. Please don't let this break your spirit. You are a wonderfully caring, capable and talented person. No, I don't know you personally but these characteristics have become so evident in your posts, I cannot help but state them. You must retain faith in the fact that you are worthy of love, affection, and respect as a partner. Of course you are shattered to have your husband not feel that he has in you a soulmate, and I realize that today is a day to grieve that loss. But as you do, please remember that life is still good and one day you will know your place in the new scheme of things and be happy again.

[K9soul]

Your words, thoughts and prayers mean more to me than I can put into words. They truly do.. they give me strength and comfort, they make me feel less alone.

Dorothy, this is not a mutual decision, it is his. I have done all I could to try and stick things through, to make things better. It's not about finances, or any of those things. We don't fight, we get along fine. He just does not love me anymore. That's the long and short of it. He's lost his feeling for me. It's a pain beyond any describing, a loss that leaves me reeling with fears and insecurities and self doubt. My mind flooded with memories of all we've been through, all the laughter and tears together.. As a good friend said to me, it's really just more than I can wrap my mind around right now. I have faith there will be light at the end, but for now, I am in the darkest part of this tunnel.

[Samantha Puppy]

Oh Jess, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what else to tell you besides how sorry I am and that if you need to vent, I'm here.

Hugs to you.

[carole]

Oh dear Jess my heart goes out to you right now , i can only imagine the pain you feel and heartache, i wish there was something i could say or do to make you feel better, just know you have a ton of support and love right here on PT, but i know that does not help where you are right now.,maybe your hubby just needs some time out, a separation for a while to sort out his true feelings, he may well think he is no longer in love, but until he looses what he thinks he has, he might feel differently, i don't know him , so i am only hoping this might be the situation, the old saying" you never realise what you had until you lost it comes to mind",sweetie i am so sorry for your pain, and send you a big hug,and i really hope you can get through all of this, somehow.

[Alysser]

Of course, you may. Prayers and thoughts on the way for you.(((HUGS))) and prayers on the way for you, Jess.

[Logan]

You've already heard from me and you know I'm right here for you, Jess.

Anytime, anything.........all you have to do is ask.

I've been through this, in a different way, but I've been through it.

Love,
Logan

[dukedogsmom]

I know this must be impossibly hard for you to bear. I know how much you've struggled with this. Please don't let it tear you down. I'm going to call you but will wait until tomorrow as it's a little late for most people now. I hope you still have my number. Call me tonight if you need to. I'll be up until around 11. I've had a broken heart before but I know it's nothing like what you're feeling, as my marriages were never happy ones. Let us all be strong for you and you can get through this, ok? Hug Tasha and Tommy and let them catch your tears.

[captain]

Jess,
Please know that even though I am far away, my thoughts and prayers are with you, always.

You must always remember ONE thing, This is HIS decision, not yours, and as hard as that is, remember YOU are the one who is so very very special, who never changed, who never wavered.
YOU are the person we all love and care for, and always will be.

I hope what I am saying makes sense.

{{{hugs}}} across the miles.

[Karen]

Certainly, you will be in my prayers, Jess. Know, sweetie, that you are loved. That you are treasured. And not just by the furred, feathered and finned ones, but by we skin-folks as well.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Oh Jess, my heart is hurting so bad right now for you. Dear lady, I too, know what you've been through and you know I've been through the same. I had so hoped it would all get better and the feelings that he had would disappear and things would return to the life you have shared and enjoyed. What can I say or do to make you feel better? I know how much pain you're going through. It seems almost impossible to make it through another day or night. I know this all too well. I'm here for you as always. Please PM me anytime. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask and it's done. Like Kari, I'm angry too but I know that down the line, he'll realize what he's lost and he'll regret it more than he can imagine right now. I love you dearly Jess. The only thing I can do right now is to request some kisses to Tommy and Tasha from me because I know that will help a wee bit to cheer you up. (((((HUGS)))))

[joycenalex]

dear jess, i am so sorry. i can recall how much it hurts to have had my beloved tell me it was over. the pain is almost unbearable, and the nights too,too long. *hugs* i'm an early riser, you can PM me almost any am after 5:30 to talk.

[Catty1]

Jess...I haven't posted to you much, and don't know you as well as I would like...but I know what it's like, too, when someone I love just loses the feeling...

Just know that, in spite of that, you ARE loveable, totally loveable - ALL the love in the world you have here!

HUGS AND PRAYERS

Catty1

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time...I wish I had something more to say, but I'm sincerely sorry that things seem so bleak right now. I hope that in the end things work out for the best. :(

[Sevaede]

*****HUGS***** I am so, so sorry that you have to go through something like this. I have never been divorced but I am married so I can only fathom what you are going through. Please, even though I don't know very many people on here, PM me if you need anything.

[wolfsoul]

Oh my gosh, I am so shocked. I remember you were having some problems, but I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. I am so sorry Jess, I can't even believe it, I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. Keep your chin up, keep hoping, and remember that you are a great person with so much to offer and you will get through this. One day this will all be behind you, with or without your husband. You can make it.

Hugs

Jordan

[shais_mom]

I am so sorry Jess. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I will PM you my number in case you don't have it.

[wolf_Q]

{{{HUGS}}} I'm so very sorry to hear this. You are definitely one of the most sweet, intelligent, caring people I have ever "met." You don't deserve this, I really really hope that everything works out for you.

[Cataholic]

I am sorry that it has come to this. The fear of the future must be scary to you, and right now, unfathomable. While I have never been married, I can understand the pain of rejection, and, the loss of control, which for me was the worst part. My prayers to you.

[popcornbird]

Jessica, my heart hurts so badly for you. I cannot even begin to imagine your pain, and cannot quite understand why anyone would divorce on such basis, after sharing so many years of life together. I know you are hurting deeply, and wish I could somehow take the pain away. You are such a sincere and wonderful person. I know that one day, your husband will have all the memories of his sweet wife flash in his mind, and he will deeply regret his decision.

I can only hope and pray that God changes his heart before any action is taken, and that his love for you is restored, and he takes back his word and decision. I can't understand how he could just go on with this when there were no fights, no arguments, no problems. I can't understand how seeing the pain in your eyes wouldn't make his heart hurt. How could love just dissolve for no reason? I can't understand. Love takes work. Sure the beginning of love is full of uncontrollable sparks, but in the long run, when you live together, spend time together, get on with daily life and the stress of life together, those strong sparks fade...partially because when we have something for long, we take it forgranted...and partially because of work stress, financial stress, hormone changes, etc. Marriage takes work. Love takes work. A change of feelings just doesn't seem like a right reason to end a marriage to me. Of course none of us can know the whole story. I wish your husband was willing to work through this, as I know you have tried and wished for. You are in my prayers, Jess. May God fill your heart with inner peace, contentment, love, and as hard as it is to see right now, may He soon show you light at the end of this dark, scary tunnel.

[Jadapit]

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. It must be so very hard. I read once that going through a divorce is like a death you even go through the grieving process. I imagine that is true. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Know, you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))

[joycenalex]

hey jess, just for today, you can do this. know you are loved. ((hugs))

[4 Dog Mother]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. As many have said, you must remember this is his decision (Mistake) and has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are obviously a very caring and loving person as is shown with your pets. He is the one who has changed - the sad part is that every marriage goes through a time of disenchantment. There is a song that has a phrase in it that Love is not a decision, it's an act of your will. Which simply means that there will come a time that you don't feel as loving as you once did, but you hang in there and the original feelings will come back. Kind of like stages of a marriage. It's too bad that your husband does not have the maturity to see that. No doubt, he believes in the throw away life style we are a part of in today's world.

Don't feel bad about yourself ( and I know that is and will be hard to do). No matter what he says and tries to tell you it is about HIM. Not what you have done or not done. I don't know how long you have been married but I know he is giving up on something way too soon.

[K9soul]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. As many have said, you must remember this is his decision (Mistake) and has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are obviously a very caring and loving person as is shown with your pets. He is the one who has changed - the sad part is that every marriage goes through a time of disenchantment. There is a song that has a phrase in it that Love is not a decision, it's an act of your will. Which simply means that there will come a time that you don't feel as loving as you once did, but you hang in there and the original feelings will come back. Kind of like stages of a marriage.

That's what I have tried to tell him. I've told him it's okay if he doesn't have those feelings for me he once did but that if he would just stick through it and if we kept trying, I believe the closeness would come back.. but he just seems to think that it would only prolong the pain for both of us, that his feelings are what they are and they are not going to change. We have been married for six years but have lived together since 1995, so most of my adult life and his to this point have revolved around each other.

It's just still more than I can truly fathom. The emotional swings from anger to despair to numbness to disbelief are just constant right now. Everything I look at makes me think of how we did this or that together, there is absolutely no escape for my mind. Before if something very stressful was going on I would be able to find something to distract me at least for awhile.. and now I can't. I think yesterday it finally truly hit me that this is all real. That it's really happening. :(

Thank you so much for all your prayers, your compassion, words of comfort and caring. It helps give me more strength in coping.

[trayi52]

I am so sorry to hear this, Jess. You will remain in my prayer and thoughts.

((((Hugs))))
Willie

[Randi]

K9soul, I'm not quite sure what to say, other than I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. :( I know the pain is real. I only hope that something will happen so you can get together again - perhaps after a few months apart, he'll realize his mistake.

I will send you a PM. :)

(((((Hugs)))))

[BOBS DAD]

Dear Jess,

I am so very sorry for you. I can almost feel the pain in your words. I will pray for you. I hope that you have very strong support from your family and friends during this most difficult of times.

dan

[BOBS DAD]

Just some random thoughts from a husband's point of view:

First off, I don't know any particular details or pretend to know what goes on in anyone's else life. You know the old saying only makes sense when you are older and more experienced with matters of the heart - "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors".

I have been married (only once) for almost 21 years. I knew when I got married that it would be "unto death do us part". I knew that because I took the marriage vows literally (even though my wife had them altered and customized for our wedding. I did not even hear or can remember what was said in the ceremony. I was hearing and answering to what is in the Bible) and view the institution as sacred and forever binding.

Things change. Boy... do they change. And there are lots of stages and phases - and probably many more to come yet! And romantic love? It fades. If you think you are going to feel the tingles and palpitations that come with "new love" forever - then you are really, really, really fooling yourself. God bless the people who say they feel the very same towards each other after 20,30, 40 years. I envy them.

There are alot of hard times and bumps along the way. Whew...boy, it would be "easy" to just get out... or worse yet - and YES I think worse yet, to just fade away. By that I mean, stay where you are and go adrift. Let someone else catch your eye and begin to "cross" that very dangerous line of flirting. Because when that happens... and the tingles and thrill of "new love" start to grab ahold of you again, there is almost no going back...

Many of you see me and read my gibberish on line. I'm just a total goof. I say and do some juvenile things, but when it comes right down to it - I'm all hot air. That's just because I can't even begin to allow myself to strike up any kind of conversation or relationship with a co-worker, acquantance or even neighbor that is in the least bit inappropriate, because therin lies that "slippery, sliding slope" AND every man knows where that line is for "him".

What changes??? Well, a lot of things. SEX sometimes changes - it becomes more important or less important for one of the partners. This is tough, but it has to be possibly anticipated and capable of being dealt with. Interests change - but you have to work really hard to try and bring yourselves back to common ground and shared interests. Jobs/Careers change. Social environments. For some, children come along and a competition for attention develops between parents and children (believe it or not). Finances. Friends. Associates. Again, you have to continually work at bringing yourselves to the center and don't stray too far to the fringe edges of your relationship.

This isn't so much for the people who "have been there - done that" and I am sorry, probably not much help for poor Jess, but rather for you young, never married people who may be reading this. MARRIAGE is not to be taken lightly or entered into on a whim. AND NO, you will not still likely feel all giddy about each other after a decade of seeing each other at 6:00 AM each morning, sharing the bathroom (sometimes smelly bathroom) and seeing each other "at your worse". I recommend you read and take to heart the "traditional" marriage vows and hope that the "best" be in your futures, but consider that the "worst" may be just around the corner - and are you capable and willing to work through it???

Hang in there Jess. I hope you can find some peace and calm with your thoughts and come out "perhaps scarred and scathed" but not forever bitter! God Bless,

Dan

[anna_66]

Jess I'm very sorry to hear all of this, I honestly can't imagine how your feeling right now but I know it can't be good...not good at all.
I have no words of wisdom to give but please know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while you go through this tough time.
If you ever need anything at all, I'm here. {{{HUGS}}}

-----------------
Bob's Dad,
I've been married 20 years and I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. Things are never like they were when you first met each other or when you were first married...and yes, things definitely do change. You just have to REALLY love the one your with and be able to work through it...together.

[Denyce]

Oh wow...what a thread.

First off, Jess, I don't really know you. I haven't been on as much as I used to be, life has just been too busy lately. But I feel your pain in your posts and words. I really can't imagine how empty and lonely you must feel right now. However, knowing you have your beloved dogs and your friends offline and the many, many good friends you have here gives you a rope to hang onto in the dark moments.

Bob's dad...what a post. It brought tears to my eyes. Tomorrow is my 5 year wedding anniversary and my husband and I are going through a bumpy patch. Not in our feelings for each other but financially. He lost his job back in March and we have been struggling since. Well he would say he didn't lose it, he just doesn't go there anymore. I have struggled with my anger at the company he worked for, and my sadness for him for the blow to his pride and self-worth. But through all of this I love him even more now than I did the day we were married. I am also noticing how he is touching me more and reaching out to me more than he did before he was fired. You are so right. Marriage is work and committement. No, I don't feel all the flutterings of first love. What I believe we both have is a mature, deep love. He is my comfort, my safe haven, my shoulder to rest my head upon at the end of the day. That is what long term love is about.

Again Jess, I am so very sorry you are going through this. My step-father did the same thing to my mother after over 16 years of marriage. He told her he just didn't love her anymore. It has taken many years for her to feel self-confidant again. I truly believe in time you too will find something that is deep and true and safe for you. Until then keep in mind how many here seem to care for you. You are obviously a very good person that deserved so much better.

Denyce

[Kfamr]

I can't beleive I've missed this thread. I'm very sorry about that, Jess.


I have no clue what to say anyways. I've never been in a situation like this and all I can imagine is that it's incredibly hard to go thru. I wish you luck and love. Lots of hugs beings sent to you.


Kay

[K9soul]

What I believe we both have is a mature, deep love. He is my comfort, my safe haven, my shoulder to rest my head upon at the end of the day. That is what long term love is about.

That is exactly what I have lost. On my 5th anniversary I still felt that way too.. secure in our love. I guess the lesson learned is no matter how strong you think your love is, never ever take it for granted. Enjoy every day now and never just assume it will be the same tomorrow.

Thank you Dan for your post as well. Never more truer words have been spoken. I only wish someone he trusted and felt close to would tell him the same.. make him realize we could still be happy with some effort and patience on both our parts through this down time.

[Catty1]

Apropos of Bob's Dad, copy, paste and cut the following quote out and stick it on your fridge!

"When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
- George Bernard Shaw

The point being...doing something because feelings are different is no reason. Anyway, hope I didn't offend, hon - just a thought!

hugs
Catty1

[Dorothy39]

The reply submitted by Dan, (Bobs Dad) and,Catty 1 are astounding.

Again, I don't know the story, the history of your relationship.

re-read Bob's Dad reply, it is remarkable, so much like something Erma Bombeck might have posted if she were still alive.

Your husband is so lost. I don't even know your story . I feel as though you are grieving what "might " have been with this person., and with this Marriage. He was not ready for the vows of MARRIAGE". I take these vows very seriously!! I am so lucky indeed to have fallen in love with a person who can and always LOVES me back!!! I am so sorry that you are not as fortunate. I wish I knew what to type . Just re-read BobsDad message. Print it out. I am so lucky to still be so much in love with the boyfriend that I had as a teenager. I wish you could feel this feeling!!!!!!! I wish your husband could too!!!Because, he will never find another YOU!!!

God Bless You Dear!!!!

[slick]

I've come here a few times and started to post, then deleted it. Somehow I just can't find the right words of encouragement.

I've never been married but I have been in a long-term relationship that ended after 13 years. I was not blindsided, I knew it was coming and the parting in 1987 was amicable. I've never been in love since.

All I can do is offer up my prayers. I think of you often when I read the poem "Sometimes" posted on my wall at work.

Take care of you.